Hold me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me Book I
by Isabella Monroe
Summary: AU - This is Josie Cousland and Alistair's story set during Dragon Age Origins. It will not be a retelling of the game, but it will serve as the backdrop for the story. You do not have to have read Set Fire or The Beautiful Ones to follow this story.
1. Chapter 1 Prologue Everything

This story is the prequel to Set Fire to the Rain Book III and The Beautiful Ones Book II. You do not have to have read those stories first to be able to follow this one; although if you read those stories you will appreciate some of the subtle references and tie-ins.

I hope you enjoy Josie and Alistair's story.

* * *

**Prologue - Everything**

"You're a falling star, you're the getaway car, you're the line in the sand, when I go too far

You're the swimming pool on an August day and you're the perfect thing to say

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute, oh when you smile at me, you know exactly what you do

Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true 'cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life and through these crazy times, it's you, it's you, you make me sing

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything"

_Everything by Michael Buble_

Alistair eased his way down the narrow corridor towards the kitchens. He was supposed to be in the barn shoveling horse shite, but the rumbling in his stomach had only grown more insistent the harder he tried to ignore it. The bowl of broth and bread that Lady Isolde had sent down could barely sustain a child let alone a boy who was exerting the energy he was; as he rounded the corner and was halted in his tracks. A young girl was a few yards ahead of him heading in the same direction as he was. She paused as if sensing him. He slid into a nearby alcove and out of sight just as she glanced over her shoulder. Alistair drew in a deep breath, it was Teyrn Cousland's daughter. What the hell was she doing, sneaking into the kitchens? She was a noble's daughter, she could just request a servant to bring her food.

Damn it! He couldn't very well sneak into the larder undetected with her going in there too. He was just about to head back to the barn when out of nowhere she stepped in front of the niche he was hiding in, startling him. He yelped and then cringed when he realized he sound like a bloody girl.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked with a grin as her sapphire eyes danced with mischief.

"Aaah...nothing…I-I made a wrong turn and didn't realize where I was headed," Alistair explained knowing the excuse sounded lame even to him.

Her right eyebrow raised in a gesture that Alistair found strangely attractive. "Really? You got lost in your own castle?" She asked skeptically.

"Well, it's not really my castle…"

"But you do live her here, right?" She interrupted.

"Aaah…yes," Alistair mumbled, completely caught off guard by the girl's directness. She didn't behave like any of the other young noble girls that had visited Redcliffe. Most were coy, bashful and at times even timid around boys. Always giggling amongst themselves, but reserved in a way that only noblewoman can be.

"So you're telling me that you have never made a trip to kitchens before to raid the larder? Because if that the excuse you are going with I'm going to have to call you a liar."

Alistair felt his anger begin to rise. Who in the Void was she to call him a liar? She didn't know him and he was just about to tell her that when the most radiant smile spread across her face, the words of rebuke dying in his throat.

"It's okay, as long as you don't tell my mother that you saw me down here, you're secret is safe with me."

"Why don't you want your mother to know you're down here?"

The young girl stood up straight, the grin fell from her face, and in a mocking stern voice said, "A lady doesn't eat as if she were facing the hangman's noose, a lady doesn't play with swords. A lady learns to play the lute so that she can entertain her husband's guests, a lady must learn to make small talk so that she will bore herself and everyone around her to death..."

Alistair laughed, "I don't believe your mother said that last part."

She grinned at him. "She might have. If King Maric had been smart he should have sent my mother to negotiate with the Orleasians. Her lessons on how a lady should act would have had them surrendering in a matter of minutes."

Alistair laughed again. "Well then that would be an impressive feat."

She was about to reply when his stomach once again made its presence known by growling loudly. The young girl's eyes went wide as she looked at his abdomen and then began to laugh. "I think we need to get you the kitchen immediately before your stomach begins to eat itself."

"Good idea."

They edged their way into the kitchen and looked around. They were completely alone. The girl walked over to the shelf and pulled out several wrapped wedges of cheese, while Alistair pulled some bread out of a nearby basket. He poured both of them a glass of milk and without speaking, both of them feasted until they were about to burst. When they could eat no more, Alistair leaned back and patted his bulging belly. The girl giggled.

He looked up at her and grinned. "What?" He asked innocently.

"You look like you're about to have a food baby," she laughed.

"A what?"

"A food baby. That is what my brother and I call it when your belly is so full that it protrudes out like you're carrying a baby in it."

Alistair rubbed his belly. "Then I will affectionately call you George."

The young girl pushed her belly out and rubbed it. "From this point on I hereby dub you Gracie."

Alistair laughed. "George and Gracie, what a pair they make."

Her eyes were glistening as she looked up at him. "So should I call you George from now on?"

"Of course not that isn't my name, that' my belly's name. You, my lady, may call me Alistair."

She nodded. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Alistair. You can call me Josie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Josie."

Josie continued to rub her belly. "I'm so full I think I might explode or let out the world's longest belch."

Alistair laughed. "I find it hard to believe that a Lady of your high standing would stoop to such a commoner's practice."

"What? Nobles can't have gas too?"

"Of course you can, but you're supposed to be discrete when you relieve it. Didn't your mother teach you that lesson?" Alistair asked sardonically.

Josie laughed. "I must have tuned her out by the time she reached that point in her etiquette class."

"Well, I'm curious to hear the world's loudest belch. Lay it on me and I will give you my honest opinion."

"You want me to do it now after you questioned my high moral breeding?"

Alistair grinned at her. "I dare you."

Josie cocked an eyebrow, grinned, but shook her head no.

Alistair leaned closer to her still smiling. "I double dog dare you."

Josie continued to grin at him, but shook her head no again.

Alistair leaned even closer, "I triple dog dare ya."

Without warning and before Alistair could move away Josie let out the loudest, longest, smelliest burp he had ever heard, and he nearly fell off his stool from laughing so hard.

Josie smirked at him. "I never turn down a triple dog dare."

Still laughing, Alistair said, "Well, that's good to know. I will keep that in mind for future..."

"You ungrateful brat, how dare you steal from my kitchen!" Lady Isolde bellowed from the kitchen door. Both Alistair and Josie leapt to their feet startled by the Arlessa's sudden appearance.

"I feed you, clothe you and give you a roof over your head and this is how you repay my generosity," Isolde thundered as she rushed toward Alistair and yanked him by the arm out of his seat and toward the door.

"For stealing from my kitchens you will receive ten lashes to your bare back," the Arlessa hissed.

"NO!" Josie yelled from behind him.

Lady Isolde spun to face the young girl, fury blazing in her eyes. Fear for the young girl rose quickly and the only thing that Alistair wanted to do was protect her. He shook his head frantically at Josie, trying to dissuade her from confronting the Arlessa when she was in this state.

"This isn't Alistair's fault. It is mine. I was hungry from sparring, and I persuaded him to show me where the kitchens were. I didn't want to eat alone so I convinced him to stay and eat with me," Josie lied and very convincingly Alistair thought.

"So you are just as much a thief as he is. Since I can't very well whip a Teyrn's daughter I will add your lashes onto his," Lady Isolde sneered.

"No, Lady Isolde, please show mercy. This isn't Alistair's fault."

"Mercy is for the weak," she retorted.

Alistair watched with admiration as Josie straightened her back and glared at the Arlessa. "My father says that it takes more strength to show mercy then to declare a punishment."

"Then your father knows nothing and it's a wonder that he has held onto his land, and title with that kind of thinking," she snorted as she dragged Alistair out the door and down the corridor toward the courtyard.

**xXx**

Josie stared in disbelief as she watched the Arlessa yank Alistair down the hallway. Josie quickly got her wits about her and sprinted down the passage into the large vestibule. She heard her father's voice coming from the closed doors to her right. She raced toward the door. The two guards that were standing on either side of the door stepped in front of her path.

"I'm sorry, Milady Lady, but the Teyrn and the Arl are in a private meeting and do not wish to be disturbed."

"I need to see my father," Josie demanded.

"I'm sorry, but you will have to wait till their meeting is over," the guard stated.

"This is an emergency. I need my father," Josie retorted.

"It will have to wai…"

"Father!" Josie cried out. "Father…Daddy, I need you."

The door flew open. Her father stepped out, scooped her into his arms and carried her back into the Arl's study. "What is all this fuss about, Pup?"

"The Arlessa…she is going to whip Alistair and it isn't his fault, it's mine…"

"Slow down, Josie. Tell me what happened."

Josie quickly recounted what had happened. Her father frowned as he turned towards the Arl. "Lashing the boy's back for eating food from the kitchens is a bit extreme, Eamon."

"It hasn't been a good harvest this year, Bryce. Isolde is only trying to conserve our rations."

"I can understand the need to safeguard your provisions, but Alistair is just a young boy. And do I need to remind you that he is under your guardianship. I know of a certain someone who would be very put out to learn of the harsh treatment of the boy," Bryce stated.

"The boy must learn that he can't help himself to the kitchens anytime he feels like it," Eamon countered.

"The punishment doesn't fit the crime, Eamon! Are you so whipped with what that Orleasian tart has between her legs that you would let that boy be beaten unjustly, that you would neglect your sworn oath to our King?" Bryce demanded.

The Arl's eyes went wide at her father's accusation and then hung his head. "No…you're right."

The Arl turned to Josie. "Where did Lady Isolde take Alistair?"

"I believe they were headed out to the courtyard," Josie replied.

The three of them swiftly headed out the large castle doors; they had just started down the steps when Josie heard the crack of the whip and a stifled cry. Josie raced into the courtyard. Horror rose up in her so quickly that it brought tears to her eyes. One of Redcliffe's guards was standing in the center of the yard with a whip in his hand, Lady Isolde standing behind him. Alistair was a few feet ahead of them, his arms above his head strapped to a large wooden pole. He was shirtless, and there were several large red welts beginning to form on his bare skin from the lash of the whip.

"Stop! You have to stop this!" Josie shouted as she rushed into the courtyard, her father and the Arl trailing closely behind her.

"Didn't I tell you to mind your own business you little bra…" the words died on her lips as she turned to see Bryce and Eamon standing behind her.

"I would be careful how you finish that sentence, Lady Isolde. You are walking on very thin ice at the moment," Bryce said in a controlled voice. One that Josie had heard numerous times when her father was beginning to lose his patience.

"Your Grace, I did not realize you were there," Lady Isolde said as she bowed slightly to him.

"So your behavior is dictated by who's in your presence?" The Teyrn asked.

"I-I'm sorry. I meant no disrespect to your daughter. I was frustrated with her interference regarding the punishment of a servant," Isolde replied.

"Eamon, you might want to set your wife straight regarding this particular servant." Bryce glared at the Arlessa and then at the Arl before he walked over to the post, examined Alistair's back and then undid the straps around his wrists.

He gently turned the boy to face him. "Alistair, have you ever received this type of punishment before?"

Alistair's eyes immediately averted towards the ground as he avoided looking directly into the Teyrn's. "N-no, your Grace."

Josie cringed. She knew he was lying to protect the Arl and Arlessa, and she knew her father knew it too. She had learned at a very early age that her father never asked a question that he didn't already know the answer to, so it was best to just tell the truth from the very beginning.

"Alistair, you do know that it's a sin against the Maker to lie?"

"Y-yes, my Lord," Alistair stuttered.

"Alistair, look at me."

Alistair slowly lifted his head and looked at her father. The moment that Alistair saw the kind expression on her father's face, Josie saw him immediately relax.

"Son, you aren't in any trouble here. I promise that no more harm will come to you. Just tell me the truth, have you ever received this type of punishment before?"

"Y-yes," Alistair stuttered then quickly added, "But just once when Arl Eamon was away. He knew nothing about it. The Arl is a good man, your Grace. He has always treated me fairly and with kindness. He has provided a good home for me and given me a good education when he didn't have to. I am very grateful to him."

Josie wasn't sure what type of good man allows his wife to beat servants as a common disciplinary tool. Her parents never treated their help so poorly, quite the contrary they were extended members of their family.

Her father nodded then looked over Alistair's shoulder at her. "Pup, can you take Alistair into the castle and have Nan take look at his back?"

"Yes, father," Josie replied as she slid her arm around Alistair's waist and began to guide him toward the stairs.

They were almost out of earshot when she heard her father snarl at the noble couple that stood before him, and she slowed so she could her father reprimanded the couple. "Alistair's treatment is a disgrace. It dishonors his father who has put his trust in you, Eamon, and it degrades you as a noble and as his guardian. If I ever hear even so much as whisper of Alistair being mistreated by your wife's hand again I swear, his father will know about it. If you can't keep your wife under control, Eamon, then might I suggest you send Alistair to the Chantry. At least there he has a better chance of being treated fairly."

**xXx**

The remainder of the week that the Couslands stayed at Redcliffe, Alistair had been treated like royalty especially by Isolde, but Alistair could tell that for the Arlessa it was only an act that she was putting on for the Teyrn. He was sure that her mistreatment of him would resume once the Couslands returned to Highever.

He saw Josie often during the week. He was glad that he had been able to spend a great deal of time with her in the sparring and equestrian ring. The Arl even allowed him to take his lessons with the Cousland children, but they were never alone, someone was always there with them. Alistair wanted to properly thank Josie for standing up for him, but he didn't want an audience when he did it. Lady Cousland was only eleven years old, a year younger than him, but she had shown the courage and bravery of someone much older and he would forever be in her debt.

On her last day, he saw her in training ring with her brother. He watched as she sparred against with him. She was young and inexperienced, but there were hints of brilliance in her foot work and her strategy; given time and continued training she would be a force to be reckoned with. When her brother had grown tired of toying with her he quickly disarmed her then poked fun at her for fighting like a girl. She had retorted that it took one to know one before she stormed off toward the castle doors.

"Hi Gracie," he said as he stepped out of the shadow of the castle and fell into step beside her.

For a moment she looked confused then she smiled as she rubbed her stomach. She looked over at him, her eyes dancing with delight. "Hi George."

"That was an impressive sparring match," Alistair said.

She cocked an eyebrow. "We both know that the only thing impressive about that fight was my witty retorts to Fergus' lame insults."

Alistair laughed. "Yes, those were very remarkable. If battles could be won on clever comebacks you would reign victorious."

She laughed malevolently as she tapped her fingers together, "Mawhaahaha, let the battle of wits begin."

He grinned at her as he touched her arm and she paused looking up at him. "Josie, I haven't had a chance to thank you…for what you did the other day. That was a very brave thing you did standing up to Lady Isolde."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh yes it was so brave of me to run off to get my daddy to help."

"Josie, there are plenty of girls that wouldn't do or say anything for fear of retribution from the Arlessa. You not only told Lady Isolde that you were to blame for the idea, but you alerted your father and the Arl to the situation. I can't thank you enough and I appreciate you standing up for me."

Clearly uncomfortable with the words of appreciation, an anxious smile spread across her face. He had to stifle a chuckle. If she was uneasy by the mere words of gratitude he couldn't wait to see her reaction to what he had in store for her.

"You're welcome, Alistair. My father taught me that when you see an injustice that it our duty as nobles to stand against it. I am glad that I could help."

"Well, I want to give you a token of my appreciation."

Her eyes squinted as she looked at him skeptically. "What kind of token?"

"JoJo, I promise it will be one that you like, but you have to close your eyes and not open them till I tell you," Alistair instructed.

"Oh no, that doesn't sound fishy at all," Josie replied sarcastically.

Alistair grinned at her as he held out his hand to her. "Trust me."

She placed her hand in his and closed her eyes. He led her to barn and helped her sit down on a bale of hay. There were a few whimpers from the pen beside her. "Don't look yet," he warned.

He released the latch on the coop. "You can open your eyes, Jo."

She opened her eyes and they widened with delight as she focused on the litter of Mabari puppies. "Oh Alistair, they are so sweet," she cooed as she fell on her knees in front of the cage.

Six pairs of eyes stared wide eyed at her for a few minutes before the runt of the litter tottered out of the pen toward her. She extended her hand and the puppy licked at her fingers. She giggled as she scooped the puppy up, cradled it against her chest, and the puppy licked at her neck and face.

"I believe we have a winner," Alistair said.

She looked up at him bewildered. He smiled at her. "Well, you know that Mabaris choose their owners by imprinting on them. I believe this one just chose you."

"Oh no…my parents…"

"I spoke with your father, he said if one imprinted on you than it would be yours to keep."

The radiant smile that spread across her face caused his heart to leap in his chest. She jumped to her feet, with one arm still holding the puppy she flung her other arm around his neck. His arms instinctively went around her waist pulling her to him.

"Thank you, Alistair. Thank you so much. I have always wanted a Mabari," she mumbled against his skin. The vibration of her lips against his flesh caused his stomach to begin to flutter with a mysterious, new excitement and his arms trembled as he pulled her tightly against his body. She felt so soft and she smelled so good…like vanilla and lavender with an undertone of spices.

The puppy began to lick his neck and Alistair chuckled as he pulled nervously back from the embrace. He looked down at her just as she leaned upon her toes and tenderly brushed her lips against his. The contact with her mouth was brief, but it sent a jolt of electricity through him, awakened things in him that didn't even know existed. As he backed away from her, his eyes never left hers, he didn't know if he would ever see her again so he wanted to remember every detail of the face that had changed him and his life forever.

**xXx**

Alistair slowly made his way through the Denerim market eyeing the stands that held all of the ripe fruit. His stomach growled fiercely at him as breathed in the scent of the peaches. He paid the merchant for one then moved down to the next stall. As hungry as he was, he was going to have to wait to sample the delicious piece of fruit because his helm got in the way. When he had asked Eamon to pull a few strings and have him moved from the Circle to the Denerim Chantry, Eamon had been very hesitant because it was so close to the Palace where his brother now sat on throne. However, after some very persuasive arguments and a promise to always wear his helm in public, the request had been made and the transfer granted.

Alistair had been now been at the Denerim Chantry for almost three years, and it was definitely a more pleasant experience than his first two at the Circle. The Templars in Denerim were a bit more laid back, not as overly zealous as the Circle Templars were. Maybe that had to do with the fact that there were a lot less mages here compared to the Circle. Alistair had struggled with the way a lot of the Templars treated the mages. Most treated the mages with indifference, they were the guards to stood watch over a dormant beast, that could become ravenous at anytime. Alistair could handle the templars indifference, he didn't understand how one human being could look upon another and view them as less, but he could tolerate it. What he couldn't stomach were the few templars that were downright cruel and took enjoyment in bringing pain to others. It was the latter that had driven him to have Eamon make the request.

Alistair paused at the weapons stall just as a young woman brushed past him and the scent of vanilla, lavender and spices drifted up, inundating his senses. He had only smelled that unique combination of scents one other time and the image of Josie's face flickered across his mind. His head turned in the direction that the young woman had headed. Alistair saw her long raven hair swaying behind her as she moved swiftly through the crowd. Alistair picked up his pace in order to follow her from a distance. He had to know if it was her. Since seeing her last, almost five years ago, he had thought of her every night before he went to sleep. He wondered how she was doing, if she ever became the skilled fighter that she had dreamed of, did she still call her food baby Gracie, did she ever think of him and he wondered if the adorable, perky young girl that he had known for only a week had turned into the beautiful young woman that he knew she would become.

To him, she had become a bright shining star that had carried him through those first few years, when he had felt abandoned and alone. It was the strength and bravery that he had seen in her that helped in him endure and push on. He had only known her for a week, but during that brief time she had most definitely changed him.

He drew nearer to the young lady as she spoke with a merchant. She turned her head towards him and his heart began to beat faster, it was her and he had been right she had grown into a beautiful young woman. It was when she smiled that radiant smile of hers, and the blue pools of her eyes danced with mirth, that the air was sucked out of his lungs, she was literally breathtaking.

He watched her, enthralled by her very movements, from the tilt of her elegant neck as she pondered the merchants offer. To the allure of her smile, to the beguiling way she touched the seller's arm as she coerced him around to her to her way of thinking. She mesmerized him and he wanted desperately to take her in his arms, to feel her pressed against him once again and to taste the sweetest pair of lips he had ever or would ever have the privilege to kiss.

But who was he kidding? He would never be with her. She was a noble, he was templar. She came from wealth, he had nothing to offer her. She was gorgeous and he was, well he was just average. He was about to turn to leave when he felt something wedge between his legs. He looked down to see the head of large Mabari sniffing his privates.

He heard a giggle and looked up to see Josie standing in front of him. Alistair unconsciously adjusted his helm.

"Strider, heel boy," she commanded with grin on her lips. The Mabari immediately fell back to her side and sat down.

"I'm sorry about that. He is normally very well behaved in public, but he finds those templar's skirts completely fascinating."

Alistair looked down at his armor and then back up at her. "Aaah, it's a tunic not a skirt."

She smiled at him, "Oh, sorry about it."

"Its okay. Your Mabari listens well," Alistair said as he looked at the dog that he had given her as pup. For being the runt of litter he had grown into huge war dog.

"Most of the time he does," she looked down at beast who was waging his tail and staring up at Alistair. "He seems like you."

Alistair bent down so that he was eye level him and scratched him behind his ears, "Well, I'm honored to have such a noble beast's favor. Where did you get him?"

Josie smiled as if relieving a fond memory, "A boy I once knew gave him to me as a gift."

"And what did you do to deserve such generous gesture?'

"Nothing really, nothing that anyone with half a heart wouldn't have done, but he felt it necessary to repay me." She was a humble as he remembered.

"I'm sure whatever you did wasn't nothing in his eyes. Sometimes the smallest actions can have life changing reactions. Your actions may have seemed inconsequential to you, but they may have had profoundly affected him."

As she pondered what he had said, she bit her bottom lip. The sight of her white teeth pressed against her rosy red lips was the most alluring thing he had ever seen. She looked down at him with those big blue eyes that he wanted to lose himself forever in them. "You may be right. He definitely seemed more impressed with my actions than I was."

Alistair patted the dog one last time on the head then stood up. "Whatever happened to the boy?"

Her eyes furrowed as a sad expression settled over her face. "I don't know. He lived in Redcliffe and I lived Highever. When my family returned home I wrote to him, three times, but he never wrote back. So maybe I wasn't as important to him as I thought."

For once Alistair was grateful that he was wearing his helm to cover the stunned expression on his face. He had never received her letters, but then again he had been sent to the Chantry the week after the Couslands had left. He was sure that Eamon had intercepted them. He had never sent them to Alistair because he would not have wanted Alistair to have any correspondence with a Teyrn's daughter. It pierced at his heart like a thousand tiny pin pricks that she believed that she hadn't been important to him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her that she had changed his life forever. He was just about to do so when a tall muscular man with dark hair rushed up to them. Alistair recognized the man as Josie's brother.

"There you are LuLu. I have been looking everywhere for you. Mother is furious that you haven't returned from the market so that you could change into _appropriate attire_, her words not mine, before your lunch with the Queen," he stated.

Josie rolled her eyes. "Maker's breath, I am perfectly presentable."

"Well, you know mother, you aren't respectable if you aren't wearing the latest Orlesian fashions."

"I'm not some doll she can play dress up with," Josie huffed.

"Yes, you would think after sixteen years she would have learned that by now, but she stills seems determined to try and make you a properly lady. I told her it was a futile effort, but she won't listen to me. Anyways, dear sister, unfortunately for you I have tasked with getting you back to the estate. So do be a good little girl and get your ass moving before I have to kick it all the way back home," Fergus chuckled.

Josie's eyes went wide. "I would like to see you try, Fergus Cousland. You do remember our last bout in the sparring ring, you were limping for days."

"You got lucky. Now get moving," Fergus ordered.

"Whatever gets you through the night, Fergus." Josie turned back to Alistair. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"The pleasure was all mine, Lady Cousland," Alistair replied as he bowed towards her.

"Well, that isn't fair. You know my name, but I don't know yours."

"Names aren't that important," Alistair replied.

She grinned up at him. "Are you playing hard to get?"

"Who me? Never!"

"Then tell me your name, good Ser."

Alistair thought for a moment then smiled. "It's George."

She cocked her right eyebrow as smirk spread across her face. "I am happy to have met you Ser George. I hope our paths will cross again."

"As do I, Milady," Alistair replied. She turned and her brother slid his arm through hers as he led her away. Alistair stood watching the woman that had become everything to him once again walk away from him.

* * *

**A/N - A huge thank you to Jinx1983 and The Lilacgirl for working their beta magic. I appreciate it, my friends. You rock!**


	2. Chapter 2 Hold me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me,

**Chapter 1 – Hold me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me**

"You don't know how you got here, you just know you want out

Believing in yourself almost as much as you doubt

You're a big smash you wear it like a rash, star

Oh no, don't be shy there's a crowd to cry

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

They want you to be Jesus, they'll go down on one knee

But they'll want their money back if you're alive at thirty-three

And you're turning tricks with your crucifix, you're a star (Oh child)

Of course you're not shy you don't have to deny love

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me"

_Hold me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me by U2_

Duncan had been gone for several weeks. He had gone to Highever to see about a potential recruit. For the Warden-Commander to leave just as the Ferelden army and the Grey Wardens were gearing up for battle was disconcerting to say the least. That must be one extraordinary recruit. During his absence, Duncan had placed Alistair in charge of maintaining the peace between the Reverend Mother and the mages. Not an easy task and one that was beginning to wear on him.

Alistair pinched the bridge of his nose as he drew in an exasperated breath; it had been a long day and the sun had only peaked over the mountain a few hours ago. The mage standing in front of him was going on about how he didn't answer to the Reverend Mother because he was there on the King's orders to help the Grey Wardens. Alistair was about to lay into the mage when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. He paused to glance over his shoulder and his heart nearly stopped as the most beautiful girl he had ever seen approached them. He couldn't believe she was there. What the hell was she doing here? Oh Maker, please don't let her be Duncan's recruit.

Josie's movements were just as graceful and elegant as he remembered, her long raven black hair shimmered in the sunlight, giving it an almost blue hue, but it was her eyes…those sapphire blue eyes that always seemed to captivate him, entrancing him, drawing him to her. He wanted nothing more than to stare into those deep blue pools forever. As she drew closer, he realized that there was an underlying sadness in them that wasn't there the last time he had seen her. He wanted to know what had caused it and how he could ease her pain and comfort her.

Despite the sorrow in her gaze, her eyes danced as she scrutinized the two of them, calculating and analyzing the situation she had just walked into, but he could also see that there was still that hint of playfulness in them that had always enticed him. He knew that look well; he had seen that look numerous times before and knew he had given that look too, normally just before he and his fellow Warden Brothers would begin plotting some serious mischief that was sure to land them in hot water with Duncan.

The sound of the enraged voice of the mage pulled Alistair out of his thoughts. He tried to concentrate on what in the Void the mage in front of him was saying, but for the life him, his brain refused to comprehend the words. He had no idea what was coming out of his mouth until he saw the mage's face turn red then stormed off as Josie bite her lip to keep from laughing.

Alistair turned to her and smiled. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and tell her how glad he was to see her, but as far as she knew they hadn't seen each other since they were kids. He doubted she even recognized him, so instead he said, "You know, one good thing about a Blight is how it brings people together."

"Well, so does a bottle of ale or holding someone at knife point, but I don't think that would go over so well here, do you?" She replied as she returned his grin.

Alistair couldn't help but laugh. She had the most breathtaking smile which sent every logical response out of his head. Before he could stop himself he said with a grin, "Beauty and wit, I must have done something right in the Maker's eyes."

Even as the words left his lips, he felt the burn on his cheeks as all the blood rushed there. Maker's breath, being around her had him completely unhinged and out of control. At least when he had seen her in Denerim he had been able to hid behind the helm, now it was just him and he sounded like a blooming idiot.

She smiled roguishly at him, a glint of that playfulness in her eyes, "You don't know me, I could actually be sent by the Maker to punish you. Any past sins I should know about?"

"Uhm..well…none that I'm willing to confess to…I... Well... Hmmm, just be gentle in that punishment. I bruise easily."

"I thought I was the punishment, but you mean a physical punishment?" She questioned with amusement. "Huh?...I hadn't even thought about that kind of reprimand," she said coyly as a naughty smile spread across her rosy red lips and Alistair's groin immediately jumped to attention. Thank the Maker he was wearing a codpiece to hide his now throbbing erection.

"Duncan mentioned you were raised in the Chantry, but you don't talk like any Chantry boy I've ever met."

"It must be you...you seem to bring it out of me," Alistair replied, feeling his cheeks continuing to burn.

She eyes danced over him as she grinned. "What exactly am I bringing out?"

Maker's breath, what had happened to the innocent Josie he had met in Redcliff? The young woman before him was a confident, self assured woman that both frightened him and excited him at the same time.

Before he had a chance to answer her Daveth came up to them, the ex-thief eyed her up and down as a wicked grin spread across his face. "Oh my, you aren't what I was expecting."

"I get that alot. What were expecting?"

"Well, a man for one thing," Daveth replied.

"Sorry to disappoint you."

"Oh no, I am far from disappointed, riddle me this, riddle me that, how do you compete with an ass like that?" Daveth purred as he looked at the beautiful rogue's behind.

Alistair had to fight back the groan that rose in his throat from the thief's constant use of riddles and his blatant ogling. Instead he growled, "By not being one for starters."

Josie giggled, but Daveth ignored his comment as he continued, "I also wasn't expecting a noblewoman. Shouldn't a Lady such as yourself be in a knitting circle, not joining the Grey Wardens?"

Alistair watched her eyes flared with anger as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but there are no titles in the Wardens and the only thing I will be knitting will be your stomach after I slit you from navel to nose if you ever make a comment like that about me again."

Daveth's eyes went wide as he began to stutter and Alistair burst out laughing.

Any anger that had been in her eyes had vanished as she slid her arm around Daveth. She looked up at him as she purred, "Have we reached an understanding?"

Daveth nodded.

"Good, then let's start over," she cooed as she pulled back from the thief and extended her arm forward. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Josie."

Daveth recovered quickly and extended his hand, "I'm Daveth, ex-thief, charming rogue, slayer of all Ferelden foes and soon-to-be Grey Warden."

Josie smirked as she shook her head. "I didn't ask for your resume, but okay."

She turned and looked at Alistair.

"I'm Alistair. Welcome to the Grey Wardens, Josie."

Her eyes narrowed as she studied his face. "Alistair?"

"Yes, that a problem?"

"No...of course not. No adjectives with that introduction?" She questioned.

"No, I'll let you form your own opinion of me," Alistair replied.

"Smart man," she purred and gave him a wink.

"I was just trying cut through the all the boring get to know you small talk so that we can get to the important stuff," Daveth said defensively.

"Personally, I find the _get to know you small talk_the most fascinating and captivating aspects of becoming acquainted with someone," Alistair stated.

Josie grinned at him. "I completely agree. So what is the _important stuff_, Daveth?"

Daveth slid his arm around her waist as he impishly smiled at her. "Whose tent you will be spending the night in?"

Alistair felt the anger rise up so quickly that it shocked him, but before he could reprimand Daveth a messenger ran up to them.

"Warden Cousland?"

Josie smiled warmly at the young boy. "I'm not a Warden yet, but I am Josie Cousland."

"King Cailan wishes to see you in his tent."

Josie pulled a few coins out of her pocket and handed them to the messenger. "Please tell his Majesty that I will be there shortly."

Then she turned to Daveth, "Riddle me this, now that nothing is amiss, to answer the question of my rest, it certainly won't be with the **pest**."

Alistair burst out laughing as Daveth shook his head and grinned at her. "Touche, _my Lady."_

The two of them watched her walk down the hill towards the King's tent. She was still the most incredible girl he had ever met and he knew he would do anything, be anything to win her heart.

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair tried to clear his head and concentrate on the task at hand as he led the group of recruits out into the Korcari Wilds. After the amusement of the exchange between Daveth and Josie had worn off, the reality that she had gone to the King's tent had sunk in and jealousy so fierce it startled him had rose up. He hadn't seen her in two years, but hadn't really known her in seven years, what right did he have to be envious of who she spent time with? He had tried to play it off that he was only looking out for her welfare. He argued with himself that he didn't want the King to take advantage of her, that she deserved to be so much more than the one of the multitude of mistresses that had been paraded in and out of camp for the King's enjoyment, but if he was honest with it was because he wanted Josie all to himself. He didn't want to share her with his brother.

Cailan had been the coddled prince, the pride of Marc's eye, the golden boy that had been given every advantage and denied nothing while Alistair had always been the hushed dirty secret that was whispered about at the nobles' cocktail parties and in back rooms at the Landsmeet. Oh most of the nobles didn't know of him by name, but Alistair was aware of the rumors that circulated of a bastard prince's existence.

The thought of Josie being just another notch on Cailan's royal belt nauseated him. He was a married man. The fucking prick had slept with half the woman in Ferelden! Alistair wanted this one girl...this one beautiful, rare and special girl all to himself. Was that too much to ask?

Of course it was! Who was he kidding? What girl in her right mind would choose an ex-templar, Grey Warden who could only promise her a shortened, childless life over a charming, handsome king who could give her every desire of her heart...even if he was married. How could he possibly compete with that?

None the less, Alistair had waited around the campfire into the wee hours of the morning for her to return. Eventually he had crawled into his tent, but even then he had laid awake listening for her. He had finally fallen asleep, but he only had a few hours of sleep before Duncan had got him up so that he could prepare for his assignment.

Alistair glanced over at her as she cleaned the blood off of her sword and dagger before sheathing them. He admired her speed and agility as she cut her way through the pack. She had become the skilled fighter she had always wanted to be, but it was her calculation during her attacks that made her extremely dangerous. The sound of Daveth's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Riddle me this, what is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?" Daveth asked with a grin.

Alistair felt his cheeks burn and was about to reprimand the thief for making such an inappropriate joke in the presence of a lady when Josie laughed and replied, "During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken."

Without skipping a beat she smirked back at Daveth, "Riddle me this, what is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?"

The thief laughed, "About three inches...Oh, I'm going to enjoy fighting by your side, my Sweet."

Alistair stared at her stunned. She smirked at him. "What's the matter, Chantry Boy are we being too naughty for your templar ears?"

"Aaah...no of course not...I just didn't expect...what I mean is where did a lady learn jokes like that?" Alistair stuttered.

"Honestly, I have to agree with Alistair, is that any way for a lady your stature to talk?" Jory, the knight from Highever asked.

"Lady, of my stature? You obviously never met my brother Fergus. He would be disappointed in me if I didn't tell inappropriate riddles," Josie laughed as a flicker of sadness rippled across her face and Alistair desperately wanted to find out what had made her so sad.

"Riddle me this, what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?" Alistair asked.

Josie raised an eyebrow in a questioning gesture that was so endearing he had to fight the urge to lean down and kiss her. "I don't know."

"Hold on to your nuts this is going to be one hell of a blowjob," Alistair replied with a grin.

Both Josie and Daveth burst out laughing while Jory just scowled at him.

"Don't be such a pompous ass, Jory," Daveth chuckled as he patted the knight on the back.

"I-I'm not," Jory stuttered.

Josie eyes danced with roguish delight as she teased, "I didn't know you had it in you, Chantry Boy."

"Oh I'm full of surprises," Alistair replied with a wink.

"Really? And I will be the recipient of said surprises?"

"If you behave yourself, you might," Alistair teased back.

"Oh well that just might be a deal breaker. See I was never very good at behaving myself. You might say I excelled at being naughty," Josie purred then turned and walked away leaving Alistair with his jaw hanging open.

Daveth slid his arm around Alistair's shoulder, "Chantry Boy, I believe she is more than you can handle. A woman like that needs to be in expert hands."

"Well that counts you out, now doesn't it?"

"I didn't realize that art of making love was apart of Chantry's curriculum for templars," Daveth retorted.

"Let's just say, I wasn't a very good Templar. Not good at sticking to the rules either."

"Huh? Really? 'Cause the way I've seen the way you blush around the girls a camp I had you pegged as a virgin. I can guarantee a virgin wouldn't know the first thing about winning a girl like that, let alone keeping her."

"Just because I haven't screwed all the girls in camp doesn't mean I wouldn't know what to do when the right one came along," Alistair growled.

"So you're willing to fight for her...good! I like a challenge."

"Give it your best shot. I don't back down easily and I will never back down when it comes to her."

The thief's eyes furrowed as he studied Alistair. "If I didn't know any better I would say that she isn't just a conquest for you, but that you have fallen for her. But how can that be when you have just met her?"

Alistair wasn't about to share his history with Josie to this man. "I don't know...I can't explain it to, but she's unlike anyone I've ever met. Somehow I feel connected to her in ways that I don't understand. I just know that she will change my life, and the lives of everyone she gets close to."

"I think you're drunk, mate or that hurlock hit you harder on the head than you thought!" Daveth stated.

Alistair laughed as he watched Josie bend down to pick white and pink flower that the kennel master had mentioned. He had been struck hard alright, but it wasn't from blow to the head.

The easy, teasing banter continued throughout their journey through the Wilds and not even the ill tempered apostate that had given them the scrolls they were looking for could put a damper on the mood of the group. However, a feeling of dread began to settle in the closer they got to camp. They had all the ingredients that would be needed for the Joining...the Joining could take her from him and he struggled to suppress the panic and pain that accompanied that thought.

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair stood next to Duncan as he spoke to the three recruits. "We speak only a few words prior to the Joining. But these words have been said since the first. Alistair, if you would?"

Alistair nodded as he stepped forward and lowered his head reverently. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten... and that one day, we shall join you."

Alistair watched as Daveth took the Joining Chalice drank from it. His death was quick, but painful and his anxiety over Josie's survival grew even more.

Alistair watched Josie intently as she numbly stared at the argument that was now taking place between Duncan and Jory. Alistair stepped forward and touched her arm. She turned and looked at him. He saw controlled fear in her eyes. His thumb tenderly stroked the soft skin of her forearm. "It's going to be okay, Josie. You're going to make it."

"You don't know that, Alistair."

"Yes I do. I know there is no way the Maker could take someone as special as you from this world," he stated reassuringly.

She looked at him questioningly, but her attention was pulled away by the sounds of the fight that had broken out between Jory and Duncan. The knight had left the Commander very little choice but to take his life.

Duncan retrieved the chalice and approached Josie. "Josie, you are called upon to submit to the taint."

Josie nodded as she took the cup from Duncan's hand. Alistair held his breath as she brought the chalice up to her lips and drank. Her eyes rolled back and she began to shake as she fell backwards. Duncan bent down beside her and checked her pulse. He smiled as he looked up at Alistair. "She lives. Alistair, take her back to her tent. She will be weak when she first wakes up so bring her some food."

Alistair gently scooped her into his arms and carried her back to camp. He crawled inside her tent and tenderly laid her on top of her bedroll. He lovingly stroked her cheek and thanked the Maker for letting her live.

* * *

* **A big thanks to the randy minxes, Jinxy and The Lilacgirl, for being the most shagadelic betas ever. You ladies are awesome!**


	3. Chapter 3 Again

**Chapter 2 – Again**

"I've been searching for you, I heard a cry within my soul

I've never had a yearning quite like this before

Now that you are walking right through my door

All of my life where have you been?

I wonder if I'll ever see you again and if that day comes

I know we could win, I wonder if I'll ever see you again

A sacred gift of heaven for better, worse, wherever

And I would never let somebody break you down, nor take your crown, never"

_Again by Lenny Kravits_

_Pain…_ _excruciating pain is the first thing that Josie's minds registers. Her veins feel as if liquid flames are coursing through them instead of blood. She tries to draw in a deep breath, but her nostrils are assaulted with the pungent smell of sulfur and she begins to cough and choke. She opens her eyes and before her is a horde of darkspawn marching over a stone bridge in a cavernous ravine. She hears a loud screech from overhead, she looks up to see a large, bony dragon flying through the air. It has an aura of unrelenting malevolence surrounding it. It swoops down toward her, its eyes boring into her, causing a new wave of pain and nausea to lick through her. She cries out, but no sound comes because her throat is too parched from the heat and she feels her lips beginning to crack from dehydration. Water! She would give her life for a drop of water. She would give her soul to soothe the agony in her throat._

_The dragon lets out another loud roar. All of the darkspawn on the bridge halt and turn their gaze on her. She is a threat to them, to the dragon, their hatred for her radiates off of them and she can feel their desire to kill her. The dragon turns its attention away from her and as the darkspawn resume their march, Josie falls in quiet darkness._

Josie felt the gentle touch of fingertips as they stroke the side of her cheek. Her eyes flicker open and she was staring into warmest, most inviting pair of honey brown eyes she has ever seen. There is something familiar about them. A memory tickles at the edges of her mind, but she was unable fully grasp onto it. However she was certain that this wasn't the first time she has gazed into these alluring eyes.

Alistair tenderly tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "How are you feeling?"

"Have I died? Cause I feel like I've died and some damn mage decided to resurrect me."

Alistair chuckled. "That good, huh?"

Josie stomach grumbled loudly, demanding substances. Josie looked down at her belly and sheepishly smiled up at Alistair who was laughing. "Well, I guess I'm feeling well enough to eat."

"Good thing I brought you some stew. Can you sit up?"

Josie nodded as she pulled herself up. Alistair handed her the bowl and she practically inhaled it. He stared at her wide eyed as she handed him the bowl and asked for more. He grinned at her as he went out into the camp to bring her more stew. When she had devoured the second bowl she leaned back and rubbed her stomach. "Feel better now, Gracie?"

Alistair cocked an eyebrow and sly grin spread across his face. "Gracie?"

She smiled back at him. "Yes, I know it's weird, but it's the name I gave my food baby when I was a kid."

Alistair leaned back, pushed his stomach out and rubbed it. He grinned over at her as he said, "Gracie, let me introduce you to George."

Josie's eyes went wide and she felt her mouth fall open. Her brain refused to function as she stared at him in disbelief. He couldn't be her stable boy. The boy with the kindest eyes she had ever seen. The boy that could make her laugh no matter what the circumstance was. The boy that she had thought about since she was eleven years old. When she could finally speak she asked, "Alistair?"

He grinned at her. "Yes, that is my name."

"Are you my Alistair?"

He laughed. "Your Alistair! I don't know, but I like the sound of that. Why don't you describe _your_Alistair to me and I'll let you know if I'm him?"

Josie shook her head and looked down at her hands. "Never mind, that was a stupid thing to ask. Just my imagination and silly childhood memories running away from me."

Alistair smiled at her. "Come Josie, tell me about your Alistair...I dare you."

Josie's eyes shot up to met his, she grinned at him, but shook her head no.

"I double dog dare you," he said slyly.

Her lips perched as she fought the growing smile as she shook her head no again.

"I triple dog dare you," he said teasingly.

"I never turn down a triple dog dare."

"So I've heard."

"Oh and who told you that?"

"A little bird."

"Okay," she said as she settled back against her pillows. "My Alistair was this devilishly handsome lad…"

"Devilishly handsome? I think that disqualifies me right there."

"Oh please, you're gorgeous and you know it."

Alistair didn't comment, but a pleased expression settled on his face. "Please continue telling me about your Alistair."

"My Alistair had a quick sense of humor although quirky at times."

"Quirky!" Alistair exclaimed.

"I like quirky."

"Oh…okay…well that's good to know."

"My Alistair liked to raid the larder instead of doing chores."

"Well now that does sound like me."

"My Alistair gave me my mabari as gift."

"Generous fellow this Alistair."

"Yes he is. He has a kind heart. It made me want to protect him."

"What? He needed a girl to protect him! He sounds like a wimp," Alistair chuckled.

She punched at his arm and Alistair rubbed at it, feigning pain. "Ouch, you certainly don't punch like a girl. No wonder he wanted you to protect him. Will you protect me too, Jo? I'm afraid of the big bad darkspawn and I need strong girl such as yourself to keep me safe," Alistair teased.

Josie went to punch him again, but he grabbed her wrist, she lost her balance and fell against his chest. His arm went around her waist pinning her to him. She looked up at him and felt his warm breath wash over her. She gazed at his lips and remembered the soft feel of them against hers and she yearned to have him take her mouth once again.

"Your Alistair sounds like a lucky man," Alistair sighed. His lips only inches from hers.

"He wasn't a man, yet. He was only a boy…a poor, perfect boy," she whispered.

"You thought I was perfect?" She nodded, Alistair smiled as he leaned down and just before he pressed his lips against hers...

"I hear voices so you must be up, Josie" Duncan said from outside her tent.

Alistair pulled away from her just as the flap opened. Duncan looked over at Josie and smiled. "The color is back in your cheeks. That's good. Has Alistair been taking good care of you?"

Josie glanced over at Alistair whose face was three shades of red. She looked back at Duncan. "Yes, he brought me some stew to eat, but I really could go for some chocolate."

Duncan laughed. "Well, good luck finding that in camp. I doubt even Cailan has any chocolate left."

"Somehow I doubt that. I'm sure he is just hoarding it all. It would be so like him," Josie stated.

"Yes, well you would know that better than I. Speaking of Cailan, he would like to see both of us first thing in the morning," Duncan said.

Josie noticed Alistair stiffen at the mention of the King's name and she eyed him curiously. She gave Duncan a nod of consent. "Of course."

"Well, I have final preparations to tend to. Don't let Alistair keep you up all night taking your ear off. Both of you will need your rest tomorrow."

"I won't," she replied as Duncan backed out her tent.

Josie glanced over at Alistair. Her eyes wandered over his handsome face, his broad shoulders, his chiseled chest, yes she wouldn't mind staying up all night with him, but talking was the last thing she had on her mind.

Her eyes then went wide as she realized exactly what she was thinking. Where the hell had that thought come from? What the hell was wrong with her? But then her eyes fell once again to Alistair's lips, those full soft lips and she remembered the current of electricity that had passed through her the last time they had met. She longed to feel that again. Sweet baby Andraste in a manger, what the hell was this? Was this some bizarre side effect of the taint? Did the taint make you horny? Or was this because she had been reunited with the boy that she had a crush on since she was eleven?

Josie leaned back towards him, but she could sense that his demeanor had changed and she fell back against her pillows. She looked at him for a long moment before she spoke. "To answer your question, my Alistair is perfect."

Alistair shook his head. "No, he isn't. Those are the memories of an eleven year old girl. The reality is very different from those childhood memories."

"The reality is better," Josie replied.

"No Josie. You deserve more than a stable boy. You're a noble. You deserve someone better, someone like a _king_."

There was irritation in the way he had said king. She looked into his face. She saw jealousy etched there and all the pieces fell into place. "Wow, Alistair that is one hell of an opinion you have of me. You think I slept with the King the first night I was here, and tonight I'm throwing myself at you...what's that make me? The camp whore?"

Alistair looked stunned by her questioned. Her eyes were stinging as she fought back the tears. The walls of the tent felt like they were closing in on her and was having trouble breathing. She needed to get the hell out of here, she needed fresh air.

As she scrambled toward the opening Alistair reached for her. "Josie, no...that isn't it..."

Josie pushed his hand away and threw herself out of the tent. She started across the camp when her vision began to blur and the ground beneath her feet started to spin. Her body swayed and just as her knees were about to give out she felt two strong arms scoop her up.

Alistair whispered in her ear, "It's the taint. It makes you weaker while your blood adjusts to it."

He carried her back to the tent and set her down on her bedroll. "Josie...I don't think you're a whore. I could never think that about you. I was just trying to say that you deserve better than me. I am far from perfect, I have nothing to offer you and he can offer you everything. I can't compete with that."

"There is no competition, Alistair. I have known Cailan for most of my life and for as long as I can remember he has been a womanizer. I would never be one of the many notches on his belt."

"I'm sorry, Jo. I-I just assumed when you didn't return from his tent that night you were with him."

"You know what they say when you assume?" Alistair shook his head. "You make an ass out of you and me."

Alistair smiled, but didn't reply.

"Look, Cailan asked me to his tent because he had received word that Fergus' scouting squad was close to Ostagar. He allowed me to take a few of his men to go look for him so that I could tell him the news about our family."

"Did you find Fergus' camp?"

"Yes, but by the looks of the bodies that were scattered around the campsite they were attacked by darkspawn."

"And Fergus?"

"He wasn't there."

"I'm so sorry, Jo...wait...what news about your family?"

Josie looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes, her throat felt tight preventing her from speaking and the weight from the sorrow was crushing her chest making it difficult for her to speak.

"Josie, what happened to your family?" He asked tenderly.

She hadn't spoken of that night since it happened and she wasn't sure she could form the words.

"You can trust me JoJo, I'm here for you."

Josie closed her eyes as cleared her throat before she began. "T-the night that Duncan conscripted me..."

"Duncan conscripted you?"

She waved him off. If she was going to tell him she couldn't be interrupted. She just needed to get this out. "The night that Duncan conscripted me, my father was betrayed by a close family friend, Rendon Howe. Howe attacked the castle with his knights that were supposed to be on their way to Ostagar. Their attack was merciless, they killed and raped everything in sight..."

"D-did they...harm you?" Alistair asked through gritted teeth.

Josie shook her head and she drew in a deep breath to steady herself. "No, but by the time I had got to Fergus' wife and son they...it was too late for them. My mother and I fought through Howe's knights to the kitchen larder where my father was. M-my father...he...uhmm...he had been gravely injured, blood, there was so much blood, his blood and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I felt so helpless. Duncan rushed in and my father insisted that he take me and my mother with him out a secret passage. Duncan agreed, but only if my father consented to me joining the Grey Wardens, a request he had denied earlier. My father agreed. As Howe's men broke down the kitchen door Duncan and I escaped through the secret passage."

"And your mother?"

Josie shook her head. "S-she refused to leave my father's side."

Alistair leaned toward her and pulled her into his arms. "Oh JoJo, I'm so sorry... I wish that I had more words of comfort to offer, but I don't... I liked your father. He was kind to me and so very understanding. I wish I had the opportunity to get to know him better."

"He liked you too Alistair. He wished that there was more that he could have done for you."

"He had done plenty...he and you had changed my life. I owe him much." Alistair kissed the top of her head, then turned her so that her back was pressed against his chest and he eased them down onto her bedroll. His body enfolding her making her feel warm and secure. He held her tightly against his chest as she cried herself to sleep.

_**xxXxx**_

Josie slowly began to return to consciousness, reluctant to leave the delicious dream she was having of Alistair pressing her against a tree while he did the most amazing things with his tongue. She tried to open her eyes, but the moment that she did a splitting pain shot through her head. She tried to lift her hand to her head, but her arms felt heavy.

Where was she? What had happened? She tried to think...the battle...yes, the battle had begun and she and Alistair had been charged with lighting the beacon. Alistair had been very unhappy about being left out of the fray and sent on what he considered a menial task. As it turned out their assignment wasn't so humdrum after all. The tower had been overrun with darkspawn and they had to fight their way up to light the beacon...the beacon...yes she had just lit the beacon when there was a burst of bright light from an explosion and than...nothing...Alistair...where was Alistair?

She moaned as she tried to open her eyes again. She felt the warm, rough sensation of a tongue licking her hand and she smiled. She reached out and scratched Strider behind the ears.

"Oh good, you're awake," a voice said.

Josie opened her eyes and slowly turned her head toward the direction that sound had come from. Near the fireplace was the witch that they encountered in the Wilds. The one that had brought them to the old woman that had protected the scrolls. Josie chuckled at the memory of Alistair sarcastically saying, "Swooping is bad", but then winced from the pain.

"Morrigan?"

"Aaah, I see your memory is still intact," Morrigan replied.

"W-what happened?"

"Hmmm, maybe not so much. Mother rescued you and your friend although it was a close call. You were severely injured, but mother managed to save you. The man who was to respond to your signal quit the field. The darkspawn overwhelmed the Ferelden soldiers and Grey Wardens, they were massacred."

"All of them?" Josie interjected.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. The king is dead and I believe that you and your friend are the only Grey Wardens left. Your friend isn't taking it well. He has waffled between grief and denial. He is outside by the fire. Mother asked to speak with you once you had awaken."

"Thank you, Morrigan. I appreciate your help."

Morrigan looked a little taken back by the words of gratitude. "Aaah...you're welcome, but it really was Mother who you should be thanking. She did most of the work."

Josie slowly eased out of bed, her body still tender from her wounds and gingerly got dressed. Morrigan walked over and handed her a vial. "Here drink this healing potion. It will alleviate some of the pain. Your wounds were substantial. Mother did her best heal you, but you will be sore for a few days."

Josie drank the potion then stepped out of the hut into light of the day. She squinted as her eyes adjusted to the brightness.

"See here is your fellow Grey Warden now. I told you she would make it," the old witch said.

Alistair spun around, grief etched on his face. The moment that he saw her, his face was flooded with relief. He rushed toward her, his right arm slipped around her waist as his other hand slid around her neck to the nape of her neck, his fingers fisted into her hair as he pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. "You're alive. Thank the Maker...I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't survived, Jo."

Strider jumped around both of them, happily barking.

"I'm fine, Alistair. It's going to be okay," Josie said trying to reassure herself as much as him.

"Things are never going to okay again. Everything has changed. If it wasn't for Morrigan's mother we would both be dead on top of that tower."

"I'm standing right here boy, no need to talk about me as if I'm not here," the old woman said.

Alistair released his hold her and turned to face the old witch. "I'm sorry, I meant no disrespect. You never told us your name, what should we call you."

"Names are useless, however the chastened folks call me Flemeth. I suppose it will do."

"The Flemeth...from the legends...you are the Witch of Wilds," Alistair said astounded.

"What of it. I know a bit of magic and has served both you well," Flemeth retorted.

"Thank you, Flemeth for coming to our aid. We are most grateful," Josie replied.

"Your manners continue to surprise me, but you are welcome," Flemeth stated.

"I don't mean to be rude, but why did you help us?" Josie asked.

"Someone has to fight these darkspawn. The battle outside the ruins was beyond hope, you two were the only ones left. It has always been the Grey Wardens duty to unite the lands against the Blight. Or did someone change the rules without telling me."

"Of course not!" Josie replied defensively.

"We were fighting the darkspawn. Cailan had nearly defeated them. Why would Loghain do this?" Alistair asked.

"Now that is a very good question, but then again why do men in power do most of things they do?"

Josie's eyes narrowed. "To gain more power."

Flemeth smiled sly at her. "Smart girl, there maybe hope for Ferelden after all."

"Then we must stop him!" Alistair demanded.

"Oh and how do you propose to do that?" Flemeth questioned.

"Arl Eamon...if he knew about Loghain's treason he would call for his head...He wasn't at Ostagar. He still has all his men. He was Cailan's uncle...We can go to Redcliffe and appeal to him for help. The Arl is a good man."

"I believe your definition and my definition of a 'good man' are vastly different," Josie interjected.

Alistair shot her dirty look, indicating that the Arl's past sins were not up for discuss at the moment. "Do you have a better suggestion?" He snipped.

She glared irritatingly at him. "Why yes I do. I looked over those treaties before I turned them over to Duncan. Those agreements give us the power to demand aid from the dwarves, elves and mages. I believe that would be a good place to start."

Flemeth grinned at her. "You do continue to impress, girl. This sounds like the beginning of a plan, one that could lead to building an army against the Blight."

"Thank you once again for your aid, Flemeth. Would it be ill-mannered to ask if you can offer any further assistance?" Josie asked.

"Well, I'm glad that you asked that. I do believe that I will be able to provide you with further assistance," Flemeth said just as Morrigan approached them.

"I have finished the stew. Will we have company for dinner this evening?" Morrigan asked.

"The Grey Wardens will be leaving and you will be joining them," Flemeth replied.

"What?" Morrigan, Josie and Alistair said in unison.

Flemeth chuckled. "I do believe I am still speaking English. Her magic will be useful, even better she knows the Wilds and will be able to guide you out of here. Consider it repayment for me saving your lives."

Josie scrutinized the old witch. It seem rather odd that she seemed rather eager to get rid of her own daughter and throw her into the middle of civil unrest that was sure to follow after Cailan's death. Before she could address this Alistair spoke up.

"Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but outside the Wilds she is an apostate."

"You didn't seem to troubled by an illegal mage aiding you on top of that tower," Flemeth retorted.

Alistair shook his head in defeat. "Point taken."

It had only taken Morrigan a few minutes to gather up her meager belongings and before long they were heading for the little town of Lothering. Alistair, lost in his thoughts and grief, had been unusually quiet during their trip, but she could completely understand that. She honestly didn't believe that she had said more than a handful of words to Duncan on their way to Ostagar. She had been so lost in her grief, her sorrow and despair crushing her, breaking her. It had been Alistair that had pulled her out of the mental and emotional fog that she had been. Within the first five minutes of meeting him, he had made her laugh...she hadn't laughed since before the death of her family. She knew then and there that the boy that she had a schoolgirl crush on had become the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She couldn't explain it, she knew it sounded crazy, but there was some kind of connection between them. When she was with him she felt safe, secure...and loved.

She was also beginning to realize that he was at times the most infuriating man she had ever met. He had no problem voicing his opinion, but when it came to actually making a decision he continually allowed that burden to fall on her shoulders. His lack of confidence in his leadership abilities actually angered her. Not because he lacked them, quite the contrary, leadership was in his blood, but it had never been properly cultivated and that oversight fell directly on Eamon's shoulders. However, she was going to remedy that. She was going nurture and foster those traits in him that she knew were there, but that were buried under the mounds of uncertainty and self doubt.

Alistair had wanted to head to Redcliffe first, but Josie really wasn't up for facing Eamon and Isolde just yet. She had never completely forgiven Isolde for her poor treatment of Alistair and Eamon for so willingly turning a blind eye just for a piece of Orlesian ass. At the time when her father had accused Eamon of being whipped by what was between Isolde's legs Josie had no earthly idea what he had meant. However, a few years later when Fergus explained what the statement meant she was furious at Eamon. Josie didn't care how great she was in the sack, Eamon's first priority should have been to Alistair, not his cock.

However, despite her negative feelings toward the Arl and Arlessa if Alistair could have properly stated his case and the reason for his convictions she would have gone along with his plan, but when she had given him the smallest amount of resistance he had thrown his hands up in defeat, told her he didn't want to argue with her and stormed off...just like a child.

As she watched him walk away she called out after him, "Really, Alistair? You're going to just stomp off like a child? Didn't you know that making up after a fight is the best part? It might be worth your while to stick around for that."

That last bit had given him pause before he continued into the woods.

"Don't take it personal Josie," Leliana said from behind her.

"It's hard not to."

"You push him and challenge him to be a better man. It's obvious that he hasn't had many people in his life do that. It perplexes him and he has yet to learn how to rise to the challenge. Give him time, with you as his teacher it won't take him long to master it."

Leliana had only become one of her companion the week before, but Josie had already taken a strong liking to the Lay Sister. She had a style and grace about her that reminded her of her mother and Josie took comfort in that. Leliana also possessed wisdom beyond her years and at times Josie really needed that guidance.

"It will be a cold day in the Void when that boy grows a spine," Sten grunted.

"I didn't think the Qunari believed in the Void," Leliana said.

"We don't," Sten replied.

"Than why reference it?" Leliana asked.

"I had to use it as reference because you humans are fond of your fairytales, so it would make sense to explain it to you in such context," Sten retorted.

"I should probably go after him," Josie sighed.

"Probably a good idea. I doubt he left a breadcrumb trail to find his way back," Leliana said with a smirk.

Josie grinned up at the giant as she headed into the woods,, "Take note, that's fairytale reference."

It probably wasn't a wise idea for Josie and Alistair to be in the woods...alone...at night...angry at each other. If Josie had not been so focused on how childish Alistair was behaving and paying closer attention to her taint that was now screaming she might have been better prepared for the Ogre that charged at her through the trees.

The attack surprised her and she screamed as she rolled out of its path, unsheathing her sword and dagger at the same time. She leapt to her feet and spun to face the beast just as loud warrior cry came from behind her. Alistair rushed past her charging head on at the monster. He shield bashed the beast three times before driving his sword toward its stomach. The ogre quickly swatted the sword away and sending Alistair flying back in the process. Josie charged at the beast, leapt into the air, driving her sword and dagger into the sides of the fiend's neck. The monster staggered as it tried to swat at Josie, but she was too quick for it. She withdrew her dagger and used the sword that was still in the ogre's neck as leverage she pulled herself up to the beast's shoulder. The ogre roared in pain as it flailed wildly trying to dislodge her. Once on its shoulder she drove the dagger into the back of ogre's neck. The monster lurched forward and fell dead on the spot.

She jumped off the ogre just as it crashed to the ground. She spun toward Alistair who was now fighting two hurlocks when a third appeared from the bush behind him. Josie yelled out a warning, but was too late as the darkspawn drove its sword through Alistair's side. He collapsed instantly.

Josie was outnumbered three to one, but Alistair's only hope of surviving that wound was her to come out victorious. Fading in and out of the shadows, Josie maneuvered behind the darkspawn dealing backstabbing and heartseeking blows as she went. Sliding in and out of sight made it hard for the darkspawn to anticipate her movements, and it was only a matter of minutes before all three dispensed were of.

Josie rushed to Alistair and fell on her knees beside him. "Alistair," she cried but received no response. She pressed her fingers to his neck and felt the steady beating pulse there. There was a lot of blood on the ground and she couldn't tell how sever nor how deep the wound was. She unfasten his breastplate so that she could examine his wound. Thank the Maker that they had just finished setting up camp and he still had his armor on. She doubted he would still be breathing if he hadn't.

There was no wound on the front of his abdomen which was good. It meant the blade didn't go all the way through. Josie gently rolled him over and examined the entrance wound. It was deep, but it was a clean cut. It didn't look as if the darkspawn had twisted his blade when he withdrew. Josie quickly removed her rogue's vest, using her dagger she cut strips off of the bottom of her tunic so that she could pack the wound then wrap other strips around his waist to hold it in place. Once the wound was a secure as she could make she looked around the clearing trying to figure out where the hell she was.

She had been so lost in her thoughts and her frustration with Alistair that she hadn't paid attention to where she was heading. Now she was wishing for a few breadcrumbs. She looked up at the sky, but the moon had just past behind a large group of clouds and she couldn't pinpoint its exact location. She stood up and began examining nearby trees for moss, but found none.

Fuck! Now what was she going to do. She couldn't very well drag Alistair around the forest trying to find her way back to camp. He was twice her size, she wouldn't make ten feet dragging his dead weight. She widened her perimeter and continued to look for something familiar. She had gone approximately twenty feet from where she had left Alistair when she spotted an opening in the side of a cliff. She rushed over and examined it as best as she could in the dark. It wasn't a deep recess, but it extended far enough into the cliff that it would hid them from anyone passing by.

Josie rushed back to Alistair, grasped him underneath his arms and began to pull him toward the cave. She had only dragged him a few feet before the muscles in her arms and legs began to burn. She stopped long enough to catch her breath and resumed moving him. It was a slow process, but eventually she made back to the cave. She checked the packing on his wound and was pleased to find that it remained in place during the move. However the move had not been good for Alistair. He was now covered in a sheen of sweat and was shaking uncontrollably.

Damn it! He needed a healer or he wasn't going to make it. But if she tried to find her way back to camp she could be lost in the dark woods for hours, wasting precious time. Tears of frustration and fear began to slide down her face. "Please Maker, don't take him from me too, please. I can't do this without him. Please...I need him."

She laid her head against his chest, trying to stifle her tears, trying to clear her head so that she could think. She didn't know how long she had been resting her head on him when she heard the first faint sound of someone crying out in pain. She sat up and listened. A few seconds later she heard it again. She pulled on her armor vest, unsheathed her weapons and stepped out of the cave. She cocked her head and waited for the cry to come again. When it did she started off in that direction, marking trees as she went by them so that she could find her way back.

The cries of pain brought her a small camp that was occupied by three templars who were beating the shit out of mage who was on the ground. A sly grin spread across her lips. The Maker moves in mysterious ways, she got to correct an injustice while at the same time acquiring a mage who could heal Alistair. She didn't care what it took, that mage was hers even if she had to conscript all of them.

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**A/N - Thank everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments. Please keep them coming they are like crack to junkie. **

***Hugs and kisses to the betalicious dynamic duo, Jinxy and The Lilacgirl. Thank for continuing to make me look good. I appreciate all that you do for me. You ladies are the best!**


	4. Chapter 4 Every Little Thing She Does Is

**Chapter 3 – Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic**

"Though I've tried before to tell her, of the feelings I have for her in my heart

Every time that I come near her, I just lose my nerve as I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic, everything she do just turns me on

Even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on"

_Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic by The Police_

Alistair felt her warm body pressed against his, her leg draped over his and he really needed to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming because he had fantasized too many times to count about waking up with her in his arms. Her rogue's vest was covering both of them as a primitive blanket in an attempt to keep them warm from the damp cave and cool night air. Alistair glanced over at the extinguished fire. Josie must have put it out before she went to sleep, not wanting to draw attention to their location while she slept. So instead she used their body heat to keep them warm.

She stirred in her sleep and as she did, she pressed her pelvis against his thigh. Alistair bit his lip to silence the groan rising in his throat. Maker, give him strength, even through her pants he could feel the heat radiating off of her.

Be a good Chantry boy, think good clean thoughts. He remembered how her eyes had danced when she had appeared in front of him in that alcove, he remembered the fire that blazed in them when she confronted Isolde, but then his mind drifted to that night in her tent... her supple body pressed against his, the way her sweet breath had washed over him, her delicious red lips only inches away from his. How many times had he fantasized about those lips pressed against his? How many times had dreamed of his tongue sliding into her velvety mouth and finally tasting her. Damn it! Clean thoughts! Needed to think clean thoughts!

She shifted in her sleep again, this time she rolled away from him onto her back. He shifted onto his side and looked down at her. Even in sleep she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He glanced at her hand that was stretched out away from her, he noticed that she was clasping something shiny in it; he gently pried her fingers open and saw a gold griffon pendant. Where the hell had that come from?

He looked around at his surrounding and for the first time realized they were alone in the cave. Where were their fellow companions? He thought back trying to recall the night before, he groaned when he remembered the stupid argument they had. The way he had stormed off, her teasing him that making up was the best part of a fight. Is that why they were in cave? Had they made up?

But then the sound of her scream, the sight of her ready to take on the Ogre single handedly flickered through his mind. He remembered the pain of the blade piercing his back. He reached back to feel the wound, it was healed completely. How? He looked back at her and the griffon in her hand. What had happened while he had been unconscious?

His eyes shifted up to her chest. Even though she was wearing a breast band the sudden cool air caused her nipples to become erect. They pressed so tantalizing through the soft material of her tunic that his mouth began to water and he subconsciously licked his lips. His gaze continued downward, her tunic was riding up her stomach and he could see the toned muscles of her abdomen, the enticing way her waist cinched in and the temping curve of her hips. Andraste's sweet ass she was perfect, and all the blood rushed out of Alistair's head, straight into his groin. Shite, clean thoughts, need clean thoughts. Need to look away… look at anything but the way her trousers had slip past her hips and were resting just above.

"Enjoying the view?" She whispered and his eyes shot up to hers. She was grinning impishly at him. Alistair's face burned with embarrassment at being caught red handed ogling her.

"Aaah…I…Uhm, no. I wasn't looking. I was just making sure that you weren't getting cold...yes, that's it...that's what I was doing," Alistair stammered.

"Oh really? Just checking on my well being were you?" Josie asked skeptically.

"Yes! Exactly, can't take any chances in this weather. It's a bit nipply…fuck I mean nippy…I wouldn't want you to get sick."

"Oh I didn't realize my breasts were a gauged temperature " she said with a smirk.

"Uhmmm...well...they aren't, they are just..uhm..H-hard to miss," Alistair stuttered sounding like a babbling idiot.

"Hard to miss!...What exactly do you mean, Alistair?" Josie asked feigning outrage.

"I couldn't stop my eyes from going that way. I'm not used to being in situations like these, you know?" Alistair tried to explain, but failing miserably. "Josie, you're a beautiful woman, with a very beautiful body. It does things to me."

She grinned at him then pushed him on his back. She slid up and straddled his pelvis, she swirled her hips against his now throbbing erection. Alistair had to bite his lip to silence the groan.

"Does things, huh? Like give you a hard-to-miss huge erection?" And to emphasize her point she pressed down and swirled again.

"Oh, Maker help me! I feel as if I'm about to explode...with a beautiful woman on top of me!" Alistair exclaimed as he desperately tried to clear his head. Maker knew he wanted her, but not here not like this and not without telling her first how he felt about her.

Josie leaned down, her breasts pressing against his chest, as she whispered in his ear, "Maybe I want you to explode."

"You really want me to glue you to the roof with that explosion?"

She laughed. "You have that much pent up frustration?"

"You have no idea. Years of it."

"Let me help you with that frustration," she cooed as she drew his ear into her warm, wet mouth and sucked. A current of desire ripped through him so strongly that his hips involuntarily surged against her.

"Fuck," he moaned, before he grabbed her arms and sat her up.

"Josie," he panted. "Please."

She looked at him curiously.

"You know I was raised in a Chantry...I...Uhmm, have you ever licked a lamp post in the winter?"

She laughed, "Have I ever what?"

"Have you ever licked a lamp post in the winter?" Alistair repeated.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?"

"No, I'm serious," he replied.

"And I'm assuming we are speaking of a metaphoric lamp post?"

Alistair nodded.

Her eyes locked on his and he saw such tenderness there that he knew no matter what he said to her it would be okay; that she would still accept him and care about him.

"Yes, I have…he loved me and I thought I loved him…"

She left the sentence hanging not wanting to continue with that train of thought.

Alistair affectionately stroked her arm. "Well, I haven't. Being raised in the Chantry there wasn't a lot of opportunity…but some of the Templar recruits had managed to sneak out in order to visit nearby brothels. However, I didn't want my first time to happen like that. I wanted it to mean something. I wanted it to be with someone I cared about."

Josie smiled warmly at him as she slid off of him, but there was sadness in her eyes. He reached for her, pulled her back to him and looked into her eyes. "Josie, I want my first time to be with you…but not here…not like this. I want it to be…"

"Special," she finished for him.

"Yes," he replied.

"I can understand that, Alistair, but you have to realize we are in the middle of fighting a Blight. There may never be 'the perfect time'."

"Just give me some time. I'll find a way to make it perfect."

"I'm not looking for perfection, Ali. I just want to be with the boy that I've had a crush on since I was eleven. The boy that grew into the man that I...that I..."

Alistair's heart was pounding. She couldn't possibly feel the same way about him that he felt about her. "That you what, JoJo?"

"...that I admire," she finished.

His heart ached for a second. He could have sworn she was going to say something else. He was about to reply when all of her words sank in. "Wait a minute? You've had a crush on me since you were eleven?"

"Now don't let it go to your head. Wouldn't want that one to become as big as the one between your legs," she chuckled.

"You think I'm big?"

"It seemed impressive, but I was denied access before I could truly evaluate it and form an honest opinion."

"Evaluate what?" Leliana said she entered the cave and gave Josie a wink.

"The reach of Alistair's sword," Josie said as she returned the wink.

"Well, it's a good thing that his sword is bigger than his head otherwise we would all be in sorry state," Morrigan replied coldly as she followed Leliana in.

Both Josie and Leliana burst into fits of laughter as Alistair turned a deep shade of red.

"Somehow I doubt that would put Josie in a sorry state," Leliana stated and the two girls broke out into a new round of laughter.

"I fail to see the humor in that statement," Sten said stoically from the mouth of the cave.

"We have been looking for the two of you all morning. What have the two of you been doing, hiding in this cave?" Morrigan demanded.

"Contemplating the most appropriate time to sharpen my sword," Alistair said matter-of-factly, causing another round of laughter from Josie and Leliana.

"Yes, well you should keep it sharp at all times. You never want to go into battle with a dull blade," Sten advised.

"I completely agree, Sten. That would be bad, very bad," Alistair replied.

"The harder…I mean the sharper the better," Leliana laughed.

"I also believe thrust is important too," Josie replied as she bit her lip to prevent another outbursts.

"Yes, thrust is important as is rhythm. It's important to establish a good pace," Leliana added.

"I can see the need for thrust, but I don't know what rhythm has to do with it," Sten replied confused.

"Stamina is also essential," Leliana stated.

"Well, good thing I have that covered," Alistair responded.

Josie raised a questioning eyebrow.

Alistair grinned at her. "You haven't heard about the infamous Grey Warden stamina?"

"No, I haven't," Josie answered.

"Oh I have," Leliana said with a hint of envy in her voice. "I heard Grey Wardens can do it for hours."

"I find it hard to believe that any being could do it for hours. Your sword arm would eventually give out," Sten grunted.

All three of them broke once again into fits of laughter, but Morrigan's eyes widened as it dawned on her exactly what they were talking about. "You people are disgusting," she sneered as she headed out of the cave.

When they had composed themselves once again, Leliana sat down beside Josie. "What happened to the two of you last night? We really were worried."

"In trying to find Alistair, I got lost in the woods and was then attacked by darkspawn. Alistair joined in the fray and was gravely injured. I managed to drag him to this cave to give us some sense of cover and to give me a vantage point if the darkspawn returned."

"Alistair doesn't look gravely injured now. Who or what healed him?" Leliana asked.

"I was wondering that myself," Alistair said.

"I heard a confrontation between three Templars and a mage…they were beating the shit out him and I rescued him…"

"You don't just rescue mages, not if the Templars are bringing him back to the Circle," Alistair stated skeptically.

"Well, I will admit that they were reluctant to release him into my custody, but I finally convinced them that it was in the best interest of all those involved to let the mage go with me," Josie said nonchalantly.

"How did you do that?" Leliana asked.

"You conscripted him," Alistair growled. Both Josie and Leliana looked at him shocked at his sudden change in mood.

Fear for her safety coursed through him. The Templars took hunting apostates very seriously. If someone was killed in the process of apprehending a mage then so be it and the Chantry turned a blind eye to the innocent lives that were lost. To them the danger of the apostate outweighed the lives that were lost while capturing them.

"Yes I did…"

"Josie, we already have enough people hunting us. The last thing we need is to be looking over our shoulders for Templars that now might pursue us," Alistair interrupted.

"Would you rather be dead? Because that is what was going to happen if I didn't get you immediate aid; I did what my father taught me. I used the resources that were available to me."

"And where is this apostate now?" Alistair asked.

"I believe he took off in the middle of the night," Josie replied.

"About as reliable as you expect from a wanted mage," Alistair retorted.

"Look, we talked a great deal last night. He told me that he had escaped the Circle seven times because it made him feel like a caged animal. The Blight gave him his greatest chance to finally escape the Circle once and for all. He had asked me for his freedom in exchange for healing you. I granted his wish," Josie replied defensively.

"No one escapes the Circle forever," Alistair grunted.

Leliana picked up the gold griffon pendant that was lying beside her vest. She grinned at her. "Did he give this to you?"

"Aaah, I don't know. I've never seen it before," Josie stated.

"It was in your hand this morning," Alistair said.

"That had to have been one hell of a conversation. Are you sure that the only thing you did with this mysterious mage was talk?" Leliana teased.

Josie's eyes went wide as she glared at Leliana, but Alistair noticed that she bit her lip squelch the smile that threatened to appear. "Yes, that is all we did."

"This is a beautiful pendant, he must have been very impressed with your _mastery_of the spoken word," Leliana taunted.

"I gave him his freedom, he was grateful. End of discussion," Josie huffed as she grabbed the necklace out of Leliana's hand, seized her vest and blades then strolled out of the cave.

Alistair struggled to suppress the jealousy that was rising. This mage wasn't traveling with them. He was not a threat to him and he believed Josie when she said that the two of them had only talked. However, there had been a glint in her eyes and that squashed grin when she recalled the conversation that made him wonder exactly what they had talked about. Alistair had to remind himself that there was no point in being envious of a man that he had never met and would probably never meet. He reminded himself that Josie had made it clear that she wanted him, that she had cared about him for years, but he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that was settling over him. He had the strangest feeling that he hadn't heard the last of this mysterious mage.

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**A/N - * Hugs and kisses to the betalicious dynamic duo, Jinx1983 and The Lilacgirl, for working their magic on this chapter. Thank you so much for your help, support and hard work on this chapter. You ladies rock! **

***I also want to thank everyone who follows this story, who added this story to their favorites list, and for your wonderful reviews. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me.**


	5. Chapter 5 Sparks Fly

******Because Chapter 3 is so short I gave you the double treat of two chapters in one day. Enjoy!  
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**Chapter 4 – Sparks Fly **

" 'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile so reach out open handed

And lead me out to that floor well, I don't need more paper lanterns

Take me down, baby bring on the movie star 'cause my heart is beating fast

And you are beautiful I could wait patiently, but I really wish you would

Drop everything now meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain

'Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile"

_Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift_

It had been two days since they had left the Circle and Josie still couldn't shake the Fade dream that was haunting her. She stared into the campfire as the images from the dream replayed in her mind.

_She was sparring with Alistair in the ring that was just behind the castle at Highever. Sweat glistened on their foreheads as they circled each other. Alistair lunged forward and she twisted to the right and jabbed at his back, but he pivoted out of the way just in time to miss the blow. Both of them crouched into a fighting stance as they began to circle each other again._

_"Feeling a bit under the weather, LuLu," Alistair asked._

_Her eyes narrowed on him, "I've warned you about calling me that. I can't stop my family from calling me that nickname, but I can stop you."_

_"Ouch, you wound, Love. You don't consider me family?" He asked as he swung his sword toward her head; she brought up the short sword just in time to stop the blow._

_She leaned over the swords toward him and smiled. "Oh I consider you family, just not the kind that can call me that and get away with it." Then she pushed off him and backed up a step as they continued the dance… swing, block, attack, parry, the sound of steel clashing over and over again._

_"If not the kind that can call you that then, what kind am I?" He asked, a devilish grin playing over his handsome face._

_Alistair circled her again and then swung his sword low towards her knees, she jumped over the blade, twisted around and delivered a blow to his back with the flat side of her sword. Alistair stumped forward, but remained on his feet and quickly spun towards her._

_"You are avoiding answering the question, my dear. What kind of family am I?" He teased._

_"Right now?" She grunted. "The annoying kind." _

_Alistair feigned a blow to her right with his shield, she turned to her left to parry the blow, but he pulled his shield back at the last minute, dropped his sword that was in his right hand and grabbed her wrist, pulling her against his chest. His arm snaked around her back, drawing her tightly against him. He pressed his mouth against hers, his lips demanding and hungry and she was helpless to resist him because she ached for him as much as he did for her._

_"Oh for fuck sake, my eyes, they burn, Fergus make them stop! Make the pain go away," Nathaniel bellowed from behind._

_Alistair released her and turned to face the two that were now glaring at them from the side of the ring with a grin._

_"Oh for the love of the Maker's hair balls…"_

_"For the record Fergus, there is no love lost between me and the Maker's balls," Alistair stated. _

_"That's your sister, Alistair. You're kissing your sister like she is the latest addition to Madame Kat's stable at the Randy Stag," Fergus exclaimed._

_"And I'm sure you would know what that is like, Fergus," Josie retorted._

_"She isn't my sister, Fergus. She is yours, so I can kiss her any way I like, anytime I like and feel perfectly okay with it," Alistair stated._

_Josie hit Alistair in his arm. "And don't I have a say in all of this kissing?"_

_"I was under the impression that you quite liked it," Alistair replied._

_"I believe I'm about to lose my breakfast," Nathaniel said dryly._

_"Then lean that way," Fergus said as he pushed Nathaniel away. "Alistair, you have been living here at Highever since you were twelve…that kind of does make her your sister," Fergus countered._

_"No it doesn't. We aren't related by blood…"_

_"But you have been living under the same roof as her ever since my father took over your guardianship, he has treated you as his son, I have treated you as my brother, my sister has…"_

_"Your sister has never treated me as a sibling…Thank the Maker for that," Alistair interjected._

_"Josie!" A voice demanded from behind her. Josie spun to see Morrigan walking towards her. What the hell was she doing here?_

_"Morrigan?" Josie questioned._

_"Who is Morrigan?" Alistair asked._

_Josie looked questioningly over at Alistair. "She is…she is…" Where did she know her from?_

_"Your Blight companion," the witch finished for her._

_"My what?"_

_Alistair slid his arm protectively around her waist. "JoJo, let's go back to the castle. I don't like the looks of this woman. She looks evil."_

_"And clearly you still don't know the difference between being evil and being a bitch. Do you, boy-wonder?"_

_"For you they seem to be one in the same," Alistair retorted._

_"This coming from someone who doesn't know his arse from a hole in the ground; shut up before I turn you into a toad!" Then Morrigan spun to look at her. _

_"Josie, this isn't real. This is the Fade. This isn't Alistair. It's a demon trying to trick you into believing its Alistair."_

_"Hey watch who you're calling a demon," Alistair said defensively._

_"I asked you nicely to shut up, Demon! Do you really want me to send you back to the Black city as a little green hopping thing?" Morrigan retorted before returning her attention back to Josie._

_"Josie, think about it. We went to the Circle because of the Blight treaties. The Circle had been compromised and we were sucked into the Fade by a Sloth Demon. This baboon standing before you isn't your baboon, it's a desire demon imitating your idiot…and doing a very good job, I might add."_

_Josie studied Alistair then she looked over at her brother and Nate. She wanted to believe this was real. That Alistair had been sent to Highever, not the Chantry, that they had fallen in love…but the memories of the attack all came rushing back and the pain from the loss raked over her. _

_Josie began to spit as she drew her sword as anger now coursed through her. "I kissed a fucking demon! You're going to pay for that!"_

_Morrigan pulled her staff off her back, "Could it have really been all that bad? You couldn't tell the difference between it and the real thing? Either that demon is one hell of a kisser or Alistair is really bad at it."_

_"Don't fuck with me, right now, Morrigan. I'm not in a good mood, not to mention now is not the time," Josie growled as she charged the Alistair doppelganger. _

_When the battle was over she turned to the witch. "Morrigan, please do not tell Alistair about this dream. It would only cause him grief."_

_The witch's eyes narrowed on her. "This was more than a desire of yours; this had actually been a possibility at one time?"_

_"Yes and it would cause him pain to know how close he had come to having the family that he had always wanted. Please do not tell him. I will tell him when the time is right." Josie begged._

_"Oh the fun I could have had with this little scenario, but I will do as you have requested of me," Morrigan relented._

She felt a warm body pressed against hers as it slid onto the wooden log beside her, pulling her out of her thoughts. "So la mia caramella dolce…"

"Let's make something perfectly clear, Assassin, I am neither sweet nor am I your candy," Josie interjected.

Zevran, their latest companion, laughed. "I love the way you say, _assassin._You make it sound so dirty. And I don't believe that for a minute that you don't taste as sweet as candy."

Josie seductively lifted her hand to her mouth then she slowly ran her tongue across the inside of her palm and up her arm. Zevran's mouth fell open. "Mmmm, you're right, I do taste pretty damn good, not that you will ever find out," she purred.

Both Leliana and Alistair began to laugh, but the assassin didn't even skip a beat. "Dolce cuore, I do so love a challenge."

"So do I," Josie cooed.

He grinned at her. "But I am not a challenge. I am here for the taking, mia bella amica."

"The challenge for me, will be me not regretting sparing your life and running you through with a sword."

"You say the sweetest things. I can tell you're a real people person," Zevran lauged and replied sarcastically.

"Winning friends and influencing people everywhere I go. Glad to have another satisfied customer," Josie replied.

"Satisfied might be a bit of an exaggeration," Zevran replied dryly.

"Tell me about," Josie muttered without thinking as her eyes drifted over to Alistair who was deep in a conversation with Leliana.

Zevran followed her gaze and smiled at her. "Is the Chantry Boy not satisfying your needs, my dear Warden? I might be able to offer him some of my expert tutelage."

"No, thank you. If anyone is going to teach him it will be me," Josie exclaimed…a little more forcefully than she had intended.

"Oh my, I do feel sorry for the poor boy and I envy him, at the same time," Zevran stated as he eyed her up and down.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, I can see that you are the kind of woman that takes education very seriously…"

"Never mind, I can see where you are heading with this. Forget I asked," Josie replied.

"Madame Cousland, if I bring you a big, red, juicy apple can I be the teacher's pet?" Zevran purred.

Josie didn't even notice that Leliana had slid in on her other side. "If I had a teacher that looked like you, I might have paid closer attention in class," the bard cooed.

"Will I get the ruler if I don't turn in my homework?" Zevran chuckled.

"Would you like that?" Josie asked teasingly.

"Why, yes I would Madame Teacher," Zevran sighed.

"Then no," Josie stated as she stood up.

"I do believe I'm very hot for teacher," Zevran chortled.

"Class dismissed," Josie declared as grabbed her bag and headed for the woods.

"Where are you heading, Madame Teacher?" Leliana asked.

"I'm going to the pond to clean off," she yelled over her shoulder and just missed the sly grins on the bard and assassin's faces.

Josie quickly undressed and slid into the cool water of the pond. It had been long hot day and the water felt refreshing. Josie thought about her latest companion, she had given him a hard time, but she actually liked him. He was charming and his innuendos amused her. Despite Alistair's reservations, she had a good feeling about him. She got the feeling that once you earned the elf's loyalty, you had a friend for life.

When she finished washing her hair she began to caress the bar of soap down her neck and across her breasts. She had been joking with the assassin about being satisfied or the lack thereof, but there was definitely some underlying truth to the statement. Alistair had asked her for time and she agreed to give it to him, but damn that had been almost three weeks ago and a girl has needs. Especially when she had to stare at him all day…his strong arms, his sculpted chest, those soft honey brown eyes that you could lose yourself in and those lips. Just the thought of them made her nipples tighten. She was so tense and she needed some kind of damn release. Her fingers grazed across her nipples and she imagined Alistair's warm mouth as he closed over her breast, his tongue swirling over her nipple before his lips closed over it, pulling at it. Her imagination took over as her hands caressed, pinched and teased her nipples and it wasn't long before she felt the moisture pooling at her center.

Her hand slid down her stomach and slipped between her legs. She whimpered as she dipped a finger into her wetness, so wishing it was Alistair. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, once again letting the erotic images of her templar take over her mind.

"Mmm…Alistair…."

She moved her fingers in light, circular motions over the sensitive nub, as she pictured the sight of him between her legs, his mouth, his tongue licking and sucking her as his fingers glided in and out of her. The tension was building, her body shaking as the wave crashed down, Alistair's name falling from her lips in short pants. She cried out his name one last time before she relaxed, letting the afterglow wash over her.

Her serenity was shattered when she heard a quiet yet familiar voice say her name. Josie's eyes flew open and she saw Alistair standing naked on the shoreline.

"How…" she cleared her throat."How long have you been there?"

Alistair's voice was rough, desire laced with amusement. "Long enough."

She refused to look at him, her face burning with embarrassment. She couldn't believe that he had caught her pleasuring herself while she thought of him. How loud had she cried out his name?

She heard the sound of the water gently splashing and she turned to face him. She watched as he walked up to her, his left arm went around her waist, drawing her to him, his erection pressing into her. With his right hand he brought her left hand to his lips and pressed gentle kisses into the pad of each finger then he reached for her right hand and inhaled the scent of her before he took each finger into his mouth, sucking and tasting her essence. Fascinated, Josie watched as his lips and tongue caressed her fingers before her hand slip up his thigh to the hardened flesh between his legs, her fingertip gliding over the glistening tip. His hips bucked against her hand and her lips curled into a smile as he grew even harder when she took him into her hand and began to palm his length in smooth even strokes.

He groaned as he leaned down and captured her mouth, kissing her ravenously; their tongues in a seductive dance, as they fed hungrily off of each other before Alistair pulled away and moaned against the side of her neck, "Josie, I have wanted you for so long."

Alistair was taller than her and she had to stretch upward to his hardened nipple, taking into her mouth. She nipped at it with her teeth then soothed them with her tongue before she moved over to the other one. She felt his fingers in her hair, holding her close before he reached down, grasped her bottom and lifted her up. Josie reached down between them and guided him into her.

Oh sweet Andraste, he felt fantastic as he filled her, completing her. Alistair kissed the side of her neck, his lips and tongue swirling against her flesh as he moaned, "Josie, oh my sweet Josie. I love you so much."

Alistair grabbed her hips and began rocking her against him. Slowly at first, as their need increased, so did his speed. His thrusts became more frantic, as he brought both of them closer to the edge. She was close, she reached down between them and began to stroke herself, her vision blurred and she felt the herself being to fall over the edge when bushes at the edge of the pond began to shake.

"Josie...Josie are you alright?" Alistair cried out as he burst through the shrubs.

Josie's eyes flew open and standing at the edge of the water was Alistair fully clothed. "W-what?" She mumbled trying to clear her head so that she could focus.

"I heard you cry out, I-I thought you were hurt," Alistair stuttered, his gaze falling on her chest which was barely covered by the water, his lips curved ever so slightly.

"I-I stubbed my toe on a rock. I'm fine."

"Okay, I'll let you finish your bath," Alistair said as he turned and left her.

When she was alone, she smacked the water with her hand and groaned in frustration.

_**xxXxx**_

They had made camp about two hours outside of Redcliffe. Josie was still dreading seeing Eamon and Isolde again and not for the reasons that Alistair thought they were. When she had found out that the Arl had sent Alistair to the Chantry and that he had been instrumental in having her father's petition as Alistair's guardian denied, she had been furious. It had been several years later when Josie had seen the Arl again, but time had not cooled her wrath. Much to the dismay of her mother and secret pleasure of her father, she had a few choice words for the politically ambitious Arl. Josie just hoped that now Eamon could put their petty differences aside and do what was right for the good of the country. Time would tell.

Josie grabbed a few things from her backpack then made her way over to their newest companion. She handed Shale the crystals that she had purchased from Bodahn in hopes of getting on the golems good side and hopefully convincing her to stop calling Josie _ it._

"Ooo, I see you have found some augmentation crystals. I wasn't even aware that it knew about them...well done!" Shale said.

"I'm brighter than I look," Josie replied sardonically.

"Obviously," the golem replied dryly.

"So what does it think? They don't make me look any wider do they? I find that I'm wide enough already?"

"No, I think they are quite slimming and they look very pretty," Josie replied.

"They are, aren't they? I do so adore them. I think it should find more as soon as possible. I want to glitter from ear to ear."

"I wouldn't go overboard with them. We wouldn't want anyone to mistake you for a drag queen."

The space between Shale's eyes grew smaller in what Josie assumed was scowl. "What kind of Queen is that?"

"Never mind, forget I mentioned it. I was expecting golems to be different?"

"Different how?"

"I don't know, just different."

"Should I talk in monotone? 'Yes, master. I exist to serve the master. I shall kill for the master and only for the master."

"Different like that. I wasn't expecting you have such a good sense of humor."

"Or maybe you were expecting me to recite limericks. I can recite limericks if it likes?"

"Know any dirty ones?" Josie asked.

"No, they mostly involve slaughter pigeons in some evasive manner."

"Well, I'm going to have to teach you a few dirty ones so that you recite them around Alistair and make him turn red," Josie chuckled.

"Now that sounds like fun. It is very talkative. Should I expect more of these visits?" Shale replied.

"Well, I like to get to know the companions that I'm traveling with," Josie replied.

"Very well, if it must."

"Good night, Shale."

The golem grunted something unintelligible as Josie turned to leave. She made her way over to Morrigan.

"Evening, Morrigan," Josie said.

"And what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"I thought it might be of use to you," Josie said as she handed Morrigan the book.

"Flemeth's Grimoire! Where did you find this?"

"I found this in the First Enchanter's study at the circle."

"Thank you, Josie. This is an excellent opportunity and I will not waste it."

"Your welcome and I hope that it proves useful."

"I will let you know."

"Goodnight, Morrigan."

"Goodnight, Josie," the witch replied and for the first time since Josie had met her, Morrigan's smile actually reached her eyes.

"My work here is done," Josie thought as she headed back towards the fire.

Alistair fell into step with her and his hand slid into hers. She looked up at him and smiled. "I have something I want to give you, but I want to give it to you someplace a little more private."

"Okay, but its late Alistair. We shouldn't wonder too far away from camp."

"We won't," Alistair said as he led her to edge of camp behind a large oak tree. They were hidden from the view of the others, but between the light from the fire and the moon they were still able to see their surroundings.

"Here look at this," Alistair said as he handed her the most beautiful pink rose she had ever seen. It was in full bloom, all of its petals were perfect. She smelled it and it smelled wonderful.

"Do you know what that is?" Alistair asked.

Josie cocked an eyebrow. "Is this a trick question? Do I have to answer a riddle to be able to keep it?" Even as she said it, a sadness flickered across her face as she thought of Daveth.

Alistair sensed where her thoughts had lead, he pulled her into his arms. "No my dear, no riddles tonight. I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking how could something so beautiful exist in place that had so much despair. I should have probably left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and they would only destroy it with their taint. Back at the Circle, I had Wynne enchant it so that it would always remain beautiful just like you. I want you to keep it, Jo. As a reminder of what a rare and wonderful thing you are amongst all this darkness."

"That's so sweet, Alistair. Thank you."

The sound of Leliana's lute drifted over from camp and as she began to sing, Alistair pulled her into his arms, he rested his one hand on her lower back as he pulled her flush against his body while he clasped the other hand to hers then he began to move in time with the beat.

As Leliana sang, Alistair sang the words too as his lips pressed delicately against her skin.

_"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces all day through." _

Alistair spun her out, away from him, and as he pulled her back in he twisted his arm so that she was now dancing against him with her back pressed to his chest. His arms wrap around her tiny waist as they swayed back and forth together in time with the music Alistair continued to sing to her.

_"In that small cafe, the park across the way, the children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well."_

"One of the few things Eamon got right was taking responsibility for making sure that you received a proper education."

"Yes, I am rather gratefully too. I get to hold pretty girls tightly in my arms," Alistair sighed against the slender column of her neck.

"Girls? Just how many have you held?" Josie asked.

"The only one that matters is the one currently in my arms," Alistair said as he ran his tongue up the side of her throat invoking moan.

Feeling the rhythm of the beat, lost in his embrace, her hand reached up behind her and she slipped her fingers around his neck pulling him closer to her. He felt incredible pressed against her, she felt so safe in arms. He held her even tighter, as his hand slid down her side, he pressed against her bottom, his need for her evident.

_"I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day, in everything that's light and gay, I'll always think of you that way." _

Alistair pressed his lips along the slender column of her neck before he spun her out, and then quickly pulled her back to him so that she was once again facing him. With both arms firmly wrapped around her waist, he stepped into her, his thigh parting her legs; he bent her back then leaned over her so that his face was even with her chest and he swayed back and forth with her in his arms. She ran her hands over his biceps, up to his neck and into the hair at the nape of his neck.

He brought her back up to him, with his thigh still between her legs, his hand slid down her back; he grabbed her ass as he rocked back and forth with her, his groin pressing so sweetly against her core she couldn't help, but moan, "Alistair" as her lips pressed against his neck.

_"And when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be seeing you." _

He swayed with her, his hand slipped down to her thigh, dipped her again, but his time he brought her leg up so that it was against his hip. She moved with him, causing the most delicious friction that instantly made her wet.

"Please...please Maker don't let him stop," Josie silently begged, but her supplications were denied. When the music stopped, Alistair stepped away from her, his face flushed with desire, his eyes hungry with need.

"Alistair...please."

"I have to stop before I'm unable to."

"Damn it, why? Why are you torturing both us like this? I know you want me. I can feel it."

"Josie, I want you so badly, I ache..."

"Then let me ease your suffering," Josie said as she pressed her body against his. Her mouth captured his, his lips yielding instantly to her gentle pressure, opening to her, allowing her tongue to dip into his mouth so that she could eagerly explore him, taste him. His tongue danced with hers, he was as eager to discover her as she was him. His embrace tightened around her, his body responding to his hunger and need for her.

Josie moved them backwards until her back was against the oak tree and his body was flush against hers, the only light illuminating them was the warm glow from the moon. His hands slid around her neck and he grasped the soft tendrils at the nape of her neck pulling her to him. He captured her mouth –hard, deep and oh, so sweet. She swirled her hips slightly, grinding herself against him and he groaned against her lips. She ran her hand down his back to his ass and she pushed him even harder against her.

Alistair slid his hand down her sides to her hips, lifted her up and turned, pinning her to the tree. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he surged against her core, she moaned as her fingers fisted into his hair. Fuck he felt fantastic!

"Alistair...again...please," she panted and he did as she requested. He grabbed her hips, and thrust against her over and over again.

"J-josie...I can't stop...I need..." his voice hitched in his throat as she pushed her pelvis forward demanding he give her more.

"Don't...y-you dare stop, Alistair," she growled. Her body was in agony with the need for release...release that only he could give her. If she couldn't have him inside her than she would settle for what she could get. She grabbed his ass and pressed him harder into her.

His hips surged forward, his cock demanding to be in her, but stopped by the barrier of their clothes. Still he thrust against her over and over again. The movement of her hips quickened against him, becoming erratic as she skimmed along the precipice, teetering on the ledge. Alistair reached up, cupped her breast and pinched at her nipple through her tunic as his mouth licked and sucked at her ear. Pure ecstasy ripped through her body as she finally plunged over the edge.

"Yesss, oh fuck yesss," she whimpered through gritted teeth, trying to be quiet, but she knew she was failing miserably.

Alistair's mouth captured hers, stifling her sob of release just as she came apart in his arms, coming hard against him. Alistair moaned against her lips, his body shook as the orgasm ripped through him. Her mouth pressed against his, silencing his cry of pleasure, his body trembling against hers. He pulled back and buried his head in the crook of her neck, panting hard.

"Josie...I didn't want our first time to be like this," Alistair mumbled.

Josie cupped his face and forced him to look at her. "Well, I for one, don't regret it, Alistair. We both needed that and you were incredible. Not to mention, technically I don't think dry humping through clothes is actually considered sex. Your virginity is still safe for me to deflower you at a more romantic time."

"I don't regret it, Jo. It...you were fantastic. Maker, I have wanted you for so long I just couldn't stop it from happening."

"And here is a little tidbit, in the future anytime you just want to instantly get me wet and have me dropping my panties for you, just sing to me."

Alistair grinned at her. "You liked that, huh?"

"Oh yeah...I have two words for you with regards to that," she said with a grin.

"And they are?"

"More please."

"Your wish is my command, my lady." Alistair held her in his arms as he sang to her once again.

**A/N -Your Italian lesson for the day - **_**la mia caramella dolce – **_**My sweet candy**_**, dolce cuore – **_**Sweetheart, **_**mia bella amica**_** - my beautiful friend**

***The song Alistair and Leliana sang was **_**I'll Be Seeing You**_**. It has been sung by all the old greats but it was Frank Sinatra's version that I had in mind when I wrote that scene. **

***I also want to thank my fantabulous betas, Jinx1983 and The Lilacgirl, for their rad, mad beta-ing skills, for their support and for their friendship. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You ladies are the best!**


	6. Chapter 6 Meet Me Half Way

**Chapter 5 – Meet Me Half Way**

"I can't go any further than this, I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

I spent my time just thinkin, thinkin, thinkin bout you

Every single day yes, I'm really missin' missin' you

And all those things we use to use to use to do

Hey girl, what's up, it use to be just me and you

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you

Every single day, yes I'm really missin missin you

And all those things we use to use to use to do

Hey girl what's up, what's up, what's up, what's up

Meet me halfway, right at the boarderline

That's where I'm gonna wait, for you, I'll be lookin out, night n'day

Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay

I can't go any further than this, I want you so bad it's my only wish"

_Meet Me Half Way by Black Eyed Peas_

As the group rounded the top of the peak that looked down on the village of Redcliffe, Alistair felt his heart began to race and it had nothing to do with the strenuous climb up the side of the mountain. He had to tell her…he needed her to know before they saw Eamon again.

However, as he stared down at his childhood home, all of those memories came rushing back to him. He had faint memories and feelings of his life before Isolde, and he knew he had been happy once. He knew that Eamon had been kind to him and had treated him like a son, but everything had changed when the Arl had married and Alistair's life had been forever changed. He felt Josie step up beside him and she tenderly clasped his hand. He looked down at her and smiled.

"Are you nervous, Alistair? About seeing the Arl and Arlessa again?"

"A little, the last time that I had spoken to Eamon he had come to visit me in the Chantry. The visit hadn't gone well…Jo, I was so angry at him, so hurt that he had abandoned me that when he had gave me a necklace that been my mother's, I threw it against a wall, shattering it. I destroyed the only thing that I had to remind me of her because of my anger at him. He had come to visit me several times after that, but I had refused to see him…I'm not sure how well I will be received."

"Eamon's a fool, Alistair; a selfish, ambitious fool who placed a piece of ass over the wellbeing of a child."

Alistair laughed. "Well, let's not beat around the bush about how you really feel."

"I have no love loss for the man, but I do hope that he will be able to put aside all petty differences for the welfare of the country."

Alistair looked at her questioningly for a moment. There was more to that statement than she was letting on, but he didn't want to press her on it. He needed to tell her the truth. "Look Josie, there is something I need to tell you…"

She looked at him tenderly as she waited for him to continue.

"I have told you that my mother was a servant at Redcliffe castle, but what I neglected to mention was that the reason why Eamon was raising me was that my father was King Maric."

Her face remained completely unreadable as she replied, "I was wondering when you were going to get around to trusting me enough to tell me about Maric."

Alistair stared at her dumbfounded. "Y-you knew," was all he could manage to say.

"Of course I knew; my father was close friends with both Eamon and Maric. When we arrived back at Highever after our visit that summer, my father immediately petitioned the King to take over your guardianship…"

"Y-your father wanted to take over my custody?" Alistair was stunned and completely humbled.

"Yes, he was appalled at your treatment and that Eamon had allowed it."

"What happened?"

"Eamon opposed the request. He convinced Maric that the Chantry was the best place to conceal his bastard son. Maric denied my father's petition."

"So that is where your hostility towards the Arl stems from." Alistair stated.

"Yes! If Eamon had just kept his mouth shut, Maric would have granted my father's appeal, but his ambition wouldn't allow him to do that because to be relinquished of his duties as your guardian would be admitting that he had failed. It would have brought down a political shit storm for him and his Arling."

"But how? No one knew anything about me," Alistair stated.

"Oh, there are nobles who knew about you, Alistair…at least the important ones did…the ones with the most power. However most didn't know who you were. That was the only good thing that came from sending you the Chantry. It concealed your true identity. So what I have done to earn enough trust for you to reveal your secret to me?"

"Josie, it had nothing to do with trust. I trust you with my life. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to look at me or treat me differently. Everyone that knew either resented me or coddled me. Even Duncan kept me out of the fight because of it. I…I love the way you look at me, Jo. I didn't want that to change."

"I would have thought that you would learn by now that noble titles mean very little to me. I judge people by their actions because that speaks volumes about their character."

Alistair stepped closer to her. "And what do my actions say about me?"

"That you're a good man, Alistair. You have a strong sense of duty and honor. That you are kind and compassionate."

"Is that all?" He asked as his arm slid around her waist drawing her closer to him.

She smiled. "No, I also know that if you wanted to, you could seduce a girl right out of her panties by simply singing and dancing with her."

"Oh really, I'll have to keep that in mind the next time I'm at a ball. I have to see how many noblewomen's panties I can collect by the end of the night," he chuckled.

Josie leaned in and smirked at him. "I was going to tell you what that delicious tongue of yours told me about you, but after that little remark I'll keep that opinion to myself."

"What? Hey that isn't fair? Come on, Jo, you know I was only joking."

Josie stepped out of his embrace and grinned. "Nope, the price you pay for being a smart ass."

"But you like it when I'm a smart ass," Alistair purred.

"Not when it involves other noble women's panties…unless you don't mind me thinking about how many pairs of noblemen smalls I can collect," she cooed.

"You can have my smalls, la mia caramella dolce, anytime you like," Zevran said as he strolled up beside them.

"I believe that she was collecting noblemen's smalls so that leaves you out," Alistair stated.

"Well, that leaves you out too," he retorted.

"Not really," Josie replied and Zevran raised a questioning eyebrow.

Alistair leaned over and whispered, "Do you really think this is wise?"

"Yes, we are in danger everyday because of who you are. They need to know who they are traveling with," she replied.

She turned to their companions. "Look, before we head into Redcliffe, I think there is something you need to know. Arl Eamon raised Alistair until he was twelve when he was then sent off to Chantry."

"Is that because he was a naughty boy?" Zevran asked with a smirk.

"No, it's because Alistair is King Maric's son and they thought the Chantry was the best place to hide him," Josie explained, wiping the grin off of the assassins face.

"Well, that explains the remarkable resemblance to Cailan," Leliana muttered.

"If I had a sovereign for every royal bastard I assassinated, I could have retired years ago," Zevran stated.

"Don't get any ideas," Josie warned.

Zevran laughed. "No worries, my pretty Warden. I did realize when I gave you my oath that you and the royal brat were a packaged deal."

Alistair took Josie by the arm and pulled her out of earshot of the others. "Look Josie, the whole reason I brought all of this up was because with Cailan dead, Eamon may very well push to put me on the throne."

"Well, he would have good reason too. You're the last of the royal line," Josie stated.

"I don't want it, Jo. I never have. It was made very clear to me at a very early age that I was a mistake, a dirty little secret and that I would never rule."

"I don't want to discuss my numerous viewpoints on Maric's misguided treatment of you, but he wouldn't have made sure that you received a royal education if he truly thought that there wasn't a possibility that you might have to ascend to the throne one day. They may have tried to keep you from ever setting your sights on the throne by brainwashing you into believing that you were unworthy and incapable, but they still educated you for the probability of it."

"I don't want it Jo. I'm happy with the Wardens. I don't want the throne or the responsibility of it."

Josie's face took on a stern, focused look. "You are the last in the Theirin bloodline, Alistair. Theirins have sat on the throne of Ferelden for centuries. It's your duty…"

"Bloody hell, weren't you just saying something about not caring about noble titles?"

"I don't care about them. They don't impress me or influence me."

"Oh, so you just want to be able to say that you shagged royalty?"

Josie's eyes flared with anger and frustration. "I don't want you to be King because I want to fuck a King! I want you to be King because that is what is best for this country!"

"Well, I don't!"

"Well you may not have a choice!" Josie exclaimed.

"You can't make me do this!" Alistair shot back at her.

"Now you sound like a damn child. This is your duty, Alistair! As the last Theirin it's your duty to your country and its people."

"I told you this because I expected you to side with me, Jo, not against me. I am a Grey Warden. I gave up the right to hold a title when I went through the Joining. I don't want to be King!"

"Well, here's a little life lesson for you, your Majesty, we don't always get what we want! Sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness for honor and duty."

"You sound just like one of them. You claim to be above noble titles, but when it comes down to it, you're all talk. You're just as bad as Eamon!"

Her eyes narrowed on him and he actually took a step back from the weight of her glare. "You are a self-centered little boy who needs to grow the fuck up and stop playing the role of a man and become one!" She hissed through gritted teeth before she spun on her heels and marched off in the direction of the village.

Alistair stared at her, completely stunned. What the hell just happened? How had their disagreement escalated to this point?

"Ass meet hand, hand meet ass," Zevran chuckled from behind him.

"What the hell are you going on about, assassin," Alistair grunted.

"Oh, I was just introducing you to your ass that was just completely handed to you," Zevran chortled.

"Oh shut up," Alistair growled.

"Well, you really could have handled that one better, Alistair," Leliana said as she rested a calming hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Reverend Mother of the Obvious," Alistair sipped at her.

"Hey don't take it out on our cute, little bard because you acted like a child that was just told there would be no gifts this year for Twelfth night," Zevran stated as he placed a reassuring arm around Leliana.

Alistair was about reply with a sarcastic remark, but then quickly closed his mouth. They were right…Josie was right. She had only confirmed what he already knew to be true and he had nearly ripped her head off for it.

"I'm such an ass," he muttered as he lowered his head.

"Well, from what I understand admitting you're an ass is the first step to recovery," Zevran chuckled.

"There is no spell or potion that can cure him. Once an ass, always an ass," Morrigan stated dryly as she started down the path after Josie.

They made their way into the village chantry in silence. Her refusal to even acknowledge his existence gave new meaning to the term cold shoulder. They made their way down the aisle of the Chantry to the far end were a nicely appointed noble was directing and assisting the frightened villagers. He turned when he heard their approach.

"Good day, my lady. My name is Bann Teagan of Rainesfere, brother to the Arl." He bowed, but his eyes never left Josie's face.

"Greetings Bann Teagan, I do believe that I had the pleasure of making your acquaintance at the Spring Fling last year in Denerim."

A smile spread across Teagan's lips that was so seductive, so sexual in nature, that Alistair's hand instinctively reached for his sword. Zevran placed his hand over top his, "Tsk, tsk my royal bastard prince, but I do believe that our lovely Warden will be very put out if you run this delightful man through with your sword."

"Lady Cousland, I'm sorry I didn't recognize you in your armor and if I recall the pleasure was all mine that evening."

Was Teagan her lamp post? No, he couldn't be. He had to be at least ten years older than her…that was...that was just gross.

"Don't be ridiculous Teagan. You're the best dancer I know. It was a privilege to have such a strong, confident partner. I'm just sorry that I monopolized all of your time on the dance floor. I do believe I made some of the other noblewomen very upset with me," Josie teased.

"My Lady, with you in the room…what other women do you speak of?" Teagan purred.

When the hell did Teagan become so fucking charming? And he needed to take his damn sultry, bedroom eyes off of her.

Josie smiled. "That is very kind of you to say."

Alistair had enough of the nauseating flirtation between the two of them. He stepped forward and interrupted them. "I remember you, Bann Teagan, though the last time we met, I was a lot younger and... covered in mud."

"Covered in mud? ...Alistair? It is you, isn't it? You're alive! This is wonderful news!" Teagan smiled, then pulled him into a tight embrace. Alistair had always liked Teagan and those feeling would continue as long as he didn't continue to shamelessly flirt with Josie.

"So Lady Cousland, does that mean that you're a Grey Warden too?"

"Yes Teagan, I was conscripted after the death of my parents."

Teagan stepped forward and took Josie's hands in his. "I can't tell how sorry I was to hear about the tragic deaths of your mother and father. Both of them were such fine examples of what it means to be a nobleman in Ferelden. Both were fiercely loyal, honorable and duty driven. I know that they instilled those values in both you and Fergus. The Wardens are lucky to have you, Josie."

"Thank you, that is very kind of you to say."

"Have you received any word regarding Fergus?"

Josie shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm sure he will be found."

Josie just nodded. "Teagan we were told on the way in that the Arl is ill and that you needed our aid."

"Josie...with everything that is happening...I didn't dare ask for your aid..."

Josie gently rested her hand on the Bann's arm. "It's okay, Teagan. We are here to help. What is going on?"

Teagan rubbed his eyes, all the lighthearted humor gone, the wariness now visible. "The assaults started a few nights ago...evil...vile creatures emerged from the castle. We have managed to drive them back, but many have perished during the attacks. Any help you could offer would be most appreciated."

"We would be happy to assist in any way we can," Josie replied.

"That is wonderful news. I would suggest that speak with Murdock, the mayor of Redcliffe and Ser Perth, a Redcliffe knight. They have been coordinating the village's defences."

"I will go speak with them."

"Thank you, Josie...This means more than you could possibly imagine."

"I'm glad we are here to help."

After speaking with Murdock, Josie pulled the group aside and began issuing orders. "Alistair and Leliana, go convince Dwyn that he needs to help save the village and while you are down by the docks, see if you can find Katelyn's brother. Sten, Shale and Wynne there is an area east of the village along the lake that will be perfect to set-up camp. Zev and Morrigan you both are with me. We will talk with Owen, the blacksmith and Ser Perth. Let's plan on meeting back at camp in three hours. That will give us a couple of hours before dark to rest and get some food on our stomachs."

Without so much as a glance his way, Josie headed off for the smithy's house. He watched as she paused and burst out laughing. Whatever her reply was made the assassin laugh so hard he had to hold onto Josie's arm for balance.

Absent mindedly, he said, "Leli, you're a girl..."

"So glad you noticed, Alistair," she said dryly.

"Do women really find men like Zev attractive?"

"Handsome, charming, full of self confidence...no we actually tend to hate those qualities in a man," Leliana said sarcastically.

He turned to look at her and saw the kind smile on her face. "Alistair, you have nothing to worry about. Josie cares deeply about you. It is clear for everyone to see. The question is can you keep her?"

"We have barely started to get to know each other, but I feel like I have known her my whole life. I'm terrified of losing her."

"Alistair, just be yourself. She loves you for who you are not who you think she wants to you to be. However, you need to get that temper of yours under control. If you don't, one day it could destroy everything you hold dear."

"Thanks, Leli."

"You're welcome. I like both of you. I want the two of you to be happy."

_**xxXxx**_

It had been a long and brutal fight, one that had lasted into the wee hours of the morning, but as lightning streaked across the sky in the distance, the last of the walking dead were slain. Josie wiggled out of her rouge's vest that was covered with mud and blood. The wind began to pick up from the approaching storm, it pressed her loose fitting tunic against her body perfectly outlining all of her delicious curves and leaving very little to the imagination.

"Thank the Maker for the nice strong wind he provided. It just adds so much more to the scenery," Zevran stated as his eyes roamed over Josie.

"Keep your eyes and hands off of her, Assassin," Alistair growled.

"Are you and the lovely Warden back on speaking terms? I was under the impression that she was still very put out with childish temper tantrum."

"My standing with Josie is none of your concern," Alistair retorted.

"Just as I thought, well until the two of you kiss and make-up, I believe our sexy minx is fair game," Zevran purred as he turned and walked away.

Teagan, along with the villagers that had taken sanctuary in the Chantry, rushed out to the group. The Bann swept Josie into his arms and swung her around. Jealousy coursed through his body, but Alistair pushed the emotions down. Even though Josie had only spoken to him to issue orders, he knew that she cared for him and that when they were alone they would work through this. His talk with Leliana had renewed that belief. So even though watching Josie in the arms of man disturbed him, he reminded himself that the attraction was strictly one sided.

"Are you okay, Alistair?" Leliana whispered as she stepped up beside him.

"Yes!" Alistair declared a little too strongly for his liking. He drew in a deep breath, getting his jealousy under control before speaking. "Bann Teagan is a little too touchy, feely for my liking, but I trust Josie."

Leliana smiled up at him. "My, my look at how much you have grown in just the three months that you have been traveling with her."

A clap of thunder boomed out, drawing his attention back to Teagan and Josie. "My Lady, your bravery and leadership are as astounding as your beauty. Your father would be so proud of you."

That radiant smile of hers that could draw in a blind man, spread across her face. "Thank you, Teagan. That means the world to me."

"I know that you and your companions have to be exhausted. With the impending storm, won't you join us in the Chantry?"

Josie looked back at her group. Morrigan was scowling and shaking her head.

"Thank you for the generous offer, Teagan, but I think my companions would be more comfortable back at camp."

"That is understandable. The ladies in the Chantry were cooking through the night so that you would have a hot breakfast. I will have them bring it to you."

"Again Teagan, you are too kind. I appreciate all the trouble that the villagers have gone to."

"My Lady, it is no trouble at all. Now, please take the day to rest and recuperate then join us this evening in the Chantry so that we can honor and thank you."

"Thank you, Teagan. I would like to head into the castle first thing in the morning."

"I completely agree."

Lightning flashed again as Josie warily led the group back to camp as the others stumbled toward their tents, Alistair grabbed Josie by the arm and pulled her behind a tree. "Can I talk to you for a moment, Josie?"

"I'm really tired, Alistair and a storm is coming."

"I know. So am I, but I don't want to head off to bed with this tension between us. Will you give me a moment?"

Josie nodded as she stifled a yawn.

"I'm so sorry for the way I reacted yesterday. I behaved like a complete ass..."

"That's an understatement," Josie snorted, trying to stop the grin from spreading across her face.

"Jo, you only confirmed what I had already been thinking, but hearing it spoken out loud just made it all seem so real. I overreacted...badly and I can't apologize enough for that. The realization that I may have to take the throne is overwhelming in and of itself, but knowing if I am forced to do that, I will lose you forever. It was just more than I could bare."

"Why would you lose me?" Josie asked genuinely perplexed.

Alistair ran his hand through his hair. He didn't want to have to tell her this, but he knew she needed to know. She needed to know before they moved forward with their relationship because there was a good chance that she may not want to have a romantic relationship with him at all and he couldn't blame her if that was the case. If he wasn't such a fucking coward, he would end whatever this was between them now before their feelings for each other deepened, but he couldn't. He couldn't willingly walk away from her.

"Josie, there were a lot of things that Duncan didn't have a chance to tell you before the battle...things that make the Grey Wardens different. You need to know what they are." Alistair drew in a deep breath before he continued. "The first is that once we go through the Joining the taint that gives us our powers to fight the darkspawn is also slowly corrupting our blood. Eventually, it corrupts the Warden to the point that they too would become a ghoul. Before that happens, the Grey Warden will descend into the Deep Roads to slay as many darkspawn as they can before being overwhelmed and slain."

Josie fell back against the tree completely stunned. "H-how long?"

"It varies, depending on how exposed the Warden was to the darkspawn taint, but the average is twenty-five to thirty years."

Josie drew in a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "And the second thing you wanted to tell me."

He looked at her, hating having to tell her this. He knew it was going to crush her. "The taint makes the Warden barren.'

Her eyes shot up to his and he watched as her chest rapidly fell up and down as all the implications of that statement sank in.

"You have never heard of a Warden having children?"

"No, all of the Wardens that I know who have children had them before their Joining." Her hands began to tremble and he stepped toward her. "Josie..."

The first few raindrops mixed with the tears that were now running down her face. She waved him off and took off running into the woods. Alistair chased after her. When he caught up with her she was standing by the lake the rain now falling faster and harder. He looked up at the sky, the heart of the storm was still several miles away and it seemed to be moving south of them. Hopefully, it would miss them.

He came up behind her, slid his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. He felt her body trembling as she tried to choke back her sods.

"Jo," he whispered against her neck. "Its okay to cry. You don't have to hide your feelings with me."

She said nothing, but he felt the dam burst and as the rain washed over both of them her body shook against his as grief as the future she had once dreamed of died. After a few moments, she gathered her composure and turned to face him, but he kept his arms tightly around her. Not ready to let her go.

"Are there any other Warden secrets I need to know about?"

"I'm sure there are, but I have told you all the ones that I know of."

She said nothing, just nodded as she step out of his embrace. His body immediately missing the warmth of the connection. "Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it," she said her voice sounding detached as she took a few steps back from him.

"Josie...please don't be like...please talk to me."

She was silent for a long moment, her tears indistinguishable from the raindrops running down her face. "I don't know what to say. I was just told that I'm going to die young, that I can never have children and because of that I can never be with the man that I...that I..."

"That you what?' He asked, but she didn't reply.

"That you what, Jo?" He pressed.

She shook her head, waterdrops flying out of her rain soaked hair. "It doesn't matter...not any more."

"It does matter, Jo. Do you not think that I have been thinking about this since Cailan died? I knew what his death would mean for me...for you, for us. I know that taking the throne is the best thing for Ferelden, but I also know that will mean that we will never have a future together. I know that I should walk away from you, that is what would be best for you, but I'm a selfish man, Josie. I can't walk away because, because I love you. You have been apart of my life since I was twelve, and I think that I have loved you just as long. When I was in the Chantry, you were all I thought about. It was knowing how strong you are that gave me the strength to push myself when I felt abandoned and alone. So I can't walk away from you. I can't walk away from the only life I've ever known. I'm just not strong enough, so I'm begging you to have the strength to walk away from me."

"I can't!" She cried out as she leapt into his arms, her lips crushed down against his as her tongue slipped into his mouth. The feel of her warm, wet mouth was a sharp contrast to the cool rain that was rushing over them. The sensation was erotic as hell and Alistair was instantly hard. His hands slid down her back to her bottom and he lifted her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he moved the back under a large oak tree and pressed her against the trunk.

Alistair pulled back and looked into her lovely face. His breath was ragged with need and his groin ached, but he had to be sure. "J-josie...are you sure this is what you want? That I am what you want?"

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you, Alistair."

"Oh JoJo, I have longed to hear you say those words," Alistair groaned as his gaze slid down her body. The sky was still dark, but from the light of the distant lightning he could see the way her thin wet tunic clung to her body, her nipples hard and tight from the cool rain.

He needed to taste her again, to feel the wet softness of her mouth. His hunger for her, growing out of control. His mouth once again found hers, sliding along her lips, his relief coming as he slipped into her mouth and a low growl tore from his throat. Her hands twined around his neck and her fingers tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck. Maker, she felt good. She always did.

He ran his tongue along her jaw up to her ear, he lightly circled the delicate lobe, drawing a shiver from her before he nipped it, the action rough after the soft lick and he was rewarded with a sensual whimper.

"What exactly are they teaching you templars in the Chantry?" She whispered seductively.

"Boys do talk and I was a great listener," Alistair mumbled as his lips moved down the slender column of her throat. Pinning her with his weight against the tree, he reached down and pulled the wet tunic over her head. His hands slid around her back and removed her breast band. He stared down at utter perfection. A water drop fell from the tree, landing at the top of her breast before running down to the tip of her taut nipple. Alistair leaned down and drew both into his mouth.

"Oh Alistair, yesss," she moaned.

Josie's fingers were pulling at his own tunic and he instantly wanted it off. He wanted to feel her bare skin pressed against his. He pulled it off and tossed it to the ground.

She slowly dragged her nails up his back as her tongue danced with his, her breath ragged, erratic, but hungry.

She ran her hand down his chest, her fingers brushed over his nipples several times before she gently pinched them. His head dropped forward so he could watch her touch him. She lowered her legs to the ground as her hand moved further down his torso, following the same path of the raindrops that was sliding down his stomach.

Her fingers made quick work on the laces of his pants and push them down, freeing his erection. She looked up and smiled and he moaned out loud as she took him in her capable hand. His body jerked as she closed her hand around him, her thumb caressed back and forth across the sensitive tip. Then she tightened her grip as she stroked upward and then back down, her wrist twisting ever so slightly. Watching her work him in such an erotic way set his body on fire, but when her other hand reached down and gently pulled on the weights between his legs. He cried out from the intensity of the pleasure, his head fell forward as he closed his eyes, trying to gain control, not ready to relinquish the feel of her hand nor the pleasure she was giving him. He moaned as his hips involuntarily bucked against her hand. Then her touch was gone, his eyes flew open, he looked down and Josie had fallen to her knees and before he even had a moment to comprehend what was happening, the heat of her mouth enveloped him as she drew him.

"Oh fuck," he cried out as his vision blurred and he saw stars. Was it possible to pass out from extreme pleasure? He sure as hell hoped not because he didn't want to forget a moment of this. He braced his hands against the trunk of the tree to support himself.

She took him deep into her throat and began a sensuous foray with her mouth and tongue, causing a guttural groan to rip from his throat. He watched as her head glided back and forth and he felt her velvety tongue lick and suck the at the sensitive tip. Unable to control himself any longer, his hips began to move with her as she set the rhythm.

"Oh JoJo," he moaned as his fingers fisted into her wet hair.

She teased him mercilessly by bringing him to the brink of orgasm only to slide her mouth loosely over him, bringing him back down, then she would suck at him again and lavish attention with her tongue and lips. Alistair never imagined that he would experience this kind of pleasure, let alone with the woman that he loved.

With each tug of her mouth, each twirl of her tongue, his hips grew more urgent, more frantic in response, the need for release growing unbearable. A moan tore from his throat when she grasped the weights that hung between his legs and stroked them. His head fell back as he racked the tree with his fingers.

"Jo, s-stop… I can't control…"

She looked up at him and smiled. "We are going to put that Grey Warden stamina to the test."

Her mouth continued to work him and all he could do was revel in the power she had over him. He growled with his hands bunched into her hair as her mouth took him over the edge. The sheer bliss finally enclosed around him, bringing him peace. She pleasured him thoroughly as he etched the vision of her and this moment into his mind.

When his vision and mind cleared, he looked down and saw Josie still on her knees before him, lovingly unlacing his boots. She tenderly removed each one and the completely removed his pants. When she was done, Alistair grabbed her wrist and pulled her to feet before he fell on his knees in front of her, he lovingly undid her boots, removed them, then slowly with shaking hands undid her pants, slowly pulling them off, relishing in slowly revealing the most incredible body he had ever seen.

The rain had slowed to a slow drizzle, the drops running down her flesh. Alistair licked and kissed the water drops away as he worked his way back up to her. Then he leaned back against the tree, spun her around so that her back was to him, he pulled her against him so that her naked body was pressed against his, and her delectable bottom began to rub against his groin and he was shocked to find that he was rock hard once again. He slid his hand up to her breast as his mouth began to nibble on her neck. He cupped her breasts and began to stroke each nipple with his thumb, teasing and caressing her until he felt her body nearly go limp against his.

"Do you like this, Jo?" he whispered.

"Maker, y-yess," she said as she tried to get control of her trembling body. She pressed her bottom against his almost painful hard-on.

"What else do you like, Jo? Tell me. I'll do what you ask. I want to please you," Alistair said into her ear just before he captured the lobe between his teeth.

She reached up, grabbed his free hand, slid it down her toned stomach and between her legs. He paused just above the dark patch hair between her legs, feeling the heat radiating off her, then his fingers slipped through her curls and his breath hitched in his chest. Oh, sweet Andraste, she was so incredibly wet and his cock jumped as his hips pressed into her. Alistair slid his fingers inside her and the feel of her slick walls caused him to nearly cum against her bottom.

Josie slid her hand over top of his, she guided his thumb to the taut bundle of nerves, he circled the nub as his fingers began gliding in and out her. He prayed he was doing this right, that he was giving her the same amount of pleasure that she had given him.

"Oh..Alistair," she moaned as her hips bucked against his hand.

"Does that feel good?"

"Fuck...yes...h-harder," she demanded and he willingly obliged.

Her arm came up behind her and wrapped around his neck so that she could support herself. Alistair stroked and caressed her, finding a rhythm that she liked. She trembled against him as she moaned out his name and it was music to his ears.

Alistair's lips caressed her shoulders and neck, he nipped at her ear as his other hand continued to stroke and pinch at her nipples. He felt her body stiffen as she arched her back and just as she cried out his name, he felt her inner muscles clamp down around him.

"Ohh… A-ali… Maker… yessss!"

She leaned back against his chest, panting, trying to catch her breath as he feathered kisses up and down her neck. He spun her to face him, in one swift movement, he grasped her bottom and lifted her up. Her hand slid between them as she guided him into her. He moaned as her warmth enfolded him. She felt incredible, so tight, slick and hot. His vision blurred again and he paused, trying not to cum, wanting to make this moment last. He summed all of his templar discipline and regained control.

Then he spun and pressed her firmly against the tree as she wrapped her legs around his waist to draw him in deeper. Oh Maker, at this moment nothing else existed in the world, just the two of them and they could only feel each other, only see each other as if a tunnel had closed in around them. She was all that mattered to him. She was his everything.

Alistair's tongue swirled and licked along her collarbone as he thrust into her, she dragged her nails across his back as he pushed into her harder, her back hitting the tree and she cried out his name. His mouth moved to her earlobe, he closed his lips around it, slowly moving in and out of her slick center, he sucked and cherished every delicate inch of her luscious body as she pushed against him, riding him, trying to gain friction. Their bodies melted into each other, clinging to one another so tightly that they could barely breathe. For the first time in his life, he felt whole again, he felt he was home, she was his family now and he would lay down his life to protect her.

She lovingly sighed his name as her fingers entwined in his hair, she gave a hard tug and his pace quickened. His desire was now insatiable and she was the only one that could quench it. She moaned his name again and in that moment he lost all control, he couldn't stop himself from biting her neck as his fingers pinched her nipple.

"Oh Maker...yesss," she cried out as his head dipped down and he took the pert nub in his mouth. In that instant her body shook against his and her legs quivered around his waist as the sweet cadence of her climax sung so pleasantly in his ear. He silenced her as his lips claimed hers intensely and passionately as she rode out her orgasm against him. Her satin walls contracted around him, sending him over the edge, his stomach clenched as she completely drained him.

His head fell against her neck and breathed in her sweet scent. His tongue continued to tenderly caress her. "I love you so much, Josie."

"I love you too, Alistair."

"I have never felt so whole, so happy as I do right now. You make my life complete, Jo. You make everything in my life so much sweeter," Alistair muttered as his lips continued to caress her skin.

Josie cupped his face and forced him to look at her. "I feel exactly the same way."

His heart nearly burst from the joy and love he was feeling.

* * *

**A/N - I also want to thank all those who have reviewed, alerted, fav'ed and those who are lurking. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, I love hearing from you and it brings a smile to my face.**

***A big thanks to the randy minxes, Jinx1983 and The Lilacgirl, for being the most shagadelic betas ever. You two rock!**


	7. Chapter 7 Sorry

**Chapter 6 – Sorry**

"Oh I had a lot to say, was thinking on my time away, I missed you and things weren't the same

'Cause everything inside it never comes out right and when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you

And I know, I can't take it back. I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds

And baby, the way you make my world go round, and I just wanted to say, I'm sorry

This time I think, I'm to blame, it's harder to get through the days

You get older and blame turns to shame, 'cause everything inside it never comes out right

And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die"

_Sorry by Buckcherry_

Alistair tried to focus on the wonderful night they had spent together. All of the new discoveries they had made as they openly explored each other while giving, and receiving pleasure from one another. Josie had been such a patient and thoughtful teacher. She never once made him feel inadequate or inexperienced, but had showed him patiently just how to touch her and where. How to make her feel good and how to make her cum. Oh and the glorious sounds she made…Maker, he could have listened to that all night long.

But even those thoughts weren't enough to squelch the anger that was now coursing through his veins. He watched Morrigan and Jowan prepare for the blood ritual that would save Connor's life, but take Isolde's. He had been stunned when Josie had agreed to do this and even more shocked when Teagan had too. This was blood magic, this was Eamon's wife, he may not like the woman, but she didn't deserve to die like this. Josie had dismissed his suggestion about going to the Circle for aid. She said that the trip would take too long and too many lives were at stake, but wasn't it worth the risk to save the life of the wife of the Arl, the mother of this little boy?

She touched his arm and he turned to look at her. "Alistair, I need you to use your Templar training and stand over Jowan. I don't want this ritual to get out of hand."

He glared at her. "It's blood magic, Josie. Nothing good can come from it."

She raised an eyebrow, "I think saving the life of a young boy will be very good."

"Saving one life by taking another doesn't seem good to me," Alistair growled.

"Saving the lives of many with the _willing_ sacrifice of one is the best option I have at the moment," Josie snapped as she turned and headed over to the two mages.

Isolde walked into the throne room, she handed two sealed letters to Teagan and then laid down the mat in the center of the room.

As Alistair stood vigil over the proceedings he tried to control the burning flames of rage that were licking at his mind. With the hopes of cooling his anger, he thought about the letters that just a few hours ago had brought him unspeakable joy. He had discovered them in Eamon's private desk in his bedchamber when he had been looking for the key that would unlock storage room in the cellar, so that they could make sure it had been cleared of all the walking abominations. What he had discovered were three letters addressed to him. The parchment they had been written on was yellow with age and the corners were a bit tattered, but they were still sealed. He picked the one with the earliest date and opened when he saw how it was addressed he couldn't help, but smile. It was dated about a month after Josie had returned to Highever.

_Dear George,_

_I wanted to thank you once again for Strider. It was such a thoughtful gift and so unnecessary, but I really do love him and I'm so happy that you got him for me. Strider seems to be settling into his new home. He's training is going well, he is a very quick learner and very perceptive. Why, Strider has already learned that Fergus is an arse, and seems to go out of his way to leave my brother reminders of his bad behavior. Why just yesterday, he dug up a chicken carcass that Nan had thrown out and placed it on Fergus pillow. I thought it was a very nice gesture. As Fergus so often reminds me when he steals my biscuits from dinner plate, he is a growing boy so Strider was only looking out for him by giving him something to snack on in the middle of the night. Fergus failed to see the humor in it, but he has stopped reaching for my biscuits._

_Well, I hope all is well with you. I hope to hear back from you and hopefully I will see you next summer when we visit Redcliffe again._

_Take care, Ali._

_Gracie_

Alistair couldn't help, but smile at Jo's story about the chicken carcass and Fergus. It warmed his heart that Strider had made her so happy. When she had left Alistair had never felt more alone in his life. She had showed him the meaning of true friendship, what it meant to have someone there for you, supporting you, always willing to listen to what you had to say no matter how stupid or silly it was. He had never had that before, and when she was gone; he realized just how lonely he had been before that. Receiving this letter would have given him hope, would have made him feel connected to her once again; he would have felt as if he was still a part of her life and that she cared about him as he cared about her. It made him sad that he had never received it, and angry that it had been kept from him. He would have written her back because he had desperately he had wanted to write her the day she had left, but he didn't want to seem too eager. Then the following week he had been sent away and he never had the opportunity to write her.

Alistair pulled the second letter. It had been sent nine months later.

_Dear Alistair,_

_I'm not even sure you will receive this letter. I pray that Eamon is man enough to at least forward your mail to you, but being the balless git he is probably not. In the off chance that he is I want you to know how sorry I am that he sent you to the Chantry. I felt horrible leaving you there in Redcliffe, but my father had convinced me that Eamon wasn't a bad man, and that he would take care of you. Good man my arse! If you're reading this Eamon I have a few choice words for you when we come to Redcliffe this summer, and I can guarantee that __**good man **__will not be among my use of adjectives._

_Oh I'm so sorry, Alistair. I hope at least the Chantry is treating you right. I know it can't be easy being torn away from the only home that you have ever known, but facing an abomination would have to be more of pleasant prospect than seeing Isolde every day; although the abomination might be better looking._

_I want you to know Alistair that I'm thinking of you. At night when the sky is full of stars, I look up and I know that somewhere in Ferelden you are staring up at the same sky and I wonder if you are thinking of me._

_Please take care of yourself. If you receive this letter I hope that you will write me and let me know that you are okay. _

_Thinking of you,_

_Josie _

Balless git! Alistair had never laughed so hard when he read that. If Eamon had read the letter that right there would have ensured that the letter had never been forward. It did make him wonder what Josie had said to the Arl on that summer visit. He was sure it was a meeting for the history books.

It was the last part that had stirred his heart and confirmed for him how right they were for each other. He had lost count of how many sleepless nights he had stared up at the sky and wondered what she was doing and if she was thinking of him. However, he had never dreamed in a million years that she had been doing the same thing.

Alistair picked up the third letter. It had been sent two years later, she would have been fourteen at the time.

_Dear Alistair,_

_I'm not even really sure why I'm writing this. I'm fairly certain that Eamon hasn't forwarded my letters to you, or maybe he has and the week that we had spent together as children wasn't as impactful for you as it had been for me. If it's the later than blame this letter and the previous ones on the foolish sentiments of silly girl, but part of me is praying that it's the former because of what I'm about to tell you. Part of me wants you to know this and part of me is embarrassed at saying anything at all, but if this letter ever makes it into your hands I wanted you to know._

_Tonight, a boy who is training as a Highever Knight, who is a year older than me, kissed me under the star filled sky. As far as kisses go, I think it was nice, but it lacked the magic that I had felt when our lips had met for those few precious seconds all those years ago. I wanted you to know that I will compare all the kisses that I receive in this lifetime to the first kiss I ever received from a poor, perfect stable boy who changed my life forever._

_Affectionately,_

_Josie_

Alistair sat there completely stunned as he read the letter over and over again. That kiss, that sweet, innocent kiss had forever changed him. At the time he had been twelve, but that kiss it had ignited all of those adolescent boy hormones, desires and fantasies. More importantly in those few moments that their mouths had connected he knew that it was her lips, and only her lips that he wanted to spend the rest of his life kissing. He knew the probability of that happening was slim since the likelihood of them ever seeing each other again was miniscule, but like Josie he too would compare all others to her. He knew it sounded stupid. Who finds their perfect match when they are twelve? That only happens in bard's tales. It wasn't supposed to happen in real life.

Now as he stood watch over the ritual, he tried to remind himself that he loved her that he had always loved her.

"_I will compare all the kisses that I receive in this lifetime to the first kiss I ever received from a poor, perfect stable boy who changed my life forever." _Alistair chanted that last line of Josie's letter over and over again, as he watched the blood drain out of Isolde. He tried to stem the anger; he tried to find logic in her reason for allowing this, but failed.

Alistair paced around camp waiting for her return. She had sent the rest of the group back to camp while she stayed behind to discuss with Teagan about Brother Genitivi's research, and to gather as much information as she could in Eamon's library regarding the Urn of Andraste and Eamon's cure. She looked bone wary when she finally made it back to camp. Alistair forced himself to remain calm. He didn't want to fight with her, but he needed some answers. Alistair called her over toward the edge of the woods so that their companions couldn't eavesdrop.

"I want to talk to you about what happened today," Alistair said, his voice sounding harsher than he had intended.

"Alistair, I'm sorry about Lady Isolde, I wish there could have been another way, but there wasn't…"

"YOU allowed her to sacrifice herself with blood magic. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" He shouted at her.

Josie stumbled back as if he had struck her, but she quickly composed herself. "Alistair, get a hold of yourself and I will gladly discuss this with you."

She turned to walk away from him, but he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. "Don't walk away from me, Josie. You need to explain your actions."

"Now you want me to explain my actions to you, like this is a democracy of some kind. But when the decisions are too hard you lay the burden of leadership at my feet and wash your hands of it. I didn't hear you speak up when Teagan and I were trying to find an alternative solution!"

"Bullshit! I said that we should try the Circle, but you dismissed it with some flimsy excuse…"

"Flimsy excuse!" She exclaimed. Her body visibly shaking with rage, but she drew in a deep breath trying to calm herself. "I-I was late coming back to camp because I stopped to help several of the villagers move their dead family members outside the city. Did you see the corpses lining the streets of town? Did you see the villagers dragging the bodies of their loved ones out to the pyres to begin burning them? Or were you so consumed with anger at me that you didn't see the mourning and devastated families?"

"I-I didn't come through the village," Alistair admitted.

"Well, maybe if you had you would have realized that those people couldn't afford the four or five days, it would have taken to get to the Circle and back. How many more bodies do you think would have been added to those piles? How many more pyres would have needed to be built? I couldn't risk this entire village being killed."

"But the use of blood magic, Jo…"

"Alistair you might want to read up on your Grey Warden history next time you are in a library. Grey Wardens do whatever it takes to defeat the blight! Sometimes they utilize unconventional methods, and at times that has included blood magic. We are Grey Wardens, Alistair, not Templars. I recall Duncan reminding you of that fact the first day we met."

Alistair's eyes narrowed on her at the mention of Duncan's name. "DUNCAN also taught me that Grey Wardens have a responsibility to protect people and keep them safe! You sacrificed Isolde's life!"

Josie lowered her voice not because anyone could her, but Alistair had the distinct feeling that she was struggling to govern her response. Her voice was low, controlled, but dangerous. "I was living up to my responsibilities. I was protecting the people of this town and keeping them safe."

"But the Arlessa… Eamon's wife…"

"Is her life more valuable than the lives of the entire village, Alistair?"

She stared at him waiting for an answer, but his throat felt as if it was closing up and his brain refused to form sentences. Her question was a legitimate one and one he didn't have an answer too. What made Isolde's life more valuable than any of the villagers?

When he didn't answer, Josie continued, "I know Eamon. I may not be his biggest fan, but he is a good Arl. He cares about the people that fall under his Arling. As a noble and as a man ruling a territory he understands that the lives of the many far outweighs the life of the one…even if the one is his wife. That's what it means to rule. You put the good of the people ahead of your own needs and desires. Eamon may not be happy with the decision that had to be, but I know that he would agree with me on this."

"What gives you the right to make that decision in the first place? You are no longer a noble." Alistair mumbled more to himself than to her.

"YOU DID, when you refused to take the role of leader! It was tough decision… a hard one, one that I didn't like having to make, but it was the right one! This is war Alistair and these are the hard decisions that have to be made. You didn't want to have to make those decisions. You didn't want to be leader. You laid all the responsibility at my feet because you didn't want to make the hard choices, the ones that were you have to pick who lives and who dies. And now you have the nerve to question my judgment when you walked away from this responsibility. How _fucking _dare you?" She hissed.

Alistair stood there as his anger instantly dissolved away. She was right. He had willing let her take on the role of leader because he didn't want to be responsible for the lives of others. He grabbed her arms to pull her towards him. "Jo, I am so sorry. You're right, I should…"

She yanked her arms free, tears brimming in her eyes. "Don't touch me! I trusted you, Alistair. I thought you trusted me…"

"I do… Jo please, I do trust you. I'm sorry," Alistair said as he tried to pull her back into his embrace, but she pushed him away.

"After Ostagar, you promised that we would stick together no matter what, that together we would get through this…" She paused as she wiped the tears from her face. "I felt horrible about what happened to Isolde. I-I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I needed you tonight, Alistair… not as my fellow Warden, not as a friend, but as the man that says he loves me. I-I **needed** **you** and when I needed you most you turned your back on me."

Alistair felt his heart ache at the pain he had caused her. He knew her heart, he knew that was a good person who always tried to make the right decision, and he hated the thought that she felt he had turned on her. He had been angry at her decision, but he would never turn his back on her. He loved her, needed her, couldn't imagine going through this without her.

"Josie, I'm so sorry…I do love you…I never meant to make you feel that I had turned my back on you."

"You don't get it! Sorry doesn't make everything alright. Sorry doesn't undo the damage that you have done…again! This is the second time in a matter of days that you have allowed your temper to dictate your actions; that has you questioning my intentions and not trusting me. So I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have your trust!"

"NO! You know that isn't true!" Alistair exclaimed as he grabbed her, pushed her back against the tree pinning her there. She hit, punched and yelled at him to let her go, but he just held onto her as he let her take her anger out on him. When she was exhausted, her arms just fell loosely to her sides and she hung her head. Alistair pressed into her as he brought his mouth up to her ear.

"Jo Jo, forgive me, please," he begged in a harsh whisper. The feel of his breath against her skin caused her to tremble, but she remained silent and still.

"I am so sorry, I'll try harder. I'll talk to you before I just make assumptions. Please Jo, I need you so much," he murmured as his lips vibrated against her neck, and again she shuddered beneath him, but remained silent.

"I love you…please Jo." He slid his hand up her hip, underneath her shirt and along the curve of her waist till his hand came to rest on her supple breast.

"If you're still angry with me, then use me to take out your rage," his tongue swirled down her neck, as his fingers pinched at the hard nipple through her breast band. He smiled as he watched her quiver at his touch. He loved that he had this effect on her even if she was mad at him.

"I deserve it, Jo." His other hand slid between her legs, she felt hot even through the pants that she wore and he just knew she was wet too. His groin leapt in his trouser at the memory of being buried deep inside her. His mouth pressed against her, but she remained unresponsive. He slipped his knee between her legs and pressed his need for her against her core. He heard the slightest moan escape her lips. His mouth moved along her jaw and down the column of her neck.

"Please Jo…say something…do something…anything..."

Without a word, she pushed him back, her eyes blazed with fury and desire. She grabbed the at the top of his shirt and pulled it. Buttons went flying as she leapt into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She kissed him, hard, forceful, and unapologetic as her hands snaked around to his back and her nails raked at his skin.

"You're such a fucking bastard," she growled.

"I know," he groaned as one of his hands went around her waist as his other fisted into her hair, pulling her closer to him, his mouth devouring hers. He wasn't gentle or tender and neither was she. She ran her nails down his back to his arse as she rolled her hips against him, his hips slammed into her unrepentant and hungry to be in her again. As he returned the kiss just as hard, just as greedily he stumbled out into the woods away from camp. Alistair found a tree deeper in the woods and firmly pressed her up against it, he ground his rock hard cock into her. Her head fell back as she moaned.

Anger and pain fueled both of them and the sex was far from loving as it had been the night before. It was raw, animalistic and the most erotic experience of his life. Not that he had a lot of experience to draw on, but if this was how they were going to work out their problems when they fought then he was definitely game.

When both of them had been completely sated, Alistair's head fell against the crock of Josie's neck. He lovingly feathered kisses against her soft tender skin that now showed signs of their rough, make-up sex.

Josie ran her fingers through his hair. "Alistair, I want to apologize..."

"What the hell do you have to apologize for? I was the one that nearly attacked you when you walked into camp. I'm so sorry for that. I should have trusted you; I know you have good heart. Your motivations are always in the right place. I'm so sorry..."

She leaned in and kissed him passionately into silence. When she pulled away she cupped his face. "Alistair, we are the last two Wardens left in Ferelden. The decisions that we make will not just affect our lives, but the people of an entire nation."

"Well, when you put it that way, it makes me glad that you're in charge and I swear to never question your decisions again," Alistair chuckled, but Josie's face remained serious.

"Ali, you are a good and capable leader. When you issue commands during a fight your reasoning is sound and logical. You do it with an air of authority because you are confident in your abilities when it comes to military strategy. Those qualities are always there when it comes to making other decisions, but you need to trust in your capabilities. You were born to lead, Alistair. It's in your blood. You just need to believe in yourself."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't want you to blindly follow my commands, I want you to question me. It forces me to see all angles of a problem. I believe that we complement each other. Our similarities give us strength and our differences will provide balance. Alistair, we are the only two Wardens left. The burden of ending this Blight falls on both of us. I want us to work together...I want us to be partners in this."

Alistair smiled at her, leaned in and kissed her. "I want that too."

She looked up at him, her eyes dancing as a small smile tickled the corners of her lips. "You do?"

"Yes, I do and I couldn't think of a better person to partner with and learn from. You have been teaching me since I was twelve."

She kissed him, her lips now loving and tender. He gently pressed his lips against hers as his tongue gently stroked her bottom lip. They parted in a sigh, granting him access to the velvety contours of her mouth once again. Josie tightened her grip in his hair as she deepened the kiss. A half moan, half purr slipped from the back of her throat. Damn that was the sweetest sound!

A hot burning sensation raged through him as his tongue intertwined with hers, a low moan escaped from her lips and he felt a surge of lust between his legs. The rough sex was fun, but this is what Alistair loved - tenderness, passion that was underlined with love. Alistair deepened the kiss as he pressed his hips against her core, letting her know how much he wanted her again. She arched against him as a groan escaped his lips as her sweet honey taste filled his mouth.

His lips broke from hers as he kissed and licked his way down her neck. The sound of her erratic breathing, the way her body was once again reacting to his touch, excited and thrilled him beyond control. The sun had started to set behind the mountain and its golden glow washed over her perfect porcelain skin and her taut round breasts.

"You are so beautiful, Jo Jo," Alistair sighed, his voice dripping with desire.

He lowered his head, his mouth covered the tip as he tenderly drew it into his mouth and sucked in strong, rhythmic motions that made her cry out his name.

He pulled away from her, his groin throbbing as he looked at her red, swollen lips. "Jo, we have been gone for a while...the others may worry."

"Screw them," she moaned against his neck.

"I'd rather screw you."

"Please do."

Alistair pressed his lips against her sweet mouth, so warm, so intoxicating as his lips coerced her to open and let him in. She tasted divine as the kiss deepened it hypnotizing him, and sending shivers of helpless need through him. The feel of her warm body pressed against his, her hot, wet core pushed into his aching hard-on, he was sinking fast and he wanted to drown himself in her forever. Alistair took her once again, but this time he poured all of his energy to showing her just how much he loved her.

The sun had completely set by the time they made it back to camp. Morrigan was by the fire cooking, Sten was sharpening his weapon, Wynne was making healing potions and Zevran was being completely useless as he shamelessly flirted with Leliana.

Zevran and Leliana grinned at them as they approached them by the campfire. "Well where did you two crazy kids wander off to...again?"

Alistair felt his cheeks begin to burn, but Josie didn't hesitate. "Alistair and I needed to discuss our plans and strategy for when we arrive in Denerim. I'm sure Loghain will have his men looking for us."

"And did that _strategy _include biting and clawing the hell out of Alistair's neck?" Zevran chortled.

Leliana leaned in to get a better view. "Wow, those are impressive."

Zevran snickered at Josie, "Kitty likes to use her claws and play rough. I knew it from the moment I saw you, dolce cuore."

"Kitty gives as good as she gets," Josie smirked.

"So the Chantry boy likes to play naughty too. Who saw that coming?" Zevran teased.

"I did. It's always been my experience that the shy, unassuming ones are the best in bed. Not to mention, have you seen the size of his feet and hands?" She said as she winked at Josie.

"It's not the size of equipment, it's what you do with it that counts, " Zevran replied.

"Well, he has length, girth and talent," Josie cooed as she headed over to Sten.

Zevran eyed Alistair up and down now like he was prized bull.

"Well, what can I say, with Josie as my teacher it would be hard not to excel. That woman gives excellent instructions and I'm studious student. Who knew that you could have sex while standing up with your leg behind head? Damn if that woman isn't flexible," Alistair stated matter-of-factly unable to stop himself from teasing the assassin. Alistair had to bite his tongue to stop from laughing as Zevran's mouth fell open and his eyes went wide with shock and what looked admiration.

"Well, it would seem that our little Warden is a fan of the karma sutra. You have to be pretty agile to pull off the Congress of the Cow," Leliana admired.

"Yes, exactly how did you pull that off Alistair? You are so much taller than she is. Did you find a stool out there in the woods for her to stand on? Maybe a baby nug?" Zevran teased.

Alistair felt his cheeks beginning to burn again. Josie made her way back over to them. She whispered in his ear, "When I turn around pick me up by the waist with one arm."

Alistair nodded as she turned around and he did as she instructed. She then proceeded to take her right leg and place it effortlessly behind her head. "That's how it's done class. Just don't expect me to come and help if either of you get stuck this way."

Both Leliana and Zevran looked on in shock before they both doubled over laughing.

* * *

**A/N- A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

***A huge thank you to my spankalicious betas, Jinx1983 and The Lilacgirl, I appreciate your help in making it seem as if I have mastered commas, colons, semicolons and the spellchecker button. You ladies are the best!**


	8. Chapter 8 Nothin' But A Good Time

**Chapter 7 – Nothin' But A Good Time**

"Now listen, not a dime, I can't pay my rent, I can barely make it through the week

Saturday night I'd like to make my girl, but right now I can't make ends meet

I'm always workin' slavin' every day, gotta get away from that same old same old

I need a chance just to get away, if you could hear me think this is what I'd say

Don't need nothin' but a good time how can I resist

Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time and it don't get better than this

You see I raise a toast to all of us who are breakin' our backs every day

If wantin' the good life is such a crime, Lord, then put me away, here's to ya"

_Nothin' But A Good Time by Poison_

They had been in Denerim now for three days and to say that it had been interesting would be a serious understatement. When they arrived, Sergeant Kylon, commander of the city guard, pulled them aside to warn them that Loghain had posted fliers throughout the city, offering a reward for her capture. Sergeant Kylon stated that the posters didn't do her justice, but he still had been able to recognize her. However, he had no intention of arresting her. He didn't believe any of the propaganda about the Wardens, but he did want her help with a few miscreants. It had gone without saying that in return for her help, his lips would remain sealed. At least the man had paid her for her troubles. Which was a relief because their funds were starting to get low.

Josie needed to earn some cash if she was going to keep her companions fat, happy and well-armed. So in between looking for Brother Genitivi, she took on a few odd jobs from the Chantry, the Blackstone Irregulars and the Mages Collective to finance their mission. She feared it wouldn't be enough, but somehow together she and Alistair would make it work.

Just before they had arrived in Denerim outside the city walls, Alistair had informed Josie that he had a sister, and that his sister lived in Denerim and would she be willing to take the time to visit her. She couldn't believe that he even asked her that. Of course she would make the time for him to visit her. She knew how important family was to Alistair and she had been thrilled for him, that was until she had met the ungrateful bitch. Goldanna had been so vile, so heartless that Josie had wanted to cut the nasty little harpy's tongue out. Alistair pulled her out of the house, telling her that his sister wasn't worth the trouble. Josie could tell that the whole incident had hurt him, and her first reaction was to pull him into her arms to comfort him. But then she heard her father's voice, "I will not handicap my children by making their lives too easy."

Alistair had lived a difficult life, at times his life it had been downright miserable, but through those hardships, he had learned valuable life lessons. Josie's intuition told her that now was not the time to coddle him. There was a valuable lesson here that he needed to learn, especially if he did ascend to the throne. When they had exited his sister's hovel he had pulled her aside, away from the others so that they didn't see his pain.

"Josie, I-I can't believe that she is the family that I've been wondering about all my life."

"Walking in there, seeing your sister for the first time, what were your expectations?" Josie asked.

"I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn't that what families are supposed to do?"

"Not necessary, Alistair. A person's perception on what makes a family is based on what they have personally experienced, and what they have seen in others. Goldanna has obviously had a hard life. Her mother died when she was young, she had to fight to survive and had no one to rely on except herself. The notion of selflessly helping another is alien to her."

"I feel like such an idiot."

"Alistair, you need to learn that people like that are only out for themselves. They care nothing about the needs or feelings of others. They are users and takers. They will emotionally, physically and financially rob you blind if you let them."

Alistair ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I suppose you're right, but it doesn't make it any easier. Look I think I'm going to head back to my room for a bit, if you don't mind?"

"No, I completely understand. I will stop by later on," Josie replied.

"Well I certainly hope so," Alistair said trying to muster a grin, but failing. He kissed her cheek then headed back to The Gnawed Noble Tavern.

Zevran stepped up beside her. "Where is the brat prince head off to?"

"Back to the inn and you could please keep from calling him that too loudly. It's bad enough that he looks just like Cailan, I don't need your pet name for him to draw even more unwanted attention."

"Would you prefer the holy terror, illegitimate son of the deceased monarch?"

"I dare you to say that three times fast, Zev," Leliana chuckled.

"Stick with brat prince, but keep your voice down," Josie hissed.

"Warden…over here."

Josie looked around and saw a tall, burly man with red hair standing off in the shadows of the market.

"Warden Cousland, can I have a word with you?" The man asked.

Zevran and Leliana immediately went for their swords, but Josie reached out to steady them. She approached the stranger cautiously, but she didn't get the sense that she was in any real danger from him. "I would appreciate if you wouldn't use my surname on a street filled with complete strangers…strangers who very well could work for the man that slaughtered my family."

"I'm sorry Warden…"

"Josie, please just call me Josie."

The man smiled, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Josie. You can call me Slim Couldry."

"Is there something you needed from me or were you just announcing to everyone in the square that Loghain's most wanted was still alive and ready for a good fight?"

Slim laughed, "I was warned about your sarcastic wit. I'm sorry for our indiscreet introduction. I can assure that it isn't the way I typically operate. I make my living by moving through the city unnoticed."

"So I'm the exception?"

"No of course not, I heard that you arrived a few days ago and I have been trying to get in touch with you ever since, but you are a hard one to track down," Slim replied.

"Well I stay _alive_by moving through the city unnoticed," Josie replied dryly.

"That is why I believe you would be perfect for a job I have in mind," Slim said.

"What kind of job?"

"There are a few less than noble individuals in this City who possess items that are valuable. For a fee, I would provide you the necessary information to relieve these unsavory characters of these expensive treasures."

"Why me?"

"If the rumors are true, you're nimble, wily and very good at concealing yourself and you travel with companions who also possess these qualities," Slim said nodding his head toward Zevran and Leliana. "These jobs will require finesses and discretion. You would be perfect for them."

Josie bit at her bottom lip as she mulled over the proposition. As a child she had been taught the Chant of Light, she had been taught that stealing was wrong and in general, she believed that to be true. However, with their dwindling funds and pillaging the bodies of robbers not as profitable as it might seem the offer was sounding very tempting. She felt someone tugging on her arm, she looked up and Zevran was nodding for her to step away from Slim.

"I need a minute to think this over. Is it okay if I get back to you?"

"Of course, I will wait here for your reply."

Zevran led her over to a nearby bench, once he was certain that no one was in he said, "Jo, I see you're struggling with this decision."

Josie just nodded so he continued. "My dear Warden, anyone who truly knows you, knows that you are a person with strong morals. Someone who always tries to do the right thing, and who works tirelessly to help those in need. But you are also a realist, my sweet and I know you realize that this mission that you and Alistair have set out on will be a costly one."

"Yes, I do realize that and that is what I am struggling with," Josie replied.

"From the sound of Slim's proposal, you would not be robbing the less fortunate just the opposite. I believe it's worth looking into," Leliana stated.

Josie's eyes went wide. "Leliana, being a Chantry sister, you are the last person I expected to condone this sort of behavior," Josie exclaimed.

The bard laughed, "Well, this is war Jo, and sometimes during war you have to do things to survive that you wouldn't normally do."

Josie laughed and started to get up. "Both of you are right, this is war and I need to do whatever needs to be done to ensure that we are victorious."

Zevran pulled her back down beside him. "One more thing, I don't believe it would be wise to share this little venture with Alistair."

"Alistair and I are in this together. I can't keep this from him."

"Jo, like you Alistair has a good heart, a little slow on the uptake at times, but a good heart. Unfortunately he tends to see everything in black and white…good, bad, love, hate, missionary, doggie style…"

Josie smacked Zevran's arm. "Get back to the point."

Zevran chuckled as he rubbed his arm. "You and I both know that things are rarely black and white, and that there are many shades of gray. This little side quest will keep us in food, armor and weapons for months, but he will morally struggle with the way the funds were obtained."

"I can't lie to him, Zev. We have just come to an agreement that we are partners on this quest. Lying to him would undermine his trust in me. I just can't do that to him."

"I'm not asking you to lie to him, just don't mention it."

"He will wonder where the extra money came from," Josie replied.

"No he won't. He doesn't really pay attention, now when you go shopping in the markets for supplies. I doubt he will notice when there is food on the fire and weapons are sharp."

"It feels wrong keeping this from him," Josie argued.

Leliana laid a reassuring hand on Josie's lap. "If you succeed and place Alistair on the throne he needs to be as far away from this as possible, Jo. The nobles will accept the necessity of his involvement with killing, bribery and coercion in the name of stopping the Blight. But they may view robbing one of their own much differently. If it ever came to light that the Wardens were involved with these crimes he needs to be protected from those accusations. In order to do that, he needs to have no knowledge of it."

Josie smiled at the lovely bard. "I can tell you were a very successful bard…very calculating and shrewd."

"Coming from you, that's quite a compliment," Leliana said with a smirk as they stood walked back over to Slim.

The first quest was so simple a child could have done it, but Josie still took great pleasure in knowing that she was robbing the mistress of Rendon Howe. Slim then gave them a few pickpocketing jobs that were actually a waste of their time, and she so much as told him so.

"Look Slim, I appreciate you thinking of me when these jobs came up, but I have to be honest. These are child's play, and there really isn't a lot of coin in them. If this is all that you have I think it would be best to shake hands and go our separate ways," Josie stated.

"I'm sorry. I know those were easy tasks, but I had to make sure that the rumors about you were true before I sent you on a more complex heist," Slim replied defensively.

"Well, have I earned your trust or not," Josie demanded.

"Yes you have and I have a burglary job that I think you will personally find gratifying. Rendon Howe has moved a large sum of his wealth here to Denerim since he has been spending more time here in the city. He is keeping it well guarded in a warehouse in the Market District. Relieve him of those treasures, and I believe you will be hurting him were it counts."

"No, removing his balls will be hurting him were it counts, but for now I will settle for his wallet," Josie replied.

They decided that it would be best to hit the warehouse under the cover of night. Josie had wanted to give her companions some much needed R&R, and had arranged an evening for them to unwind at the Pearl the following evening. Josie, Zevran and Leliana would hit the warehouse first before joining the others at the Pearl. It had been a difficult fight, Howe had the warehouse heavily guarded, but in the end they had been triumphant. However, they had walked away with more than their fair share of cuts and bruises. When Slim handed them their next assignment that he promised would make her legendary, all three of them agreed that they needed to bring a mage with them, and since Morrigan was the only immoral mage they knew, they would have to bring the surly apostate with them on the next job.

They quickly went back to their rooms, washed up and changed before they made their way to the Pearl, where the rest of their companions were waiting for them at the entrance. With the exception of Wynne who said the Pearl was for the young and foolish, and Shale who had grave reservations about being in closed quarters with large groups of humans.

"Zev, is this a new doublet? You look smashing in it," Josie admired as they approached their friends, trying to distract them from asking why they were late.

Zevran gave her a knowing smile. "Jo, now I've warned about kissing my ass. It will earn you no extra points with me. Now, I've had enough, so please stop."

"But you like it when I kiss your ass. I'm the one that doesn't like to have their ass kissed. Remember?"

"Oh that's right! You're the one that likes to have their ass smacked. How did I forget that?"

"I'm not sure. I would have thought that would have remained in the forefront of your mind. You have to love a good ass smack every now and again, although I have to say, I don't particularly like having my ass handed to me. Never been a fan of that," Josie chuckled.

Alistair held the door open for them. As Zevran walked past, Alistair swung his leg out and to the side, kicking Zevran in ass.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Zevran exclaimed.

"You said you liked to have your ass kicked, so I was just helping you out."

"Are you going deaf? I said kissed, not kicked!"

"Oh well, in that case you're on your own with that," Alistair replied dryly.

"Why are humans so preoccupied with a body part that is basically for excreting waste?" Sten grumbled.

"Cause there's nothing like a good piece of ass," Josie chuckled.

"Amen, Sister," Leliana chimed in.

"Especially yours," Alistair added.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Morrigan groaned.

They walked into the dimly lit brothel looking for a table as their eyes adjusted to poor lighting.

"Hey Zev, why is there a pit of mud in the middle of the Pearl?" Josie asked.

"Oooo, now I'm really excited about tonight's prospects. It looks like Madame Sanga brought back mud wrestling?"

"Mud what?" Leliana asked incredulously.

"Don't turn your nose up so quickly my naughty Chantry Sister, I do believe this right up your alley. Two scantily clad women or men enter the mud pit and they wrestle until one of them can get out without being tagged," Zevran explained as they sat down at a table near the ring and ordered several pitchers of ale.

"Where is the entertainment in getting covered in filth?" Morrgian asked in disgust.

"Sounds stupid," Sten muttered.

"Mmmm, breasts covered, thighs oozing with slick mud, hands slipping and sliding over body parts...I'm getting excited just thinking about it..." Zevran said dreamily.

"Yeah, sorry, that doesn't sound so exciting. Now if they were chocolate syrup then we would have something to be excited about. No slipping and sliding, just licking and eating," Josie grinned slyly..

Zevran's eyes glazed over as he stared at her, "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Yes, you have, but we both know you're full of shit."

"I may be full of shite, but you know what it does to me, dolce cuore, when you talk so dirty."

"Looking for another ass kicking?" Alistair asked.

"Now we're talking. I want to see Ali and Zev in the mud pit," Leliana cooed as she rubbed her hands together.

"Grabbing ass and taking names is not my specialty," Alistair replied.

"I beg to differ," Josie stated with a wink

Alistair leaned in and kissed her cheek, "Only when it's your ass, my dear."

"Yes, Alistair and Zevran, please show us how real men do it," Morrigan stated sardonically.

"That idea is the best one yet," Sten said.

Josie cocked an eyebrow at the Qunari, "You want to see Alistair and Zev throw down in the mud pit?"

"Well, it's a win- win situation. If the assassin wins, the bastard will have to acknowledge that the son of whore could take the Wardens out anytime he wished to, but doesn't because he is loyal to our leader. And if the bastard wins, the assassin will have admit that the better man, the better fighter, won in the ring and in the quest for our leaders affections," Sten said matter-of-factly.

"Wow, that was deep," Leliana said.

"Yes, I have nothing better to do with my time than analyze the strengths and weakness of this group, since I don't see us fighting darkspawn anytime in the near future," Sten growled.

Josie saw that their pitchers were empty and she looked around for their bar wench. Josie waved at her, trying to get her attention, but the woman ignored them. Josie hated being ignored. It reminder of all the times Fergus would purposely pretend he didn't hear her calling for him. She stood up on her chair and whistled to get her attention. Just as the wench looked up, a drunk bumped into Leliana, knocking her into Josie. Both of them lost their balance and fell into the pit.

"And here you made such a fuss about not wanting to wrestle, but all you needed was a little push, my sweet Warden," Zevran purred.

Josie stared with amusement at Alistair as he watched the mud slid down Josie's neck and in between her breasts. "Yeah, Zev I'm beginning to see the appeal."

"I told you, it would be a sight to behold," Zevran chortled.

The sounds of Leliana quietly cursing under her breath pulled Josie's attention away from Alistair and back to the target of her ire.

Josie picked up a handful of mud and flung it at Leliana. "For being a rogue you're about as graceful as bronto in a china shop."

Leliana scooped up some mud and slung it back at her, "Oh yeah and you've got the balance of a one legged pirate."

Josie gathered up another handful of mud, sauntered over to Leliana and smeared the oozing goo down her face to her chest. "At least I make this mud look good. Can't really say the same for you, now can we? With all that red hair you look like chocolate covered cherry that sprung a leak."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, you think you look like the queen, in all that brown liquid? Pardon me, your Majesty!"

"Did you just compare me to Anora? You are gonna pay for that!" Josie scoffed as she tackled Leliana around the waist and drove her into the mud.

"Oh this is getting good. Too bad they are wearing so much clothing," Zev chuckled.

"Well, we can always pray that some of it slips off," Alistair stated.

"Jo, pull Leli's tunic over her head and use it to tie up her hands," Zevran instructed.

"Good thinking," Alistair chuckled.

Before Josie could implement Zevran's suggestion, Leliana turned the tables and did the exact thing to her. Leliana grabbed the bottom her blouse, and vigorously yanked it up, forcing Josie's arms to follow the materials path. Leliana twisted as she pulled effectively tying up Josie's hands.

Josie was wearing a red lace breast band, that did a magnificent job of pushing her breast up and out at the top. Leliana smiled mischievously at her as she grabbed a handful of mud and smeared it across the tops of her rounded mounds then down the red lace.

"No! Not the new bra, damn it!" Alistair shouted.

"Sweet Mother of all that is holy, they are perfect...Take the bra off Leli," Zevran commanded.

"Touch that breast band and you're dead, bard," Alistair countered.

"And this is the savior of Ferelden...your people are doomed," Sten snarled.

"It's a shame really that stupidity isn't a sport, you ladies would be world champions," Morrigan scoffed.

Josie and Leliana glared at the witch then smiled slyly at each other as together they instinctively lunged for Morrigan, grabbed her by the arms and dragged her in. Each then scooped up a handful of mud and rubbed her entire body in it.

"Now that's my idea of a rub down," Zevran laughed completely enjoying the show.

"Are we gonna take bets on who the winner will be, or are we just gonna cheer for everyone?" Alistair inquired.

"Oooo, that's a tough one. Leli is a trained bard, she's wily and quick, Morrigan can do that zappy thing and turn them into toads, but Jo...well Jo is Jo," Zevran stated.

Josie spun to face them. "Jo is Jo? That's the best you can do? Since when did my name become an adjective?"

Zevran waved his hand over her body, "Well just look at you, Jo...you are you… You are indescribable, indefinable, mystifying, unforgettable, immeasurable..."

"You do recall that I'm the one that doesn't like to have their ass kissed?"

"Who gave the assassin a thesaurus for Twelfth Night?" Morrigan asked just as Leliana tackled the witch into the mud.

"Oh, and well we are naming your delicious characteristics, let's not forget you have a beautiful ass too," Zevran added.

"Better watch out, Alistair. I do believe that Zev just made a play for your girl," Leliana chuckled just before a stone fist slammed into her, taking her into the mud where Morrigan proceeded to pounce on her.

"He's playing a losing hand of wicked grace then, 'cause he knows he's not man enough for her," Alistair retorted.

"Alistair, it would take you a lifetime to muster together the charm that I possess in my little finger," Zevran countered as he held up his pinky finger, Alistair proceeded to give Zevran his middle one.

Josie sauntered over to the side of pit. "It's a good thing that I don't love him for his charm," Josie purred as her hands wrapped around Alistair's collar. Then she fell back into the mud taking Alistair with her. He landed on top of her laughing.

He wiped the mud off of her mouth, leaned in and whispered, "Come here, my beautiful Mud Goddess," before claiming her lips.

_**xxXxx**_

The following evening, Josie told Alistair that she was heading out for a while to train with Zevran and Leliana. Alistair had questioned that training at night was a bit odd, but she kissed his forehead and replied that it wasn't if you were working on your stealth skills. It wasn't exactly a lie; she would be working on her stealth skills, while she stole some priceless works of art.

They made their way to the vault encountering very little resistance along the way and only a few minor traps, Josie's instincts were screaming that something was very wrong. The moment that they entered the empty vault, Josie knew they were in trouble. She drew in a deep breath and turned to face her companions.

"I just love it when my intuition tells me I'm walking into a trap, and I choose to ignore it. It's a great reminder that at times I can be such a bloody idiot." Josie sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Look, when we step out of this vault we need to be prepared for one hell of a fight to get out of here. Morrigan and I will step out first; Morrigan cast a Storm of the Century spell to throw those closest away from us. Zev, Leli slip into the shadows, I don't want whoever is out there to even see you, I want you to surprise them and attack from behind and I will do my best to clear the front."

They nodded in agreement then headed out the door. It was worse than Josie had expected. They were outnumbered three to one, and they had brought a mage of their own. They battled their way through the first wave and then the second as fought their way towards the hidden tunnel. By the time the third wave of guards cornered them, the rogues were exhausted, Morrigan's mana was completely drained and she had to resort to using her staff as a weapon to fend of the sentinels. As the guards started to advance, Josie dug down deep and tapped the last of her reserves. She rushed forward, her blades outstretched at her sides. She knocked down several of them, cutting a few severely before a warrior's shield bashed her from behind, driving her to the ground. She heard both Zevran and Leliana scream just before she felt the warrior's blade slide into her side. Fire licked through her abdomen as her vision blurred, the sounds of the battle grew dimmer and her last thought before everything went black was she didn't know how Alistair would survive her death.

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**A/N - ****Thank you once again to everyone for your reviews and for adding this story to your alert and favs list. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and review this story. It's wonderful hearing your thoughts and comments. I always try to reply to all of my reviews, but this week has been a bit crazy so I apologize and please know that you reviews always brighten my day!**

*** Last, but never least I would like to thank Beta Goddess One, Jinxy, and Beta Godddess Two, The Lilacgirl, for their mad crunk beta skills…they are so buck! More importantly, I want to thank them for their friendship and support. You ladies the best!**


	9. Chapter 9 Lady

**Summer is a busy time for all of us and my betas are no exception. Please note that all grammar and typos are of my own volition and no fault of theirs. I hope you will still enjoy the chapter. Thanks!**

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**Chapter 8 – Lady**

"Lady, when you're with me I'm smiling, give me all your love

Your hands build me up when I'm sinking, touch me and my troubles all fade

Lady, from the moment I saw you, standing all alone

You gave all the love that I needed so shy, like a child who has grown

'Cause you're my lady of the morning, love shines in your eyes

Sparkling, clear, and lovely, you're my lady

Lady, turns me on when I'm lonely, give me all your charm

Evenings when she lays down beside me

She takes me gently into her arms"

_Lady by Styx_

Alistair sat in the tavern with Wynne waiting for Josie to return. He had an uneasy feeling when she had gone out tonight. He didn't think that she had outright lied to him, but he did get the distinct feeling that she hadn't been completely forthcoming either. She had this tendency of biting her lower lip when she wasn't beginning completely honest, or when she was second guessing herself. He really should let her know about it since it was an obvious tell, but he had yet to mention it because it was one of the earliest memories he had of her where he had been aware of how she completely had him coming undone and turned on. He wasn't ready to let the tantalizing habit go. He sipped his ale and glanced over at Wynne who was trying to stifle a yawn.

"Wynne, you don't have to wait with me. I'm sure its way past your bedtime for someone your age," Alistair stated.

"What do you mean someone my age?"

"Aaah…well someone who is no longer a spring chicken," Alistair muttered.

Wynne laughed as shook her head. "Well, I can't argue with that one, but no it isn't past my bedtime. I am normally up late reading so I don't mind waiting with you. You shouldn't drink alone. It's a bad habit to get into."

"I tried drinking with darkspawn, but they always stuck me with the tab," Alistair replied dryly.

"No need to get snippy. I was just giving you a bit of advice… So it would seem that you and our fearless leader have become quite inseparable."

"That's a bit of an overstatement, don't you think?"

"Yes I guess it is, but the two of you do seem to be joined at the hip most of the time…well, except for tonight," Wynne stated.

"Obviously."

"Well then, now that you're in an intimate relationship, you should learn about where babies really come from."

"E-excuse me?" Alistair choked out as he spat out his ale.

"I know the Chantry says you dream about your babies and the good Fade spirits take them out of the Fade and leave them in your arms...but that's not true. Actually what happens is that when a girl and a boy really love each other …"

"Andraste's flaming arse! I know where babies come from, Wynne!"

"Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes! Of course."

"Are you sure? I could draw diagrams if it would help."

"What! No…please, Maker no!"

"Aaaah, look you're all red…you look so handsome when you blush."

"You're wicked….a wicked, wicked woman. And that frail old lady act, I'm so not fooled by it. I'm on to you now."

"Seriously Alistair, isn't it a bit taboo to be involved with another Warden...I mean shouldn't you consider her your fellow sister, not your lover."

"Aaah...well that might be true if we weren't the only Wardens left in all of Ferelden and if we hadn't known each other since we were kids, but fraternization wasn't against the rules with the Wardens," Alistair replied.

"And if Josie has her way, which she tends to get, and she places you on the throne then what will you do?"

"Wynne, that is a possibility that is so far in the future with so many different outcomes that I can't give any real credence to that thought."

"Alistair, you and I both know that is Josie's ultimate goal. First and foremost she was raised as a noble. She may have given up her title, but her code of honor will dictate her actions. She believes, as do I, that you are the best choice for Ferelden. If she makes you King, she will still be a Warden..."

"And so will I!" Alistair exclaimed then sighed as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm sorry Wynne...I don't know what will happen. I just know I can't...I won't live without her. She is the best part of my life. I don't care if I break every rule in the book, I don't care who condones our relationship, I will fight till I breathe my last breath to keep her in my life."

Wynne smiled an impish grin at him. "Then you _**do **_deserve her, my boy."

Alistair burst out laughing as he shook his head. "You are an evil old woman, you know..."

The words died on his lips as the door of the tavern burst open and Zevran and Leliana staggered in their arms slung around Josie holding her up as her head lolled from side to side. Maker was she even conscious? Morrigan was bringing up the rear…Morrigan! What the hell was she doing with them? All three of the conscious ones were singing…slurring at the top of their lungs.

"'Cause I've got friends in low places, where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away…"

Alistair flew to his feet and Wynne was right beside him.

"Zev, what the bloody hell is the meaning of this?"

"Aaah…w-well here's the thing…Josie can't hold her liquor…"

"L-lick her…I h-hardly even know her," Leliana slurred.

"Ha, g-good one Lel," Zevran chortled.

"T-that's dis-gu-sting," Morrigan spat out.

Sergeant Kylon pushed past all three of them. He looked at Alistair and then Josie. "I'm sorry, Warden, but I need to place Josie under arrest."

"Why? What in Thedas for? She looks too drunk to be disorderly," Alistair protested.

Wynne shrewdly surveyed the situation. "Thank you, Zev for bringing our fearless leader back in one piece. Now, why don't you take her up to her room…that is if you can manage to walk up the stairs by yourself."

"You're not taking her anywhere. She is under arrest," Sergeant Kylon ordered.

Zevran threw his arm around the Sergeant, "What do you want to arrest her for? I've seen her drunker…I've seen you drunker, Kylon and we all know that you've seen me…"

"Enough, Zev!" The guard captain ordered as he pushed the assassin's arm off of his shoulder. "Recently there has been a series of robberies and break-in throughout Denerim. The only victims have been very wealthy nobles. Tonight someone broke into Bann Franderel's Manor to steal a priceless piece of art. Due to the recent thefts the Bann had moved the artwork to a more secure location and set a trap for the would-be robbers. One of Franderel's guards gave a description of the thieves' ringleader and it was an exact match for our lovely Warden here."

"W-well there you have it K-kylon it's a case of mistaken identity. It couldn't be Josie because she was with me all night and we were too busy getting shitfaced to rob a b-beggar let alone pull off some elaborate heist," Zevran explained.

"Zev, you know I like you, but you really aren't much of an alibi. Everyone knows you are one of Josie's companions. Now hand her over to me. I'm taking her in," Sergeant Kylon commanded.

"L-look Ky, she has another alibi, one that I believe you can trust, but now really isn't the time…"

"If you don't want me to arrest her you better tell me who else she was with."

Zevran glanced nervously at Alistair than back at the Sergeant. "Okay, but you are going to get her in a lot of hot water with her boyfriend and I'm sending her to you when she wants to use someone as a punching bag."

"I'll take my chances," Sergeant Kylon replied.

"Fine, we were at the Pearl all night…"

"That really isn't an alibi either, Zev."

"When I mean we were at the Pearl, I mean _we were at the Pearl_," Zevran stated.

Kylon's eyes went wide and he nervously glanced at Alistair who felt his blood beginning to boil. "Aaah, well...hmmm...will Madame Sanga verify that?"

"Yes, she will," Zevran replied.

"Damn...I'm sorry Warden, I didn't mean to cause trouble between the two of you. I was just doing my job," Kylon replied.

"Are you through? Is she free to go?" Alistair growled.

"Yes, she is free to go. Again, I'm sorry Warden," Kylon said as he backed out the door and closed it behind him.

"Zev, Leli get her up to my room immediately," Wynne ordered.

"What? No! Give her to me," Alistair said as he scooped her into his arms.

"Watch…"

Josie cried out in pain before her head once against lolled against his shoulder and she moaned unconsciously.

"…out for the wound in her side," Zevran finished.

"What wound in her side?"

"The one she received during the heist," Zevran stated matter-of-factly as they swiftly moved up the stairs to Wynne's room.

"Y-you weren't the Pearl?"

"Idiot," Morrigan sneered as she rushed past him toward her own room.

"Wynne, I have extra vials of lyrium in my room. I have a feeling you're going to need them."

They burst into Wynne's room and Alistair tenderly laid her down on the mage's bed. Wynne knelt beside her, gently lifted her shirt and removed the bandages. The minute the gauze was removed blood began to pour down her side, onto the bed and soaking through the sheets in a matter of seconds.

"What the fuck happened? Someone better tell me what the hell is going on," Alistair demanded.

"We will, but saving her life at the moment seems a bit more of a priority than bringing you up to speed, don't you think," Zevran replied tersely.

For the next several hours, Alistair paced the room nervously as he watched both Wynne and Morrigan work on Josie. Zevran and Leliana ran and got supplies as the mages needed them, but Alistair refused to go. He couldn't leave...if she didn't make it...if she died, he needed to be here with her. His chest tightened at the very thought of losing her...permanently. He fully expected her to wake-up one day, come to her senses and realize that she was an idiot for being with him when she could be with any man she wanted, but even if she did walk away from him she would be alive. She would still be in this world and that thought alone would get him through the pain of losing her to another, but for her to leave this world and pass into the Void...sickened him.

Wynne finally sat back on her heels looking exhausted. "I think I repaired all of the internal damage that the sword did, but she has lost a lot of blood. It will be a while before she wakes up."

"B-but she will live," Alistair asked hesitantly.

"Yes, she will live."

Alistair pulled Wynne into his arms and hugged her tightly. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Wynne patted his back. "You're welcome."

Alistair released her and then spun towards the assassin and the bard. "Explain."

Leliana stepped forward. "Alistair, you have to realize how expensive it is to fund this mission that both you and Josie are on. The cost of armor repairs, weapons upgrades, basic supplies, and feeding everyone is a costly venture and those costs only increase with each new ally you take one. Josie was feeling an enormous financial burden..."

"Yes, I know we have discussed it and were trying to come up with some solutions," Alistair interjected.

"Well, a solution presented itself. A man with insider information offered Josie an opportunity to make some quick money and a lot of it," Zevran stated.

"By robbing the nobles," Alistair said.

"Si, the first few jobs were relatively easy and everything went according to plan, but as Kylon stated the last one was a set-up. Josie unknowingly walked into a trap. To get out of there we had to fight our way through at least two dozen men. We were nearly free when a guard bashed her to the ground and drove his sword into her. As we emerged, Slim Couldry, our informant, met us at the tunnel entrance and told us that the city guards were hunting for her, that they knew she was the one involved in the burglary attempt. I took her to the one place...the one person I knew would help. Madame Sanga got her out of her armor and gave her fresh clothes so that it didn't look like she had come from a fight. Then she helped bandage her up as best as she could and offered her an alibi," Zevran explained.

"I owe Madame Sanga my gratitude and much more. I will find a way to repay her for risking so much. But I don't understand why didn't Josie tell me? I wouldn't have be happy with the idea of working with a thieves ring, but I would have understood. I am intelligent enough to grasp the concept of finances," Alistair said sarcastically.

"Alistair, Josie wanted to tell you, it's our fault that she didn't. We convinced her that morally you would have issues with how the money was obtained, but more importantly that if you became King it would be in your best interest not to have any knowledge of this endeavor."

"So let me get this straight, she didn't tell me and placed her life in danger because the two of you convinced her that in order to protect me from a possible future that may not even happen that it was best that she didn't tell me what the three of you were up to," Alistair stated dryly.

"Yes, that about sums it up," Leliana replied solemnly.

Alistair drew in a deep breath as he tried to calm his anger. "Let me make something perfectly clear to the two of you, Josie and I are in this together, we are partners and we have agreed to make all of the important decisions together. The next time the two of you decide to interfere and come between us with regards to that, I will personally make it my mission to have Josie ask you to leave her side. Do I make myself clear?"

A sly smile spread across Zevran's face. "Ladies and Gentleman, I believe we finally have ourselves a King."

Alistair ignored the comment and turned to Wynne. "Is it okay to move her? I would like to take her back to my room."

"Yes, that will be fine," Wynne replied.

Alistair scooped her into his arms, as he carried her out the door to his room, he heard Wynne's scolding voice, "Really? For the love of the Maker, what were the two of you thinking? I would expect this kind of behavior from Zevran, but not from you, Leliana..."

Alistair had to chuckle as Wynne went on to lecture them about how irresponsible they were. He gently laid Josie on his bed, lovingly undressed her than undressed himself before sliding in beside her. He pulled her into his arms and cried. He had come so close to losing her; to losing the one person that had always believed in him, the one person that loved him for who he was not because of who his father was or who he might one day become. He had only truly been with her for a short period of time, but he felt as if he had known her his whole life and he couldn't imagine his life without her in it.

It also angered him that she had willingly, once again, risked so much for him. He pressed his lips against her forehead and then he began to softly sing to her as he rocked her back and forth in his arms.

_"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces, all day and through. _  
_I'll find you in the morning sun and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be seeing you."_

Eventually he drifted off to sleep. He wasn't sure how long he had been in the Fade when he felt the warmth of her tender touch against his cheek. His eyes flew open and he looked into her beautiful blue eyes. She smiled at him, her fingers still tracing the outline of his face.

"Josie," he breathed out in a sigh of relief.

"Alistair...I'm so sorry..."

"Sssh, it's okay Love. You're okay and right now that is all that matters."

"No...it isn't okay. I-I almost left you because I did something stupid. When I was lying there slowly losing consciousness the only thing I could think of was how desperately I didn't want to leave you and how unfair it was that you would once again be all alone."

Alistair laughed.

"It isn't funny!"

"Yes, it is. You do realize that when you're on death's doors, it's okay to think of yourself for once."

"I-It didn't occur to me that I should be thinking of myself."

Alistair tenderly kissed her lips. "I know and that is just one of the many reasons that I love you."

"I truly am sorry..."

"Do you promise to never do it again?"

She grinned at him. "Which bit? The not telling you part or the almost dying part?"

He smiled back at her then kissed her again. "Both!"

"Yes, I promise."

"And do you promise not to listen to Zev and Leli the next time they try to offer advice."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh they told me all about it."

"Yes, I promise.

"Than all is forgiven, Love. However, there is price to be paid for your little fabrication."

"Oh and what is that?" She asked with a grin.

"Well, it would appear that you cheated on me with Zev, Leli and a hooker from the Pearl."

"I did what!"

Alistair chuckled. "The city guard was looking to arrest you. Madame Sanga took you in, changed your clothes, bandaged your wound and provided you with an alibi, but it is a brothel so there is only one kind of alibi that Sergeant Kylon was going to believe."

"Maker's hairy balls...I'm sure Zev is loving this."

"I do see a good bit of harassment coming up in your near future," Alistair chuckled.

She sat up on her elbow and turned to him, "Ali...you know that I would never..."

Alistair pulled her to him, his lips claiming hers, instantly silencing her. When he drew back he whispered, "There was never a doubt in my mind."

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair watched Josie as she paced back and forth around Arl Eamon's throne room as they waited for the miraculously recovered Arl to appear. Alistair had noticed the change in her demeanor the moment that the messenger had arrived at camp with a personal letter from Eamon requesting an audience with his _savior._Now he watched her as she wore a groove in the floorboards from her striding to and fro. It was obvious to anyone watching that she was nervous. He knew she would have to answer to the Arl for her decision to allow Isolde to sacrifice herself; a decision that Josie would have no problem defending and one that if needed he would support to the Arl, but that wasn't the source of her anxiety. There was an unpleasant history between Eamon and Josie that he had picked up on through the few clues that she had allowed to let slip and he knew he was the reason for their poor relationship.

"So my Brat Prince, it's hard to believe that the pretty kitty we see nervously prancing before us is the same one that thought taking down a high dragon would be a fun way to break up the monotony. Any idea why an audience with the recently resurrected Arl would have our luscious Warden so worked up," Zevran cooed in Alistair's ear pulling him out of his thoughts.

"I thought Josie asked you not to call me that," Alistair hissed.

"Only public, my Royal Little Terror," Zevran reminded him.

"No, I don't know why she is so nervous," Alistair replied hoping that his lack of information would send the assassin on his way.

"Maybe it has to do with the revolt she nearly incited amongst the villagers that has her as anxious as whore waiting for the results of a pregnancy test," Zevran stated with satisfaction.

Alistair spun to face him, "What!" He demanded.

A gratifying smile spread across the elf's face. "You mean to tell me that our delicious Warden shares her bed with you, but not her secrets. It's hard to believe that it just slipped her mind. I mean, she did almost start a revolt against your guardian…in your name none the less. I'm truly surprised she has brought it it. It would have made for some very interesting pillow talk, no? Where is the trust now-a-days amongst lovers? So hard to come by," Zevran replied sardonically.

Alistair's mind went blank for a moment, feeling nothing but complete astonishment by this information about Josie's history with Eamon; information that she hadn't bothered to share with him, but had no problem telling the assassin about it. Once the shock had worn off his mind focused its rage and confusion on the source of his ire; he lunged for the elf, but Zevran had expected this type of reaction and swiftly dodged the assault. Alistair spun in the direction that he had moved and was about to charge him again when the trumpet blew announcing the arrival of the Arl.

Everyone in the room immediately came to attention as Arl Eamon entered the room and walked up to the dais. His eyes studied Alistair briefly before they settled on Josie. He closely scrutinized her, taking her in completely before he spoke.

"Lady Cousland…" he began, but was quickly interrupted.

"It's Warden Cousland, my Lord. I gave up all titles when I joined the Wardens," Josie stated.

Arl Eamon's eyes narrowed on her as he continued to study her, trying to formulate an opinion of the woman that now stood before him. "Yes, I see. It is my understanding that the Wardens carry no titles no matter what the circumstances of their birth maybe. That could be both good and bad depending on the station of your birth."

"Titles, my Lord, mean very little to me. A man or woman should only be judged by their actions and what they contribute to society," Josie replied.

Eamon snickered. "Yes, I am well aware of your viewpoints on nobility. Ironic really, considering that you were born a noble."

"I was born into a noble house, but my father and family earned the privilege of that title every day by serving the people of Highever," Josie countered.

A solemn look fell over the Arl's face. "On that count we agree, Warden. Your father was the best of us. His death and betrayal was a sad day for the people of Highever and Ferelden."

"So you are aware of my family's murder?" Josie inquired.

"Yes, Teagan has brought me up to date on current events. He has also informed me that I owe my life to the girl that once sought to bring me down," Eamon replied unemotionally.

"My Lord, I hope that you can forgive my grievous past actions as those of a strong-willed, stubborn child who only sought to right what she viewed as a heinous error in judgment. Even if this nation wasn't facing a civil war and a Blight, I still would have sought out the ashes to save your life because my father believed, at heart, you were a good man. A man that cared about the people that he ruled and the people of this fair nation. I hope that you will prove my father correct in his belief and be a big enough man to put aside past differences so that together we can save Ferelden," Josie appealed.

Alistair watched as a sly smirk teased the corners of the Arl's mouth. He slowly shook his head as he stared at Josie. "Lady Josie Cousland, you do the nobility of Ferelden and the memory of your Father proud. For a moment I almost forgot that it was you that I was speaking to and not Bryce himself, once again standing before me appealing to me to have mercy on his rebellious, misguided daughter. I will tell you what I told him, I will always put the needs of Ferelden ahead of my own needs, desires and wants. It is in the best interest of this country for me to not let our past disagreements come between us and for us to work together to save this great nation. However, be warned, Warden, I can forgive, but I never forget."

A hardened look replaced the humbled one as she lifted her eyes to face the Arl. "Those are wise words, my Lord, words that I too vow to take to heart."

Eamon continued to smirk at her. "It is Ferelden's loss that you can no longer hold a title, you would have made a fine politician."

"Thank you for the back-handed-compliment," Josie replied.

Eamon burst into laughter. "Only you, my dear Josie, would take it that way, but considering your views on court politics I can understand why. Now, onto more pressing matters, first there is this business with you going to heroic lengths to not only save my village, but my own life. Even if it did cost me the life of my wife…"

Josie stepped forward, knelt on one knee before the Arl and with her head bowed she begged, "Arl Eamon, please know that my past differences with you and with the Arlessa, in no way played a role in that decision. It was an agonizing decision for me to allow Isolde to sacrifice her life, but it was the only solution I could find that didn't jeopardize the entire village. Even though I believe it the right decision considering the circumstance, please forgive me for taking your wife's life."

"Again, Lady Cousland, you continue to impress," Eamon stated dryly using her title more as jab then out of respect. The sentiment was not lost on Josie as she visibly flinched and Alistair watched her clench her fists.

"I cannot say I was pleased to learn of Isolde's decision regarding Connor or your willingness to go along with the plan, but after long consideration I do believe unlike some of your past decisions you acted in what you considered the best interest of Redcliff so I will not hold this against you."

Josie rose to her feet. "Thank you, my Lord, for your understanding and forgiveness," Josie replied.

"Now, as I was saying, Redcliff and I owe you a great deal. Teagan has spoken highly of your valor and bravery during this troubling time. We would like to honor you and your companions this evening with a ceremony and small celebration to pay tribute to you for your courageous actions."

"My Lord, that is not necessary, we did what needed to be done to save the village and you. There is no need for any special recognition. Just the promise that the Wardens will have the aid of Redcliff when the time comes," Josie appealed.

To Alistair's dismay he watched as Eamon's smirk was replaced with a gratifying sneer and for the first time in his life he saw the ambitious politician emerge. "I see you are still resistant to the attention that comes with being a noble. However, Teagan has gone to great lengths for this evening's festivities. I would hate to disappoint him or the villagers that have been invited to the celebration. Wouldn't you, Warden?"

Josie's eyes filled with anger as her eyes narrowed on the Arl, but Alistair had to admire her self-control as she gritted her teeth and remained civil. "You are correct, my Lord. I would not want to do anything that would disappoint Bann Teagan and I certainly do not want dishearten the villagers who most certainly need a reason to celebrate. Now, if we can discuss the matter of the Blight."

"Well, before that can be discussed we must first address the issue of the civil unrest that Loghain had brought to this nation. As you are aware Lady Cousland without solid proof of Loghain's treason there is little we can do to usurp his power or the control he has over the throne," Eamon stated matter-of-factly as his eyes for the first time met Alistair's and a grin spread across his face. "That is, of course, unless we can offer up a replacement that has Theirin blood in his veins."

Alistair stared hard at the man that had casually discarded him, but now intended to use him for his own ambitions. "It was made very clear to me from a very early age that I was not worthy of the throne and to never set my sights on it. Ferelden has a Queen. Anora, by all accounts, ran this country, not Cailan and she has done a smashing job. Let her keep the crown. I'm a Warden, not a King!"

"Alistair, I am sorry if you were led to believe that you weren't worth of the throne…"

"Led to believe! That's rich, coming from the man that told me that my blood was muddled with the blood of a common serving girl and that I would never see the inside of the throne room let alone ever sit on it," Alistair exclaimed.

"Alistair, I was only trying to protect you from wanting something that you could never have," Eamon stated defensively.

"Well, you did a great job of it, Eamon. I don't want your crown. Keep Anora on the throne," Alistair retorted.

"Then you are willing to let Loghain's traitorous actions go unanswered. There is to be no justice for the treason and death of your King, your brother, the betrayal of the Wardens and your mentor, Duncan, the murders of your fellow Warden's family? Because that is what will happen as long as Anora sits on the throne. There will be no recompense and you and Josie will be considered outlaws and traitors for the rest of your lives. Is that what you want, Alistair?"

"No! Of course not," Alistair shot back.

"Then there is only one answer, call a Landsmeet, make Loghain face the nobles, bring these charges against him and give the nobles a feasible replacement to Anora. They will accept you Alistair because you are Maric's son even if you are a bastard."

"Still working on your subtlety, I see Eamon," Josie muttered.

"The time for subtlety is over. As the sole surviving member of the second oldest family in Ferelden, you of all people should know that, Josie. We must prevent civil war at all costs in order to stop the Blight. The one thing that Ferelden nobility believes in is the power and strength in the royal bloodline. Alistair, must be willing to take the throne."

"Alistair is willing…"

"So you are now speaking on his behalf?" Eamon questioned.

"Alistair and I have talked at great length about this. He understands what his duty is to Ferelden and to the throne. There is no need to bully him into this, Eamon and a little sensitivity on your side might have prevented this little battle of wills," Josie replied.

Eamon's brow furrowed as he scrutinized both him and Josie. "So the childhood bond that the two of you shared is still intact. Is it just friendship or something of a more romantic nature?"

Alistair felt the heat burn in his cheeks, but before he could reply he felt Josie's cool hand rest on his arm trying to calm him as stepped in front of him. In a slow steady voice she said, "Eamon, my relationship with my fellow Warden is none of your business and you will not use it in one of your political schemes. We have agreed to put our past disagreements aside, but if I so much as smell a hint of you trying to manipulate the connection that we share to further your ambition our arrangement will be dissolved and you and I will have words in the form of our swords being formally introduced. Am I clear on this point?"

Eamon smiled at her. "Yes you are, my dear and thank you for answering my question."

Josie drew in a deep breath. "I believe this meeting is over. I will see you this evening."

"Yes, we can finish our discussion than. By the way, I took the liberty of having your companions brought to the castle to stay. I thought after the ordeal they have been through they would appreciate a few nights in a warm, dry bed with three solid meals a day. I made sure that both Alistair and your rooms were next to each…just in case you had any Warden business to discuss in private," Eamon replied smugly as Josie spun on her heels and strode out of the throne room.

* * *

**A/N - A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**


	10. Chapter 10 Bleeding Love

**Chapter 9 – Bleeding Love**

"But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness I see your face

Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing, you cut me open

And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love, you cut me open"

_Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis_

Josie threw the door of her bedchamber open as she stormed in, Alistair following closely behind her. "Please close the door. Servants are paid well to eavesdrop and report what they hear."

Alistair did as she requested before he took a seat in a chair by the fireplace as Josie paced around the room like a caged animal. "The nerve of that man… Argh! He is as infuriating and pompous as ever," Josie ranted.

Alistair remained quiet and watched her as she gracefully, but angrily strode around the room.

"I mean the gall of him… to have our friends brought to the castle without so much as consulting us first."

Alistair still said nothing, just studied her closely as she moved about the room, frustration and anger coursing through her. Even after all these years that man still had the ability to get under her skin and she just prayed that he didn't see how much he had truly rattled her composure.

"And the audacity he has to assume that we were romantically involved just because we knew each other as children."

Alistair remained still and silent. Josie stopped pacing and turned to look at him curiously. He was unusually quiet.

"Alistair, are you going to say anything?"

He stared at her for a moment and she saw a flicker of sadness and pain in his eyes. "Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me you tried to start a revolt against Eamon?"

Josie paused as she tried to collect her thoughts. Memories from that long ago mistake raced across her mind and she cringed at her own immature, selfish behavior. "Alistair, it had nothing to do with trust, but the fact that I was embarrassed over my actions. I was a young girl that had acted childish and irresponsible. I had disgraced my father and family. I-I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to view me differently."

"But you weren't embarrassed enough to tell Zev. You trusted him with this knowledge, but not me…the man you share your bed with, the man you claim to love. The man whom you didn't trust enough to tell that you had tried to start an uprising against his guardian."

Josie felt her jaw drop, then closed it as her mind swam out of control with the overload of information that was in those two short sentences. She pushed down her rising anger again, she thought about what he had said. Then she spun on her heels, flung open the door, strode across the hall and without even knocking, threw open Zevran's bedroom door.

"La mia caramella dolce,if I had known you were coming, I would have dressed appropriately…or should I say less appropriately," Zevran chuckled.

Without a word, Josie grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out the door. "Those bite marks on your neck weren't lying, were they? Kitty does like it rough, but why don't we stay in my room for this little liaison."

"Shut up!" Josie ordered as she dragged him into her room.

"Yes, Madame Hurts-a-lot, but I have to warn you, this elf likes to give as much as receive, so you need to prepare yours..." the words died on his lips when he saw Alistair sitting in the chair. A huge smile spread across his lips, "Oh my, I didn't realize the Brat Prince was into _those_kind of games, but hey, I'm definitely up for that."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Alistair demanded as he stood up.

"What exactly did you tell Alistair about my history with Eamon, Zev?" Josie demanded.

A grin slid across the assassin's face. "Oh that…"

"Yes, that!" Josie exclaimed.

"I just mentioned that you tried to start a mini insurrection against Eamon," Zevran started innocently.

"And did you tell Alistair that this information came from me?"

"Aaah, well…maybe in so many words I may have implied that I heard it from you," Zevran replied, still grinning at her.

"But you never said, 'Josie told me that she started a revolt'."

"No, I never attributed the information coming directly from you," Zevran stated firmly.

"And where did you get your information?" Josie asked.

"Oh, you would be amazed at how loose the tongues are down at the tavern once the locals have a few beers in them."

"Thank you, now get out!" Josie demanded.

"What? I thought we were going to have a spanking good time," Zevran said disappointment creeping in his voice.

"Go spank yourself," Josie retorted.

"But that isn't nearly as much fun," Zevran mumbled as he headed out the door.

Alistair stepped toward her, "Josie…I'm sorry…"

"That goes for you too, get out!" Josie demanded; her frustration with Alistair finally getting the better of her.

"What? Why?" He exclaimed.

"I am sick of defending myself to you. You were willing to believe the word of an assassin, who you know takes great pleasure in getting you worked up without even speaking to me about it..." Josie ran her hand through her long hair as a feeling of utter defeat washed over her. "When are you going to start to trust me?"

"Josie, you're the one that didn't tell me about the revolt. What was I supposed to think?"

"How about giving the woman you _claim _to love, the benefit of the doubt. Instead you jump to conclusions and allow Zev to place doubts about me in your head? You realize he did that to prove a point, don't you?"

Alistair just stared at her blankly, not fully understanding the assassin's motives.

"He did it to show you that despite all of your words of love, you still don't trust me. You threw the fact that I sleep with you, and that I've told you that I love you in my face the moment that you felt betrayed…Once again. You turn on me instead of believing in me. I-I just can't keep doing this," Josie said as her voice broke.

"W-what are you saying, Jo?"

"I think we rushed into this too quickly…" she said as she pointed between the two of them. "We immediately gave into this connection that we have between us, without ever really allowing the relationship and trust to build…I- I can't…"

Alistair closed the distance between them in two quick strides and immediately pulled her into his arms, he looked pleadingly into her face. "Don't do this. I'm sorry, Josie. I really am, b-but I'm trying. I didn't have the stable home and loving parents you did to show me how relationships work…Please Jo Jo, don't give up me."

She looked up at him and saw the anguish in his eyes. She knew he really was trying, but all of the words he had said to her in anger came rushing back. "You're just like them, just like Eamon." "YOU allowed her to sacrifice herself with blood magic. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" "You trusted him with this knowledge, but not me…the man you share your bed with, the man you claim to love."

Were relationships supposed to hurt like this? She didn't remember her parents ever having an angry word with each other. That isn't to say that they didn't fight behind closed doors, but she never had the feeling that there was unspoken tension between them. In the eight years that Fergus was with Oriana she had only heard them have a few minor disagreements. Nothing like the heated arguments that had taken place between her and Alistair. She had been with him for only a few months, and in that time she had known unspeakable joy and pain. She knew Alistair's upbringing affected the way he viewed relationships, but how much pain was she supposed to endure until he learned that she would never hurt him or betray him the way Eamon had.

"I-I need some time, Alistair, some time to think," Josie finally said.

"Please…please Jo, let's work through this together."

"I don't think we can do that together, Alistair, without constantly hurting each other. I don't want to keep hurting you and I don't know how to fix this either."

Alistair tenderly tucked a loose hair behind her ear then he slid his hand under her chin forcing her to look up at him. "Josie, I know I'm an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart, and it breaks mine to know that I keep hurting yours. I know we're better together than we will ever be apart. I have a lot to learn about relationships, but I'm trying and I want to try with you."

Josie was quiet as she thought about what her heart wanted, and what her head was telling her. "Alistair, let's take tonight to think about this, then tomorrow let's talk again."

Alistair released her from his embrace as he nodded and stepped away from her; a sad expression settling over his features. "Okay, if you need tonight to think I will give that to you, but while that logical, rational, sexy mind of yours tries to work through this, please keep in mind…that I love you, Josie Cousland. I have loved you from the moment that I realized what it truly meant to love another human being. You're all I want. You're all I've ever wanted, Jo and I hope that despite all my many flaws you can still love me."

"I do love you, Alistair. That's what makes this hurt so much."

"Where there is love, Jo, there is hope." Alistair leaned in kissed her cheek, then left her to her thoughts.

She walked over to the bar in her room and poured a rather large brandy. She drained half the glass then refilled it before settling in the chair, Alistair had just vacated as his words echoed in her mind.

_"…I'm trying. I didn't have the stable home and loving parents you did to show me how relationships work…Please Jo Jo, don't give up me."_

She knew that her parents had been the perfect example of how a husband and wife were supposed to act. The environment that she had been raised was one of love and trust. Alistair had never had that, to make matters worse the one man who was supposed to protect him abandoned him. On some level, conscious or unconsciously, Alistair was waiting for her to abandon him too. A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts. She glared at the door for a moment, praying it wasn't Alistair. She really wasn't ready to have another go around with him just yet.

"Come in," she said.

"My lady," Teagan said as he entered the room carrying a cloth garment bag. "I just saw Alistair in the hallway. He didn't look none too pleased. Did the two of you have a lover's spat?"

"What makes you think we are lovers?"

"Please my dear, give this old man some credit…"

Josie laughed as she interrupted. "You're not old Bann Teagan."

"It's just Teagan and I am at least ten years your senior. That gives me enough experience to recognize the look of man in love and one that has consummated the depth of his affections."

"My, my Teagan, you do have a way with words. How is it that some young girl hasn't swept you off your feet?"

He smiled sadly at her. "She did, but sadly it wasn't meant to be."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

Teagan laid the garment bag across her bed, poured himself a glass of brandy and joined her by the fire. "That is a sad tale for another time. Back to you and Alistair…so if you and your fellow Warden are in a tiff that means your dance card is now open. I would love the opportunity to spin Ferelden's most enchanting Warden around the dance floor once again. Think of the fun we have making Alistair jealous," Teagan whispered in a tone that was so sensual that if she had been standing, she was sure her knees would have wobbled unsteadily. Teagan was charming, elegant, handsome, it really was a shame that this tender, caring man hadn't found a woman to share his life with.

Josie slowly shook her head. "I don't want to make Alistair jealous. He has nothing to be jealous of…he's the only one that holds my heart."

"Then what do you want, Josie?"

"I want him to trust me even when all of the evidence is screaming not too, I want him to know me well enough to know that I would never do anything to harm him, betray him or abandon him."

Teagan smiled at her. "That is something that is hard to find in even the best of relationships, let alone from a man who has Alistair's background."

"I know, but most people don't place their lives in their partner's hands on a daily basis. We do! He trusts me with his life, he has trusted me with his heart…or so he says he has. Yet he is always looking, waiting for the betrayal to come, and no matter what I say or do I can't convince him to believe me and to know that I will never leave him."

"Give him time, Josie, continue to do all the things that you have been and he will see your true and pure heart. How can he not? If he doesn't then he is a fool and he doesn't deserve you," Teagan stated as he leaned forward and affectionately took her hand in his.

Josie lifted her eyes to meet his. They were tender and warm, but there was an underlying emotion that he was struggling to control. Josie immediately recognized that there was longing in his gaze. It startled her and she unconsciously pulled her hand out of his grasp. Not allowing her unease to unnerve him, Teagan leaned back in his chair and warmly smiled at her. "So my brother, ever the fan of pomp and circumstance, asked that I deliver your gown for this evening."

"Gown! I was planning on wearing my armor. This little get together is supposed to be to honor my fierce battle prowess, is it not?"

"Yes it is, but the Arl can't have his guest of honor traipsing around the ballroom floor in rogue's armor…no matter how good she looks in it," Teagan stated with a grin that made Josie blush.

"By the Maker's smoking pole, is that what is in that garment bag?"

Teagan chuckled as he stood. "Yes, it is. A seamstress will be up shortly to make sure that it fits properly."

Josie muttered a string of curse words that would have made most pirates blush, but Teagan just laughed. "I see Fergus took your education in creative curse words very seriously."

"Yes, I seem to have a knack for it."

"So I see. Josie, the gown is beautiful and in it I do believe you will be the most enchanting creature at the celebration. One look at you and Alistair will be on his knees before you, begging you to forgive him."

"That good, huh?" As a sly smile played at the corners of her mouth.

Teagan grinned at her. "Yep, that good. Since you and Alistair are in a spat, it would be my pleasure to escort you to the ceremony."

"Thank you, Teagan. I appreciate that."

"And it would also be my pleasure to fill all of the now open slots on your dance card."

"Well, if memory serves me correctly, you certainly know how to lead a girl around the dance floor."

"Is that a yes?"

She smirked at him. "I don't know. If this dress is as alluring as you say it is, my dance card may fill up pretty quickly, but I'll try to squeeze you in."

"Well, I do appreciate you trying to work me in among your many admirers," he chuckled as he headed out the door.

_**xxXxx**_

Josie tried to breathe as she rose from her knees after Eamon had presented her with the Shield of Redcliffe, but the gown she was wearing was so tight, it was making breathing difficult. Josie had protested when the seamstress had insisted on taking in the bodice, but her wishes had been ignored. Now along with the inability to draw breath, her breasts were pushed up so far she could use them as a shelf to rest her drink on. If it wasn't for the fact that the bodice was so constrictive, she was sure they would have fallen out. Now, that would give the good townsfolk something to gossip about at the tavern. She had a sneaking suspicion that putting her chest on parade was Eamon's idea for Alistair's benefit, but she wasn't sure what information the Arl hoped to gain from it.

Teagan, however, hadn't been wrong; the dress was breathtaking. The gown was a deep, silk burgundy with a black net overlay that flowed into a square backed train. It had an empire waist, but with a tight fitting bodice that was covered in crystals, beads and black pearls. The hemline of the netting was two tiered with beaded medallions and fringe. It was the most extraordinary gown Josie had ever seen let alone wear and the way that Eamon looked at her with both admiration and sadness, she had the distinct feeling it had belonged to Isolde.

Teagan had been right about another thing, from the moment that she entered the Grand Hall, she had felt Alistair's eyes on her. She wasn't sure if it was the dress, the fact that Teagan had escorted her into the room and up to the throne, or that he was dressed in a matching burgundy and black tunic. She knew her face had turned as red as her dress when she had opened the door to find the Bann in matching attire. When she had demanded an explanation for his apparel he had chuckled.

"Well, I am your escort for the evening. It would be a terrible social faux pas if I clashed with my date," Teagan cooed.

"I'm not your date."

Teagan didn't miss a step. "Aaah, but a man can dream."

Josie ignored his statement as they made their way out to throne room. Now as he led her out to the dance floor for the first dance, her stomach was in her throat as Alistair lined up beside Teagan across from her. Josie looked at the woman beside her who was Alistair's dance partner. The pretty blond looked vaguely familiar, but Josie couldn't place where she knew her from.

The twang of the flute and fast beat of the lute drew her attention back to her own partner. Teagan bowed to her as he extended his hand toward, Josie clasped it, curtsied then danced in a circle around him and back to her own place.

"_Angel_," the vocalist sang, Josie looked up and smiled when she saw Leliana.

Both sides of the dance line bent at the knees slightly, swaying their arms back and forth as they stepped closer to their partners. They walked in a circle around each other when facing one another once again, they clapped their hands above their heads as they hopped backwards.

_"Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere, angel, come get up, my baby,_  
_There's my baby, lost that's all, once I'm begging you save her little soul_  
_Golden years, gold whop whop whop"_

Josie turned to the right to face the man on her partner's left…Alistair. She looked up at him, but his face for once in his life was unreadable. She raised her left hand up to her to the side of her head and he did the same with his right as they stepped toward each other. When their hands touched, they began to move in a clockwise circle.

"You and Teagan make a smashing couple," Alistair hissed.

"We aren't a couple," Josie whispered back defensively.

When they completed the circle, Alistair grasped her waist, she hopped in the air and he spun them in a half circle. As she landed, they raised their opposite hands and began to move counterclockwise this time.

"Really? Could have fooled me?"

"Well, that isn't too difficult to do!" Was what she wanted to say, but she bit back the angry retort and replied softly, "I had no idea he was going to wear a matching tunic. I would never intentionally do that to you."

He snorted something that sounded like, "But you still did," as he stepped back into his place in line and faced his dance partner.

_"Never look back, walk tall, act fine, come get up, my baby_  
_I'll stick with you baby for a thousand years_  
_Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years, gold_  
_Golden years, gold whop whop whop"_

Josie repeated the steps never really focusing on her partner until her hand touched the warm, calloused hand of her fellow Warden again. They began to turn in a circle, she looked directly into his eyes, his deep, honey brown eyes that she had trusted and loved since she had been a young girl. Eyes that now glared at her and it astounded her how his emotions could change so quickly. One minute loving her, the next begging for her forgiveness, to once again having no faith in her and being angry at her. How were they ever going to survive what was to come if he couldn't trust in who she was?

She said nothing as they moved through the steps until he picked her up by the waist and sat her back down. The tears were stinging her eyes, but she bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She'd be damned if she gave him that satisfaction. With all the pride she could muster she glared back at him.

"You have once again proven your complete and utter lack of faith in me, in us and in my feelings for you. There is no one to blame for where we are…except for you," Josie bit out as she pulled her hand away from his.

She spun on her heels just as the first tear began to fall and she prayed he didn't see it as she ran out of the throne room.

_"Don't cry my sweet, don't break my heart, doing all right, but you gotta get smart_  
_Wish upon, wish upon, day upon day, I believe oh lord, I believe all the way,_  
_Come get up, my baby, there's my baby, lost that's all,_  
_Once I'm begging you save her little soul, golden years, gold whop whop whop"_

Josie made her way out the courtyard, she tripped over the hem of her gown, snapping the heel of her shoe. Cursing, she lifted the damn thing up, pulled the broken shoe off and tossed it aside. She pulled the other one off and was about to throw it aside when she heard a loud commotion behind her.

"Josie!" She heard Alistair cry from behind her, but she ignored him as she clutched the shoe in her hand and ran for the gate.

"Don't you think you've done enough for one night, my Brat Prince?"

"Get outta my way, Zevran!...Josie!"

"Leave her be!"

"I mean it, assassin, move or I'll…"

The words were drowned out as the pounding of her feet carried her across the bridge toward the village and away from Alistair, her life, her duty, she was just so fucking tired, tired of all of it. For Maker's sake, she was only eighteen, only eighteen and she was carrying the fate of an entire nation on her shoulders and she had no one. The tears poured down her cheeks and as her all of her fears, hurts and anxieties overwhelmed her. She fell to knees as the realization of all that she was up against hit her full force, she had never felt so utterly alone and for the first time in her life, she was afraid. She wrapped her arms around herself and began to rock back and forth, trying to stop the flow of tears, but failing miserably. She wasn't sure how long she had been there, but a tender voice pulled her out of her despondency.

"My lady…are you alright?"

Josie looked up and through her tears she saw the concerned face of Ser Perth. Maker's balls, she must look like quite the sight. He has to think she was a few nugs short of a herd, and was about to call the mages in the white robes to haul her away.

He knelt down in front of her and compassionately asked, "My lady, are you hurt? Do you need a healer?"

Josie quickly brushed away her tears as she shook her head. "N-no…I'm fine."

"I don't mean to contradict you, but I've seen fine and you're far from it."

"I mean, I'll be fine. Thank you."

"Do you want me to help you back to the castle?"

"NO!"

Ser Perth looked taken back by the forcefulness of her conviction. He smiled at her. "Okay…can I at least help you to your feet?" He asked as he stood and extend his hand toward her. Gratefully, she clasped it as the got to her feet.

"Thank you, Ser Perth."

"Please call me Dayton."

She smiled at him. "Only if stop calling me my lady and call me Josie."

"You have a deal. So the castle is out of the question. Is there some other place you would rather go?"

"I don't care where as long as there is alcohol and no ex templars."

Ser Perth laughed. "Okay…well, I see it's been one of those nights for you. Well, you will most certainly draw attention to yourself dressed like that if I take you to the local tavern and I get the feeling you would prefer to remain incognito. Correct?"

She smiled warmly at the perceptive Redcliffe knight. "That is correct, good Ser."

Dayton thought about it for a moment. "I think I know the perfect place. It is only a two minute walk down the river. The pub mostly consists of regulars…mostly Redcliffe knights and if you buy them a few pints they have no problem forgetting they ever saw you."

Josie pulled off the ruby ring that had come with the dress. She grinned at the thought of selling Eamon's ring for a few pints. "I don't have a sovereign to my name, but how many pints do you think this ring will fetch?"

Dayton laughed. "More than you could drink in a year."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that. I have the constitution of a bronto. So what is the name of this fabulous sounding pub?"

"Moon Under Water."

"Great name, I like this place already."

"It's a place where you sit in the same bar stool every night, and the bar keep and wenches know you by name. It's never too rowdy, but it always has the perfect atmosphere. Even the way you are dressed, no one will look at you twice or ask any questions."

"Sounds perfect! Let's go!"

Walking to the tavern in bare feet had taken them a little longer than two minutes, but the moment that they walked in a plump, but pretty woman looked up and yelled, "Dayton, it's gran' ter see yer me boy. Welcome back."

They made their way up to the bar. Josie set her shoe down on the bar as they climbed into the last two empty bar stools. "And I see yer broot a mate. Pretty wee lass, isn't she?"

"Blinne, this is Josie. Josie this is Ferelden's best bar wench, Blinne."

"Oh Dayton, yer say de sweetest things ter make dis lass blush. Nigh waaat 'ill yer two young ones 'av?"

"Both of us will have a pint and a whiskey back," Josie stated.

Blinne laughed. "Nigh dis is a lassie dat knows 'er way raun a pub. Oi like dat in a patron."

A few minutes later Blinne sat the drinks in front of them then poured herself a shot. "Cheers."

Josie raised her shot glass. "Here's to husbands and lovers…may the two never met."

Dayton and Blinne laughed as they raised their glasses. "Salute."

All three of them swallowed the whiskey in one shot and gulped down the ale in one breath. Josie wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "Another round, barkeep."

"From de moment oi laid eyes on yer oi knew oi wus gonna like yer," Blinne laughed as she reached for three more mugs.

Dayton looked over at Josie. "So do you have a husband?"

"Nope."

"Do you have a lover?"

"That's questionable at the moment," Josie said matter-of-factly.

"Then I don't think you have to worry about the two meeting," Dayton replied.

"Yer lookin' for wan? Oi tink dare are a few 'ere in dat pub dat wud be willin' ter voluntare," Blinne said as she set down the new rounds of drinks.

"For which? The husband or the lover?" Josie asked.

"De lover most certainly, a pretty lass like yourself might even git a few takers for de 'usban'."

"Well, at the moment I'm not looking for either."

"That's a bleedin' shame. You're a juicy lassie, a wee too thin for me taste, but oi loike sum meat on me lovers. Yer certainly can draink, dat a check in de plus coluume. Oi'm sure if yer are willin' ter put oyt once or twice a week sum guy wud make an 'onest woman av yer," Blinne said bluntly.

Josie burst out laughing. "Well, thanks for the honest assessment."

Dayton choked on his ale. Knowing Josie's background he was obviously uncomfortable with Blinne's frankness. Wanting to change the subject he grabbed his shot glass and raised it in the air. "To swimmin' with bowlegged women!"

"Here, here!" All the knights in the pub cheered as they gulped the whiskey down.

Dayton turned toward her. "So why is it questionable whether or not you have a lover?"

"How much time do you have?"

Dayton laughed. "I have all night if that's how long you need me."

Josie let out a sigh and then over several more ales she told Dayton everything, from the time that they had met as kids all the way up to the events of this evening.

"Damn, if dat isn't de saddest, but most romantic tale Ah've ever 'eard. Dat fella is yisser soul mucker, lassie. Yer need ter hold onto him with two 'ands. Dat kind of love doesn't 'appen every day, yer nu?" Blinne stated, startling Josie who hadn't even realized that the bar wench had been listening

Dayton and Josie both looked at her for a long moment. "Yes, I do know that," Josie finally replied solemnly.

Dayton turned his attention back to her. "Josie, I am not dismissing your pain in any way and I can appreciate your frustration, but maybe if I can give you a bit more insight it might help you understand where Alistair is coming from."

"Okay," Josie replied tentatively.

"I am a few years older than Alistair. During his time at Redcliffe Castle I was a squire for my father who was a knight so I watched Alistair with the Arl from a very early age. Before he married the Arlessa, Arl Eamon dotted on Alistair. He treated him as if he were his own son. I believe that is where the rumors of Alistair being his son stemmed from. When the Arl married, and the rumors became more vocal, Eamon began to slowly distance himself from Alistair to appease his wife. To be honest, it was a thoughtless act on the Arl's part, not one that I believe was motivated by cruelty, but it was still difficult to watch because Alistair was just a child, he had no understanding of what he had done that could have cost him the love and favor of the only man he had ever known as a father."

"Fucking bastard," both Josie and Blinne said together causing Dayton to chuckle.

"Josie, even though you have told him that you love, that you trust him with your life, on some deeper level he is just waiting for you abandon him for someone who he views as more worthy than him, just as Eamon had," Dayton explained.

Josie eyes widen as Dayton's words sank in. "Oh no...Teagan."

"Yes, I don't think he honestly believes that you were with Bann Teagan, but seeing the two of you together reinforced his own beliefs about himself and the presumption that eventually you would leave him for someone more deserving than him. A man's ego is a delicate thing and it can only take so much."

"What am I going to do?"

"Be patient with him, continue to show him that you love him, despite his flaws and that even when you disagree with one another you aren't going to leave him. It will eventually sink in, Josie. He was angry and hurt with regards Teagan, but he is a smart man. He knows that you aren't with the Bann and I doubt he heard any of the gossip in the Chantry regarding the betrothal..."

"Betrothal! What betrothal?" Josie demanded.

"Aaah between you and Teagan..."

"There was no betrothal between Teagan and I," Josie replied.

"Not officially, but the gossip mill..."

"Always a reliable source. What gossip mill in particular are we speaking of?"

"The one between the knights of Redcliffe and Rainesfere, honestly they are worse than an old woman's knitting circle," Dayton laughed trying to downplay his statement.

"And what did the knights' grapevine say?"

"Well, rumor had it that at the Spring Fling in Denerum at least year that you and Teagan spent most of the night dancing together, and that there had been some type of connection between the two of you. Is that true?"

"Yes, that much the mill seemed to get right," Josie replied haughtily.

"Well, it is my understanding that the Bann was seriously smitten with you. You were all that he talked about that entire summer so at the Fall Landsmeet, Teagan approached your father about formally courting you once you turned eighteen and that if the courtship went well that the two of you would become officially betrothed. Your father agreed that if you were open to the idea that it would be fine with him. Teagan was going to ask you at this year's spring festival," Dayton explained.

Josie slumped back in her stool. Teagan's comments from earlier in the day now had more clarity.

"Would you have accepted his offer?" Dayton asked.

Josie thought about it before she replied. "It's hard for me to speculate on a future that now no longer exists, but if things had remained as they were and Alistair had not come back into my life, then I think I would have accepted. I had always found Teagan a handsome and charming man and we definitely had a connection last spring, but now..."

"Don't worry, Josie, Bann Teagan is an honorable man. It is obvious to anyone that sees you with your fellow Warden that your heart belongs to him and him alone."

Before she could reply the door of the tavern opened with a bang, and stuck in the doorway were Zevran and Alistair, both trying to enter at the same time. Watching them trying to squeeze through the opening was like watching two clowns from a bad circus act.

"You big oof, get out of my way. You're the whole reason why she is drinking herself into a stupor in some knights dive bar," the assassin huffed as he tried to push past Alistair.

"She is my girlfriend. I have every right to be here," Alistair retorted as he pushed the elf ahead of him, loosening the tension and causing both of them to stumble through the doorway.

"Mates av yers," Blinne questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm actually not willing to own up to knowing these two," Josie replied nonchalantly.

"Oi don't blame yer."

Alistair looked around the tavern as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. He smiled when he saw her and made his way over to her. Without a word, he bent on one knee before her, took her foot in his hand and slipped the repaired shoe back on her foot. "My lady, I do believe you lost this."

Tears brimming in her eyes, she lovingly stroked his cheek. "Oh Alistair, what am I going to do with you?"

He grinned up at her sheepishly. "I can think of a few things I would like you to do with me, but the top two things on that list would be for you to tell me that you forgive me for once again being such a bloody idiot and that despite my many flaws you still love me."

"That is easy. I do forgive you and I do love you, Alistair, flaws and all."

Alistair rose to his feet, one arm slid around her waist as his other hand came up her back, seizing her by the back of her head. Not caring that they were in a tavern full of people that were now staring at them, he dragged her mouth to his as he claimed her lips. His kiss so warm, so soft and tender it was at odds with the fierce warrior she knew him to be.

He angled his head, taking more, demanding more as he trailed the warm tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips in a quest for entrance. She whimpered and he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside her mouth, sliding it against hers in a sinuous dance. He tasted good, so good, like the way he smelled, of wind, leather and woods. A lick of heat twisted in her stomach as desire began to pool between her legs.

She relaxed against him, melting into his hard length. Her body beginning to burn for more of him, longing to feel more of him against her, touching her, moving inside her. Forgetting where she was, lost completely in him, her hands curled into his shirt, pulling him closer, pressing her breasts into his chest.

He growled against her mouth, as he slid between her legs and settled himself between her thighs. Even with her dress bunched between them, she felt the hard ridge of him, prodding and insistent against her. He shifted slightly as he rubbed subtly against the very center of her - a place that now throbbed with a desperate intensity, a burgeoning ache that demanded satisfaction and making her squirm in yearning.

"Nigh that's waaat oi'm blatherin' aboyt. If yer don't marry 'imself, lassie oi 'ill!" Blinne exclaimed.

Alistair pulled away and grinned at her. "Better watch out, I think I just received my first marriage proposal."

Josie giggled. "I'll take my chances."

"See you just made my point, my sweet. You're a size bigot," Zevran stated.

"Oi'm a waaat!" the bar wench demanded.

"You won't sleep with me because I'm smaller then oh let's say the oversized oof you just proposed marriage to, but I promise you, my sweet Blinne that one night with me and you will never doubt size again," Zevran purred.

"Is dat so?"

"I promise to make you cry, weep and whimper all in the same breath. I guarantee you a night of such sweet ecstasy, that you will be too weak to stand let alone walk. And if you could walk you won't be able to walk in a straight line for a week," Zevran cooed.

"Damn, now that's an impressive claim," Dayton admired.

Blinne pulled her apron off. "Sal, yer 'av de bar for de rest av noight. An' if de elf is as gran' as he says he is al' day the-morra too."

"Sal, let's just say you will see her the day after tomorrow," Zevran said over his shoulder as he guided her up the stairs.

Alistair turned back to Josie with a new twinkle in his eyes. "That should give us plenty of time to start on the list of the things I would like you to do to me."

"Yes, we just may make it through the first five items on that list," Josie purred as she slipped off of her stool and grabbed her other shoe.

She leaned over to Dayton, kissed his cheek and gave him a hug. "Thank you for listening."

Dayton returned the hug. "Anytime, my lady."

* * *

**A/N – I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It is my favorite so far. I loved it so much that I commissioned ElegantArtist21 on Deviant Art to create the scene at the end. She did a fantastic job! I hope you will think so too. elegantartist21 dot deviantart dot com/#/d5ivjf6 (Remove the spaces and the word dot and add an actual dot.)**

***The inspiration for Josie's gown was Rose's jump dress from Titanic.**

***The song that Josie and Alistair danced to is Golden Years by David Bowie. A special Ali, Zev cookie for anyone who can tell me what movie that song was in that inspired their dance?**

*****_**Moon Under Water**_** is an essay published by George Orwell detailing his idea of a perfect London pub. **

*** A big thanks to the randy minxes, Jinxy and The Lilicgirl, for being the most shagadelic betas ever. You are the best, my friends!**


	11. Chapter 11 Sexy Love

**Chapter 10 – Sexy Love**

"She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, just one touch

And I errupt like a volcano and cover her with my love

Babygirl you make me say (Oh oh oh)

And I just can't think (of anything else I'd rather do)

Than to hear you sing (sing my name the way you do)

When we do our thing (when we do the things we do)

Babygirl you make me say (Oh oh oh)

Sexy love girl the things you do

(Oh baby baby) Keep me sprung, keep running back to you

Oh I love making love to you

Babygirl you know you're my (sexy love...)"

_Sexy Love by Ne-Yo_

The entire walk back from the Moon Under Water, besides thinking about what he was going to say to get Josie to forgive him for being an idiot, the only other thought in Alistair's head was all the ways he wanted to get Josie out that damn dress. It had teased and taunted him from the moment he had watched her walk into throne room. It would forever be ingrained in his memory, the way it hugged her breasts, pushing them up, exposing the soft supple mounds that he had become so familiar. How it had hugged her slender waist and the way the gown had moved so fluidly with her as if she were wearing liquid. Her dark tresses had cascaded down around her face, accentuating her deep sapphire eyes and silky porcelain skin had been in perfect contrast against the deep red fabric of the dress. He hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her or stop thinking about all the things he wanted to do to her, she was spellbinding.

"She will be the most captivating Queen, Ferelden has ever seen," Zevran whispered in his ear, shattering the moment.

"S-she can never be my Queen," Alistair stuttered.

"What? She is good enough to warm your bed, but not sit beside you on the throne?"

"No!" Alistair hissed. "If anything she is the one that is too good for me."

"I'll say amen to that, brother," Zevran snorted.

"Oh and she deserves a life with a wanted assassin," Alistair retorted in a hushed sneer.

"She deserves a life with someone who would do anything, sacrifice everything to be with her. If you are not willing to do that then you don't deserve her," Zevran spat.

"She is all I want, I don't want the throne. I just want to be with her, but both her and Eamon are pushing to put me on throne and once I'm there…"

"What? You think because you're king you will lose your freedom of choice?"

Alistair nodded as he watched Josie kneel before Eamon as he presented her with the Shield of Redcliffe.

"Only, you my Brat Prince, can allow them to take your freedom from you. Do you think your father allowed the nobles of Ferelden to control his decisions?"

"Yes…to a point, he did."

"No, he gave them the illusion of control. If the Ferelden nobility controlled him, do you think they would have allowed him to go traipsing off into the Deep Roads? Your father knew how to play the game, and how to play it very well. He was a master of persuasion and coercion."

"I'm not my father," Alistair replied.

"Not yet, but with Josie as your Queen, you could be. She too is a master of the game and she plays it brilliantly. The way she manipulated the Arl when we first arrived was sheer genius."

"How so? All I saw was Eamon royally pissing her off."

"Then you've learned nothing. It was a wonderfully executed game of cat and mouse."

"Which was she?"

"That, my dear holy terror, was the cleverness of the play…at times she was the mouse and at times she was the cat. It had Eamon completely off guard and he was never really confident in how to proceed with her. She was arrogant when it was called for, humble when she needed to be, apologetic at the appropriate times and evasive enough to never fully commit to anything, yet cunning enough to let the Arl hear what he wanted to hear."

"She agreed with Eamon that I should take the throne."

"No she didn't. She is much too calculating to commit to something so early in the game. What she said was that _you_ were willing to take the throne, and that _you_understand your duty to Ferelden. That is a very different statement from her stating that she supported you taking the throne, but Eamon missed the subtle wordplay, just as did you."

"But she does believe I should take the throne," Alistair protested.

"That maybe, but she isn't about to show her hand before she even knows what all the stakes are. However, if you're too proud to learn from her I see a man very eager to step into your shoes," Zevran smirked.

Alistair looked up and for the first time noticed that Bann Teagan was her escort as he helped her to her feet. The son of a bitch was even wearing a matching tunic. Josie had said she needed time to think, and he had willingly given that to her, but it sure as hell hadn't taken Teagan long to make his move. Alastair studied the man, the way he looked at her made Alistair's skin crawl. It wasn't the lust that he saw in the Bann's eyes that unnerved him, it was the love that shone so clearly through them when the he looked at her.

He watched as Teagan slid his arm into Josie's and gracefully led her to the center of the Grand Hall, for the first dance. Jealousy, pain, envy and the feeling of complete inadequacy consumed him all at once. A man like Bann Teagan was the type of man that Josie deserved to be with. He was a well- respected noble like her father, not the bastard son of king. Teagan was charming and charismatic, not a bumbling idiot that didn't know the first thing about how to treat a lady. Teagan was confident – in himself as a noble, as a man and if his reputation was accurate in his skills as a lover. Once again, Alistair could not compete, but unlike Cailan, Teagan was single and a gentleman. From what Alistair could see, he already loved her and Alistair knew the Bann would respect and honor her.

"Warden, would care to dance?"

Alistair looked down into the pretty face of Katelyn, the girl from the Chantry whose brother he and Leliana had saved. Alistair hesitated and looked up at the stunning couple that had just taken their positions in the center of the room.

As if reading his mind the assassin hissed in his ear, "She loves you, now stop being an arse and reminder her why she loves you…and then maybe you could have her explain it to me because it truly baffles my mind."

So Alistair had proceeded to do the exact opposite of what Zevran had advised. He had made a complete ass of himself, and instead of reminding her that she loved him, he now had her questioning why she loved him at all.

As they approached the pub Zevran stopped him and handed him Josie's shoe that was now repaired. "Do yourself a favor and say as little as possible. Just bend down on one knee, place this on her foot and reap the benefits of my vast knowledge of women, and whatever you do never mention that this wasn't your idea."

Alistair stared wide-eyed at the beautiful embroidered slipper and then back up the elf. "When did you do this?"

"I didn't do it. I had the castle cobbler do it while we were waiting for my eyes and ears to report back on Josie's whereabouts."

"I thought you hated me. Why are you helping me?"

"Hate is a very strong word. I don't hate you, Alistair. You frustrate me. You have been given such a priceless gift. Men would kill to have what you have with Josie and you are pissing it way through sheer ignorance."

"Well, the Chantry isn't real big on teaching its Templars how to be debonair and suave," Alistair retorted.

Zevran shook his head. "That's the thing Alistair. There is a quirky, innocent charm about you that women find alluring, but you fail to see it, and use it to your advantage. If you honed that skill you would have hundreds women throwing themselves at you."

"I don't want hundreds of women, I only want one," Alistair replied sincerely.

Zevran smiled. "See there it is; that sweet, innocent charisma that will have Josie dropping her panties for you every time you use it. It almost makes me want to drop mine."

"Please don't."

Zevran laughed. "I'll try to refrain myself."

"You didn't tell me why you are doing this."

"My reasons are my own," Zevran retorted.

Alistair studied the assassin for a long moment. "You love her."

Zevran hesitated before answering. "I do, but not the way you think. Josie and I are kindred spirits. She is the daughter of noble, I'm the son of a whore, we come from two very different backgrounds, two polar opposite stations in life and yet she understands me like no one I've ever met before has. Despite knowing who I am she accepts me without question. I've never experienced that kind of loyalty and devotion before. I would lay down my life for her, and it pains me when I see her hurting. If I can help you become the man that Josie's believes you are capable of becoming then I will gladly help the brat prince get the girl and keep her."

"Josie is lucky to have you as a friend."

"I tell her that all the time, but the girl just doesn't listen," Zevran stated dryly as they both headed into the pub.

For once, Alistair had taken the assassin's advice, and was shocked by Josie's reaction to the simple gesture of kneeling before her and placing the slipper on her foot. She had forgiven him, said she still loved him and his lips still burned from the shearing kiss she had given him. Maker, he couldn't wait to be alone with her. He took her hand and nearly started to drag her through the castle toward his room.

She giggled. "A little eager, aren't you?"

"You have no idea," Alistair growled as he pulled her along the corridor, but she stopped dead in her tracks forcing him to halt too. He turned and looked at her. There was a mischievous smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"Do tell, good Ser," she cooed.

Alistair smiled at her. "I would rather show you."

She returned his smile. "I would rather tell my, my lord."

Alistair raised an eyebrow at the title. She hadn't used it as a noble one, but one of servitude. "You would?"

"Yes, my lord," she replied coyly and she respectfully bowed her head. He wasn't sure what she was playing at, but he willingly went along.

"Well _Miss_Cousland, what exactly would you like to know?"

"Well, my lord, you said that I would have no idea how eager you are. Why are you so eager?" Josie asked stepped toward him, her breasts rising and falling as she caught her breath from their sprint through the castle. Alistair had trouble tearing his eyes away from the objects of his current desire to form a cohesive sentence.

"Why? You would like me to explain why I'm so eager to be alone with you?"

"Yes, my lord."

Alistair stepped closer to her. "Well Miss Cousland, it's because I am so turned on by everything you do, everything you say."

"Well, that is very interesting my lord, because I feel the exact same way," She said as she leaned into him, the tips of her breasts brushing against his chest.

"You do?"

"Ah-huh. Is there anything else?"

Alistair slipped his arm around her waist pulling her to him, relishing the feel of her against him, but also fueling his hunger taking him almost to his breaking point. "Why Miss Cousland, you're all I think about, you're all I dream about. I need you desperately and it is taking every ounce of discipline I can muster not to rip that damn dress off of you take you right here."

Josie leaned up, her warm, sweet breath washing over him, the scent of her sweeping over him. "My lord, I am yours for the taking to do with as you wish."

"That is a dangerous offer," Alistair growled.

"I'm yours my lord and my only wish is to please you."

Alistair pulled her to him, kissing her fiercely, hungrily; his tongue thrust deep into her mouth – exploring, tasting, devouring. Maker, she tasted incredible, like fine wine, dark chocolate and honey all rolled together. He couldn't get enough of her. His hands slid down her back to her bottom, he lifted her slightly to press her against his now throbbing groin. She moaned against his mouth. He needed to get her alone. Alistair pulled away and started to drag her toward his bedchamber, but again Josie stopped his progress.

"Pleassse, my lord, I need to feel your touch now," she pleaded as her fingers slid into his hair pulling him back to her claiming his lips once again.

Alistair's hand slid up her waist to cover her breast. His fingers circled a sensitive tip through the fine silk gown and it immediately hardened to his touch. Fuck, he needed to touch her soft, supple skin, to taste her succulent flesh. He backed her up towards his room as his other hand slid up and deft fingers loosened the laces of her gown.

She again stopped their progress, but Alistair could no longer control his need for her.

"No, I need you in my room now!" He snarled and a sly grin pulled at the corners of her lips. That is what she had been waiting for; she had wanted him to take charge.

The moment he guided them into his room and closed the door he pinned her against the wall. He slid the garment off of her shoulders, down her arms, he pulled the top of her corset down baring her beautiful breast to his ravenous eyes. He ran his hands down Josie's arms again, he raised them above her head, with one of his large hands he pinned her wrists to the wall as his other hand reached down to cup the soft mounds his fingers tweaked the pert orb. She moaned, her breath raspy, her face flushed, she was enjoying this.

"I have been fantasizing about doing this all day," Alistair growled as he lowered his head, he sucked the tip of a breast into his mouth and swirled his tongue around the diamond hard nipple. Josie's body trembled against his as she whimpered with pleasure. Alistair released her as he bent down to push the gown down to ground and Josie nimbly stepped out of it.

"Sweet mother of the Maker," he sighed as the very sight of her took his breath away. She wore a deep burgundy corset with matching panties and black garter that held up her stockings.

"Is my lord, pleased?" She panted in his ear.

"Hell yes," he moaned as he kissed his way up her thigh, her stomach to her breasts, his fingers tracing the smooth skin above her garter before his hand slid to the inside of her thigh to caress the silk panties that covered the center of her sex. His fingers stroked at her through the thin material, as his mouth licked and sucked at her taut nipples. She pressed her hips against his hand demanding more from him. He pushed the material aside, his fingers slipped through her wet curls and slide inside her. Fuck! She was so wet and so tight. His thumb encircled the taut bundle of nerves and she moaned his name. Alistair stroked and teased her until she was writhing against him, clutching at his shirt as he continued the delicious torment of taking her closer to the edge. His tongue laved at her hard nipples as his fingers worked their magic inside her. He felt her muscles constrict around him as her hips arched into his hand.

"Yesss…oh Maker, yesss," she cried out as the waves of exquisite pleasure washed over her. She sagged against him, all of her strength gone.

Alistair scooped her into his arms, placed her in the center of his bed then he laid beside her propping himself up on his forearm. His fingers caressed her shoulders before he bent down to follow the path with his mouth. He dragged his lips over her soft, sensitive skin, intermittently licking and nipping at her flesh. His hands ran over the satin corset to the breasts that he had exposed earlier.

"I thought that dress was going to be my ruin," he moaned as he slid on top of her. "But it was only the gift wrapping for the true gift."

He bent over and kissed the supple mounds before dragging his tongue over the taut nipples. She moaned as she arched into his mouth. "But this…" Alistair groaned as his fingers worked the laces of the corset. "…this is my true undoing…my delicious iniquity."

"And what is the punishment for causing you to fall into sin?"

"I'm about to show you," he said in a raspy breath as the corset fell away, revealing the most exquisite body he had ever seen. Her body arched as he kissed and licked his way along each rib until he reached her stomach. His tongue against the tender flesh of her belly caused her muscles to quiver under his touch.

Alistair slid his hand up her stocking to the garter; he unfastened it and slowly rolled it down her leg. He repeated the action with the other one before slipping between her thighs to pull off her panties. His eyes caressed her curves hungrily, moving over her shoulders down to her throat to her rounded breasts then back to her kiss-swollen lips.

"You're amazing," he whispered, his fingertips trailing down her toned stomach to the apex between her thighs. He ran his fingers along the cleft opening of her folds, her curls glisten from her desire. Before he dipped his head down to run a long lick from the taut bundle of nerves to her core and back.

Josie moaned as her hips rocked against his mouth with each long stroke of his tongue. Her fingers delved into his hair, holding him to her as she bucked her hips against his mouth.

"Ali . . . oh, Maker. Your tongue . . ." was all she managed to get out on a groan. She arched her back offering herself to him, but Alistair thought now was the time to continue the game she had started.

He drew back and grinned at her, "Do tell Miss Cousland, what is it about my tongue that you like?"

Her eyes went wide as she stared at him in disbelief. "W-what?"

He continued to grin at her. "I believe it's my lord and the question was, what is it about my tongue that you like?"

"Oh fuck," Josie moaned as her head fell back against the mattress.

"Oh I do tend to do that, but only after you answer my question," Alistair chuckled as he leisurely stroked the swollen nub with his finger, delighting in the way her quivered.

"It makes me weak, it makes me want so much more from you, it makes me want to cum on it, my _lord,_" Josie moaned.

Alistair growled as he lowered his head, continuing to caress the slick orb as he thrust his tongue inside her heat, she gripped the sheets and cry out in ecstasy. He pushed his tongue deep inside her with a slow, even stroke as his thumb stroked her swollen pearl. She arched into him as she begged him for more. He looked up at her; she looked magnificent, her head thrown back, fist clenching the sheets, her back arched, he wanted to remember her like this forever. He closed his lips over her throbbing nub as he sank his fingers deep inside her. He felt her walls convulse around him as his fingers continued to caress her from inside.

"Oh Ali… fuck yessss!" Alistair continued to lick, suck and stroke her until every last tremor had escaped her body.

Alistair prowled up her body until he was level with her again and kissed her passionately, the taste of her still evident on his lips. His tongue plundered her mouth so exquisitely that she turned to warm butter in his hands. He ran his hands up her arms and pulled them over her head, pinning them there with one hand. With his other hand he grabbed his length and rubbed the tip against the swollen bundle of nerves, she moaned as her hips rose to him, but he refused to enter her and continued to tease her. She was writhing beneath him and drank in her absolute need for him, as she tried to push him into her, but he held her hips firmly in place.

"Pleassse Alistair," she moaned.

He grinned. Alistair smiled at her. "I like that… beg a little more," he teased as he slid just the tip inside and stroked the swollen nub. She moaned as he grit his teeth to keep from burying himself completely in her.

"What do you want, Josie?" He rasped, his control on the verge crumbling.

"You…please, my lord, I want you in me," Josie said as she stared up into his eyes. He had never felt more in control as he did at this moment. He had power over her, the power to give her exactly what she needed, the power to satisfy both of them until they collapsed from exhaustion.

Alistair thrust into her, burying himself completely as she cried out his name in a chorus of ecstasy.

"Bloody hell, Jo Jo, you're so wet and tight . . ." Alistair groaned as he continued to thrust deep inside her.

With one hand still holding her wrists in place, he braced his weight on his other forearm; he kissed her shoulder and licked her throat at its pulse point. Then with hard, deep strokes he continued to bury himself to the hilt inside her depths.

She cried out against his muscular bicep as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him against her and strained against the hold he had on her arms. He buried his head in the crook of her neck as his tongue swirled and licked a path up to ear. He closed his lips around her earlobe and as he moved in and out of her slick center.

"Alistair…please…harder," she moaned.

He released her hands, then they slid down and gripped her hips tightly, pulling her into him as he arched deeper into he. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he thrust his hips into hers harder, faster giving her what she wanted. She rode hard against him as he thrust into her, over and over again. Watching as her body quivered against his, as she called out his name over and over again, set his body on fire.

Her body went rigid as her core spasmed around him, tightening and releasing rhythmically as she pulled him over the edge with her, into pure ecstasy.

Alistair collapsed on top of her. He kissed the side of her neck and ran his fingers through her hair. "I love you, Jo Jo," he whispered into her ear.

She nipped at his ear and sighed, "I love you more."

"Not possible," Alistair sighed as his lips caressed her neck and ear then rolled onto his back pulling her with him. "I've waited to make love to you in a proper bed for so long."

"What! You don't appreciate the finer aspects of having tree bark poke you in the arse," Josie chuckled.

"The only benefit to tree bark in the ass, is knowing that either I am or about to be buried deep inside you," Alistair said as he kissed the top of her forehead.

Josie was about to reply when his stomach growled loudly and Josie's replied in kind.

"I believe Gracie was letting George know that she feels the exact same way," Josie chuckled.

"Well, I will have to remedy that," Alistair said as he slipped out of bed and pulled on his trousers. He leaned in for a quick kiss and then headed for the kitchens.

He found a tray and piled it high with bread, meat, fruit, wine and of course cheese. He was looking for a couple of knives when a voice from behind said, "If you're looking for cutlery it's in the top drawer by the sink."

Alistair spun to see Bann Teagan standing in the doorway.

"Thank you."

"Josie has been found safe and sound." It was a statement not a question and the fact that the Bann knew of their return bothered him for some reason.

"Yes, she is resting comfortably," Alistair replied.

A smirk played across Teagan's lips. "Yes, I'm sure she is. She must have worked up quite an appetite on her little outing."

Alistair remembered the way Teagan had looked at Josie, how his hand had rested possessively at the small of her back and he didn't want to continue this conversation with Teagan. He didn't know how long he could control his temper with regards to her.

"Well, she did miss the feast at the celebrations so yes, she is a little hungry," Alistair said as he picked up the tray to leave, but Bann Teagan stepped in his path.

"I want you to realize what a precious treasure you have been given, Alistair. It is one that should be cherished and adored, not taken for granted. You need to grow up and be the man that she deserves."

Teagan was the second person today to tell him that he needed to become a better man. It hadn't been easy hearing it from Zevran, but he sure as hell didn't need to take it from a man that he hadn't seen since he was twelve.

"I don't need you to tell me what she needs or deserves Teagan. It's none of your business, but rest assured she is in very good and capable hands."

"But it is my business. You see I had her father's permission to officially begin courting her and then for her to become my betrothed, so you see, Alistair, I do have great concern for her well beginning."

Betrothed…Josie had been betrothed. Why hadn't she ever mentioned it? Was that why she pushed him to take the throne, because she knew in the end she couldn't be with him? Alistair felt sick to his stomach, but he refused to give the Bann the satisfaction he was looking for.

"Are you sure Josie is aware of this little arrangement? Because in all of my time with her your name has never come up once; maybe this is just a figment of an overactive imagination," Alistair retorted.

He watched Teagan visibly stiffened and he knew there some truth to his statement. Alistair smiled. "Josie has told me that her parents would never have forced her into an arranged marriage; that the decision who she married was up to her. She's never mentioned you to me because she has no idea about your intentions. I don't know what her decision would have been if I hadn't come into her life again, but she is with me now Teagan. I may not be as suave and sophisticated as you, but I do love her and I am trying to become a better man for her."

"And does she love you?"

"Yes."

A sad grin flickered across his face. "All I want is for her to be happy, but every time I see the two of you together you are always fighting. That can't be good for her or for you."

"We are young, both of us impulsive and at times strong-minded, but we are working through our problems. In the end they will only make us stronger. Now, if you will excuse me I have a beautiful, starving lady waiting for me to bring her something to eat." Alistair stepped past Teagan and headed for his room.

Alistair couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. He had kept his cool with Teagan, he gave Josie the benefit of the doubt and he actually had a decent comeback for once. Maybe you could teach a old dog new tricks.

He was still smiling when he entered his room and his grin widened when he saw she was still naked, her breasts bare, her nipples erect. Maker's breath how was he supposed to feed her when she looked more like the meal than the one he carried.

"What has you grinning like a dwarf that just discovered a thaig filled with ale?"

"You," he said matter-of-factly.

"What in particular?"

"Oh just in general how amazing you are and how lucky I am to have you," Alistair said as he set the tray on the bed and crawled in beside her, trying and failing not to stare at the mouth watering mounds on display in front of him.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with my breasts that you are trying not to look at," she teased.

"Nope," he chuckled as he picked up a strawberry and held it up for her. She opened her mouth, leaned forward for him to give it to her, but at the last minute Alistair popped it into his mouth.

"Mmmm, that was good," he chuckled.

"Alistair!" She yelped as she smacked at him.

"Oh you wanted that?"

She glared at him, but a grin teased at the corners of her mouth.

Alistair grabbed another, he smiled innocently at her "If you want it, you have to come and get it." Then he brought the strawberry up to his mouth and held it between his lips.

She shook her head as she leaned into him, she gently sucked the berry away from his lips, she leisurely chewed and swallowed it as juice from the berry ran down her chin. Alistair leaned over and licked at it.

"You taste so good," he moaned as he continued to lick the berry juice off her chin and lips. "There are different berries that I would like to snack on."

He took another berry between his lips and lowered his head to feed her. Slowly his tongue pushed the little fruit into her mouth as his hand reached up to cupped the supple mounds, running the pad of his thumb over the pert nub then he leaned down and softly pulled one of the taut orb between his lips, slightly touching it with the tip of his tongue.

Alistair tenderly pushed her back on the bed, He took another berry, bit the tip off then pressed the fleshy meat of the fruit to her nipple before he dragged the fruit over her tender flesh to the valley between her breasts and down towards her navel leaving a trail of juice in its wake. He placed the fruit between his lips and leaned over her to feed her. Hungrily she took it from him then he licked, sucked and nipped his way down her body cleaning the juice off as he went.

"Now this is the kind of buffet I was thinking of. I hope you're as hungry as I am, Miss Cousland," Alistair moaned.

She grinned at him, "I'm famished, my lord."

"That's what I wanted to hear." And the two of them proceeded to feast on one another into the wee hours of the morning.

* * *

**A/N - Thanks to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. It warms my heart to know that you are enjoying my little tale. A huge shout out to everyone who took the time to write review; your thoughts and opinions bring a smile to my face. **

***A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic betas, The Lilacgirl and Jinxy, for their rad, mad beta-ing skills. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You ladies are awesome!**


	12. Chapter 12 Save the World Tonight

**Chapter 11 – Save the World Tonight **

"Into the streets, we're coming down, we never sleep,

Never get tired, through urban fields, and suburban life

Turn the crowd up now, We'll never back down

Shoot down a skyline, watch it in primetime

Turn up the love now, listen up now, turn up the love

Who's gonna save the world tonight? Who's gonna bring you back to life?

We're gonna make it, you and I. We're gonna Save The World tonight.

We're far from home, it's for the better

What we dream, it's all that matters, we're on our way, united"

_Save the World Tonight by Swedish House Mafia_

Perched in a tree several feet off the ground, Josie patiently waited for a deer to walk directly under her branch. They were only two days away from Orzammar, but their food rations were getting dangerously low. A bird whistled and Josie looked up. Zevran motioned that the prey was coming her way. Spryly she slid to the edge of the branch and quietly drew daggers as the deer passed below her. She slipped off the branch and landed directly beside the beast. The buck was too startled to react and Josie quickly wrapped her arm around its neck a dragged her blade across its jugular. The beast instantly dropped to the ground.

"Dinner is served," she said with a grin as her stomach growled loudly.

"That was a nice clean kill, Warden," Sten said as he emerged from the bushes.

"Thanks, this should make the crew fat and happy for a few days. Sten can you carry it back to camp so that Morrigan can clean and skin it?"

Sten nodded and began to prep the animal so that he could transport it. Zevran whistled at her again. When she looked up, he motioned for her to join him. She ran over to the tree he was in, leapt at a low hanging branch and then nimbly climbed to up to join him.

He smiled at her as she settled on the large branch beside him. "That was an impressive jump. I can tell that wasn't the first time you had done that."

"No, Fergus and I use to help my father and our master gamer hunt in the fall to stock up for the long winters. Unlike my brother, I never truly honed my skills with a bow, and had always felt at home climbing trees since Fergus and I had been doing that since we were kids. I just adapted my own set of skills to hunt prey," Josie explained.

"So there is a skill that the great Josie Cousland doesn't possess," Zevran chuckled.

"I didn't say I couldn't shoot a bow, I just wouldn't stand ten feet in either direction of the target," Josie laughed.

"Well, that's good to know. If I ever see you with a bow in your hand remind me to stand behind you."

"So I've been meaning to ask you about that night at Moon Under Water…"

"I knew your curiosity would finally win out. To answer your question, yes I did make Blinne moan, whimper and cry all in the same breath."

"Well, good for Blinne, but that isn't what I was going to ask."

"Oh what a shame 'cause I was going to describe this excellent position where I lifted her leg…"

"Please don't. I really don't need that image in my head."

"Okay, but it's your loss. So what was your question, my sweet?"

"Soooo, Alistair bending down and placing my slipper on my foot was your idea, wasn't it?"

Zevran grinned at her. "Nothing gets by you, my dear Warden or did Alistair tell you?"

"No he didn't tell me. It's just that I know him very well and as charming as he can be at times, I do believe that romantic idea came out of the creative mind of one Zevran Arainai."

"The idea may have been mine, but he still had to pull it off. He did a smashing job of it, if I do say so myself."

"Yes, he did," Josie said with a grin.

"And I do believe the thick headed brat prince may have finally learned his lesson about trust," Zevran commented.

"I think that the issue is still there, but he is working hard not to let it override his better judgment."

"Good for him. So did you ask him about the slipper?"

"I asked him how he had repaired it so quickly."

"And what did he say?"

Josie smirked. "He said, 'Oh you would be surprised what a nail and tree trunk can accomplish when you beat something against it hard enough'."

Zevran laughed. "And was he believable?"

"Yep, didn't even fidget with his sleeve once," Josie replied proudly.

"You're going to turn him to a fine noble indeed, dolce cuore."

"That's the plan. If you're going to run with the big dogs, you better learn to piss in the tall grass."

Zevran burst out laughing. "What a colorful way you have phrasing things, my dear."

"It does make for quite a visual, doesn't it?" Josie chuckled.

"Yes it does. So you still plan on putting him on the throne even though you know that isn't what he really wants and the two of you can never be together?"

Josie's head spun around as she stared at Zevran for a long moment before her lips perched. "What have I told you about sneaking around in the shadows and listening to my conversations?"

"I do believe you promised to inflict severe bodily injury if you ever caught me."

"And that didn't dissuade you?"

"Well, the key part of that statement is 'if you ever catch me'. You have to catch me first," Zevran cooed as he winked at her. "Now back to my question."

"I don't want to put him on the throne, but what choice do I have."

"We always have choices, my sweet Warden. You may not like the choices, but you do have them. Why not keep Anora on the throne? As Alistair once said, it was her, not Cailan that ran the country and she did a good job."

"I haven't ruled that out yet, but before I can do that, I need to know that she had no involvement with what happened at Ostagar or with the murder of my family."

"Then when we go back to Denerim that will become my number one priority," Zevran stated.

"Thanks, Zev, but don't tell Alistair. I don't want to get his hopes up about something that might not work out," Josie replied as the two of them began to make their way down the tree.

"You have my word. So did you take me up on my suggestion about letting Alistair dominate in the bedroom?"

"I'm working on it…he's making progress, but it takes time to build up that kind of confidence," Josie said as she jumped to the ground.

"Well, he has been more self-assured around the rest of the companions so you must be doing something right," Zevran replied as he landed beside her and gently touched her arm to stop her, she turned and looked at him. "I'm glad we have a few minutes alone. There is something I have wanted to give to you since we left Redcliffe."

Zevran opened his bag, pulled out a bronzed dagger and handed it to her. Josie ran her fingers over the engraved blade that had _Un nemico è troppo e cento amici non bastano _engraved on the blade. She smiled as she looked over at her dear friend. " 'One enemy is too many and a hundred friends aren't enough'. Words to live by, my friend."

"La mia caramella dolce, this is the dagger that I was carrying the day I attempted to kill you. You spared my life and in the process gave me a whole new reason for living. During our time together I have learned a lot from you as a fighter, as a leader and as a noble, but the one thing I never expected on the day that I vowed my blade and life to you was to find a friend…not just any friend, but mio migliore amico."

Josie threw her arms around Zevran's neck and kissed his cheek. His arms enfolded her tightly into his embrace. "I feel exactly the same way, you are my best friend too, Zev."

Josie's stomach growled loudly again. She pulled away from and grinned. "Let's head back to camp before I start to nibble on your arm."

"There are much better areas of my body to take a bite out of.."

"I will leave that to your many adoring fans," Josie said as she started down the path.

Zevran ran up beside her and slid his arm around her shoulder. "So are you sure you don't want to know how I made Blinne moan, whimper and cry all in the same breath?"

"Positive!"

"It's your loss. I believe Alistair could master this trick in no time."

"Alistair is doing just fine under my guidance. He…we don't need any help from you."

"Well, that isn't true. You did enjoy the slipper thing and the whole dominance thing was my idea."

"You can coach him all you want outside the bedroom. Understood?"

"I don't know Josie. If I told him that when he had you pinned against a tree that if he only played with your arse a wee bit it would make it so much better for the two of you."

Josie's eyes went wide as all the blood rushed to her face. She spun and leapt at the assassin, but he was too quick. He laughed as he slipped into the shadows.

"Zevran! I'm going to kill you when I find you!"

_**xxXxx**_

Josie marched into Tapsters determined to get good and drunk. It was unbelievable that politics would still weasel its way into her life even buried below all the rocks of Orzammar. Bhelen…Harrowmont, Harrowmont…Bhelen. Truthfully both choices sucked. There were serious questions regarding the death of Bhelen's father and the possible role the prince may have played in it. There was no proof that he had anything to do with the King's death, but something didn't sit right with her. Then there was Harrowmont who was like every pompous noble she had ever met and seemed to have about as much backbone as slug. However, even though Harrowmont very well maybe the lesser of two evils she went with Bhelen at Alistair's insistence. His argument was, how could she want to overthrow Anora to keep the Theirin bloodline on the throne and not do the same in Orzammar. He had made a valid case, one that Josie couldn't contest.

Josie slumped into a chair, her companions filling in the chairs around her.

"Good evening, Warden. Welcome to Tapster's. I'm Corra, your hostess. What can I get for you this evening?"

"I need a drink…desperately…to soothe the headache I feel coming on," Josie grunted.

The hostess laughed. "Well, with fifty-two types of ales, seventeen types of mead, and a dozen imported wines, we should be able to serve your needs. What'll you have?"

Josie looked around the tavern. There were several dwarves there that if properly motivated might be able to provide a more in depth perspective on the two candidates for the throne.

"A round of your best brew for myself, my companions and the house!"

Corra raised an eyebrow. "Well alright then. Someone's feeling generous. A round of Valenta's Red for everyone! That, my friend, is the Paragon of ales, the best your money can buy. I will have a pitcher sent over right away. Enjoy!"

"That was very kind of you, buying a drink for the house, but I would have recommended the lichen-ale. The name's Nevin." A dwarf with dark hair and a beard said.

"You're welcome. The name's Josie. Maybe the next round I'll give your recommendation a try. Won't you pull up a barstool and join us?" Josie gestured with a smile.

"Thank you, Josie. I fight with Prince Bhelen's expeditionary field unit. Yourself?"

"I'm a Warden."

"Good folks, the Wardens. I was in the Deep Roads when one came by. What was his name? Doocan…Dun…"

"Duncan!" Alistair exclaimed.

"Yes, that was it."

"You knew Duncan?" Alistair asked.

"Yes, good man. Solid. He knows what we go through in Deep Roads. Not many do. Even those that live this close to them," Nevin stated.

"He was a good man," Josie acknowledged. Josie raised her mug, "To Duncan, a good man and to all the good men lost at Ostagar."

Josie's companions lifted their glasses as did the dwarves at the nearby tables who had heard the toast. Josie watched Alistair stiffen before he reached for his mug, gulp down the whole thing and immediately refill it.

"Batten down the hatches, my sweet, I have a feeling this is going to be a long night," Zevran whispered in her ear.

"That's just lovely, we get to enjoy this evening the pleasant company of moppy, whiny Alistair. How exciting!" Morrigan jeered.

"Shut up, witch." Alistair snapped as he took another long swing from his mug.

"Damn it, after the day I've had, I was looking forward to getting drunk tonight," Josie whispered back to Zevran.

"You can still get drunk, my pet, I promise to take care of you," Zevran purred back.

"Ali," Leliana said as she slid into the chair beside him. "I know you still mourn the loss of the man you viewed as a father figure, but you should concentrate on the good memories that you have of him. What is your favorite memory of him?"

Alistair let out a long sigh. "Look Leli, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"Alistair, I would like to hear about your favorite memory of Duncan if you would be willing to share it," Josie said tenderly.

"Good one, Jo. Get him talking then take shots on the side," Zevran whispered. She batted him away like she would an annoying fly.

Alistair looked up at her and she gave him an encouraging smile.

"Well…uhmm, there was this large field behind the Warden Compound that Duncan used to enact battles. The losers from the previous battle were required to carry out the equipment out to the field. There was this one mage, a powerful caster, but a small elf; because he had held the least seniority his fellow losers made him carry the majority of the heavy gear. As he made his way out to the field, he had to stop every few feet to rest and he started to let out these moans. They were quiet at first, but by the time we reached center of the field, he was moaning like a whore in heat. Duncan, not realizing what was going on yelled out, 'Hey who is having an orgasm on the field? There will be none of that!' Everyone burst out laughing, but when Duncan turned around and saw where the noise was coming from, his face turned beet red. He was furious that his Wardens would treat a brother so poorly. He made all of the losers except for the mage run ten miles before the battle reenactment. Needless to say they lost again…That was who Duncan was to me…just one of the guys who could joke around with his men, but who was also a fair and fearless leader, who put brotherhood, the order and duty above all else."

"Reminds me of someone else I know," Zevran stated.

Alistair looked at Josie again and smiled. "Yes, it does."

Before Josie could reply a drunk dwarf stumbled up to her. "Hey…you…lady."

"Well, I'm glad to see that he is sober enough to distinguish your gender, Jo," Leliana chuckled.

"Y-you're that Warden they h-have been going on about," the dwarf slurred.

"Well that depends on what you've heard and who they are." Josie replied.

"You're awfully small to be W-warden," he stated.

"Don't let her compact size fool you," Sten replied causing Alistair to raise an eyebrow and Josie to smile.

"You're one to talk about size, my smelly friend," Zevran chortled.

"I'm Josie and you are?"

"Me? Oh, I'm Oghren, the fiercest beserker in all of Orzammar," he said as he stumbled back and found his footing.

"In his wet dreams," Zevran mumbled.

"I wasn't talking to you, string bean!" He grumbled.

"Did I say that out loud? Pardon me," the assassin replied sarcastically.

"Well, Oghren, it's a pleasure to meet you…"

"I believe someone needs to define the word pleasure for her," Morrigan chimed in.

"Oh she knows the definition," Alistair stated with a boyish grin.

"Thanks, I needed that visual to make sure I don't eat for another week!" Morrigan growled.

"Always a _pleasure_, witch," Alistair purred sardonically.

"A-are you sure you're a Warden? Cause your b-breasts aren't heaving magnificently... I've heard that it was one of the traits for girl Wardens," Oghren garbled.

"Well, I think her breasts are rather magnificent," Zevran stated.

"I would have to second that notion," Leliana agreed.

"When the bloody hell did the two of you see them?" Alistair demanded.

"Oh so she puts them on display...even better. I'll be the judge of their magnificence." Oghren stated.

"There will be no display!" Alistair growled.

"Let me guess, you're the girl in the relationship, aren't ya, pike twirler?" Oghren grinned at Alistair.

Josie saw Alistair's jaw tighten and his fist clench. Before he could reply to the dwarf, she asked, "Is there something particular you wanted Oghren or were you just being polite and making an introduction?"

"I-I heard you are going into the D-deep Roads tomorrow to look for B-branka. Well, I'm going with you," Oghren stuttered.

"You! You couldn't go one round with a nug let alone darkspawn," Morrigan declared.

"I'll go several rounds with you, if I was drunk enough to find you attractive," the dwarf retorted.

"I've always wondered what a dwarf would look like as a toad," Morrigan stated.

"I imagine it would look like your mother," Oghren said matter-of-factly.

Morrigan reached for her staff, but Josie got there first and pulled it out of reach. The witch cursed at her, but Josie just smirked at her before turning her attention back to the dwarf at hand. "Thank you for the offer, Oghren, but I do believe that I have enough companions accompanying me into the Deep Roads."

"This band of misfits? They won't be able to wipe their own arses down in the Deep Roads, never mind watching yours," Oghren grunted.

"Have no fear, I never have a problem watching her ass," Zevran chuckled.

"She doesn't need someone to watch her ass down there, she needs someone to protect it!" Ogrhen growled.

"I'm pretty capable of taking care of myself."

"Have you ever been to the Deep Roads?" Oghren asked.

Josie shook her head.

"Well, nothing you have experienced on the surface can prepare you for what is down there. You need someone like me who can guide you through the thaigs."

Leliana leaned over to Sten and whispered, "Did you notice that he stopped slurring the moment he started to talk about the Deep Roads?"

"Yes, is that a dwarven thing?"

"It's a life or death thing. We don't fuck around when it comes to the deep roads. What you see as Blights, we see every day. We live through it, fight and die from it. This isn't a game of hide and seek or a treasure hunt. If you don't know what you're facing or where you're going, you will die down there. That I guarantee," Oghren declared.

"Why do you want to be my guide? What's in it for you?" Josie asked.

"Yes, no one ever offers to help us unless they want something in return," Alistair muttered.

"I need to find Branka. That's all I need out of this. They won't let me go alone," Oghren said.

"Who is Branka to you?" Josie asked.

"Well you see…she's... Oh sod it! She's my wife," Oghren confessed.

"I didn't see that one coming," Zevran mused.

"Let me get this straight, your wife, who is a paragon, is now living in the deep roads. Why?" Josie questioned.

"To escape his stench would be my first guess," Morrigan stated.

"She went there to find the anvil of the void. Stupid idea, but the girl doesn't listen."

"I've read about this anvil in the Shaperate, but only in passing. What is it exactly and why does she want it?" Josie inquired.

"By my ancestor's tit, I can't remember all that. I was drunk half the time. All I know is that the paragon Caridan used it to create the golems of Orzammar, to protect and defend us against the darkspawn," Oghren mumbled.

Josie studied the dwarf for a long time then she said, "Fine, you can join us, but even though you might be the Deep Roads expert. Alistair and I are the Wardens and you will follow our orders. Is that understood?"

"As long as I can go in and find Branka, I'll even wipe your arses with a smile."

"No ass wiping required. Welcome to our crew," Josie replied.

"That's lovely, now we have a drunken dwarf as a companion. Better hide the cooking sherry," Morrigan sneered.

"And get something to cover our noses," Zevran chortled.

Oghren leaned over to Zevran, "Is she always so bossy?"

"This is just her good mood. You should see her when she's pissed off. She would make an orge cry, when she really gets started."

"I think I'm going to like her."

"Join the club."

_**xxXxx**_

Oghren had been right about one thing - nothing on the surface had prepared Josie for the Deep Roads. The worst part wasn't the darkness, the sulfuric smell, or the complete lack of sunlight due to the rocks overhead that lent to the claustrophobic feeling and caused her breathing to be difficult and made it feel as if the walls were closing in. Nor was it the atmosphere that was oppressive, depressing with a dash of malevolence thrown in just to add a little variety. It was the ever present, ever constant feeling of the darkspawn taint that crawled over her skin, permeating it. It was with her from the moment that she woke up till the moment that she lay down to sleep; it followed her into the Fade, giving her the most horrific dreams. It was like a buzzing swarm of insects in her ear, on her skin, in her head and blood, and the longer she was down here, the more disheartened and despondent she became. Alistair wasn't fairing any better. His normal light hearted approach to life had become troubled and gloomy. What made matters worse was that the two of them couldn't take solace in each other at night. Being the only Wardens one of them always needed to be awake and alert for any surprise attacks.

Her companions were also miserable and discouraged. They didn't have to contend with the taint, but they were still affected by the malicious environment that they had been exposed to for the past two weeks. The only one not disturbed by their surroundings was Shale, she remained her sarcastic, stoic self.

Josie leaned over and whispered to the golem, "Now might be a good time to breakout one of those dirty limericks I taught you."

"Now?"

Josie nodded.

"It finds the most odd times to invoke humor."

"What is odd about wanting your friends to laugh when they are feeling dispirited?"

"If it thinks it will help."

Josie smiled at the golem. "I do."

"I have been working on something that it believes everyone will enjoy," Shale announced.

"I am always up for a little pleasure," Zevran cooed.

"I don't believe she is referring to that type of enjoyment, Zev," Josie chuckled.

Zevran eyed the golem up and down and snickered. "Yes, I can see how that might be a bit difficult for her. What is this enjoyment you speak of, my sturdy friend?"

Shale cleared her throat and then in a lyrical voice that caught Josie completely off guard she chimed:

"Alistair's lamppost made Josie rather randy  
Because she said it tasted like candy  
So Josie sat on the dock  
And from dust until dawn she sucked his cock  
Till one day it was said  
She gave him so much head  
He exploded and whitewashed the block,"

Alistair's face turned beat red as he began to cough and choke.

"Shale! That's isn't what I taught you!" Josie exclaimed.

Zevran and Oghren both burst out laughing. The elf had to hold onto the dwarf for support to keep from falling down.

"The painted elf tweaked the one you gave me. He said that you and the weak one would like this one better," Shale stated.

"Zevvvv!"

"O-oh Maker…e-even if you run me through with a sword, the look on your face was so worth it," Zevran said gasping for breath.

"Really Zevran, I can't believe you would teach such a thing to an impressionable creature like Shale," Wynne huffed.

"My fair bosomed mage, you wouldn't believe the things I've taught to impressionable creatures," Zevran chortled.

"I never thought my privates would be so inspirational," Alistair chuckled.

"Don't blow your own horn so soon, Pike Twirler, for all you know, it was Josie's magical mouth that accomplished such a feat," Oghren mumbled.

Zev's eyes twinkled. "Yes, I do believe her tantalizing, talented tongue does have that effect."

"And how in the Maker's balls would you know that?" Alistair challenged.

Josie started to cough. "Aaah move along folks, nothing to see here." Then she looked up at the rock above her head, "Oh my, what lovely shade of slate that is."

"Did it take a hit to the head in that last battle?" Shale inquired.

"Zev, how would you know how talented Josie's tongue is?" Alistair growled.

"Sad to say, not from personal experience," Zevran quipped.

"Then how?" Alistair demanded.

"You would be surprised all the interesting things you learn from the shadows," Zevran cooed.

As the reality of the statement sunk in, Alistair's eyes flickered with rage. "You little, dirty, mother of a whore," he growled as he charged the elf.

Zevran nimbly moved out of his path and chuckled, "If it helps, I really didn't see much, it was more the O your face was making, that told me that Josie's true talents aren't just with a blade."

Josie spun around and connected her fist with the assassin's jaw, completely caught off guard by the attack Zevran went flying back landing on his arse in a heap.

Alistair burst out laughing. "Now that was funny!"

"Enough!" Wynne bellowed. "Can't you see what is happening here? This isn't like any of you. This is the Deep Roads and the taint, it is slowly corrupting us, eating away at us, so that we are more vulnerable."

Josie lowered her head in shame as she extended her hand toward Zevran. "She is right. We need to stick together, not be at one another's throats. I'm sorry, Zev."

The elf rubbed at his jaw, "Don't ever let anyone accuse you of hitting like a girl."

Zevran slid his arm around Josie's waist. "It's okay. I know this is difficult for you and Alistair, so maybe the timing of that limerick wasn't the best."

They gathered their gear and started once again down the dark path.

"I have another one about Oghren," Shale said.

"NO!" They all yelled in unison.

The group walked in silence as they maneuvered the twisting, turning pathways, occasionally fighting enormous spiders, deep stalkers and few rogue bands of darkspawn before the passageway leads them into a cavernous open space that has two bluffs on either side of a vast ravine that is connected by a massive stone bridge.

"The Dead Trenches," Oghren sneers.

"Sounds so warm and cozy," Zevran snickered.

On the cliff that they are on there is a small number of dwarves fighting off an overwhelming number of darkspawn.

"The Legion of the Dead," Oghren stated.

"Well of course, with a name like the Dead Trenches you have to have a league called the Legion of the Dead. Only makes sense," Josie muttered as she charged forward into the fray her companions close on her heels.

She sensed Alistair at her left side before she saw him and together they moved into the heart of the battle so in tune, so synchronized with one another that they moved together like a deadly dance, he blocked, she jabbed, he attacked, she parried. Swing, block, attack, parry, they moved as if they were fighting as one.

They only made one misstep when one of the Legion members stepped in her path, to avoid her sword taking off the dwarf's head, Josie spun and pivoted, exposing her back to the Hurlock behind her. The beast grabbed her around the neck and brought its dagger up to her throat. Josie heard the whistle of an arrow fly by her ear as it buried itself in the darkspawn's forehead. In the throes of death, its grip tightened around her neck and as it started to fall backwards Josie realized, much too late, how close they were to the edge of the cliff. The Hurlock plunged into the vast, dark abyss taking her with it.

As she fell, she heard Alistair scream her name as the beast released its grip, and falling away from her. She heard more than felt her back snapping as she landed on a ledge before everything simply faded into darkness.

* * *

**A/N – Your Italian lesson for the day. La mia caramella dolce – my sweet candy, mio migliore amico – my best friend.**

***I actually wrote Oghren's limerick, but didn't have an appropriate place to add it. I didn't want it to go to waste so here it is for your enjoyment.**

**When Oghren's body decides to expel**  
**His odors, it makes quite a smell.**  
**Thus a fart's not abusive -**  
**Indeed, it's inclusive**  
**And appreciated by deaf people as well!**

***Thank you for all the wonderful reviews . They always bring a smile to my face and make my day.**

***Okay it's been too long since I've created a song as a tribute to my betas so this one's for the dynamic duo, Jinxy and The Lilacgirl. **

"**It's all the same, only the characters will change**

**Everyday, it seems Ferelden's wasting away**

**Another chapter and my fingers are getting cold**

**But I push through the night**

**So the writer can post it from home**

'**Cause I'm a beta, on a steel red pen I ride**

**This betaing will make me**

**Dead or Alive"**


	13. Chapter 13 You and I

**Chapter 12 – You and I**

"Here we are on earth together it's you and I  
God has made us fall in love, it's true  
I've really found someone like you  
Will it stay, the love you feel for me  
Will you say, that you will be by my side  
To see me through until my life is through  
Well in my mind we can conquer the world  
In love you and I, you and I, you and I"  
_You and I by Michael Buble_

One heartbeat…one heartbeat was all it took for Alistair's world to be turned completely upside down. One heartbeat, he was happy as he worked in tandem by Josie's side as they cut a deadly path through the darkspawn, and in the next beat he watched in horror as one of those beast grabbed Josie by the throat and then fell to its death with her still in its clutches

"NO!" He cried as he fell on his knees, his tears nearly blinding him as he scrambled to the rim of the dark chasm crying out her name over and over again, but no answer came.

"No!" He howled as a heart wrenching sob tore from his throat. She couldn't be gone, she was invincible, she couldn't be gone, she was his fierce fighter, she just couldn't be gone! He refused to believe it. They had too much left to do, too many more memories to make together. It wasn't enough! He needed more, more of her. He closed his eyes as he remembered the feel of her lips as they brushed against his this morning. They were so soft, so sweet, but so fleeting because they were rushing to break down camp. If he had known that might have been the last time their lips would ever meet he would have made it count, would have conveyed the depth of his love for her, he would have memorized every line of her face, relished in the lively sound of her voice, the trill of her laugh, he would have cherished the feel of their last embrace…Oh Maker, please no!

Images of her flashed through his mind. Josie's mischievous smile in the hall outside the larder, the twinkle in her eyes when Strider licked her nose, the playful tone in her voice as she told riddles back and forth with Daveth. The graceful way she moved in battle, the tender sound of her voice when she told him she loved him, the way she smelled, the way she tasted…Argh! Fuck no!

Beside him Zevran fell to his knees as an anguished groan ripped from the assassin's throat. He blindly reached out in the dark abyss as if searching for her, trying desperately to bring her back.

"Alistair," Wynne said as her cool arm slid around his shoulder pulling him back from the edge. "She's gone."

Alistair shook his head adamantly as he chanted no over and over again. He couldn't let her go. He refused to believe that was gone, not her, not someone as vibrant as Josie couldn't die like that, not here, not in the Deep Roads. Without even realizing it he reached out to her one last time through the taint. He expected to feel nothing instead he felt the slow, ragged pulse of her taint. During battles they had always been able to distinguish their taint from darkspawn taint. They both just assumed that it was because they were the only two Wardens left in Ferelden. However, it had been become more pronounced since they had arrived in the Deep Roads. Not only did they sense each other, but at times could detect the others emotional state. Right now, he only knew that she was alive, but that was all that mattered.

"She's alive!"

"Alistair, I know this hard to accept…"

"No! Wynne, she's alive! I can feel her taint. Its weak, but her heart is still beating."

Wynne cast a light of day spell. A large glowing orb appeared to hover just above the palm of her hand and as she released it rays of light shot out illuminating everything within a sixty feet radius. It floated in midair for a moment before it started in a slow descent into the ravine, light flickering off of the dark rocks. The light glinted off an object not far below them. Before Alistair could even say anything Wynne guided the sphere toward the source of the gleam.

"I see it, Alistair," Wynne said calmly.

On a small ledge about ten feet below them the ball of light shone on a skeleton of a warrior still dressed in his armor with his sword clutched in the boney remains of his hand.

"Damn it," Alistair hissed as fear gripped his heart. She had fallen even further into the ravine. How far down was she? Would they even be able to find her let alone get to her in time? He reached out to her once again through the taint and felt the reassuring hum of her blood beating, slowly, but steadily.

The orb continued its slow descent illuminating lost pieces of armor and weapons that had been collected on the edges of the chasm over the years. Every time an item glimmered in the light hope would rise only to be crushed when it wasn't her. Alistair was becoming frustrated and it was only the slow pulse of her taint that kept him sane.

"There! Wynne to the left," Zevran directed. Wynne did as instructed and the sphere gradually light up a small ledge. As Josie's body came into view Alistair went from elation to horror as he stared at her crumpled figure that was unmoving. Her leg was bent in a very unnatural position and he could see blood on her mouth and behind her head.

"I have to get down there immediately," Wynne stated as she stood up.

Zevran looked around and waved Kardol, the Legions leader over "Do you have any ropes that we can use?"

Kardol looked over the edge and then back at Zevran. "Yes, but we don't have any that are long enough to reach her. You will need to tie several of them together."

"Fine, I need those immediately. I will also need something to make a stretcher out of," Zevran explained.

"I will get you the ropes and will have my men work on the stretcher for you," the dwarf said as he headed back to his troops.

A few minutes later Kardol brought them several long ropes already rigged together. Zevran double checked the knots before Alistair secured the harness around his waist. Then the assassin fastened Wynne to his back. The Legion and the companions began to slowly lower the pair into the chasm.

Alistair felt his feet touch the overhang; he maneuvered them so that Wynne's back was against the cliff wall before he undid her harness. There wasn't a lot of room on the bluff, and Alistair stood back as far as he could to give the mage plenty of room to work.

Wynne's hands began to glow a light blue as they moved across Josie's body as she examined extent of Josie injuries. She paused half way down Josie's abdomen and frowned.

"What? What's wrong?" Alistair demanded.

"Give me a minute, Alistair and I will give you a full report," Wynne stated.

A few minutes later Wynne sighed as she sat back on her heels. "Well, there was no head trauma…"

"But the blood?"

"That did not occur from the initial impact, but afterward when her head was probably flung backwards. It must have hit a shard of rock causing a laceration. The skin there is thin and cuts bleed a lot making it look worse than it really is," Wynne explained.

"So what are you concerned about?"

"Her back…she broke several of her vertebrae in the middle of her spin," the mage said solemnly.

Alistair was stunned for a moment as his mind processed the information. "B-but…but you can heal her, right? She's going to be all?"

"Yes, I can heal her. Luckily, the impact only bruised the spinal cord and didn't severely damage it, but Alistair... even with healing she is going to need several days to rest. She can't be traipsing around the deep roads fighting darkspawn. This injury is going to take time to heal properly so that she doesn't have permanent damage," Wynne instructed.

Alistair nodded as he felt the veil shift and her hands began to glow blue as they moved over Josie sending healing magic into her fragile figure. It felt like hours as Wynne worked on her, consuming every vial of lyruim they had and the longer it took the harder Alistair prayed, begging the Maker not to take her, pleading with him to guide Wynne's hands as she mended Josie's broken body.

Eventually the mage let out long sigh as she sat back looking completely exhausted. "I've done all that I can. She should be fine in time."

"Why is she still unconscious?'

"Her body had been through a traumatic experience. She could wake up in the next few hours or it could be days. It will depend on how quickly her body heals. At least she has Warden Strength on her side. That should help her body to repair itself quickly."

Alistair leaned down and drew the old mage into his arms. "Thank you," he lament quietly.

"You're welcome. Now, let's get out this abyss. It gives me the creeps."

Alistair released her and looked up to see Zevran's anxious face peering over the rim at him. "Zev, she is going to be alright, but we are going to need that stretcher to get her out of her."

"I'm sending it down now."

After triple checking to make sure the knots on the stretcher were secure Alistair gave the signal for them to hoist her up. A few minutes later, he and Wynne joined them at the top of the ravine and Wynne explained Josie's condition and the need for her rest.

"It's the Deep Roads not a travelodge," Oghren grunted.

"I know where we are dwarf, but that is the situation," Alistair retorted.

"Warden," Kardol said as he stepped up to the group. "The structure behind us and across the bridge is the Fortress of Bownammar. The darkspawn are still holding the stronghold across the chasm, but the garrison behind us has been cleared and we have been using it as our quarters. We have plenty of room for you and your group and the accommodations will be much more comfortable for your companion to recover in then a bedroll."

"Thank you, Kardol. We are in your debt," Alistair replied.

"Don't be ridiculous. If you and your companions hadn't arrived when you did I fear we would have been overrun. This is the least we can do to thank you for your aid," Kardol said as he turned and headed into the fort.

The Legion leader gave Alistair and Josie the last private room in the fort. He also gave them extra blankets, had wood brought in for the fire along with a tray of stew and bread. Alistair tried to make the floor as comfortable as possible with the extra blankets before he settled Josie on them in front of the fire. He had requested a basin of warm water. Tenderly he removed her bloody armor, stripped her down to her smalls and gently cleaned off all the blood and grime off of her face, her arms, legs and her hair before he changed her into his last clean tunic.

He laid down beside her and pulled her into his arms as he gazed at her; she looked so peaceful and beautiful. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead as he began to sing to her.

"I'll be seeing you, in all the old familiar places  
That this heart of mine embraces, all day and through"

When he was done singing he lovingly tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "I remember the first time I saw you, Jo. You had scared the shit out of me when you jumped in front of me in that alcove and I was thinking, 'Why didn't anyone tell me that the Teryn's daughter was nug ass crazy'," he chuckled as he kissed her cheek.

"But the way your eyes danced with mischief and mirth, I just knew I had to get to know you and after spending just a week with you I knew I needed you in my life…meeting you, Josie Cousland, was the best thing that ever happened to me," he said as his thumb absentmindedly stroked her cheek. "You've made me a better friend, a better lover, a better man. I can't imagine my life without you."

He leaned down, kissed her cheek before he feathered light kisses across her face and down the slender column of her neck; he nuzzled against her throat as he listened to faint sound of her breathing. "Come back to me, Jo Jo. Please love, come back to me. I need you so much…I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side."

He felt her stir against him and he pulled back to look at her just as her eyes began to flicker open. They focused on him and a weak grin slid across her lips as he reached up to caress his face. "W-was that a proposal?"

He grinned at her before he bent down and kissed her lips. "In a way, yes."

"What a romantic location you've selected," she said teased.

"I thought you would appreciate the charm and allure of the Deep Roads."

"Oh I do, I think we should by vacation property here."

His hands slid up and cupped her face. "I meant what I said, Jo. Almost losing you again made me realize I can't live without you, and I don't want to. This isn't an official proposal, I promise when I ask you to be my wife it will be much more romantic, but I want to go through this life with you by my side. I know you want me to be on the throne, I know that it will be difficult for us to provide an heir, but I can't image ruling without you by my side. You mean everything to to me..."

He leaned in and kissed her lips. "You amaze me. Everything about you, Josie, amazes me; from the way you believe in me, your unwavering faith in me, the way you make me feel like I could take on the world and win," his lips moved across her cheek to her ear. "...to the smell of your skin, the taste of your lips, to the way you whisper my name...I just can't get enough of you."

Josie pulled his face up to hers; her lips were only inches away from his. He could feel her sweet breath wash over him. "Don't ever let Zev tell you that you don't know how to woo a woman. You're words are the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," she whispered before her lips tenderly captured his.

_**xxXxx**_

They had remained at the Legion's stronghold for seven days until Wynne had felt that Josie was completely healed, and had given her permission to travel. Alistair hadn't realized what an ornery old mage she could be until Josie started to get cabin fever around the fifth day into her forced period of recuperation and began to challenge Wynne's decision for her to remain on bed rest. In no uncertain terms, the mage laid down the law about who was the authority when it came to healing.

"Now listen here Warden," Wynne said firmly and Josie visibly flinched from the use of her title since the mage had called her Josie or Jo since the Circle. "I don't question your authority when it comes to leading this motley crew, even if I disagree with some of your decisions because your instincts are unparalleled to anyone I have ever met. Not to mention, you have managed to not only bring together this group of unlikely characters, but you have banded them together as brothers and sisters. This band of brothers that you have united are all experts in their own areas, myself included, and I will not have you second guessing my own knowledge. You brought me down here in this Maker forsaken hell hole because of my skills as a healer. so now it's your turn to listen to an order, young lady. You will follow my directive and stay in bed until I tell you it's okay for you to resume your activities. Do I make myself clear?"

Josie hung her head like a scolded child, "Yes ma'am."

"Good, now that we have that settled. I will check on you again first thing in the morning, if you are still making progress I will let you have a light workout in the sparring ring. Depending on how that goes we will take it from there. Understood?"

"Yes, Wynne, I understand," Josie said begrudgingly.

The next day Wynne gave her permission to spar with Zevran and instructed the assassin to go easy on her. Josie immediately recognized what the elf was doing and was infuriated.

"Bloody hell Zev are we sparring or dancing?" Josie demanded.

"Well, in a way we are dancing, mia bella amica. It's the dance of death," Zevran replied.

"It's going to be your death if you don't actually fight me like a real assassin," Josie taunted.

"Then why are you trying to wound me with words when you can do it with your sword, or at least try. Somehow I think you don't have it in you to teach me a lesson... in any way, shape or form," Zevran teased.

Josie growled as she lunged forward, but Zevran easily sidestepped her advance. "Really, dolce cuore, that was a pathetic attempt. At this rate we might end up retiring down here before Wynne releases you from her care."

"As long as there's a lifetime supply of alcohol, I'm up for it. Just as long as I don't share a tent with the huge hunk of rock, or the granny who lived in a shoe," Oghren grunted as he took another swig from his flask.

Zevran advanced on her, he swung his sword horizontal, Josie quickly stepped back in a fast retreat and out of the sword's reach. Then she immediately pressed forward, came up behind Zevran's weapon and jabbed forward at his midsection. Zev leapt back as the blade barely missed him. Oghren and Alistair hooted and hollered their approval.

"You, my dear, have excellent form. I have no idea what that mage is going on about," Zevran said as he quickly danced toward her in blur of motion as his sword and dagger worked in tandem. Josie backed up as he advanced, her blades meeting each swing with a block, but he had driven her back against the stone wall. She slid into a sideways stance with her left leg leading, she pivoted her hips and swung her right leg around in a semicircular motion and struck the assassin in the side with her leg. The momentum from the kick caused Zevran to stumble back, but his reflexes were lightning quick, before she could pull back her leg, he dropped the dagger in his left hand, grabbed Josie's ankle and twisted. She lost her balance, fell on her back and cried out in pain.

Zevran rushed to her side, knelt beside her as she rolled back and forth in pain. "Josie, are you alright?"

Josie rolled toward him, slid the blunted blade against Zevran's side with a grin. "Fooled ya, now you're dead."

"That's cheating…I thought you were hurt!"

She grinned at him as she sat up. "Wasn't it you that said, 'if you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'?"

"Yes, but it didn't apply to me," Zevran laughed as he clasped her hand to pull her to her feet.

"Oh, you think you're special? That you should be exempt?"

"Well, we all know I'm special. That isn't even be up for discussion," Zevran mused.

"Special as in a few assassins short of a guild," Oghren chuckled.

"You're one to talk my smelly drunken friend. You give new meaning to the word."

Alistair half-heartedly listened to the banter as his eyes scrutinized Josie and he could tell that she was definitely in pain, but desperately trying to mask it. He walked over to her, slid his arm around her waist and started to lead her away.

"I believe Kardol cooked some of that stew that you loved so much," Alistair said letting her continue in the deception for the sake of her companions. However, he was going to talk with her about it once they were alone.

He settled her onto their makeshift bed of blankets and pillows and then handed her cup of water. "Jo, Wynne is right. You have to give yourself time to heal. You're body received serious trauma. You need to take it easy."

"I'm fine, Alistair."

He cocked an eyebrow as he handed her a healing potion. "We both know you are in pain."

She reluctantly took the vial and drank it; her body instantly relaxed as the fast action elixir took effect and she leaned back against the pillows as exhaustion settled in. "No one is pushing you, Jo to leave. We still have a long road ahead of us. We need you to be in top form. Please take the time you need to heal."

"If I do as requested, will you continue to pamper me?" She cooed.

He grinned at her. "Your wish is my command, milady."

"Will you bring me a nice steamy bowl of stew?"

"Your wish is my command, milady."

"Will you fluff my pillows for me?"

"Your wish is my command, milady." Alistair said as reached behind her and rearranged the cushions.

"Will pull up the covers and keep me warm?"

"Your wish is my command, milady." Alistair whispered as he slid in beside her, pulled the covers up and pressed against her as his body tried to warm hers.

"Will you do that thing with your tongue that you did our last night at Redcliffe Castle?"

"Your wish is my command, milady." Alistair purred as he rolled on top of her, settled himself between her legs and proceeded to give her his own kind of healing medicine.

_**xxXxx**_

That night in the Fortress of Bownammar had been over a month ago and he hadn't been lying when he had told Josie that they still had a long road ahead of them. First, they had stumbled upon a Brood Mother's nest and dealt with the abomination that had been housed within. Every night after that Alistair had held Josie in his arms as she cried herself to sleep, begging him to never let them take her alive. And every night he vowed he never would let her become one of those monstrosities. However, it was worse for her when she finally did fall asleep, she would chant Hespith's poem over and over again in her sleep as Alistair struggled to pull her out of her nightmare.

"First day, they come and catch everyone.  
Second day, they beat us and eat some for meat.  
Third day, the men are all gnawed on again.  
Fourth day, we wait and fear for our fate.  
Fifth day, they return and it's another girl's turn.  
Sixth day, her screams we hear in our dreams.  
Seventh day, she grew as in her mouth they spew.  
Eighth day, we hate it as she is violated.  
Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin.  
Now she does feast, as she's become the beast."

If he never heard that poem again he would die a happy man.

It had taken them a little over a week took to hunt down Branka. Unfortunately, the crazy dwarf had left Josie little choice, but to kill her. He had feared Oghren's wrath, but the dwarf had taken it better than expected as he buried his grief in kegs of ale.

Things hadn't improved when they had returned to Orzammar. Josie's intuition regarding Bhelen had been correct, and he showed his true colors when he ordered the execution of Lord Harrowmont, much to Josie's ire and Alistair's dismay. Was that what he should expect if the Landsmeet went against him and kept Anora on the throne? Josie tried to reassure him that even if the Landsmeet didn't put him on the throne that they wouldn't call for his life. He wasn't so sure.

All of them had breathed in the clean, crisp fall air and basked the warm rays of the sun as they had stepped through the large iron Orzammar doors and back into the outside world. Oghren had stumbled a bit as he stared into the vast open sky, but he quickly adjusted when Zevran handed him a flask. The dwarf downed the entire flagon in two large gulps.

"Thanks, I needed that," Oghren muttered as he let out a large belch and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

"Anytime my stout friend," Zevran replied.

It had taken them a week to arrive in the Brecilian Forest and another week for Josie to resolve the conflict between the Dalish and the Werewolves. Josie had used every ounce of charm and coercion in her arsenal to convince the Dalish Keeper, Zathrian, to release the werevolves from their curse and free them. In the end, she had succeeded, the curse was lifted, freeing the beasts, but taking the life of the Keeper.

Now he and Josie stood witness as the new Keeper, Lanaya, presided over the mating ritual between Cammen and Gheyna. It had been Josie who had convinced Gheyna to stand by Cammen, to support him and with her love he would flourish. To thank her for bringing them together they had asked that he and Josie to be their witnesses and standby them during the ritual.

Lanaya stepped toward the newly married couple and presented them with a tray that held bright red berries. Gheyna and Cammen each selected a piece of fruit before the Keeper stepped up to Josie. Alistair watched as Josie scrutinized the fruit.

Alistair felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder as Zevran whispered, "I wouldn't eat those berries if I were you, my spoiled prince. Those are goji berries and they are a potent aphrodisiac by themselves, but mixed with the magic of the Dalish Mating ritual it maybe more then you are bargaining for."

Alistair watched as Josie slid the luscious berry into her mouth. Layana stepped up to Alistair and presented the tray to him. Deciding to throw caution to the wind he selected a large berry and popped it into his mouth.

He turned to Zevran and smiled, "When with the Dalish, do as the Dalish do."

"This is going to be a very interesting night indeed," Zevran chuckled.

When the ritual concluded by placing the couple in two chairs, their wrists bound together by a single piece of rope, then as the Dalish musicians began to play a very lively energetic tune the clan lifted the couple up into the air above their heads as a large circle formed around the bonfire and the chairs of the bonded couple were passed around as the clan members danced in a circle. It was a festive way to honor the couple and both he and Josie joined in the merriment.

Josie laughed as she swung her arms around, dancing and twirling with the elves. Her long, raven hair flew around head like an ebony halo, her sapphire eyes sparkling with delight. She was absolutely breathtaking and his groin immediately jumped to attention.

What the bloody hell was wrong with him? Alistair thought as he casually adjusted himself.

The music changed tempo and as the new song rang in his ears it was as if his ears had never heard music before. It was the most glorious, beautiful song he had ever heard. The tune lifted his spirit up to a new plateau, it was spiritual and euphoric all at the same time. Josie danced over to him; her hands sliding down his chest and every nerve ending in his body lit up from her touch making his flesh come alive as it vibrate from the sensation of her caress.

"I feel like a snowflake floating in the air with the sun shining on me as I slowly drift down to the ground," Josie cooed dreamily as she continued to dance around him, her hands roaming over him, creating the most pleasurable sensations with just the sweep of her fingers.

Alistair laughed. "I feel like a bubble, filled with so much energy, happiness and love that I feel as if I'm about to pop with joy."

Josie's hand slid down his thigh to his groin and she rubbed her palm against his now raging erection, his body trembled with ecstasy against her. "I want to make you pop," she purred against his chest as her lips kissed and nipped at his flesh causing his body to writhe against her mouth.

He looked up at the night sky that was filled with stars and as her hands and mouth continued to explore him he felt as if he were floating among the thousands of tiny diamonds twinkling in the sky.

Alistair woke with a jolt. He tried to open his eyes, but the light hurt his head so he immediately closed them. His head throbbed, Maker's balls, it felt like an archdemon's ass had taken up residence there. What the hell had happened last night? The last thing he remembered was watching Josie dance around the fire as the Dalish clan lifted Cammen and Gheyna up in those chairs, then the feeling of floating in the night sky, then ecstasy, complete ecstasy like he had never experienced before, but there was no memory of the actual act itself or with who.

He felt a warm body stir against him, his breathing became strained as his heart began to race with panic. He cracked his eyelids to see Josie's naked form pressed against him. He breathed a sigh of relief as he rubbed his eyes. Something dark on his hand caught his eye and he stretched his arm out to examine it. His eyes widened with shock as he stared at the tattoo on his left index finger. He had watched both Cammen and Gheyna receive similar marks on their fingers during their mating ritual. The Dalish used tattoos in place of rings to signify their commitment to each other because a ring could be lost, but the ink was eternal just as the love between the mated couple.

Alistair reached over and grasped Josie's left hand. She had the identical design on her index finger. It was a pair of hands clasping a heart, the point of the heart facing toward her wrist and on top of the heart was a crown. It was an emblem he had never seen before, but it was obvious it wasn't Dalish and he wondered what it meant.

Maker's breath, he had no memory of them receiving these. What on Maker's green world had possessed them to get Dalish tattoos that symbolized a mated couple?

Alistair gently slid Josie's arm off of his chest, got up and quickly got dressed. He stumbled out of his tent only to discover Zevran sitting by the fire with a roguish grin on his face.

"Its about time you got up," he said playfully.

Alistair looked up at the sky and then back at the elf. "What are you going on about? It can only be mid-morning."

"Yes, that much is true," Zevran nodded in agreement.

"Then why are you harassing me. Not everyone can be earlier risers like you and Josie," Alistair retorted as he reached for the kettle to pour himself a cup of tea.

"No that is also true and yet Jo still sleeps. You must have really worn her out…it only took you a full day to do it," Zevran stated as a grin played at the corners of his mouth.

"Excuse me?" Alistair asked bewildered.

"Oh the two of you were going at it like nugs in heat for almost a full day. You really gave the newlyweds a run for their money, but I do believe that your Grey Warden stamina made the two of you the victors in the 'how much sex can two people have before they fall out completely exhausted' competition."

Alistair's mouth fell open. "A full day?"

"Yep. All the noise between you and Josie and Cammen and Gheyna made me feel like I was living back in a whore house again. Aaah, good times," Zevran chortled.

"A full day?"

Zevran laughed. "I warned you about the goji berries."

"How long have we been asleep?"

"Two days."

"Two days!"

"Well, to be fair the two of you really did overexert yourselves. I do have to say, Josie has done an outstanding job training you in your boudoir forays. Most impressive, Alistair."

Alistair held up his hand. "And these? When and why did we get these?"

Zevran's sly grin broke out into a broad smile. "Well, the Dalish only ink those tattoos on a couple that has gone through the Dalish Mating ritual."

Alistair's brows narrowed. "I thought only the actual mated couple received the tattoos not the witnesses."

"Oh it is only the mated couple," Zevran chuckled.

"So why…" Alistair's mind scrambled to put all the pieces together. He was sure it wouldn't have taken him so long for the picture to come into focus if his head hadn't been pounding like an ogre was dancing on it.

"W-we…Josie and I…are mated?"

"Ding, ding, ding, I do believe we have a winner," Zevran teased.

Alistair slumped back against the trunk of the tree behind him. He couldn't believe it, mated, the two of them, with permanent reminders of a night he couldn't even remember.

Zevran cocked an eyebrow at him. "Why the distressed look, my horny prince, I thought you wanted to marry Josie."

"I do…but it would be bloody nice if I actually remembered it." He looked down at the symbol that would remain with him until the day he died and ran his finger over it. The skin was slightly raised and tender to the touch.

"I don't even know what the hell this symbol is," he muttered.

"Oh I can answer that for you," Leliana said as she sat down beside him. "It is a Highever symbol. This represents love," Leliana said as she pointed to the heart.

"Friendship." She touched the pair of hands.

"And loyalty." She tapped the crown. "When the tip of the heart is pointing toward the wrist it means the wearer's heart is spoken for, when the tip is pointing away it means their heart is open to receive love."

Alistair smiled at the meaning of the symbol as he caressed the tattoo.

"I believe Josie did an excellent job of choosing the perfect representation of your love for one another," the bard stated.

Alistair stared at the image that would be with him always as a constant reminder of his undying love for her and his lifelong commitment to her and smiled.

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**A/N - Thank to everyone that added this story to their favs and left comments. Comments are like crack, the more you get the more you need so please continue to feed my addiction.**

*** A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic beta, The Lilacgirl for her rad, mad beta-ing skills. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You rock, sista!**

***To my other spanktabulous beta, Jinxy, I hope that get better soon. I'll send Ali over with a bowl of chicken soup.**


	14. Chapter 14 Feel So Close

**Both of my betas are sick so this chapter is unedited. Please forgive all typos and grammatical errors. I am my own worst editor. **

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**Chapter 13 - Feel So Close**

"I feel so close to you right now it's a force field

I wear my heart upon my sleeve, like a big deal

Your love pours down on me, surrounds me like a waterfall and there's no stopping us right now

I feel so close to you right now your love pours down on me,

surrounds me like a waterfall and there's no stopping us right now

I feel so close to you right now, and there's no stopping us right now"

_Feel So Close by Calvin Harris_

When they were a half a day's journey to Denerim Josie had decided to make camp in the foothills of Dragon's Peak. She could have pushed them to make it into the city by late evening, but she knew once they entered the City everything would change. Once it was known that they were within the city limits it was anyone's guess how Loghain and Anora would react and she wanted one last night with her companions, her friends before everything changed.

As they set-up camp she couldn't help, but stare at the tattoo on her finger that was now a permanent symbol of her commitment to the man that she loved. If she was honest with herself she had mixed feelings regarding the emblem, and the mating ritual that she had participated in, but had no recollection of. She loved Alistair, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she honestly didn't know if that would be possible. In a perfect world, Anora would be innocent of any foreknowledge of her family's murders or Loghain's betray. If that was the case then she had no problem leaving her on the throne and allowing Alistair to remain with the Wardens. However, if Zevran couldn't find evidence to clear the Queen than in good conscience Josie couldn't allow her to remain on the throne; in which case she would have to support Eamon's demand to put Alistair on the throne.

She smiled as Alistair's words rang in her ears.

"_Almost losing you again made me realize I can't live without you and I don't want to. I know you want me to be on the throne, I know that it will be difficult for us to provide an heir, but I can't image ruling without you by my side. You mean everything to me..."_

His words had almost brought her tears. He had spoken them so sincerely from his heart and it was the sheer naivety of the statement that had pierced her so deeply, cutting like a dagger. Alistair didn't understand the cost of taking the throne and not providing an heir. He didn't understand the pressures that the nobles would place on them to produce successor, and when no heir came, he couldn't fathom the tactics that they would resort to in order to force him to put her aside, take a different wife and attempt to provide Ferelden with Theirin descendant.

She, however, knew all too well how that game was played. Before Cailan's death the gossip had already begun. After five years of marriage and no heir in the cradle the nobles were growing restless. Rumors had already started to circulate that the nobles were pressuring Cailan to set Anora aside for wife who could continue the Theirin bloodline. Josie knew that she would be no different when the two of them didn't conceive.

She looked over at him and her heart ached at the thought of not having him by her side. In her head she knew that if she had to place him on the throne that letting him go would be the right thing to do, that providing an heir would secure his reign and strengthen him as a ruler, but she loved him so much. At times she thought her heart might literally burst from the overwhelming emotions that she had for him. She needed him like she needed air to breath. Everyone saw her as the emotionless leader, as a pillar of strength, but it was Alistair that had become her heart. It was Alistair that had become her anchor. It was Alistair that was the well that she drew her strength from. It was Alistair that knew her so completely, so thoroughly that a mere glance from her and he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Josie knew he wouldn't let her walk away without a fight and she didn't know how much of a resistance she would be able to put up because deep down leaving him would be the last thing she would want to do. She honestly didn't know if she had the strength let him go and if she did how she would survive. As if sensing her gaze he looked at her, his warm, tender eyes reassuring her that somehow everything would be alright.

He got up, came over to her, sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms. "Such deep thoughts for a night that is supposed to be for lighthearted camaraderie," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

"It's hard to let go of all the things we will be facing in the several days," Josie said as she settled into his embrace.

He nipped at her ear as he whispered, "I can think of a way of helping you let go."

She smirked at him. "I like the way you think."

"Well, you are the inspiration for most of my more deviant thoughts."

"Happy to be your muse."

The rest of their companions settled around the fire pit as Oghren passed around a bottle of spirits. Wynne walked up to her and sat down on the log beside her.

"My dear, it is well known among your friends that unless something unforeseen happens that you plan on placing Alistair on the throne."

Josie felt Alistair stir uncomfortable beside her. "Well, it's a little early in the game to say that. I don't want to jump to any conclusions without having all the information."

Wynne gave her a knowing smile. "Let's just work on the assumption that Alistair will be our next king. With that in mind I couldn't help, but buy you this tome when I saw it."

The mage handed Josie the tome. On the cover was a scantily clad woman in the heated embrace of a bare chested man with long blond hair and a crown on top of his head. The raven haired woman had her leg up around the man's hip, the king had his hand resting on a dagger that was strapped to her thigh with a leather garter. The title was _A Rogue for His Majesty's Pleasure_by Isabella Monroe. Josie burst out laughing as Alistair began to choke.

"M-maker's breath, woman what in the Void possessed you to purchase such a book," Alistair stuttered.

"Well, the couple looks remarkably like you and Josie and of course the title…we have all heard what kind of pleasure our little rogue has given you," Wynne replied jovially.

"W-what!" Alistair stammered.

"For Andraste's sake, you would have to be deaf not to have heard. I've taken to placing a silencing charm over my tent just so I can get some sleep," Wynne retorted.

Leliana and Zevran walked over to them and the bard pulled the book out of her hands with a devilish grin. Josie eyed the assassin up and down. He was dressed in a white sheet that exposed his shoulders and back and that flowed down to the ground as if he was wearing a gown.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

"We decided for this evening's entertainment with the assistance of our drunken dwarf we would act out a scene from this lovely smut novel. This is my costume," Zevran stated.

"W-what!" Alistair exclaimed again.

"Please tell me that all articles of clothing will remain on," Josie pleaded.

"If you insist, my pet."

"I do."

"You're such a spoilsport at times," Zevran muttered as he took his place beside Oghren and Leliana.

Leliana cleared her throat as she began to narrate the story.

_The king looked down at the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She was everything he had ever wanted or needed and she was here in his arms once again. For the first time in a long time there was no guilt as he held her tightly. He moved her around the dance floor into a darkened alcove so that there were less prying eyes on them._

Following what the book had described, Oghren pulled Zevran into his arms and began to dance with the elf. The contrast between the two had everyone laughing. Then in a husky tone Oghren imitated the voice of the king.

_"From the moment you walked in this evening I have wanted you in my arms."_

Leliana suppressed her smile as continued her narration.

_The King whispered into her ear, sending a visible tremor down her back. Ella's eyes darkened with desire as she smiled up at the man she loved, the man she would die to protect, and her sovereign ruler._

_"Your Majesty, you could have had me in your arms anytime you wanted. All you had to do was ask."_Zevran purred in a seductive voice to the dwarf that was holding him.

"Did someone kick the assassin in the gahonnies to get his voice that high?" Alistair asked.

_"Well, my luscious rogue, that's good to know and if I want you in my arms later on tonight back in my room will I get the same response."_

_The King asked seductively. Ella smiled her crooked little smile at him that always made it hard for him to resist her. Even though they were hidden in the unlit recess, in order to stop himself from taking her right there, he had to remind himself that the rest of the nobles were only a few feet away._

"_Sire, you will never know if you don't ask."_

_The King smiled as he looked down at her and the revealing dress that she wore. It was a white strapless dress. A thin piece of material that could barely be called a corset clung tightly to her frame and covered her breast; it was held in place by a thin strap that went around her back. The tiny corset gathered slightly in the middle forming a V that emphasized the shape of her breast. Just below the bust line the satin dress flowed freely down front. The sides the dress flowed down and cross the small of her back and the back up the other side completely exposing her creamy back except for the strap that held the corset in place._

_"This dress should be outlawed."_

"_Oh, why is that, your Majesty."_

_"Because I think I have broken about a dozen Chantry rules imagining all the different ways of getting you out of it."_

_"Do tell, Sire."_

_The King pulled her closer to him and pressed against her so that he could whisper softly in her ear._

_"Well, I would first start by kissing my way down your velvety soft back till I reached the spot just below the small of your back that drives you wild when I kiss you there."_

_She moaned quietly into his neck._

Zevran knelt down in front of Oghren so that he was level with the dwarf's neck. He moaned loudly and everyone broke out laughing.

_The King who was now instantly hard and pressed against her._

"Don't you dare, my stout friend," Zevran warned.

"Have no fear of that. A genlock has a better chance of getting me hard," Oghren grunted before falling back into character.

_"And then I would slid your dress off and spend some time reacquainting myself with your luscious backside before I flipped you over." _

_He felt her quiver against his body and the King imaged her naked body spread out on his bed…ready…eager. A smile slid across his lips; yes she was always ready for him, always eager to please him._

Zevran bent down and whispered loudly so that everyone could hear, "_But the front of me has some of my best attributes."_

"_Oh I know, my sweet, I was saving the best for last."_

Oghren paused and turned to Josie. "Do humans really talk to one another like that? Does that really put dew on the carpet?"  
Josie laughed, Alistair choked and Wynne blushed.

"It's been my experience that all females, no matter what the race, like to be sweet talked, my drunken friend," Zevran chortled.

"You should have tried it. Then maybe you wouldn't have made your wife go insane driving her into the Deep Roads in the arms of her lady lover," Morrigan jeered.

"Maybe if you weren't such a cold hearted bitch your own mother won't have tossed you out of the Wilds with the first group crazy enough to take you," Oghren growled.

Morrigan reached for her staff, but Josie grab her by the arm to led her away from the group as Alistair handed Oghren his flask. "You know better than to get into a word duel with Oghren. He will go for the jugular every time even if he knows what he is saying isn't true."

"I know. I don't know why I let that drunken dwarf get under my skin."

"Because on some level there is truth to his statement or at least you believe there is truth to it," Josie replied.

"My mother was right, I think at times you are too wise for your own good."

"Morrigan, you have to believe that your mother was wrong about you, that she didn't know you as well as she thought she did; if you don't you will spend the rest of your life trying to prove a dead woman wrong."

"Thank you, Josie. Thank you for being such a good friend. You have become like a sister to me."

Josie hugged the apostate and she felt her stiffen in her arms, but she refused to let go and eventually Morrigan relaxed and hugged her back before the two of them rejoined the rest of her friends.

The next day they had barely arrived at Eamon's Estate when a servant announced that Teryn Loghain was the gate demanding to speak to the Arl. Josie knew that Loghain would waste no time making his presence known, but she had hoped to at least wash the dirt from the road off before their inevitable meeting.

Loghain was waiting for them in the main hall; standing behind Loghain was his second in command, Ser Cauthrien and Josie immediately stiffened when she saw Rendon Howe beside her.

"Loghain, this is an honor that the Regent would find the time to visit me personally," Eamon stated.

"How could I not welcome a man so important to call every Lord and Noble in Ferelden away from their estates for a Landsmeet while we are in the middle of a Blight," Loghain said coldly.

"It's because of the Blight that I called the Landsmeet. With Calian died, Ferelden must have a King to lead it against the darkspawn," Eamon replied.

"Ferelden has a strong leader – it's Queen!" Loghain exclaimed. "And I lead her armies."

"Well, after Ostagar it would seem that Ferelden needs new leadership. If Anora rules than let her speak for herself, Loghain," Josie stated.

Loghain's eyes hardened on her, but she held her ground. If there was one thing she knew about the General it was that if he sensed weakness he would pounce on it without hesitation. "Josephine Cousland, you seem to turn up in the most unusual places. You have my sympathy with regards to what happened to the Ferelden Grey Wardens. It's unfortunate that they turned their allegiance and betrayed the King and their country."

"You disgust me and so does what you did at Ostagar. I have come to expose your crimes you for revolting traitor you are. It will bring me great pleasure to bring you down, Loghain," Josie snapped.

"Someone needs to teach you curb your tongue. This is my city and no place to speak of treason….for anyone. There is talk, Eamon that your illness has left you feeble and mentally inadequate to give advice."

"Not everyone will believe your lies, Loghain," Eamon countered.

"It has been a while since you've been to court, old friend. Do you not recognize Rendon Howe? Arl of Amaranthine and Teryn of Highever."

"And current Arl of Denerim," Howe added.

"Enjoy your moment, Howe. I will personally see that it ends very soon."

"You are either very bold or very stupid to threaten the Teyrn before witnesses," Ser Cauthrien barked.

Josie stared at Ser Cauthrien then turned her glare on Howe. She reined in her rage as best as she could before she spoke, she stepped closer to the Arl and in a low hiss she said, "My name is Josephine Cousland, loyal servant to the murdered King, recruit of the betrayed Ferelden Grey Warden Commander, daughter of the murdered and true Teyrn and Teryna of Highever, sister to a raped and murdered sister-in-law, and aunt to a murdered nephew. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or next, on that you have my word."

Rendon Howe took a step back, trying to place distance between the two of them. She stared into his eyes and smiled when she saw fear there. "You're wise to be afraid, but it still isn't going to save you."

Ser Cauthrien was about to reply, but Loghain interrupted her. "Enough, Cauthrien, this is not the time or place. I had hoped to talk you down Eamon from this rash course. The people of Ferelden are frightened, the King is dead and our lands are under siege. We must be united if we are to endure this crisis." Loghain demanded. He glared at Eamon and Alistair, "You divide our nation and weaken our efforts against the Blight; all because of your selfish ambitions for the throne."

"Loghain, what efforts can there really be when you have outlawed Grey Wardens? If you truly want to stop the Blight then stand with us not fight against us," Josie countered.

"I should put my faith in untried fallen hands. Calian put too much trust in the Grey Wardens against the darkspawn and we all know how that turned out," Loghain retorted.

"I cannot forgive what you have done, Loghain. Maybe the Maker can, but I cannot. Our people deserve a king of the Theirin bloodline. Alistair will be the one to lead us to victory during this Blight," Eamon replied.

"Oh is that all I have to do. Good to know. Glad there's no pressure," Alistair said sarcastically.

"The Emperor of Olais thought I couldn't bring him down, but he underestimated me. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my homeland and I will destroy anyone that stands in my way," Loghain declared before spinning on his heels and marching out of the room.

"Well, that was bracing. I didn't expect Loghain to show so soon. Did you?" Eamon asked once Loghain had left the room.

"No, but I can't say that I'm surprised. My father said that the General liked to keep people on their toes by doing the unexpected."  
"That is very true. I'm sure the Teryn has a few more tricks up his sleeve so we need to be prepared for them. The roots of all of Loghain's plans have begun here in Denerim. We need to sift out those plans so that we can use them to our advantage. Go have a look around and see what you can find out. Most of the nobles should have begun to arrive in town. Go talk with them and test the waters. Let's see where we stand with them," Eamon said.

Josie nodded. "I will let you know what I find out."

Over the next week Josie worked tirelessly gathering information from the nobles and where they stood with regards to the upcoming Landsmeet. It had taken a lot of leg work and some her most persuasive arguments, but she did believe that they had the numbers to carry the Landsmeet. The nobles were angry about the darkspawn and what had happened at Osagar as long as she could offer them a feasible alternative they would carry the Landsmeet. While she was trying to convince the nobles to side with the Wardens, Zevran had been turning over every stone he could find looking for evidence that either cleared or convicted Anora, but the assassin was coming up empty. As the day for the Landsmeet drew closer, Josie's angst about having to put Alistair forward as the heir to the throne increased.

Eamon had suggested that they investigate an uprising that was taking place in the alienage. Josie and Alistair were gathering their things getting ready to leave when a small elven woman ran into Eamon's study.

"Arl Eamon, Queen Anora needs your help," the woman said slightly out of breath.

"Erlina, what's the matter?" Eamon asked as he rose to his feet.

The elf turned nervously to Josie. "I am Queen Anora's personal maid and she has sent me to you to ask for your help. Ever since Ostagar and the death of her husband, the Queen has become anxious over the events that have taken place there. When she has questioned her father about it the General has become outraged that she would question his decisions and reminds her that he will do whatever it takes for her to remain on the throne…"

"Wait a minute," Josie interrupts. "Anora suspects that Loghain had something to do with Cailan's death?"

"Yes."

"And does she have any proof?" Josie asked.

Erlina's eyes shifted to ground as she shook her head no. Josie narrowed her gaze on the woman, but it was Zevran who spoke first. "Why lie to us now? Do you want our help or not?"

Erlina looked directly into Josie's face. "I-I don't know if she has any proof. A few weeks ago, I saw her reading some letters. Afterwards she became very distressed. However, I don't know what was in the letters or where they are now."

"So what does Anora want from me?" Josie asked.

"She is being held at Arl Howe's Denerim estate…"

"Against her will?" Alistair interrupted.

"Yes."

The hairs on the back of Josie's neck rose as every muscle in her body tensed. "Howe, Loghain's right hand man, is holding the Queen against her will and the General is okay with this?"

"Yes, he says he is doing it for her own protection. Will you, milady?"

"Yes, I will help."

"You know my sweet, if it looks like a trap and smells like a trap, it's probably a trap," Zevran purred in her ear.

Josie motioned for him to be silent as she turned back to Erlina. "What do you need us to do?"

"Meet me at the gates of the estate. I will help get you in," she said.

"Fine we will meet you in an hour," Josie said.

"Thank you, Warden," Erlina said as she bowed and left the room. Josie motioned for Leliana to close the door.

"Jo, you do realize that this is a setup," Leliana stated.

"Yes, but I can't take the risk that it's not. If Anora is innocent she would be a powerful ally to alienate. Besides knowing that it's a trap gives me the advantage and makes the game more interesting," Josie said devilishly.

"So what's the plan?" Alistair asked.

Josie paced around the room as she organized her thoughts and then she turned to Zevran her eyes dancing. He smiled at her, "My thoughts exactly, my pet."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Care to share or should we play charades to figure out the plan?"

Zevran stepped forward and held up four fingers.

Leliana smiled. "Four words."

Zevran held up one finger.

"First word," Leliana said.

Zevran cupped his hand to his ear or pull his earlobe.

"Sounds like," Leliana grinned as she clapped her hands together. "I love this game."

"You have got to be kidding me," Alistair said in frustration as he looked at Josie, but she was completely amused by the two.

Zevran pointed to the tip of Josie's breast.

"Sounds like peak," Oghren grunted. Everyone spun and stared at him stunned.

"What? She has nice peaks. That was an easy clue," Oghren growled.

"Meek…" Wynne said.

Zevran shook his head, but rolled his hand in a circular motion to indicate for them to keep going.

"Reek…" Shale said.

"Are we talking about Oghren?" Morrigan sneered.

"Sneak," Leliana suggested.

Zevran pointed one index toward Lelian and with the other index finger toward his nose indicating that she got it right "on the nose".

"Sneak into the Palace," Leliana declared then smiled sheepishly as everyone stared at her. "I was very good at this game at the court in Val Royeaux."

"We're sneaking into the Palace?" Alistair asked.

"Yes, if the Queen is at Howe's estate then this is the perfect opportunity to look for those letters," Josie replied.

"So we aren't going to save the Queen?" Wynne asked.

"Some of us are and while most of the royal guards will be at Howe's estate the Palace will be more accessible," Josie replied.

"If she is being held against her will how do you know the royal guards will be at Howe's?" Alistair asked.

"Because Loghain will do what I would do, give the illusion that she is there as a guest of the newly appointed Arl of Denerim. For the deception to be complete she must have her guards with her," Josie explained.

A grin spread across Eamon's face. "What a shame to waste all that talent on the Wardens."

Josie ignored the Arl's comment. "Zevran, I want you and Morrigan to sneak into the Palace and locate those letters."

"Why Morrigan? Why not Leliana? She's a bard," Alistair asked.

Josie smiled patiently at him. She knew he was only trying to understand her reasoning. "Because Anora is as cunning as her father and if she has the letters that implicate him the death of the King she will not only have those letters under lock and key, but enforced with a magical barrier. Morrigan will be able to detect such a charm."

Alistair nodded in understanding and approval.

"Now, Alistair, I want you to take Leliana, Wynne and Shale and investigate this uprising in the Alienage…"

"What? Where are you going?' Alistair demanded.

Josie swallowed hard knowing Alistair wasn't going to like what she had to say. "I will be with Oghren and Sten rescuing the Queen."

Josie watched as his face went from shock to anger in about two seconds. "Have you lost your mind?"

"No, I haven't."

Alistair shook his head. "It sure as hell seems like you have if you think for one minute I'm letting you walk into a known trap."

"Alistair, that's exactly the point…we know this is a trap. I am not about to send the last two Wardens in all of Ferelden into a set-up. One of us needs to be far away from that estate…"

"Then I'll go," Alistair insisted.

Josie stepped forward and rested her hand on his arm. "Alistair, I cannot let Loghain get his hands on the last Theirin heir. Everything we have been fighting for will be lost if we lose you."

Alistair's arm slid around her waist as he pulled her to him. "And I'll be lost if I lose you," Alistair sighed.

"See there it is, that damn sweet, innocent charm. Where does he get that? Morrigan is there a way to bottle that and sell it? We would make a fortune," Zevran cooed.

"I would much rather turn him into a toad and sell him as a tonic for codpiece itch," Morrigan hissed.

"She's right, Alistair. You don't need to be involved in this. She will be in capable hands with Oghren and Sten," Leliana tried to reassure.

"And if it makes you feel any better as soon as I finish at the palace, I will join Josie," Zevran offered.

Alistair grinned at the assassin. "Believe it or not, that is reassuring."

Josie wasn't sure when the two of them had developed a mutual respect for each other and had become friends, but it warmed her heart to see her best friend and the love of her life bonding.

"No fear, my spoiled rotten prince, I promise to bring her home to you safe and sound, but first we may have stop by the Pearl for a celebratory dance and drink."

"There's no dancing at the Pearl, only the strippers," Alistair said.

"Yes, its Josie that I hope to convince to perform a pole dance for me after I rescue her," Zevran cooed.

"Josie will not be pole dancing for anyone…except me of course," Alistair interjected.

Josie felt her cheeks begin to burn and she desperately wanted to change the subject, but Zevran saw that she was flushed and his eyes flashed with surprise as a roguish grin spread across his face. He slid his arm around her waist and purred in her ear, "That's it…isn't. That's your fantasy. That's why you willing lost truth or dare."

Josie pulled out of his embrace as she composed herself. She gave him a smug grin. "I'll never tell."

Zevran smirked back at her. "It is…hot damn! La mia caramella dolce, I could help you fulfill this desire of yours."

"If that is what you need to tell yourself to sleep at night then by all means, Zev go right ahead," Josie purred back as she turned to her companions. "Okay we have our instructions, let's get ready to move out."

Josie hadn't been shocked to find Anora's door magically sealed, she hadn't been stunned to find an Orlesian Warden in Howe's dungeons or the torture devices and rooms. She had always known that the man had sadistic streak in him by the way she had seen him treat Nathaniel. What had astonished her was the sheer rage that had risen in her when she saw him in that prison room, but what had truly rocked her to her core was the blind fury that had overwhelmed her as she cut a path through Howe's men to him and then proceeded to unleash almost a year's worth of grief on the man. Even in death the man spit nothing but hateful words at her, showing not an ounce of regret or shame at what he had done to her family. She stared down at his butchered body, and felt completely numb. She had hoped that once her family's deaths had been avenged that the ache of the loss would lessen, but it was still there and stronger than ever. Her emotions overwhelmed her. Her daggers slipped out of her grasp as she fell to her knees and wept.

She felt Zevran kneel down beside her as he slid his arm around her shoulder drawing her to him. "Revenge is never as sweet as one imagines it to be," he whispered.

"I…I-I thought that taking his life would ease the loss, but it's still there. It still throbs."

"I know. You have felt guilty for not being able to save your family and for surviving when they didn't. Seeking revenge for your family gave you a sense of power and control that you felt was taken from you, but now that the deed is done the guilt you still feel remains. It's not just the loss of them that you need to come to terms with Jo, it's the guilt that you're still alive and they aren't. Howe's death didn't relieve the remorse. Only you can do that, my sweet."

She turned in her friend's arms and hugged him. "Thank you, Zev."

He kissed her cheek. "Anytime, my dear, now I believe we have a Queen to rescue."

"Yes we do," she said as she rose to her feet, whipped the tears from her cheeks, gathered her weapons and headed for the door.

Again, Josie wasn't shocked when she stepped into the grand hall only to find them surrounded by Ser Cauthrien and two dozen royal guards. She had expected the trap and had a fairly good idea that Anora and Loghain was behind it. She just couldn't prove it. What did shock her companions and Ser Cauthrien when she willingly laid down her weapons and surrendered.

"Dolce cuore, what the bloody hell are you doing?" Zevran hissed in her ear.

"We are outnumbered, Zev."

"We have faced worse odds than this," he retorted.

"I need you alive and I need to get Anora out of here safely. My surrender will guarantee that. I do expect you to rescue me and I want to be liberated with style," she said with a grin as she laid her daggers down on the ground. The guards immediately seized her, slammed her against the wall and bound her wrists.

"With style? How about I come dressed as a corpse? 'Cause that's what I'm going to be when Alistair hears about this," Zevran muttered.

As they lead her she grinned at him, "As long as your corpse has panache I'll be impressed."  
"Oh is that all it takes to impress you, my sweet," Zevran muttered as he grabbed Anora's arm to escort her back to the estate.

* * *

**A/N - So if chapter 9 was my favorite chapter this is my least favorite. I'm still not happy with it, but I've rewritten it twice and so here it is.**

***Thank you to everyone that has left comments and added this to their favs!**

***To my darling sick betas, I hope you feel better soon. Alistair and Anders are coming over with chicken noodle soup and some TLC!  
**


	15. Chapter 15 Turning Page

**Chapter 14 – Turning Page**

"I've waited a hundred years, but I'd wait a million more for you

Nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch

If I had only seen how you smile when you blush

Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

Well I would have known, what I was living for all along what I've been living for

Your love is my turning page where only the sweetest words remain

Every kiss is a cursive line, every touch is a redefining phrase"

_Turning Page by Sleeping At Last_

Alistair had been back from the Alienage for several hours. What they had witnessed there had disgusted him. Slave trading had always made the bile in his stomach rise, but seeing it firsthand made him feel dirty. He literally had to take a bath to wash the filth from that experience off of him. He had hoped that Josie would have returned in time to join him in the tub, but as the water began to cool he forced himself out of the bath and got dressed. The Landsmeet meet was in two days and he knew that Josie was on edge. So with Leliana's help he had planned a special evening for her tonight.

He had just walked into Eamon's study to go over the final arrangements when their companions and Anora rushed into the room.

"Eamon, I may have done a terrible thing?' Anora exclaimed.

"May have?" Morrigan said sarcastically.

"What! What have you done exactly?" Alistair demanded.

"Josie, has been captured," Anora said.

"And this may have been your fault. Maybe? Perhaps? Sure you didn't plan it all along," Alistair said sardonically.

"More like she threw her savior to the wolves and now is having second thoughts," Zevran assessed.

"You and my mother would get along famously. Betrayal must run in the blood of cold hearted bitches," Morrigan surmised.

"She's one to talk," Oghren grunted.

"What do you expect? She has no honor, no gratitude, slight grasp of the obvious, fine ruler you have here. No wonder you want to put Alistair on the throne," Sten growled.

"How? What the hell happen?" Alistair demanded again.

"We were surrounded by Ser Cauthrien and the royal guard just after my rescue," Anora said.

"Oh, but she leaves out the best part, the part where she threw us all at Loghain's henchmen by denying she needed to be rescued and then ran. I've seen more courage in a nug facing the slaughter house," Morrigan hissed.

"I'm still waiting for someone to give me a reason not to slit her throat and toss her body in the river. She wouldn't be the first Queen I've offed. Anyone? A reason to spare her life?" Zevran asked.

Anora ignored the assassins comment and turned to the Arl. "We don't have a lot of time, Eamon. We need a plan."

"Her grasp of the obvious is impressive," Sten said mockingly.

"There's nothing here that can't be solved with a few pints of ale, a nug and a team of exotic dancers. Did you get that list Eamon? Better get moving," Oghren grunted.

"Well, Josie did say she wanted to be rescued with style so I believe that my stout friend and I need to put in a Broma Brothers appearance," Zevran chuckled.

"Good plan. Can we squeeze in the exotic dancers?" Oghren asked.

"Would you two take this serious?" Alistair exclaimed.

"We always take the Broma Brothers seriously," Zevran said dryly.

"I hope my outfit still fits. I've put on a few pounds since we last wore it in Orzammar," Oghren chuckled as he rubbed his belly.

"Well, I'm going with you so I'm to need an outfit too," Alistair demanded.

"What! You can't come. We are twins not triplets," Oghren argued.

"Well, I'm the surprise you didn't know about," Alistair stated matter-of-factly.

"This is going to come as a shock to mother," Zevran said.

"Hey Pike Twirler, didn't Josie give specific instructions that she didn't want you anywhere near this," Oghren reminded him.

"In case you missed the town crier, Josie has been captured, she isn't here. That puts me in charge and you aren't going without me. Now Leliana, I need your help with a costume," Alistair ordered as he marched out of the room.

"Who died and made him King?" Oghren grunted.

Zevran chuckled uneasily. "My smelly friend, even for you that was low."

"I'm getting into character, give me a minute," Oghren stated.

Now as they stood in front of the prison guards, Alistair was having serious second thoughts about the success of this plan.

The guard glared at them. "Who the bloody hell are you supposed to be?"

"We, Ser, are performers from the Antivan City circus, the famous Broma Brothers. Surely you have heard of us?" Zevran asked.

The guard shook his head as he raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You're brothers?"

"How can you say that? Can't you see the resemblance? We are twins…" Oghren stated confidently until Zevran kicked his shin. "...ouch! What did you do that for?"

Zevran gestured with his thumb over his shoulder at Alistair.

"Oh yeah, I always forget about him. He's the black sheep of the family. We are triplets, separated at birth," Oghren corrected.

"Obviously, I'm the pretty one," Alistair added.

"Right," the guard said dubiously. "So what are you doing here?"

"We are here for the Commander of this fine establishment. It is his birthday, no?" Zevran clarified.

"It's not the Commander's birthday. Is it?" The guard asked looking over at his companion who shrugged.

"Don't tell me you forgot. That's going to make him a bit cranky, don't you think? Well, lucky for you the regent sent us to entertain him. We'll put him in a good mood, and make him forget all about your little oversight," Zevran explained.

"Wait over there and I'll get the Captain."

The three of them moved into the corner and out of earshot.

"And that my dear friends, is how it's done; that wasn't so difficult," Zevran chuckled.

"Easy for you to say, Elf, these clown pants are riding up something fierce. Need to lay off those sweet cakes," Oghren said as grabbed at his crotch and pulled at them trying to loosen them.

"We aren't in yet," Alistair observed.

"Please stop being so pessimistic, Alistair. All of these negative statements are making it hard for me to channel Ezio," Zevran replied.

"Ezio?"

"Ezio Broma, my character, he's an assassin," Zevran stated nonchalantly.

"I thought you were a circus performer," Alistair said mockingly.

"I am. I'm a circus performing assassin. Please do try to keep up, Alistair."

"When this is all over, you really need to have your head examined," Alistair stated dryly.

The guard captain approached them. "Alright what is this about?"

"We are performers. The regent hired us. He said morale was low," Oghren replied.

The Captain raised an eyebrow. "You're circus performers? Really? What's your act?"

"Well…aah the elf here juggles swords and I…aah…"

"He does a traditional dwarven dance of death…"

"Not to be confused with his happy dance," Alistair said sarcastically.

Zevran shot him a dirty look as he continued. "Yes, you don't want to confuse the two that would be very bad. The dance of death is where he lights his pants on fire… and everything. It's quite spectacular."

"And what do you do?" The Captain asked nodding at Alistair.

"He's our bodyguard. With an act like this the ladies are literally throwing themselves at us," Zevran expounded.

"Fine, you can perform in the main hall on the condition that the dwarf keeps his pants on. That's non-negotiable," the Captain instructed.

"Notice he didn't say anything about me needing to keep my pants," Zevran chortled as they walked toward the grand hall.

Zevran had managed to talk them past several more groups of guards, but in the end they had to fight their way into the dungeons. The piles of bodies that they had passed had turned Alistair's stomach, but also had him terrified at what they might be doing to her. When they had taken down the jailor, Zevran grabbed the key, raced for the door and quickly unlocked it.

"My dear sweet Warden, did you miss me?" Zevran grinned as he strode into the cell.

"Thank the stone! You won't believe what they wanted me to do to get you out," Oghren growled.

Alistair stood behind them and watched as Josie clutched at the rag of a blanket that she had wrapped around her. Her lip was swollen and there was dried blood under her nose, but it was her eyes that frightened him. They had a distant and unfocused look. He ran over to her and knelt in front of her. He started to run his hands over her, checking her for injuries, but she flinched away from him, the blanket slipped down revealing her bare shoulder…her bare shoulders! Panic began to rise deep within him along with his anger. If they harmed her, he would kill every last one of them. He felt Zevran bend down beside him. The assassin gently cupped Josie's face and looked into her eyes.

"Her pupils are dilated. They drugged her," he diagnosed.

"Why?"

"To subdue her...to try and get information from her…" He paused as his eyes focused on her bare shoulders and through gritted teeth added, "There could be any number of reasons to make her more docile."

"Did they…can you tell if they…" Alistair couldn't even bring himself to say the words; the thought of them touching her, violating her maddened him.

"I don't know. Wynne can give us a clearer picture of what happened to her," Zevran replied.

Alistair scooped her into his arms as Zevran and Oghren gathered up her equipment. Her head lolled against his shoulder as they made it out of the prison without much resistance. They rushed into the Estate and up to Wynne's room. Alistair had just laid her down on the bed, when the healer swiftly made her way over to Josie. She gently pulled away the blanket, realized that Josie was only wearing her smalls and quickly covered her back up. She looked up at Alistair with concern in her eyes. "Boys, I'm going to ask you to leave the room while I examine her."

Alistair paced in the hallway as he waited for Wynne to emerge. Both Oghren and Zevran sat in the chairs near the door, but Alistair was too nervous to sit. It seemed like hours, but it had only been a few minutes before she emerged.

"Zevran, you were right. They did drug her. I found traces of belladonna in her system. It would make her complaint, I've seen it used in the past as a truth serum…"

"D-did they…did they harm her," Alistair asked.

She smiled tenderly at him. "I found a few broken ribs and several cuts and bruises, but there are no signs of her being violated in that way."

"Thank the Maker," both Alistair and Zevran said in unison.

"Is she awake?" Alistair asked.

"Yes, but she is very groggy. She probably won't be able to answer your questions tonight, and even in the morning may have problems remembering exactly what happened."

"Thank you, Wynne. I feel like I'm always thank you for saving her."

"It's a dangerous life she leads. I'm just glad that I'm here to heal her."

Alistair hugged the mage and kissed her cheek before he went into see Josie. His eyes immediately began to sting from tears when he saw her, when he thought about all the things that they could have done to her. He went over, knelt beside her, clasped her hand in his, and gently kissed each knuckle before turning her hand over to tenderly kiss the sensitive palm.

"I swear, Jo, you're going to be the death of me," Alistair whispered as his tongue tenderly caressed her flesh causing her to quiver against him.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be," she muttered.

"You once promised me that you stop scaring me to death. You're zero for three on that vow," Alistair sighed as his lips began to move up her arm and she trembled again against his mouth.

"I meant it when I said it. It isn't on purpose."

"I know and that is the only reason I'm not extremely put out with you," Alistair groaned just before his arms encircled her, pulling her to him and his lips claimed hers. Her arms went around his neck as she sweetly parted her lips permitting him to deepen the kiss, causing him to lose himself once again in her. Not wanting to break the contact with her mouth, but knowing he needed too, he gently pulled away and she moaned with disappointment.

"I don't think Wynne would appreciate me taking you here on her bed and that is exactly what is going to happen if we continue down this path." He cradled her in his arm and carried her back to his room. She was asleep against his chest before he even had the door open. He laid her on the bed, tenderly undressed her before crawling in behind her, relief that she was okay, relief that she was back in his flooded his body and with minutes he was fast asleep.

The following morning as the sunlight streamed through the cracks in the curtains Josie began to stir beside him. The sheet had slipped down exposing her bare breasts, her taut nipples and he smiled. He loved the fact when she slept in a bed and occasionally even in her tent that she preferred to sleep in the nude. She said that she loved the feel of the soft sheets caressing her skin as she slept, and he enjoyed sleeping beside her that way, even if her exposed velvety flesh pressed against his was the cause of several extremely erotic dreams and numerous painful morning erections.

This morning however he had a very good idea how he was going to relieve the ache in his groin, as he leaned down gently sucked the pert nub into his mouth. Josie whimpered in her sleep as his hand reached up to cup her other breast. His lips kissed a path up the slender column of her neck to her ear. "Time to wake-up my love," he purred, sliding his hand down her toned stomach to soft mound of curls; his fingers caressing the dark ringlets, teasing her, but not sliding further in.

Her hips rose to meet his palm as her fingers curled into the hair at the base of his neck. "Mmmm, good morning, you can wake me up like that every day."

"I plan on it," he moaned as he rolled on top her and settled himself between her thighs and proceeded to redefine the term _good morning._

Later, after the two of them had been completely sated, there was a knock at the door. Josie threw on a robe as he answered it. Zevran strolled in carrying a tray of food and hot tea. Josie smiled at him. "And what did we do to deserve breakfast in bed?"

"Well, my sweet, you should be served breakfast in bed every day, and I very well couldn't bring you something to eat without bringing Alistair something too. He would just eat all of yours," Zevran said as he set the tray down on the bed.

Josie picked up a sweet roll and took a bite. "Mmm, that's good. Thank you. So did you find out anything at the Palace?"

"We searched the Palace thoroughly, but the letters aren't there. I did find a receipt from a mage that had cast a magical charm on some type of strong box. The mage lives here in Denerim. Morrigan and I are going to pay him a visit this morning to see what information we can persuade him to give us regarding the chest."

"That's very interesting. I will be curious to hear what this mage has to say," Josie said as munched on large piece of bacon.

"So my dear, tell us about your ordeal at the hands of Loghain's henchmen. Belladonna is powerful drug. It has been known to kill its victims before the interrogator can get all the information that they want. They must have been looking for something extremely important to us it."

Josie's lower lip trembled ever so slightly and she drew in a deep breath to compose herself before she spoke. "There are reports that my brother, Fergus, is a alive, and they are under the delusion that while I was running around Ferelden trying to unite a country against the darkspawn, that I've also been harboring him all this time. When I couldn't provide them with his location, they resorted to more physical type of coercion. Luckily for me the belladonna was already having a strong effect and I passed out on them. The next thing I remember was Alistair carrying me out of the fort."

"Why do they think Fergus is alive?" Alistair asked.

"There are rumors coming out of the Wilds are that the Chasind took in a gravely injured noble fitting Fergus description and nursed him back to health."

Zevran scratched at his chin as he pondered the information. "Yes, I could see why Loghain would fear Fergus' return especially before the Landsmeet. The last thing he would want is the rightful and pissed off Teryn of Highever making an appearance."

Josie closed her eyes as she struggled to reign in her emotions. "I-I want to believe he's alive…" she shook her head in frustration. "…But I'm afraid to hope…if the rumors are wrong it will feel as if I've lost him all over again."

Alistair pulled her into his arms. There were no words he could offer to comfort her so he just held her hoping she found solace in his embrace.

Zevran reached for her hand. "Leli and I will look into this gossip and see what we can uncover.

She smiled weakly at him. "Thanks Zev."

Zevran stood up. "Now I do believe I have date with a witch."

Josie chuckled. "Don't let Morrigan hear you say that."

"Never, I prefer walking over hopping," Zevran chuckled as he left them alone.

The plans from the night before Alistair had postponed to this evening, and now as he stood outside her door his stomach was in knots. He tugged at his sleeves then knocked at her door. She smiled at him and his red and gold tunic that matched her brocaded dress. "You have something up your sleeve, Alistair Theirin."

He grinned at her. "What makes you say that? I just want to spend a romantic night with the woman I love."

He held out his arm for her, she slid hers through his and he led her down the hall and up the backstairs.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Alistair said.

"There's a surprise on the roof?"

"Yep," he said as they neared the door at the top of the stairs. He stopped and pulled out a large handkerchief. "Now, turn around I need to blindfold you."

She laughed as she turned her back to him. "There are easy ways to get me to play your kinky games, Alistair."

Alistair blushed, but then grinned. "Good idea, I will have to keep that in mind for later."

Once the scarf was securely in place he guided her through the door. A cool gentle breeze blew as he led her to the center of the small, private world he had created for them. He turned her around, removed the blindfold and was rewarded with a gasp of amazement from her. She spun around as she took it all in. Alistair, with the help of Leliana and Eamon's money, had converted the roof of the porte- cochere into a secluded garden oasis for them. Dozens of potted trees and plants had been moved up here. Each tree had strings of glass candleholders that twinkled, giving the ordinary rooftop a warm, inviting atmosphere. In the center of their sanctuary was a small table set for dinner.

"Alistair…you did all this?"

He smiled at her. "I had a little help, but yes. Do you like it?"

"It's incredible. But why?"

"I know you feel after tomorrow everything is going to change, but I wanted to show you that it doesn't have too. That as long as we are together we can create our own private world, we can have a lifetime of nights like this one."

She smiled at him, tears in her eyes, but he shook his head. "No crying love, this is a happy night." He motioned to the troubadours to begin playing. He held out his hand to her, "Dance with me."

"It would be my pleasure," she sighed as he took her hand and led her to the small open area beside their table. He placed his hand on the small of her back, drew her into him, and pulled her against his chest as they began to move in time with the music. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in the scent of vanilla, lavender and spice that was uniquely her. His lips made their way to her ear and sang the words of their song to her.

"I'll be seeing you; in all the old, familiar places;  
That this heart of mine embraces; all day through."

Alistair spun her around, drew her back into him and dipped her as he pressed against her thigh, letting her know exactly what she was doing to him. He brought her back up and his face was inches from hers. Her face was flushed with want and need and he grinned at her as he continued to sway with her in his arm, his lips sang to her.

"In every lovely, summer's day; and everything that's bright and gay;  
I'll always think of you that way; I'll find you in the morning sun;  
And when the night is new; I'll be looking at the moon; But I'll be seeing you."

Alistair bent her again into a deep dip; her head flung back and exposed her neck and cleavage. It took every ounce of strength he possessed to keep from burying his head in her neck and kissing his way down to her breasts. He snapped her back up to him and he could see she was flushed with the same heat, desire, and hunger that he was.

When the song ended, the troubadours began another song, but he led her over to their table. She took a seat, but Alistair bent down in front of her and he called Strider over to them. She seemed shocked when her beloved Mabari appeared, but her surprise quickly faded as he licked her hand and then took a seat in front of her.

"I thought I would give you the most important gift that I can offer you by presenting it on the very first gift I ever gave you," Alistair said.

Josie looked at him curiously then down at her dog. She reached down to stretch his ears when her fingers caught on an object that hung from his collar. Josie spun the collar around and gasped as her fingers held a large emerald cut diamond ring that had tiny emeralds encircling the band, her birthstone and her mother's. Alistair had saved every jewel that they had found and few that she hadn't known about to have this ring created for her.

"Josie Cousland, since I met you when I was twelve you have profoundly changed my life. I can't imagine spending an hour away from you let alone a lifetime without you by my side. I know you will argue with me that I need an heir, but I would rather spend my life trying to conceive a child with the woman that I love then to be forced into a loveless marriage for the possibility of having a child. If that is the case then I refuse to take the throne."

"Alistair…"

"Don't JoJo, I don't want the throne without you as my Queen. If your only reason for rebuffing me is because of the problems that will we have producing an heir, then I will refuse the throne. It's as simple as that. It's us together leading Ferelden or not all."

Alistair took the ring off of Strider's collar and slipped it on her finger. "Josie, you are everything I ever wanted and more. I want to fall asleep every night with you in my arms, wake up with you luscious naked body pressed against mine and I want to hear you moan my name ecstasy. I want to make you just as happy as you have made me. Josephine Cousland, I'll love you till the end. Will you make me the happiest man in all of Thedas and agree to be my wife?"

Tears shimmered in her eyes as she nodded. Alistair pulled her into his arms, kissed her before he scooped her into his arms and spun her around. "Oh Josie, I want to feel like this for the rest of our lives."

"Me too," she said as she kissed him back.

* * *

**A/N - ** **Big thanks, hugs and kisses to my Beta Gurus, Jinxy and The Lilacgirl, for making it seem as if my grammar education was more than Schoolhouse Rocks! Mawhahahaha, they will never know that all my knowledge actually comes from cartoons singing conjunction junction and lolly adverbs. You ladies are the best!**

*******A wholehearted thank you to all of you lurkers, reviewers and readers, your support really helps motivate me so thank you for taking your time to do that. Shout outs to those who put me on their favorite author and story list!**


	16. Chapter 16 These Eyes

**Chapter 15 - These eyes**

"These eyes cry every night for you, these arms long to hold you again  
The hurtin's on me, yeah and I will never be free, no, my baby, no no  
You gave a promise to me, yeah and you broke it and you broke it, oh no  
These eyes watched you bring my world to an end  
This heart could not accept and pretend  
The hurtin's on me, yeah and I will never be free no, no, no  
You took the vow with me, yeah and you spoke it and you spoke it, babe  
These eyes are cryin' these eyes have seen a lot of loves  
But they're never gonna see another one like I had with you"

_These Eyes by The Guess Who_

Everything had been going as planned. All of the hard work and preparation had paid off. They had won the Landsmeet, Josie had allowed him to fight and defeat Loghain. The general was on his knees before him the feeling of complete victory swept through him. The faces of Duncan, his fellow Wardens and Cailan flashed through his mind. He would enjoy taking this man's life it was just a shame that it wouldn't be a slow death. The man deserved to suffer for all the pain he had brought.

"Wait! There is another option. The Teryn is a warrior and general of renown. Let him be of use, put him through the joining," Riordan the Orlesian Warden interrupted.

"You want to make him Warden. He isn't even loyal to us or our cause," Josie stated in stunned tone.

"What does loyalty matter? We are what we are. The joining binds us to the darkspawn. You know this Warden. The taint will demand that you submit to it. As you feel compelled to seek them out, he will too," Riordan explained.

"But why make him a Warden?" Josie asked.

Alistair felt his anger rising. She couldn't possibly be considering this. This was crazy, conscripting this murder was crazy.

"There are only three Wardens in all of Ferelden and there are compelling reasons to have as many Wardens on hand to deal with the Archdemon. It is not a matter of what we like, it's a matter of what we must do. Our duty is to slay the Archdemon. We aren't judges," Riordan replied.

Alistair felt the taint pull in his chest. It was her taint as she tried to reach out to him; he looked over at her, eyes pleading for him to trust her, but he couldn't. Not with this, not this time. He couldn't allow this traitor into his order.  
Anora stepped forward with her hands clasped in front of her. "The joining is often fatal is it not? If he survives the joining, you have gained a general to aid against the Blight. If he dies then you have your revenge. Does that not satisfy you?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Alistair bellowed. "Riordan, this man abandoned our brothers and then blamed us for the deed. He hunted us down like animals, he tortured you and sent assassins after us. How can we just forget that?"

Josie stepped toward him, she reached for him, but stepped away from her. Anger and betrayal tearing at his mind making it hard for to see anything but the knife that Josie was about to stab into his back.

"Alistair, Riordan has a point. There are only three Wardens left; we need more numbers. We should consider putting him through the joining," Josie countered.

The tug of her taint was so strong; it was almost overwhelming and the plea rang out in his head over and over again – "trust me, Alistair, have faith in me". He wanted to believe that she knew what she was doing. He had doubted her before and it had cost him dearly, but as he looked over at the smug face of Loghain. All of the anger, all hatred towards the man rose to the surface, blinding him from seeing anything but his death as a betrayal.

"No, joining the Wardens is an honor not a punishment…"

"Alistair, we must do whatever it takes to defeat the Blight. We need numbers, we need him," Josie argued.

"We need him like we need stabbed in the back. We are in this predicament because that man slaughtered our brothers and sisters in Ostagar. You make him a Warden and you cheapin' all of us. I will not stand next to him as a brother. If you conscript him I'm leaving," Alistair declared.

"A-alistair…please listen to reason," Josie begged.

He shook his head, "Loghain is a traitor or have you forgotten how being a great general didn't work out so well last time. You told me once that I needed to stand up for myself. Well, here I am, I'm standing." Alistair paused as he stepped forward to address the crowd. "As the son of Maric, I will take the crown and make sure that justice is served."

"Josie, you have to see that he will not make a good king. He puts his own selfish needs and desires ahead of what is best for Ferelden," Anora declared.

"You aren't any better, Anora, so stop acting like you're trying to save your father is actually for the greater good." Then she turned toward Alistair and stepped close to him so that only he could hear her. "Alistair, there has to be a reason why Riordan would ask us to put Loghain through the joining. There is more to this that we don't know about. Please, Alistair, please trust me."

Alistair closed his eyes as he shook his head in frustration. He couldn't believe that once again their entire relationship was coming down to his ability to trust her and once again he was going to fail them both. He couldn't forgive Loghain for his betrayal, and as much as he loved Josie he wouldn't be able to ever forgive her if she let that man live.

"I'm sorry Josie, I can't do this. Ask me for a pound of flesh or for all the gold in Orlais, but don't ask me to stand by him and call him brother. I can't do that…now do what you intended to do along and make me king."

Tears were brimming in her eyes and her lower lip quivered as she spoke. "I can only do that if you give me your word that you won't kill Loghain."

"It would be easier if you asked me to cut off my own arm," he hissed.

The tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. "Then you leave me no choice…A-anora will remain Queen. I hereby conscript Loghain."

Alistair stared at her in shock. How could she do this to him? How could she say she loved him, agree to be his wife and then utterly betray him and everything that they had meant to each other.

Alistair hung his head completely defeated and destroyed. "I'm through. I'm through with the Wardens and I'm through with you."

"It's not that simple, Alistair," Anora said as she stepped toward them.

"You're murderous father is going to become a Grey Warden. What more could you possibly want from me?"

"Unfortunately, your head," the Queen said coldly.

"What!" Josie exclaimed.

"Josie, as a noble you know I can't let him live. He is the last Theirin heir, I can't have uprising in the countryside in his name."

"You have no grounds to call for his execution," Josie argued.

"Oh but I do. Desertion is an executable offense," Anora said smugly.

"Oh so you're going to put your father's head on the chopping block too. Cause no matter what his reasons were for Ostagar he deserted his King on the battlefield," Josie countered.

Anora grinned at her. "You're right, I would have to execute my father for the same offense, but fortunately for him you just conscripted him into the Grey Wardens to fight the Blight. That would stay his execution; unfortunately for Alistair he won't receive the same pardon."

Josie glared at Anora with such hatred that the Queen actually stumbled back. Through gritted teeth Josie hissed, "You owe me a boon for my service to this country and to the crown, I want your word sworn in front of all these nobles that you will spare Alistair's life."

Anora scowled at Josie for a long moment then in a resigned tone she replied, "Fine, I will spare his life, but he is exiled from Ferelden. He has one week to gather his things and leave Ferelden forever. If he ever steps foot on Ferelden soil again, I place a fifty thousand sovereign bounty on his head."

Alistair watched as Josie shook with rage from the ruling. In front of him, Josie leaned into Anora, "You may have won this battle, but this is far from over."

Anora laughed arrogantly. "Grow up little girl and come see when you're ready to run with the big dogs."

Josie's hand curled into a fist, but quicker than lightning Zevran was at her side, his hand restraining her wrist. "Come my sweet, this is neither the time nor place. There are more apropos ways of dealing with her," Zevran whispered as he pulled her way.

"Warden Cousland, I believe that we have a joining to oversee," Riordan stated.

Josie nodded as she looked up at Alistair. There was such a profound sadness and heartache in her eyes that he knew they had to be mirror images of his own. He had to get away from here, away from her. He spun on his heels and raced back to the estate. With a little luck he could be packed and gone before she was back from the joining. He went to his room and stopped dead in the doorway. He stared at the unmade bed that just hours ago he had made love to her, and a pain so severe ripped through him that he had to brace himself against the doorframe to remain on his feet. He drew in deep shaking breaths trying get control of his emotions.

Once he had composed himself, he walked over to the bed, sat down, brought the sheet up to his face and breathed in her scent that still lingered on the fabric. Before he even realized it the tears flowed down his cheeks as he mourned all that he had lost in the short span of a few hours. His heart ached for her while at the same time it was shattering into a million pieces, over and over again as the sound of her voice pounded through his head. "_I hereby conscript him."_ "_I hereby conscript him." "I hereby conscript him." "I hereby conscript him."_

With the sheet still in his hand, he leaned back on the bed the image of Josie on top of him, head thrown back in ecstasy, hair cascading downing, breasts swaying as she rode him. He could picture so clearly sitting up, his hands sliding up her side, over her exquisite breasts to the slender, delicate column of her throat. "_I hereby conscript him."_ The sweet sounds of her pleasure changing…"_I hereby conscript him."_… as his hands tightened around her throat…"_I hereby conscript him."_ …squeezing, choking as she claws at his hands to let her go…"_I hereby conscript him."_ …the fight leaving her as her airway remained cut off …"_I hereby conscript him."_the light slow fading from her beautiful blue eyes before she goes limp in his arms.

"Fuck!" He screamed as he picks up the oil lamp and threw it across the room. He had to get out of here, away from her, away from the pain that she had caused. He didn't trust himself to be around her right now. He truly feared he might hurt her if he saw her.

He quickly threw his most valuable possession into his bag before he headed to Eamon's office to gather his gear. He picked up Duncan's sword and tenderly ran his fingers over the blade that they had recovered when they had returned to Ostagar. It was not an ornate sword, but the craftsmanship was superb and he knew he could get several sovereign for it. He hated to sell it. It was one of the possessions that he had left of his mentors, but he had spent most of his coin on Josie's engagement ring and he needed the money to get out of Ferelden…_Fuck! Why? Why Josie, couldn't you place me above your sense of duty? Place what I needed above honor? _

Alistair slid the sword into its sheath then grabbed an ordinary longsword and Duncan's dagger that he could use for protection. The dagger was actually more valuable than the sword, because Josie had Bohden add several ruins to it and for that reason alone he couldn't part with it. He felt her before for he heard her footsteps racing up the stairs, his taint tingling the moment that she entered the estate. He turned his attention back to packing. He had to get away from her. As much pain as he was in he still loved her, he didn't want to hurt her, but his thoughts weren't right, they were dangerous and he feared for both of them if he remained near her.

She rushed into the room and his heart stopped at the sight of her. He wanted to hold her to tell her that would work through this somehow…"_I hereby conscript him." "I hereby conscript him." "I hereby conscript him."_

Alistair said nothing just turned his attention back to packing.

"Alistair, please listen to me," she begged.

"There is nothing you have to say that I want to hear. You betrayed the Wardens, you betrayed Ferelden," his voice hitched but he managed to say, "A-and you betrayed me."

"Alistair, before that decision, there were only three Wardens in all of Ferelden…"

"Well, thanks to your decision there still are only three Wardens in all of Ferelden," he interrupted. The pounding returning to his head as those four words ran continuously through his head. "I want nothing to do you or your Order any longer."

He could tell that she was trying to fight the tears as she struggled to remain in control of her emotions. "Alistair, think about this. There has to be a reason Riordan asked us to conscript Loghain."

"There is no logical reason to conscript that traitor. There isn't a reason good enough to make him our brother," Alistair spat her.

"Riordan lost brothers and sisters at Ostagar too. He has to have a good explanation for this."

"He is an old, crazy Warden that is close to his calling. He could have no good reason for conscripting that son of a bitch!"

Her tears now spilled over and ran down her cheeks as she reached for him "Alistair, please, my Love…"

Alistair jerked his arm away from her. Hearing her say that nearly sent him over the edge. How could say she loved him and turn around and stab him in the back. "DON'T you ever call me that again! How can you say you loved me? You knew what this meant to me. You knew I needed to do this! NO! You never loved me. If you had you would have never done this to me. You took from me the opportunity to avenge the deaths of our King, my mentor, our fellow Wardens. You had the satisfaction of killing Howe, but you deny me the same gratification…"

"Revenge… leaves you hollow. It won't bring the peace you're looking for…"

"Fuck you, Josie! Now, I'll never know! You took that from me."

Josie drew herself up, wiped away her tears as faced him. "If you could have put your own selfish need for revenge aside for one moment and had reached out through the taint, you would have realized that Riordan was trying to tell us something. We need Loghain! I don't know why, but I could feel it. Every instinct in my body tells me to trust, Riordan. Please, Alistair, don't leave like this. We need you… I need you…I love you."

Alistair had to get away from her. Hearing her declare her need and love for him made him want to pull her into his arms, kiss her and tell her they would get through this. He would find a way to forgive her, but then he imagined the feel of her delicate throat beneath his hands. He stumbled back away from her as he heaved his bag onto his back. "Well Sweetheart, you should have thought about that before you saved Loghain's life… Don't come after me. I never want to see you again! I want nothing to do with you!"

He shouted over his shoulder, "You and Loghain have fun with that Archdemon. Give it my love."

For as long as he lived he would never forget the look of complete devastation on Josie's face as she fell to her knees sobbing. Alistair turned and ran as fast as he could away from her and the sounds of her heartbreak.

_**xxXxx**_

It had taken him three days to sell Duncan's sword and make his way to Soldier's Peak. Avernus wasn't shocked to see him or excite over the prospect of teaching him to mask his taint, but the fifty silver pieces he had given the mage had softened him up a little. After working with him continuously for the next four days Alistair felt that he could stand next to Josie and she wouldn't even know he was there unless the wanted her too. He was planning on leaving the next morning for Amaranthine to catch a ship to Kirkwall. From everything that he had heard about the city it was the perfect place to get lost in and there weren't any Warden outposts in there.

Avernus and he were once again sharing a meal in silence when a messenger rushed him and handed the mage a letter.

"Hmmm, that's very interesting," Avernus muttered more to himself than to Alistair. "Will, can you come here please?"

A few minutes later his servant rushed in. "Ser, do you need some assistance?"

"Yes, I need you pack my bags for me and pack all of healing and lyrium potions along with my ingredients to make more," Avernus instructed.

"Yes, Warden," the boy said as he hurried out of the room.

Alistair looked up at the old mage. "What's going on?"

The smiled at him, "War, my boy, war."

"Oh is that all," Alistair said as he turned his attention back to his bowl of stew.

"Is that all? As a Warden I would think you have more interest in the fact that the Archdemon has been sighted."

Alistair raised his head. "Yes, I did hear that when I left Denerim. The armies that had been gathered were heading to Redcliffe to defend the town."

"Yes, unfortunately they are on the wrong side of Ferelden."

"What?"

"The Archdemon has turned and is only two days away from Denerim."

Alistair felt the blood drain out of his face. If Josie really pushed the armies she was still easily three days away from the capital, the city would be destroyed.

"Well, are you going to sit on your arse all night or are you going to act like a Grey Warden and do your duty?"

Alistair's eyes narrowed on the old man. "I didn't picture you being the noble, honorable type."

"You may not like my methods young man, but I am a Warden. I swore a vow to defend the lives of the innocent against those vile monsters and I plan on living up to my oath. What about you?"

Alistair thought about the all of the men, women and children that would not have time to escape, he thought about Josie rushing to defend the city, tired and weary from traveling, but still having to battle through the fight of her life. He loved her, he hated her, but the one thing he didn't want was for her to die. If he could help her clear a path for her that would ensure her survival then it would be the last thing he did for her before he walked away from her forever.

Three days later, Alistair stood amongst the thousands of men and women watching in awe as Josie walked up the platform to address the vast army that she had raised.

"Before us stands the might of the darkspawn horde. Gaze upon them now, but fear them not because today is our day. Somehow, we have come to believe that greatness is reserved for the chosen few…the brave, the heroes, but the truth is greatness is for all of us. Greatness is not in one special place, or in one special person. Greatness is wherever someone is trying to find it. There is greatness in all of us and today, on this battlefield is your opportunity to find and fulfill your greatness. Today we save Denerim. Today we avenge the deaths of King Cailan, but most of all today we show the Grey Wardens that we remember and honor their sacrifice. So join me now, for Ferelden, for the Grey Wardens."

A loud cheer had gone up and Josie led the charge into the city. As Josie fought at the gate, Alistair made his way to toward the Denerim market. He knew she would have to go through that area to head to the tower, if he hoped to make that journey a little easier for her that is where he could aid her most.

It had been a long day of intense fighting. Many around him had given their lives in defense of the City, but it was quickly becoming overrun as the Archdemon called his minions to his defense. Alistair had seen the beast overhead, watched as a Warden had fallen from its back and had prayed a prayer of gratitude that the body had been too large to be Josie's.

He leaned back against a smoldering building and drew a long gulp of water from his flask. Again, he felt her before he saw her; that familiar humming in his taint and he stepped into the shadows, masked his own taint so that she would pass without seeing him. She emerged through the smoke and fire, face stained with blood, soot and sweat, despite her current state, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on and his heart ached with pain at the sight of her.

She had a fierce determination in her eyes as she fought her way through the darkspawn; Oghren and Loghain at her sides, Zevran and Wynne bringing up the rear. This was why he had to come back, he needed to know that she would survive this battle. Even if he couldn't be with her, he needed to know that she lived.

The fighting had continued late into the night when an eerie silence fell over the battlefield as the darkspawn drew to a sudden halt, an instant later an explosion so fierce at the top of the fort's tower detonated that the ground beneath his feet shook. Alistair looked up as a wave of energy encircled the tower before it burst forth, spanning outward. Alistair felt the heaviness from his taint lift and he knew the archdemon had been destroyed. All around them the darkspawn began to flee as cheers erupted all around them. They had won, but what had been the cost. Did she live?

Alistair saw Sten, Morrigan and Leliana rush through the debris as they made their way toward the Fort. A crowd of revelers followed in their wake anxious to see their hero. Alistair fell in behind them, wanting to see, needing to see for himself that she lived. He had waited for hours with the partiers at the base of the tower for the Josie to emerge. He had just stood up to stretch his legs when a reverent hush fell over the crowd. He looked up just as Sten emerged from the tower with the bloody, motionless body of the woman that he loved in the his arms. The air was sucked out of his lungs as he staggered and fell to his knees. No, no she couldn't be dead. If she was dead it would be all his fault. He shouldn't have left her to fight this on her own. Please Maker…please.

Hushed whispers and murmurs began to spread through the crowd that she wasn't dead. That she had been gravely injured and that they were taking her to the Cousland estate that sat on the edge of the city and had received little damage during the fight. He wasn't even aware that the Couslands had an estate in Denerim. Josie had never mentioned it, but maybe she hadn't wanted to relive old memories.

Alistair waited for ten days in a refugee camp outside of the city for word about Josie's condition, but every day the heralds said the same thing, that the Hero of Ferelden's, the name that people had given her, condition remained the same. She was in stable condition, but she remained unconscious. The longer that Alistair remained in Denerim the great chance Anora had to fulfilling her desire of having his head on a pike. He unconsciously rubbed the Dalish Tattoo on his ring finger; a habit he had developed ever since their mating ritual, whenever he was contemplating something regarding her. He needed to see her, one last time, before he walked away forever.

That night he packed his gear and made his way toward the east side of the city. He had learned that the Cousland Estate sat up on a hillside overlooking the Amaranthine Ocean. That worked out well for him, he had booked passage on a cargo ship leaving on the next high tide for the Free Marches. When he arrived at the estate a candlelight vigil was taking place. Hundreds were gathered in the courtyard; some silently praying, some respectfully singing, but all waiting on word of their hero.

Alistair blended in with the crowd and eased his way toward the back of the manor using the shadows of the building and trees to conceal his approach. He maybe a warrior, but you didn't travel with a highly skilled rogue, an assassin and a bard without learning a thing or two about stealth. The moon moved from behind a cloud and Alistair saw several vines that climbed up the side of the stone wall to an open window on the second floor. Alistair concealed his bag in the shrubs then swiftly ascended the outer wall. He landed in a long corridor that was light with oil lamps. There were numerous doors, but only three had light spilling out from underneath them. He went to the first door, pressed his ear to the door and listened. He heard the muffled voices of three of his old companions – Wynne, Zevran and Leliana. He cursed silently to himself and prayed that wasn't Josie's room.

He went to the next door and listened. He recognized Eamon's voice and the voice of a man he couldn't distinguish. He moved to the next door to listen. It was quiet. He knocked softly, but received no answer. He knocked again this time a little louder and when he received no reply he eased the door open, stepping quickly inside and quietly closing it. It took him a moment for his eyes to adjust to low lighting, but from the light of the fire he was able to make out a four poster bed and small figure resting on it. He walked over and his heart stopped when he saw Josie's still figure. All of the evidence from the battle had been cleaned off of her. She was wearing a white tunic, her sable hair spread out on the pillow. She looked pale, but she didn't look at death's door. It looked as if she were sleeping and the only evidence to the contrary was the white bandage that started at her chin, running down her neck and under the nightgown. Maker, how had she received that wound? Was that what was keeping her from waking up?

Alistair knelt reverently beside her bed; his heart aching with love, with pain, with the agony of betrayal. He took her hand in his, brought it up to his lips and tenderly kissed each knuckle before turning it over and gently kissing the sensitive palm as he had done some many times before.

He loved her, he hated her, he wanted to see her recover while at the same time he wanted to hurt her as bad as she had hurt him. Even now, the battle continued to rage inside of him, and as she fought to live those four words pounded through his head making him want to slide his hands around her neck and choke the life out of her while a part of him just wanted to pull her into his arms, beg her to forgive him, beg her to live and come back to him. He leaned over her lovingly one last time and kissed her lips.

"Alistair, what are you doing here?" Wynne's cool voice came from behind him.

Alistair released her hand and stood up. "I-I needed to see her before I left."

"And you feel you have that right after what you've done?" There was no anger, no hostility in her voice as she asked the question and that made it all the more painful.

"I-I just needed to see her…"

"And what about what she needed? She needed you on top of that tower, Alistair. She nearly died up there, she still may. Where was your need then?"

Before he could answer he felt a strong arm slip around his neck as the cool blade of the assassin's dagger pressed against his jugular.

"What makes you think you have the right to be here?" Zevran hissed in his ear.

"I was leaving Ferelden. I just wanted to make sure she was okay," Alistair replied calmly.

"Okay? She will never be okay again thanks to you. You nearly destroyed her. I won't let you finish what you started. I swear on all that is holy if you ever come near her again, I will kill you and I promise it won't be a quick, painless death," Zevran growled.

"I have no intention of ever seeing her again," Alistair stated.

"Good, than we have an understanding," Zevran said as he released him.

"Alistair I think it would be best if you left," Wynne said calmly.

Alistair nodded, he turned to look one last time at the woman that had given his life so much meaning, and who had also shattered that delusion with one swift act. He would love her till the day he died, and he also knew that until that day arrived she would haunt him every day of his life.

* * *

**A/N - A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

***A big hugs and thank you to the betalicious Jinxy and betatabulous The Lilacgirl for working their magic on this chapter. You two are awesome and I can't thank you enough!**


	17. Chapter 17 For My Sins

**Epilogue Part I – Josie**

**For My Sins**

"Imagining how life will be without you waking up right next to me

As you left the city felt so silent hearing the door click closed behind you felt so violent.

I know love is not a promise, you're tired of fighting so won't fight for this

So, I lie alone in this night and it's empty only the darkness is holding me...

Oh time take the pain away from me make me face it don't let me run

Oh bravery come and speak to me let me believe in what I've become

For My Sins I'm here without you, heaven sent and I let hell break through

Cos I had someone to believe in- two hearts breaking they never break even"

_For My Sins by Jess Mills_

_Josie opened her eyes to find that she was lying beside a pond in a large meadow. She sat up, looked around and recognized that this was the pasture behind Highever Castle. This had been her favorite spot to come to as a child when she needed to be alone. She stood up and stretched. She looked down at her body; it was still battered, bruised and seriously wounded. Why hadn't she been healed when she had died and entered the Fade? _

_She leaned down to the pond and began to clean the dried blood off. "Really? The Maker couldn't clean you up before you woke up here. Talk about lack of customer service," Josie muttered._

"_It's because you're not dead, my child," a voice said from behind her, a voice she would recognize anywhere. Josie leapt to her feet and spun to see her mother standing there, smiling at her. _

"_Mother!" She exclaimed as she rushed into her open embrace and as her arms enfolded her, for the first time since before the attack on the castle Josie felt as if she were home, safe, protected and loved unconditionally._

_Eleanor kissed the top of Josie's head. "Oh my daughter, your father and I are so proud of you and all that you have accomplished."_

"_You and Father know…you were aware what was going on?"_

"_Yes, most of it; the Maker has allowed us to follow your journey."_

"_Father…is he here? Can I see him?"_

"_He is here, but no you can't see him yet. Maybe soon," Eleanor said as she led Josie back down to the pond. "Let's get you cleaned up first." _

_Eleanor began helping her out of her armor. When Josie was naked, she slipped into the cool, refreshing water. A vial of shampoo materialized in her mother's hand and she handed it to her. Josie pulled out the cork and breathed in the scent of lavender, vanilla, cinnamon and cloves. It had been the shampoo and soap that her mother had made for her since she had been a child. The scent had always reminded her of her mother and the feeling of being loved. She had managed to make a small bottle of it during her travels, but had only used it sparingly because the fragrance had brought back to many memories. However, now she inhaled the scent deeply as the memories of her life at the castle inundated her mind._

_When she was all cleaned up, she stepped out of the water, her mother handed her a clean towel to dry off with and then a casual gown to change into._

"_Feeling a bit better?" Her mother asked, as they headed for the castle._

"_Much, thank you. I expected the Maker to have me all cleaned when I arrived, but it was nice having you here to take of me," Josie said._

_Her mother remained silent as she led her into the family dining room. The table was elaborately set and the moment that they sat down food appeared before them, but there were only two place settings._

_Before Josie could question the absence of her father, sister-in-law, nephew and possibly Fergus her mother raised her wine glass for a toast, "To the Hero of Ferelden, she has exceeded every expectation and dream that I had for her."_

_Josie blushed at the compliment as she touched her mother's glass with hers. "Hero of Ferelden? Couldn't you think of a more creative name than that? Maybe Demolisher of Darkspawn, or Vanquisher of Evil."_

_Eleanor laughed and tears filled Josie's eyes. She had forgotten how sweet her mother's laughter sounded. _

"_I didn't think up the name, Josie. That is what they are calling you in Denerim and the name is quickly catching on."_

"_Ugh…glad I'm going to be missing that," Josie replied as she took another sip of her wine._

_Her mother remained oddly quiet. Josie looked around at the empty chairs that should have been occupied by her deceased family members, her fingers unconsciously skimmed down her neck at the laceration from the Archdemon's tail that was now scabbed over. She looked down at all the nicks, cuts and bruises that still remained from the horrific battle. She looked back up at her mother, Josie's eyes wide with fear at the truth that she saw there. "I'm not dead!"_

_Her mother sadly shook her head. _

"_But I want to be dead, I planned on dying on that rooftop…I felt the Archdemon's spirit pass through me, I heard it talking to me, I know I killed it."_

"_I believe the Maker has other plans for you, my dear," her mother said calmly._

_Anger rose up so quickly in Josie that before she could stop herself she yelled, "Screw the Maker and his plans. I had plans too and they all went to the Void…I- I don't want to go back to all the pain. Please don't make me go back to that."_

_Eleanor was on her feet in an instant pulling her into her arms. "I know you don't my dear. I know that Alistair broke your heart, that you lost your will to live and that is why you planned on fulfilling your duty to the Wardens and to your country by taking the killing blow. That is why I'm here, my dear sweet child to help you see that you still have so much to live for and that you still have so much more to offer the world."_

_Josie cried in her mother's arms as she shook her head adamantly like a child. "No…I'm done. I did my duty, I united my country, I saved the people of Ferelden…I'm so tired, Mom. I just want to sleep."_

_Eleanor took Josie by the shoulders and gently pushed her back. "You have lost so much and sacrificed a great deal. No one would blame you if you decided to stay here and move on into the Fade."_

_Josie looked at her mother in shock. "The choice is mine?"_

"_Yes, it is…"_

"_Well, then I choice to go into the Fade. I don't want to go back…to all that pain and death…I want some damn peace."_

"_I completely understand, but before you make that decision, I want you to have all of the information so that you can make a knowledgeable, wise choice," her mother said as she grabbed her water goblet and handed it to her._

_Josie looked at the still liquid as her mother passed her hand over top the glass. The watered vibrated and shimmered before a vision floated to the surface and came into focus. It was her room at their Denerim estate. Josie was lying on the bed, Zevran, Wynne and Leliana were standing at the footboard holding hands as if in prayer. In the corner stood Shale, Sten and Oghren, heads bowed in reverence, the dwarf seemed to be wiping his eyes and nose with a tissue. Josie's attention went back to the bed…a man was sitting in a chair next to her, his hand clasped over top of hers, tears streaming down his cheeks as he begged her to come back to him._

"_Fergus," Josie whispered._

"_Yes, your brother lives and he needs you, Josie. He has lost so much as well…his wife, his son, his parents and the pain from that is more than he can bear. He doesn't have your strength, my dear; please don't let him lose the one thing that has kept him alive for a year."_

_Josie looked up at her mother curiously. _

"_Once he was strong enough the chasind informed him what had happened at Highever. He became suicidal. He had lost everyone and everything that he had ever loved and all he wanted to do was join his family in the Fade. That was until he started to hear rumors of the two surviving Grey Wardens from Ostagar, that were traveling throughout the country trying to fight the Blight and unite a country. As the rumors became more widespread the tales told of the beautiful Warden who was of noble birth, who had been conscripted on the night of her family's murders. Hope began to bloom in him once again. Seeing you had become his reason for living and he fought with all his strength to heal so that he could get to you. He needs you, Josie. He won't survive your death. But the choice is still yours, my daughter, you can join your family in the Fade, a family that will understand if decide that you have had enough and gladly welcome you or you can join your brother, who needs you."_

_Josie stared at her brother who was holding her hand as he recounted a memory from their childhood to her motionless body. She loved him, but the pain that scored her heart was so deep that the thought of returning nearly paralyzed her. _

_She watched as Fergus tenderly stroked her cheek. "Lu Lu, do you remember the time that Nate and I spiked your water with..."_

"_Il fratello della mia migliore amica, why do you call Josie Lu Lu ? How did she get that nickname?" Zevran asked._

_Fergus smiled at her best friend then back at her. "Oh that's a great story, but one that I think will have to wait until she wakes up to tell."_

"_Why is that?" Leliana asked._

_Fergus grinned mischievously, "Because she hates that story and I love to watch the her cheeks burn that vibrant red when I retell it in front of her."_

_Zevran laughed. "Oh mio fratello diabolico, I believe we are going to get along splendidly." _

_Fergus…her older brother who she had idolized as a child, her brother who had always been her source of strength now needed her and the thought of leaving him so destitute pained her. She loved him, she was the only family she had left and she would not leave him to face the harsh realities of what had happened at Highever alone._

"_I'll go back," she whispered. _

"_I thought you might say that," Eleanor said as she rose to her feet and escorted Josie to her room in the castle. She tucked Josie into bed, and kissed her forehead._

"_I love you, my dear, sweet girl and I promise one day to welcome you home with open arms," Eleanor sighed as Josie closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep._

The first conscious thought that Josie had was that the beds in the Fade were very soft, they felt just like home. The second thought she had was, why would you need to sleep in the Fade. Her third thought as the memories from her visit with her mother came rushing back was…That fucking Loghain went behind her back and did the dark ritual. She would kill him. Before she could truly process that thought she heard arguing near her bed, and one of the voices sounded exactly like Alistair's, but by the time she had the strength to pry her eyes open she only saw the concerned faces of Wynne and Zevran looking down at her.

"Thank the Maker!" Zevran exclaimed as he sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms. "Mio migliore amico, you had us all worried."

"D-did I just hear Alistair?" Josie asked.

She caught the slight exchange between the assassin and the mage before Wynne said, "No my child, you must have been still dreaming."

Wynne had always been a terrible liar and today was no exception, but she was too tired to argue with the women.

"W-where is that asshole Loghain?" Josie stuttered. Her mouth feeling like it was stuffed with cotton. Sensing her need, Wynne handed her a glass of water and smiled at her gratefully.

"La mia caramella dolce, for being in a coma for almost two weeks, you ask the strangest questions," Zevran chuckled.

"Two weeks?" Josie asked in disbelief. It had only seemed like a few hours in the Fade.

"Yes, my sweet, you have had all of us sick with worry," Zevran stated.

"Where is Loghain?" She demanded again.

"He is at the Palace with Anora," Wynne replied.

"I want to see him as soon as possible. I have a few choice words for him," Josie growled.

Zevran leaned down and kissed her cheek. "How about thank you?"

She just glared at him. Zevran knew about the dark ritual. He had begged her to take it, but she had refused. She had lost everything and she had been willing to die to save her country. Loghain had gone behind her back, against her wishes and his reasons for doing so were not noble. He just wanted to save his own pathetic life.

Josie ignored the remark and asked her next question. "Strider?"

Zevran's face contorted slightly with grief as he shook his head. "La mia caramella dolce, I'm so sorry, but he didn't make it."

Josie just nodded as she closed her eyes willing the tears not fall. When the Archdemon's tail had sliced down her side, her faithful war dog had stood over her, guarding her until Oghren had arrived to defend her. The last thing she remembered before the first healing spell was cast and she passed out, was Strider leaping in the air at throat of an approaching hurlock. So not only had she lost Alistair, but she had also lost the first gift he had ever given her. Before she could reply the door burst open.

"LuLu?" Fergus asked as he rushed in. When he saw her sitting up, he advanced on her in two quick strides and pulled her into his arms as he kissed her cheeks. "Oh, thank the Maker."

She hugged him back. "Fergus…mother told me you were alive…"

He pulled away from her, his eyes wide with shock. "Mother?"

She smiled sheepishly at him. "Yes…in the Fade…I had dinner with her."

"Y-you had dinner…with our mother in the Fade?" Fergus questioned in stunned disbelief.

"Yes, she showed me that you still lived and that you…that we needed each other to get through the days ahead."

"W-was anyone else there?"

Josie shook her head. "No, I didn't get a chance to ask why, but I had the feeling that only one person was allowed to reach out to me," Josie explained.

"So that is where you've been…in the Fade? Why?" Leliana asked.

"I had a decision to make…I had to decide if I wanted to come back or if I wanted to crossover."

"And you decided to comeback…Why?" Fergus questioned.

"Obviously she couldn't stay away from my charming good looks," Zevran chuckled.

She smiled weakly at her friend and then at all of her other companions. "I wish I could say that was true, but as much as I love each and every one of you it wasn't enough to make me want to come back here." She grasped Fergus' hand with both hers. "I came back for you. When mother showed me that you were still alive, I knew I couldn't leave you to face…everything by yourself. We're family, we have to stick together."

Fergus drew her into a fierce embrace. He was hugging her so tightly she could barely breathe, but she absolutely refused to pull away from him. He kissed her as fresh tears coursed down both of their cheeks, "Thank you…thank you, Lu."

Over the next month, Josie's strength slowly returned to her and Wynne allowed her outings in the garden to become more frequent and longer. She enjoyed the fresh air, being with her brother and all of her friends, but as hard as she tried to push the pain that had been there since the Landsmeet down it only continued to grow and the ache at times was so unbearable that it nearly crippled her.

Wynne had found her on one such occasion. The memory of his face distorted with rage and hatred as he maliciously said, "You and Loghain have fun with that Archdemon. Give it my love," had driven her to her knees as the pain of his revulsion for her seeped in.

"Josie, are you alright. Are you in pain, child?" Wynne asked as she bent down beside her.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she tried to catch her breath from the anguish that was seizing at her heart. She tore at the front of her dress as she gasped, "H-he left me, Wynne…h-he hates me so much that he left me to die."

Wynne pulled her into her arms and gently began to rock her. "He doesn't hate you, my dear. His heart is breaking just as yours is…for different and yet very similar reasons."

"H-he _**left**_ me…to face archdemon by myself…he left me to _**die**_…how do you do that to the woman you just asked to be your wife? I-I don't understand…all I did was what I thought was best for him."

"Josie, I don't believe he left you. He may not have been on top of that tower with you, but I don't believe he deserted you or his duty."

"How can you say that?"

She sighed as she let out a deep breath. "Do you remember the day you woke up, you asked if you had heard Alistair's voice and I told you no?"

Josie nodded. She remembered thinking that the mage was lying, but had forgotten to ask her about it.

"He had been in your room. I discovered him leaning over you, begging you to live as he kissed you good-bye…He had the cuts and bruises of a man that had seen heavy battle, the kind of darkspawn wounds that I've healed by the dozens since the final battle…I believe he fought here in Denerim to ensure you made it to the Archdemon."

This revelation both soothed her and tore at her. He had done his duty…he had fought against the darkspawn, but he had despised her enough not to join her on top of the tower, he had hated her enough to let her face the archdemon alone...after he had vowed to always stand by her side.

"Thank you, Wynne for letting me know," Josie whispered as the mage helped her to her feet.

"Josie, I don't agree with Alistair's decision to walk out on his duty to the Wardens and to you, but I don't completely agree with your decision to conscript Loghain either. I was there at Ostagar; that man betrayed our king and I can understand Alistair's feelings of betrayal over your decision to allow that traitor to live. Just as you wanted revenge for your family's death, he wanted the same thing for his family's and you denied him that."

Only Zevran knew why the archdemon had to be killed by a Warden and he only knew because he had hid in the shadows when Riordan had told them. Riordan had proven that her instincts had been correct and if Alistair had just trusted her he would have seen that.

"Wynne, I can understand why you think that, but there are Warden secrets you don't know about. My intuition was correct. Conscripting Loghain was the right thing to do. Think about it, why would a senior Warden ask us to conscript a man that had left his fellow brothers and sisters to die a horrible death? No sane man would unless the reason for the request was for the greater good, was to fulfill the purpose of the Wardens which is to stop the Blight. Once again, Alistair failed to trust me, he had no faith in me when it counted the most. I have only done what I thought was right for him and this country, but he allowed his need for vengeance to overshadow the oath he took to fight against the Blight no matter what the cost."

"I believe we will have to agree to disagree on this point, my dear. When you agree to marry a man, your first duty is to your mate," Wynne paused as she tapped the Dalish tattoo on her ring finger. Reminding her of the lifelong commitment that she had already made to him. "All of his life, Alistair has been made to feel second best, but he had hoped with you for once he would be first. What you did was show him how wrong he was. With that one action you told him that he would always be second when it came to your duty and honor and that he would never be your first priority…"

"That isn't true," Josie interrupted.

Ignoring the interruption Wynne continued. "There is nothing wrong with duty and honor, Josie, but sometimes love is more important. I believe you conscripted Loghain because you wanted to increase your Warden ranks. You knew the chance for both of you to survive would be greater if there were more Wardens, but Alistair didn't see it that way. He expected you to place his needs above logic. He expected you to put your duty to him above your duty to the Wardens and when you didn't it was more than he could bear and it cost both of you dearly. There were still only two Wardens on the top of that tower, you lost the man that you loved and in the process destroyed two lives. What you need to ask yourself is, was not allowing Alistair to have the retribution that he so desperately craved worth the price? And if faced with the same choice again would you place duty once again over love? Answer those two questions honestly with yourself and you may have a chance of finding love again."

Wynne didn't wait for Josie to reply, she just tenderly patted her hand before heading back into the estate. Josie eased herself down onto the bench as Wynne's words rang in her ears. "_He expected you to place his needs above logic. He expected you to put your duty to him above your duty to the Wardens and when you didn't it was more than he could bear and it cost both of you dearly."_

Was it right to place those kind of expectations on someone when the fate of an entire nation hung in the balance? No it wasn't…the lives of the many outweigh… blah, blah, blah. It was all bullshit. Was duty and honor worth it when you lost everything you loved and cared for in the process?

"_With that one action you told him that he would always be second when it came to your duty and honor and that he would never be your first priority."_

Her heart ached at the thought that Alistair believed that she had placed honor and duty above him. When it had been just the complete opposite. She had conscripted Loghain against her better judgment in order to give him a better chance of surviving.

"Fuck!" She yelled in exasperation.

"Are you using that word as a noun, adjective adverb or verb?" Zevran chuckled as he sat down beside her.

"Well, in this case I believe as an adjective, as in 'I'm so fucking frustrated'."

"Damn, my favorite is as a verb as in 'I can't wait to fuck you'."

Josie laughed. "Only with you would I be having a conversation about the flexibility of one swear word."

"It's a very fucking versatile word."

"Fuck, yeah! You have to love a curse word that is adaptable."

"And makes you feel so much better after saying it."

"So was there a reason that came out here looking for me or did you just want to discuss the finer points of swear words?" Josie asked.

"As you requested, my sweet, Loghain is here to see you," Zevran said as he stood and extended his hand to help her up.

"Fine, let's go get this over with," Josie said as she closed off her heart to the pain and pushed it down deep. She would rather feel nothing then the ache of betrayal and regret. She slid her arm through Zevran's as he led her into the house.

She found the general in her father's study looking at the large military map that was spread out on a table in the center of the room with miniature carved army figures positioned at various locations on the map. He felt her enter the room through her taint and she watched with glee when his back stiffened. Without turning to acknowledge her, he said, "You're father and I use to spend hours studying this as we strategized against the Orlesians. There isn't another map in all of Thedas like this one. You should move it to the Warden Compound."

"I was already planning on doing that," Josie replied coldly.

"So you requested to see me and here I am. What can I do for you mighty Hero of Ferelden?"

"First, you can stop calling me that..."

"What? You don't like the title of honor worthy of a champion?"

She ignored the jab as she continued. "Second, we both know why I'm alive..."

"Because I had the foresight to accept an offer that you were too ignorant, too narrow minded or too proud to accept," he replied arrogantly.

"I didn't accept the offer because I had no idea what such a union would created. You very well may have conceived an even bigger threat to Ferelden and all of Thedas because of your selfish desire to live."

"I saved your life. A little gratitude would be appreciated," he sneered at her.

"I should be grateful that you conceived some demon child, just so that I could live. You're delusional. I was prepared to do my duty on that tower, the same can not be said for you."

"Please! Who is deluding themselves now? You were prepared to commit suicide via archdemon to end your so-called misery over that pathetic excuse of a Warden abandoning you. It had nothing to do with honor and duty and we both know it," he shot back at her. The truth of his words must have registered on her face and he snickered at her.

She said nothing just glared at him as she continued. "I was supposed to have died on that tower. The fact that I didn't will not escape Weishaupt's attention. They will have questions. The answer to those questions could be very damning for you if answered truthfully."

She took great pleasure in watching the color drain from his face. "I would think they would want to know that there is a way to save the Warden's life. That is very valuable information."

"They would have been interested in the ritual before you performed so that they could have studied and researched it. However, I do believe they are going to frown upon you releasing an unknown creature into the world...a creature they very well many have to fight. I also think they will be a little disappointed to learn the great Hero of River Dane shunned his duty for a piece of ass...and to save his own in the process. They tend to take duty and honor very serious."

He glared at her as he growled. "What do you want?"

"It is well known that I hate politics and all the ass kissing that goes along with it. I want you to stay out of my way and let me rebuild the Wardens as I see fit. I want you to keep that daughter of yours on a short leash. Tell Anora to stay out of my hair and I'll stay out of hers. We don't have to be friends, but we can learn to work together for the greater good of Ferelden."

Loghain laughed. "Well that may be difficult since I sent a formal requests to Weisshaupt asking to be made the Ferelden Warden-Commander."

"You did what?! You're insane! What makes you think that they would accept the man who allowed thousands of Wardens to die at Ostagar as the Ferelden Grey Warden-Commander? I don't care if you're an experienced general."

"I cannot see them letting a twenty year old little girl command an entire country's Grey Wardens."

Moving too quickly for Loghain to react, Josie pulled her dagger that was sheathed on a small leather belt around her waist and let out a war cry would have made any warrior proud as she lunged at the general bringing her blade up to his neck.

The door flew open as Zevran, Leliana and Fergus rushed in, "What the hell was that scream..." the assassin's words dying on his lips as he took in the scene before him.

Josie ignored the intrusion, she leaned into the man she despised, the man whose life had cost her everything. "This _**little girl**_ built up an army to defeat the darkspawn, united a country, slayed an Archdemon and defeated **you**! You should be grateful you're even alive. I'm putting you on notice Loghain, stay out of my way or the next time you may _**not **_live to regret it."

"We'll see about that, little girl_**,**_" he replied as a smug grin played at the corners of his lips, obvious to the fact that she still had her dagger pressed against his jugular.

She felt a hand tenderly rest on her arm as Zevran whispered in her ear, "La mia caramella dolce, as much as I would enjoy watching you slice this swine open from navel to sternum, I do believe the Queen would be very put out if you gutted her father."

"My, my, my, where oh where, has the legendary unflappable Josie Cousland gone," Loghain snickered.

"I believe she is still laying at the top of that tower," Josie hissed as she stepped away from the man before she _accidentally_slit his throat.

"Fergus, I would recommend you get your sister under control before she makes an appearance at court," Loghain stated as he adjusted his collar.

"Is Anora requesting her presence?" Fergus asked calmly.

"In a matter of speaking yes, two weeks from now it will be two months since the Blight ended. Anora is planning a celebration. Josie will be required to attend all of the festivities. The people need to see their hero. I do hope you can find an escort, my dear...preferably one that doesn't have a bounty on his head.," he said as he turned on his heels to leave.

Josie's hand tightened around the pommel of her dagger and she felt Zevran grab her wrist to restrain her from burying her dagger into the bastard's back.

When she was sure he was out of earshot she screamed as she swung at a vase, smashing it against the wall.

"I have the urge to do that just looking at the man. Carrying on a full conversation with him and I'm sure I would have trashed the entire room," Zevran chuckled.

However, Fergus didn't look amused, concern was clearly etched on his face.

"T-the nerve of that man," Josie stuttered as rage coursed through her.

"What did the bastard do now?" Zevran asked.

"He petitioned Weisshaupt to be named Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens."

"Uno che va in culo a sua madre!" Zevran exclaimed.

"My thoughts exactly," Josie muttered.

"Has he lost his mind?" Leliana asked.

"He thinks because I'm only twenty that they won't make me Commander," Josie replied.

"But surely the First Warden will see all that you have accomplished, Lu. They have to see that you are very capable of leading," Fergus stated.

"Weisshaupt, if anything is traditional...I don't know if they will accept me as Commander when they have an experienced general willing to step into the role," Josie sighed as she shook her head. "I just know I can't follow that man...if they make him Commander I'm going to the Orlesian Wardens."

"Weisshaupt maybe a lot of things, but I doubt they are complete idiots. Why insult their only living hero by giving the Command to someone else. Don't worry, Jo, it will all work out," Fergus said as he put his arm around her.

She leaned her head against his chest. "Thanks, Fergus."

"If I were you, I would be more concerned about facing Nan's ire. You just broke her favorite vase," he chuckled as they headed out of the study.

The following day Josie was in her study making notes about what all she needed to do to start rebuilding Wardens and she thought a good place to start would be at the Denerim Warden Compound. A knock came at her door and she yelled that it was open.

"Mio migliore amico, how are you doing on this bright, sunny afternoon," Zevran said sweetly as he walked up to her desk and sat on the side, looking at her paperwork.

"What do you want Zev?"

"What makes you think I want something?"

She just stared at him, waiting for his reply.

"Oh okay, yes, there is a reason my dear, why I'm here. You have been pent up in this house since you woke and I believe it's time to get you out of the house."

"Oh you do?"

"Yes and Leliana and Oghren agree."

"Oh they do?"

"Yes, a bored Josie is only asking for trouble."

"Where are we going to go? All of the bars in the market have been burned or still have darkspawn parts hanging about. I could go for an ale, but I don't want to pick demon bits out of my pint," Josie replied.

"No worries, my fearless leader there are a few taverns on the docks that survived the darkspawn onslaught."

"The docks! Well this should be interesting to say the least. Let me change into some pants and get my daggers."

* * *

**A/N - You're Italian lesson for the day - Il fratello della mia migliore amica - brother of my best friend, Oh mio fratello diabolico - my devilish brother, Mio migliore amico - my best friend,La mia caramella dolce - my sweet candy, Uno che va in culo a sua madre - mother fucker.**

***Once again a huge thank you to everyone that has added this story to their favs and author list and to all the wonderful reviewers. Your comments make my day! Thank you.**

***I also want to thank betatastic dynamic duo, Jinxy and TheLilacgirl, for their fantabulous beta-ing skills, for your support and for being such a great sounding board. You ladies are rock stars!**


	18. Chapter 18 Settle Down

**Epilogue Part II – Josie**

**Settle Down**

"I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this girl down) I'm hella positive for real, I'm all good no

I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this girl down) It's kinda complicated that's for sure

But you can see it my eyes, you can read on my lips I'm trying to get a hold on this

And I really mean it this time and you know it's such a trip

Don't get me started, I'm trying to get a hold on this

Get get get in line, and settle down, get in line, and settle down

I'm a rough and tough, i'm a rough and tough and nothing's gonna knock this girl down

I'm a rough and tough, I'm a rough and tough and nothing's gonna knock this girl down"

_Settle Down by No Doubt_

An hour later they were standing at the end of the pier as Josie stared up the name of the alehouse. "Really? You're taking me to a pub with the name The Rotten Bastard?"

"I just love the irony, don't you?" Zevran chortled.

"Makes me want to start talking like a pirate," Leliana said.

"Arrr, I'm headin' t' the Rotten Bastard t' swill a pint with me wenches," Oghren growled as he opened the door.

Josie stepped into the dimly lit tavern as her eyes adjusted to the light, Zevran guided her over to a table in the corner. When she sat down and rested her elbow on the table and it stuck there she decided it was good thing that you couldn't see shit it in this place. Leliana went up to the barkeep to order them a pitcher of ale, while Oghren did her one better and ordered a bottle of Golden Scythe 4:90 Black which he proudly sat down on the table with four shot glasses.

"Shot glasses? I thought you were supposed drink that poison by the drop," Zevran chuckled.

"Oh shit," Josie said as she looked at the bottle of spirits.

"Oh shit is right. What were you thinking buying that Oghren? We were just getting Jo out of the Estate for a relaxing evening out," Leliana said.

"A relaxing evening out? The woman didn't just give birth, she fought a slew of darkspawn, had her neck sliced open by an archdemon, nearly died and oh yeah had her heart ripped out and crushed by the man she loves. This night calls for something a bit stronger than a shot of strawberry schnapps, Red."

"No need to sugarcoat it, dwarf," Leliana retorted as she poured the ale.

Oghren ignored the bard, filled the shot glasses and raised his for a toast.

"Here's to the Stork who brings the pretty babies.  
Here's to the Raven who brings the ugly babies.  
And here's to the Swallow who brings no babies at all."

"Cheers."

"I love that bird," Zevran chuckled.

Josie gulped the shot down and began to choke as the liquid slid down her throat making it feel as if it were on fire.

"D-damn…that's some good stuff. Will definitely put hair on your chest," Oghren stated.

"I-I-I don't want hair…o-on my chest," Leliana coughed.

"Yes, I do like our bard's chest hair free," Zevran cooed as he rubbed the exposed skin above her cleavage.

Josie turned uncomfortable away. She was happy that Leli and Zev had found comfort in each other, but right now she wasn't in the right frame of mind to witness the lovebirds. She glanced around the grimy bar. Well, she definitely didn't have to worry about anyone recognizing her, most of these people looked like they drank their way through the entire Blight.

A pirate with long greasy hair and his zipper half down sauntered up to Josie. "Oh baby, your body is like the Chantry. I want to worship there all night long."

"Sorry, there are no services being held today," Josie replied dryly and turned away.

"Don't be like that baby, if I could just see you naked I would die a happy."

"And if she saw you naked, she would die of laughter," Leliana retorted.

"Hey come on sugar…" the pirate reached for Josie, but before she could protest, Zevran had slid behind the man and had his dagger pressed against the drunk's throat.

"I believe the lady told you she wasn't interested," the assassin hissed.

"Hey s-sorry. I didn't mean any harm."

"Then get the hell away from our table and pretend you never saw her," Zevran instructed as he released the man and he staggered away.

"Oh you'll only have to do that at least a few dozen more times before the night is through. Should make things interesting," Oghren chuckled as he poured each of them another shot.

Zevran lifted his glass:  
"Here's to those who sit when they pee.  
We love 'em in leather, we love 'em in lace,  
But we love 'em the best when they sit on our face!"

"Now that's a toast, my brother," Oghren said as gulped the spirits down.

Josie's head was beginning to spin as she stared at the tawny liquid remembering how badly it burned and not really wanting to repeat the experience.

"What's the matter my sweet, didn't you like my toast?"

"Y-yes, but I'm tired of drinking to women sitting on your face. W-who's going to sit on my face?" Josie pouted.

Zevran burst out laughing. "I don't think it will be a problem getting volunteers, my pet, if that is what you really want."

Josie took swig of ale before she replied. "T-that isn't what I meant...I meant…hmmm…oh yeah, I meant both yours and Oghren's toast were about women and I want a man toast."

Zevran chuckled at her. "You're drunk, Jo."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. Since when has the great Josie become such a lightweight?"

"Zev, you really shouldn't be taunting her. She has been on pain potions for the past few weeks. We don't want her overdoing the drinking while she is on those," Leliana stated.

"W-watch who you're calling lightweight, buddy…" Josie grabbed her shot glass. "I'll show you lightweight."

She stood on her chair, raised her glass and yelled to the patrons.  
"Here's to the men we've loved the best!  
W-we've fucked 'em naked, we've fucked 'em dressed!..."

There were several loud cheers from both men and women in the tavern.

"…we've fucked 'em standin', w-we've fucked 'em lyin'…  
Hell, we've even fucked 'em dyin'..."

Josie began to sway, her head spinning as she broke out into a cold sweat, but she pressed on as the crowd continued to cheer her toast.

"A-and when they're dead and long forgotten…  
We'll dig'em up and fuck'em …"

The room began to rapidly spin and she reached out to steady herself, but missed the shoulder of the tall man standing beside her and before she could stop herself she fell backward. Two strong arms scooped her up before she hit the floor. She looked up into the smiling handsome face of…she couldn't remember…he looked so familiar, but she couldn't quite place where she knew him from.

He continued to grin at her as he sat her down in the chair. "That's a lot of fucking for such a nice girl like yourself."

Oghren began to choke, "N-nice girl. He thinks the Hero of Ferelden is a nice girl..."

Leliana smacked his arm. "Ixnay on the erohay, dwarf."

"Hey, I am a nice girl," Josie stated.

"A little surly lately, but I hear near death experiences will do that," Zevran chortled.

"No having your heart ripped out will do that," Josie retorted as she turned her attention back to the handsome man who had just pulled a chair up beside her and sat down.

"I never had any doubts," he purred as he pressed a drink into her hand.

She took a sip and nearly spit it out. "What the hell is this?"

"Water. It will help with the headache that you're going to have from that bottle of bottle of Golden Scythe," the enticing man said.

Josie's eyebrows furrowed as she skeptically looked at the man. "What's a nice place like you, doing in a guy like this?"

He man chuckled. "I believe the same as you... trying to drink the bad memories away. Although it seems that you might have me beaten. How are those memories coming along for you so far?"

"Well, apart from the room spinning a mile a minute, I'd say that it's an all out loss. I haven't managed to forget shit yet." Josie stated as she tried to hold onto her chair, and failing miserably.

"You keep drinking that Golden Scythe, and you'll be lucky to remember your name," the devilishly good looking man chuckled.

"I'd like to remember your name, but for the life of me it escapes me. Can you help a girl out and give me a hint?"

"Let's just say, you were the most...unexpected savior to rescue me from my prison. If my captors had been smart, they should have used you to tempt me. I would have given in for certain."

Her eyes narrowed at him as she studied his face, trying to remember where she had seen him from. His face was ruggedly handsome, his eyes were a chocolate brown and he had wavy auburn hair that she was dying to run her fingers through just to see if it was as soft as it looked., but she still couldn't place him. "What bad memories are you trying to drink away?"

He smiled warmly at her. "We've all faced our share of demons, Josie."

Her eyes widened as she pictured this man in a templar uniform on his knees begging her to kill the mages. "Cullen?"

"So you do remember me?"

"Yes…of course. How could I forget you? It was heartbreaking what had happened to you." She rested her hand on his knee. "How are you doing?"

He laughed as he looked at her hand relaxing on his thigh, he reached down and placed his hand over top of hers, his thumb gently caressing her. "You're the one that faced an archdemon and lived to tell about and you're asking how I'm doing?"

Josie looked around to see if anyone had heard him. When she felt confident that they hadn't she whispered, "Sssh, I'm trying to keep that a secret."

"Won't that be a little hard to do after the celebration that they are having in your honor in a couple of weeks?" He asked.

"I'm hoping to find someone who looks like me and pay them to stand in for me. That's why I'm here…research…looking for my doppelganger."

"Really? In this dump, there isn't a women in here that comes even close to your…" his face reddened as he realized what he was about to say. "…that comes close to your charms."

"Who the hell is this guy?" Josie heard Zevran whisper to Leliana.

"He was a Templar at the Circle when we freed it. I thought he was a bit zealous afterwards, but he seems to have calmed down," Leliana replied.

Cullen turned to the couple and extended his hand. "How rude of me, I'm Ser Cullen."

Zevran suspiciously took his hand and shook it. "Zevran…Zev to my friends."

"Well, Zevran I hope one day we can be friends."

A coy grin spread across the assassin's face. "Oh, he's good. I like him, Jo. Can we keep him?"

"He isn't a lost puppy, Zev."

"But he's as cute as one," the assassin replied.

"Leli, is right in her assessment, you do seem much calmer since I saw you last. You're not chanting about the evil ways of all mages. What happened?"

"That's what happens when you have crisis of faith," Cullen replied evenly.

"Oh Cullen…I'm so sorry. Have you come to terms with your vows and your faith?" Josie asked.

"You're concern is very kind and thank you for asking; to answer your, not yet. I'm still looking for the peace of mind that has eluded me since the fall of the Circle."

Josie thought about her own peace of mind, something that had evaded her since the night before the Landsmeet, something she wasn't sure she would ever have again. "I understand that feeling very well."

He smiled at her and her heart fluttered at the warmth she felt from it. "I'm sure you do. Is that why you're burying yourself in a bottle of alcohol that will kill more than a few brain cells while it helps you forget?"

"What's wrong with forgetting?" Josie asked.

He leaned in so that only she could hear him. "Nothing at all, but there are more pleasant ways to forget one's pain."

His lips were so close to her neck she could almost feel the vibration from them as he spoke and as his warm breath, washed over her body she trembled as an unexpected flame of desire licked through her. She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. She saw hunger there. His hand slid up her back to the nape of her neck, he pulled her back to him so that his lips were flush with her ear. "I understand what it feels like to be in pain, Josie. Since both of us are in misery, why don't we can take comfort in one another and help each other forget for a little while?"

She had never been one for one night stands. She knew Zevran's motto about taking your pleasures where you could find them. That may work for him, but she really didn't want a night of cheap meaningless sex even if he was charming as hell, with a body that felt rock hard pressed against hers. As much as she wanted to purge Alistair from her memory she just didn't think she could fall into bed with a man she barely knew.

She turned her head to reply, but the scent of sandalwood flooded her scenes and she couldn't stop herself from breathing him in. Oh what it would feel like to run her tongue down his neck to that chiseled chest of his that was pressing into her. Guilt flooded through her as an image of Alistair's face flickered through her mind, she went to pull away from him, but he held her tightly pinned against him. "You haven't answered my question, Jo."

"I-I'm not really into one night stands," Josie stammered.

"Who says it only has to be for one night," Cullen whispered in reply.

Josie pulled away, her mind reeling from the alcohol, desire and most of all guilt. "I-I need an escort to the Celebration…"

He grinned at her. "Are you asking me on a date?"

"I'm asking you to take me to a party that I have no desire to go to…so yes in a way, I'm asking you a date."

"On one condition."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "And that would be?"

"I come by the Estate to see you tomorrow."

"That's all. That's your one condition?"

"Yep, that's it."

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow afternoon."

Cullen rose to leave then leaned down, slipped his fingers under her chin, lifting her face to his, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers; caressing her mouth more than kissing it. He pulled away and whispered, "Till tomorrow."

Josie watched the man confidently stroll out of the tavern. "Crisis of faith, indeed," she muttered.

"Dolce cuore, that is man that could help you forget your pain," Zevran cooed.

"It would only be temporary. It wouldn't last long before the ache came back," Josie countered.

"Although it might be fleeting, the distraction might be exactly what you need to give you some piece of mind. You have to allow yourself to begin to heal, Jo. It's the only way you will be able to move on with your life."

Josie played with the diamond earring that she wore in her left ear, a gift of friendship from the elf that was now trying to advise her to let go of the only man she had ever loved. Despite the pain that he had caused her, she wasn't sure if she was ready to let Alistair go. She still loved him, she would always love him. How was she supposed to move on from him?

As if reading her mind, Zevran took her hand in his, brought it up to his lips and tenderly kissed her. "Jo, the best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else."

Josie rolled her eyes as the smirk played at the corners of her lips and he knew he had her. "See, you know I'm right. My sweet, not every sexual encounter has to lead to love. Sometimes two people just need to feel connected to someone else, need to take comfort in the arms of another. Cullen looks like a man searching for solace too. He maybe exactly what you need right now. Just think about it."

Zevran stood up and kissed her forehead before sliding an arm around her waist pulling her to her feet. "Now, I do believe it's time to tuck our recovering Warden to bed," he said as he guided her to the door.

The following afternoon Josie took a sip of her brandy as she nervo glanced at her reflection. She dressed in a pair of black trousers, a ivory blouse that laced up front and a black vest that when buttoned cinched in her waist and emphasized her hips and breasts. She wore her hair down and loose around her face. A low whistle came from behind her and she spun to see Fergus leaning against the doorframe, grinning at her.

"Who's the lucky guy?" He asked.

"Who says I'm dressing for a guy? Can't a girl just want to look nice?"

"Come on, Josie. I've watched you primping for boys since you were twelve. I think I can tell the difference," Fergus replied.

"It's just someone that I rescued during the Blight. I ran into him last night and I thought it would be nice if we caught up over lunch."

"So that's why Nan is busy packing a picnic basket instead of making my lunch?"

"Well, you look very pretty for it to be just some guy. Do you like him?"

"Of course I like him. I wouldn't be having lunch with him if I didn't like him."

"That isn't what I meant and you know it, Jo."

Josie let out a frustrated sigh as she sat down on the bed. "Zev, thinks I need to move on from Alistair so that I can start to heal and that Cullen might be a nice distraction while my heart mends."

Fergus came over and sat down beside her. He slid his arm around her shoulder as he kissed the top of her head. Josie leaned into the comforting embrace of her brother. "Lu, I can understand Zev's advice about moving on and healing, but it's only been a month since Alistair left. You need to come to terms with his actions and how it makes you feel before you can even begin to move on."

"That's the problem, Fergus, occasionally something will remind me of specific moment with Alistair and the pain from the memory will be so intense that it paralyzes me with grief, but most of the time I feel nothing...no anger, no remorse, no pain. I'm just completely numb and that feels even worse than the grief...I just want to feel something...anything that reminds I'm alive and still not walking around in the Fade."

"Oh Lu, the numbness is your mind's way of dealing with the pain. That is why the grief is coming in short bursts because it is all that you are capable of handling at the moment, but trust me, the numbness will fade and the pain will come and you will be praying for the dead, hollow feeling to return," Fergus said.

Josie hugged him. "Oh brother, I'm so sorry. I'm so consumed with my own loss that I forgot you are mourning too, but in a much different way."

"It's alright. Its just that I do understand what it means to lose the love of your life. I don't think becoming involved with another man until you have dealt with the pain that Alistair has caused you is wise."

"And sometimes, Duckie, you just need a good roll in the hay to forget about the pain of losing someone," Nan said from the doorway.

Josie burst out laughing. "Who are you? And what have you done with my Nan?"

"Oh I'm still your, Nan child, but now that you're older I can tell you what I really think and not have to worry about towing the noble line."

"So you think a good roll in the hay will solve all my problems?" Josie chuckled.

"Not all of them, but its a damn good start," Nan replied.

"Thanks Nan for completely backing me up on my advice to her," Fergus said sarcastically.

"I'm not refuting your comments, my boy. I'm just saying that sometimes the easiest way to get over someone is to get on someone else."

"N-nan!" Fergus choked.

"You're the second person to tell me that," Josie chuckled.

The old woman laughed. "That's wise counsel, my dear and Fergus, that's advice that you should adhere to. Time to get back in the saddle my boy."

Fergus sat there stunned into silence.

"Now Duckie, there is handsome, young man downstairs asking to see you."

"Thanks, Nan. Tell him I will right down."

"Don't keep him waiting too long or else I may take him on a picnic without you and I will be satisfying more than the craving in his belly."

"Nan!" Josie exclaimed.

"What! An old lady can still dream...I'm old, not dead," Nan muttered as she turned and headed out the door.

"What in Thedas has gotten into her?"

Fergus chuckled. "I don't know, but I rather like it. She has been very entertaining to say the least."

Josie stood up, grabbed her dagger and slid it into her boot. Fergus chuckled. "That's my girl, if that boy get out of hand you show him who's boss."

Josie leaned over and kissed her brother's cheek. "Fergus, your loss and my loss are completely different. I know that Nan was only giving you a hard time, but don't let her words push you into something that you aren't ready for."

"Wise advice sister. I hope that you will heed your own words."

_**xxXxx**_

Josie led Cullen out the back gate of the estate that led to the bluff that overlooked the harbor. When they had found a nice shady spot Cullen helped her spread out the blanket and unpack the food.

"My, this is quite a spread," Cullen chuckled.

"Yes, Nan, tends to pack enough food for a three day hike instead of for a picnic."

Cullen grinned at her as he pulled out a bottle of Antivan Apricot Brandy. "And her reasoning behind this in the middle of the afternoon."

"I'd like to say that she has gone senile or that after the Blight she has lost all reasoning, but the truth is … she just wants to help me lose a few of my inhibitions."

"Oh really?"

Josie nodded. "Yep and she knows I have a weakness for apricot brandy."

He grinned at her as he poured both of the a glass. "Well that's good to know."

She took a sip and then smiled at him. "Good Ser, you wouldn't think about using this to your advantage?"

"Me? Take advantage of you? Don't you think its the other way around. You have more charm in your little finger than I do in my whole body. I'm sure you could charm me out of my smalls with little effort at all."

Josie shook her head, "It doesn't take much charm for a women to charm a man out of his smalls."

"Yes, but you my dear would do it with style."

She laughed. "You're pretty charming. I think most women would willingly allow themselves to be taken advantage of by your charisma."

"I don't want most women."

She smirked at him. "You don't? Who do you want?"

"I'm looking at her right now."

Josie shook her head as looked at her hands resting in her lap. "Why do you want me, Cullen? You know my history. I'm a fucking mess right now. Why would you want to involve yourself with me?"

"Because I'm a fucking mess too, Josie. You were there in the tower, you are one of the few people that can understand what it was like. I believe we can help each other through this and in the process enjoy each others company."

She took a sip of her brandy as she thought about what he had said. It was nice to be wanted, to be desired. Her gaze drifted to his perfect lips, they were the embodiment of sin and temptation. A man's lips shouldn't be so alluring, so seductive. She knew of only one other man's lips that had captured her so completely. With a deep breath, she forced herself to forget all about him, she wanted to step outside her numb self and dive back into life. Before she could regain her common sense, before she allowed thoughts of _**him**_to stop her she replied, "I believe it would be to both of our benefits if we took advantage of each other."

Cullen set his glass down then took hers too before he slid one hand around her waist as the other slide around her neck pulling her to him. "Here's to be taken advantage of," he sighed, dragging her mouth to his.

He pulled her against his chest as his lips claimed hers, warm and soft, a tender caress, he angled her head, wanting more, trailing the warm tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips in a quest for entrance. She gasped and he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside her mouth, gliding it against hers in sinuous strokes that felt like nothing she had ever experienced.

The moment that Cullen's lips had captured hers she knew he was the perfect cure for the numbness that consumed her as a lick of heat twisted in her stomach, thrilling and exciting. She surrendered herself to it, allowing the waking desire to course through her.

She pressed herself closer, tighter against him, her muscles straining to get ever nearer as she relished the feverish movement of his lips, the slide of his tongue deep in her mouth. He made her feel wanted, desired, needed and that made her feel powerful.

He leaned her back on the blanket and proceeded to slowly undress her as he explored every inch of her. She did the same to him and they spent the afternoon exploring, discovering and healing each other. When they were completely sated Josie fell back against the blanket, panting, straining for breath, but for the first time in well over a month she felt alive. Tears stung at her eyes, and try as she might she couldn't stop them from flowing.

Cullen rolled on his side and gently wiped them away. "If I hadn't heard with my own ears your cries of pleasure, felt with my own body your body's release I might take those tears personal."

Josie chuckled as she tenderly cupped his face. "These are tears of relief...I thought the numbness would consume me. That I would have to go through this life feeling dead inside, but you reminded me what it feels like to be alive. Thank you."

Cullen leaned down and kissed her cheek. "It was my pleasure, milady. I do believe that your touch is just as cathartic, my dear."

Over the next several weeks leading up to the Celebration, Josie spent as much time as possible with Cullen. Both of them were finding the time they spent together therapeutic...healing, but it also made Josie realize just how damaged she truly was. Cullen was open and free as he expressed his anger, fear and pain at the things that had taken place at the Circle and Josie honestly believed that she had helped him come to terms with those events. To release what he couldn't change and to embrace the things that he could. She watched a change come over him as he began to find his purpose again and a renewal of his faith. Josie was happy that she could be apart of that.

However, even though Cullen had made her feel alive once again, he had also awakened the agonizing pain that the numbness had covered. Her heart was damaged beyond repair for even the most expert healer. As sweet, tender and loving as Cullen was, the deepest emotion that she felt for him was gratitude. She enjoyed the time that she spent with him, definitely took great pleasure from him, but her heart was closed off to him. He gently tried to get her to open up to him about what had happened between her and Alistair, but every time he brought it up she shut down emotionally and mentally.

She had only opened herself up so completely to one other person and in the end it had nearly destroyed her. She vowed to never let anyone that close to her again. She would rather go through life alone if that is what it took for her to survive this.

It would help if everyone would stop tripping over themselves trying to help her, and questioning every little thing that seemed out of character for her. Between Alistair's betrayal, the final battle, the Archdemon screaming in her head as it passed through her that she was his, the recurring nightmares that Urthemiel was making nightly appearances and being forced to work beside the man whose life had cost her everything; she was dealing with a lot and she thought for the most part she was handling pretty well. Yes, maybe she drinking more, yes, maybe she wasn't her normal calm and collected self and yes, she was sleeping with one man to forget another, but if everyone would just calm the hell down, give her some time to figure things out in her own way she would survive this and come out stronger in the end.

The only one that truly understood what she was going through was Zevran and he had just informed her that after the Celebration he was going to Gwaren. That the mage had told him that Anora had the box secured it in the castle of her old home. Zevran may not have found the information she needed in time for the Landsmeet, but he vowed he would give her the evidence she needed to keep the conniving father and daughter in line. He also told her that once he had delivered the letters to her he needed to leave for awhile so that he could take care of some unfinished Crow business back in Antivia. She knew he needed to do this, but it didn't make his impending exodus an easier. He had been by her side for over a year, he had fought there, laughed there and carried when she didn't think she had the will to go on. She lovingly ran her fingers over the bronzed dagger that now sat on her desk. She honestly didn't know what she would do without her lovable assassin.

She opened her desk drawer to slip the dagger in when he eyes fell on the rose that Alistair had given her. Wynne had enchanted it to keep it alive and Morrigan had charmed it so that every morning it would bloom. A sharp, agonizing pain ripped through her heart as she remembered the night that he had given it to her as he sang and danced with her under the stars. Alistair had been the only one to keep her grounded by holding onto her tightly, being with him had thrilled both her days and nights, he had kissed her very soul and loving him had nearly killed her.

"Never again!" She vowed as a single tear ran down her cheek. She shut the drawer that held the rose and she closed her heart off so that she would never feel this kind of anguish again.

* * *

**A/N - ****To my betalicious friend, Jinxy and the Lilacgirl, you ladies are the cat's pajamas, the bee's knees, the dog's smoking jacket and the real McCoy all wrapped up into one. Thank you for your help and support. You rock!**


	19. Chapter 19 Wonderful Life

**Epilogue Part II – Alistair – Wonderful Life**

"Our time meant so much to me, now you can't be found

You were the first to want me, the first to love me, the first to need me

Who was the last to know you? The last to love you? The last to hold you?

It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful) It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)

Such a wonderful Wonderful Life

I thought of you again today, reminded me how with time I've changed

If you only knew what you gave to me, now you can't be found

You were the first I trusted, I learned what love is when we were just kids

When did you get so lost? How could you think you were better off?

It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful) Why'd you have to say goodbye?

It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful) Such a wonderful Wonderful Life

Thank you for those special moments, you will always be here in my mind

Did you know you changed my life? I'm thankful for that time"

_Wonderful Life by Gwen Stefani_

There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't besiege his thoughts and not a night that his dreams weren't inundated with the memory of her. He couldn't escape her; she was everywhere and in everything. No moment was untouched by her image, her voice, her scent, her taste. He had run from Ferelden to Kirkwall, but the more distance he had placed between them, the more agonizing the pain became. The knife that she had so willingly plunged into his back was now twisting and burrowing its way in even deeper. The pain was never-ending because it was a constant reminder that he had once had a good life. A life that had been once filled promise, hope and love was completely destroyed when she had uttered those four little words, four words that by themselves had little meaning, but when put together had changed his wonderful life into one of misery.

"_I hereby conscript him."_

Those words marched through his mind just as often as she did. The only thing that seemed to dull the ache and drown out the sound of her voice that muttered those hateful words, was the large quantities of ale he consumed. As well as the whores that he fucked every night.

Most of the time he picked girls at the Blooming Rose that looked nothing like her, sounded nothing like her. The last thing he wanted was to remember all the loving and wonderful intimate moments that they had shared. However, occasionally when his anger felt like it was consuming him, he found a girl as close to her resemblance as he could. Then in the dim candlelight room he would allow his darkest fantasizes about her come to the surface, and he would take out his rage on the Josie doppelganger, pounding ruthlessly into her, hammering out his anger in an animalistic frenzy until the fury was once again put at bay. Then he would fall against Josie's twin, crying as he begged her to forgive him for leaving her, for once again not having faith in her and for failing her.

Tonight had been such an occasion. When he had been done, he closely examined the bruises and bite marks he had left on the girl's flesh. Alistair felt horrible, so he had swiftly gotten dressed, trying to fight back the nausea that both the ale and his actions were causing. He dropped an extra sovereign on the nightstand as recompense for his barbaric behavior and quickly exited the room that was now making him feel dirty.

He stumbled out the door, the cool night air slamming into him, sobering him a little…well just enough for him to stumble in the right direction of the Hanged Man. He sensed the bandits before he saw them. He reached for his sword and cursed loudly when he realized that in his haste to get the hell out of there he had left it propped against the wall in the girl's room.

He felt the first blow to the back of his head causing him to stumble forward, but he remained on his feet, spun to face his assailant, the sudden movement caused his head to spin and he swayed on his feet giving the attacker plenty of time to throw the second punch which connected with the bridge of his nose sending him to the ground. Even through his tears that now stung his eyes he saw the heel of boot coming towards his skull, and he had just enough time to bring his arms protectively up when the kick impacted his forearm causing the bone to snap and for him to scream out in pain. He tried to roll away from the next strike, but the tip of boot slammed into his lower back and excruciating pain ripped through him before everything went black.

_**xxXxx**_

The first thing that Alistair registered was the soothing, comforting sensation that only healing magic could bring. Alistair tried to move, but he groaned as his head throbbed with an acute ache.

A tender hand caressed his cheek. "Ssssh, it's going to be alright. They broke your nose and your wrist, but I'm healing you," a voice whispered softly.

Alistair tried to open his eyes, but light stabbed at his aching skull and he moaned again. He squinted so that he could see who was healing him. A tall, young girl was kneeling beside him. Her long slender fingers were glowing blue as the healing magic poured out of her. Alistair looked up at her face. The candle on the wall behind her backlight her, giving her mane of mahagonny red hair an angelic glow and her skin a luminescent tan. She smiled at him and the warmth in her expression reached all the way up to her eyes which were the most amazing shade of greyish green he had ever seen. The memory of Josie's unique eyes flickered across his mind and groan escaped his lips.

"I'm sorry. Here, drink this healing potion. It will help with the pain while I continue to work on you," she said.

Somehow he doubted the tonic would work on the true source of his agony, but he took it from the mage anyways and drank it. It only took a few minutes for the concoction to begin to work and the ache in his head and wrist started to dull.

"So what were you doing out at that time of night, without a weapon in Lowtown," the mage asked.

"I-I was trying to make my way back to my room at the Hanged Man," Alistair replied.

"And you thought it was okay to walk around at that hour without a blade," she asked.

"W-well…I was a wee bit drunk…"

"Wee bit? That's a bit of an understatement. I know dwarves more sober than you were," she chuckled.

"Yes…you a probably right on that account. Anyways, I left my sword at the…uhmm, at a friend's house I was visiting."

"Friend, huh? It that what they are calling the working girls at the Blooming Rose now-a -days ?"

Alistair felt his anger beginning to rise. "Well if you knew where I was coming from, why did you ask?"

"Don't get your cock in a wad…" then she giggled. "I'm sure Josephine already did that for you."

Alistair began to choke. "W-what? Who are you talking about?"

"Josephine, the girl you were with tonight."

"Josephine?"

"What? You didn't even bother to find out her name. Aren't you the charmer?"

Alistair took a deep breath to try to calm himself. This mage had taken him in and was healing him. She didn't deserve his ire. He looked her up and down. She was wearing royal blue robes that were cut low revealing the rounded tops of her breast, the bodice fit tightly against her slender frame emphasizing her cinched waist and curvaceous hips. Alistair grinned at her. "What were you doing there? Was it fantasy theme night?"

She grinned back at him. "It might have been for all I know, but I was there giving my month examination of the girls. Madam Lusine is very diligent when it comes to the health of her girls."

"So you weren't on the menu then?"

"Nope, just there preforming my civic duty to keep the men and women of Kirkwall disease free."

"How noble of you," Alistair grunted.

"I try," she said as she leaned back. "Well, I do believe that I have done all that I can for you. I've healed your nose and wrist and all of the cuts and bruises, but you will be sore and stiff for a while."

"Thank you…hmmm, I didn't get your name."

"It's Jazmine Amell, but everyone calls me Jaz."

"Thank you, Jaz. I truly appreciate your kindness. I'm Alistair."

"It's nice to meet you and I'm glad I stumbled across you when I did. I don't know how much more of beating you could have withstood." Jaz stood up, walked over to the fireplace, and scooped something out that smelled delicious out of a pot. She walked back over to him and handed him the bowl of stew. "Trust me this will help you feel better too."

Alistair gingerly spooned some of the soup into his mouth. His eyes went wide as his taste buds came to life. This was the most delicious thing that he had put in his mouth since his last night at Eamon's Denerim estate.

"Jaz, this is scrumptious," Alistair said as his stomach came to life roaring to be satisfied. He barely drew in a breath as he quickly consumed the rest of the bowl.

"A skilled healer and cook, for once the Maker must have been smiling on me."

"Wow, it didn't take you long to devour that." She said with a grin as she stood and got him another bowl full, a half a loaf of bread and a large glass of water.

Alistair looked at the water, "What, no ale?"

"I believe you've had enough ale for one night, besides your body is going to need to be rehydrated."

"Yes, ma'am," Alistair said as he inhaled the second bowl of stew and drank three glasses of water.

When he was done, Jaz silently walked into her bedroom and few minutes later walked back out her arms filled blankets and pillows. "You can sleep here tonight. The hearth in front of the fireplace should keep you warm."

Alistair warily rose to his feet. "I can't impose on your hospitality any longer. I really should go."

"Nonsense, its late, there are still bandits out there and you have no weapon. You can sleep here tonight. I didn't do all that healing just for you to go out and undo all of my hard work."

Alistair was truly humbled by her generosity. It reminded him so much of Jo that a sharp pain stabbed at his heart, but he refused to give into the hurt or anger this time so he swiftly pushed the thoughts of her to the back of his mind.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Good night, Alistair."

"Good night, Jaz."

Alistair was up the following morning before the crow of the first rooster. He found a piece of parchment and quill and wrote Jaz a short note thanking her once again for her kindness. He left several pieces of silver to help repay her for the healing potion and food she had provided him. Then he made his way back to the Hanged Man where he got ready for another day working the docks. That night when he came back to his room, he had been so exhausted that he fell asleep with his boots still on and for the first time since the Landsmeet, his dreams were free from Josie's memory haunting him in the Fade.

The reprieve from her lingering presence in his life was short lived. The following day as he unloaded crates from a ship that just arrived from Denerim, a woman dressed in rogue's armor stepped off the vessel. Her hair was only shoulder length, but as the sun shone down on the raven tresses, it took on the exact same blue hue that Josie's had. The woman didn't look anything like her except for the hair, but that was all it took. Every one of his senses seemed to rebel against him, attacking his sight, his sense of smell and his ears. The rest of the day, he saw her everywhere, in every women that passed by him. One woman had the same smile, another had her laugh, one had been wearing the same perfume, while yet another had her walk. It was driving him mad. When the bell had rung that the day was over Alistair ran to the Hanged Man ordered a pitcher of ale. The first mug he practically inhaled, but he quickly filled the glass and downed the second trying to erase her from his mind. It hadn't taken him long to polish of the first pitcher and he quickly ordered a second, but even through the haze of alcohol her voice slithered into his brain; her cool, sultry voice, saying his name in so the so many different ways, each one a tiny prick to his heart.

"_Alistair, watch your left flank!"_

"_Alistair, can you take Strider down to the lake?"_

"_Alistair, you're injured."_

"_Alistair, sing to me."_

"_Alistair, Maker yesss, Alistair."_

"_Alistair, pleassse…more…faster!"_

"_Alistair…Alistair…Alistair…"_

No amount of alcohol would let him forget the way she sung his name as she writhed against him as he chanted her name over and over again in a supplication of praise.

"Fuck!" Alistair bellowed as he hurled his mug against the wall, shattering just inches above the head of a very burly Raider.

"Hey asshole, you're going to pay for that," the pirate growled as he leapt at Alistair. The two of them slammed into the ground splintering the chair he had been sitting on. The buccaneer threw the first punch, but Alistair had anticipated the move, blocked it and drove his fist into the man's jaw. His head snapped back with such force that he actually swayed for a moment, giving Alistair enough to time to shove the brute off of him, leap to his feet and crouch into a defensive position as the pirate got up. Even as drunk as Alistair was, this raider was no match for him. Hell, he had taken on a half dozen darkspawn by himself, had brought down his fair share of ogres, and had taken on a high dragon this was child's play he thought, just as he felt the impact of a chair being crushed over his head and the room went black.

Again for the second time in a matter of days Alistair woke to the soothing sensation of healing magic. He cautiously opened his eyes to see the smiling face of Jaz as she healed him in his room.

"This is becoming a nasty habit of yours," Jaz stated.

"It wasn't my fault," Alistair moaned.

"Oh so that ale mug just flew out your hand all on its own and almost slammed into the side of the head of that nice pirate," Jaz said sarcastically.

"Maker's breath, woman do you have a crystal ball that you're using to spy on me."

Jaz giggled. "Something like that."

"What are you doing here?"

"I had come by to return the silver that you had left for me. I helped you then as I'm helping you now because I want to, not because I'm looking for some kind of compensation."

"I didn't mean to insult you. I know the herbs for healing potions can be expensive and the meat in that stew was prime choice. I just wanted to repay your kindness."

"I appreciate the thought, but there might be another way you can help me."

"How?"

She paused as she studied him. "We'll get to that in a minute. First, why do you have a death wish?"

"I don't, I have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time lately."

She was quiet again as she composed her thoughts. "I think you're better than this…"

"You don't know me. Healing me doesn't give you personal insight into who I am or what I have been through."

"I want to help you Alistair."

Alistair stared hard at the mage for a long time. "Why? Why do you want to save me? I'm a lost cause."

"I don't believe in lost causes," Jaz said nonchalantly.

Alistair laughed sardonically. "Is that so? I once knew someone who thought that way. She was nearly the death of me."

"What happened to her?"

"She slayed an archdemon and became a hero," Alistair said bitterly.

The mage seemed unimpressed that he knew the Hero of Ferelden "Is that how she nearly killed you?"

"No, she did that when she ripped my heart out and stomped on it," Alistair said dryly.

"So this self-destructive mission you're on is because a woman broke your heart? Seems kind of senseless in my opinion," Jaz stated.

"No one asked for your opinion," Alistair retorted angrily.

"Too damn bad, I saved your ass…twice, I get to give it and you get to hear it."

She sat down beside him on his bed and looked directly into his eyes. She had that same unsettling stare that Josie had when she was determined to continue a conversation. "I've been asking around about you…"

"You've what! Why?"

She smiled. "I'm curious by nature."

"Curiosity killed the cat," Alistair grunted.

"But satisfaction brought her back," Jaz teased.

"And what did your little investigation uncover?"

"That you are a frequent customer at the Blooming Rose, that you typically choice a blond or red head and never any girl that is petite, but on occasion you choose a girl with black hair and blue eyes and on those instances the sex is rough and angry. However, all of the girls including the raven hair ladies say that you are an excellent lover and that you're never cruel. I know that you work at the docks and according to your foreman you are incredibly strong and have the stamina of bucking bronto. I've also learned that when you have a sword and a chair isn't being leveled on your head, you're an excellent fighter. Obviously, you have room here at the Hanged Man and according to the bartender when you're not at the Rose you're here every night, head down in pitcher after pitcher of ale. Do you know what all that tells me?"

"That I'm strong, drunk fighter with a preference for fucking blonds, but for variety likes to mix it up with a raven haired lady," Alistair replied sarcastically.

"No, since you admit to knowing the Hero of Ferelden …"

"Fucking stupidest name ever," Alistair mumbled.

Without missing a step Jaz continued, "…and that she broke your heart I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she has raven hair, hence your proclivity for having rough sex with hookers with black hair. Indulging in a little revenge fantasy to make the pain go away and when that doesn't do the trick, you're face down in a pint of ale. How am I doing?"

"You're very perceptive. Now if you don't mind, I would like to be alone," Alistair growled.

"Alistair, women and alcohol aren't going to help you come to terms with your past; finding a new purpose in life will."

"Look, I don't need some lecture about overcoming my past so that I can be a better man…to become the man I'm supposed to be," Alistair sniped.

"Because you are so charming just as you are, I wouldn't dream of it," Jaz said sarcastically.

"Charm is overrated," Alistair snorted.

"From what I hear, it was the Hero's charm and charisma that united a nation. It seemed to serve her well."

"Don't believe everything you hear," Alistair sneered.

"Oh, so the rumors are wrong. She isn't charming, witty and beautiful?" Jaz asked as if she were baiting him.

"Nope, not at all. She is as ugly as an ogre, has the wit of a wet bronto, and as much charm as the backside of a dwarf. Now would you please do me a favor and stop talking about her?"

The mage studied him for a long moment. "On one condition?"

"What's that?"

"You stop trying to commit suicide via the carta?"

"I can't make that promise."

"So are her eyes like sapphires? I heard they were and I heard her hair was a black as the night sky and that..."

"Fine! I will stop fighting with the carta. Just shut the hell up!"

She grinned at him. "One more thing,"

"Maker's balls, what now?"

"Twice a week I want your help with a little pet project of mine."

"And what is this project?"

"I'll tell you once you agree."

"You want me to agree to something without knowing what it is? That's crazy."

She grinned at him and he had to admit she had a dazzling smile. "Well, then it's right up your alley."

Alistair shook his head as a smile played at the corners of his lips. "Is it dangerous?"

"Yep."

"Is there a high probably of bodily injury?"

"Yep."

"A good chance of disfigurement, possible death?"

"Yes and yes."

"Well then, where do I sign up?"

"So do we have an agreement?"

"High probability of disfigurement and death, little chance of success, what are we waiting for, let's go now….so what is we're doing exactly?"

"Nothing much really, just breaking mages out of the Circle," Jaz said with a grin.

"We're what?!"

"You promised, remember? Besides think about it… the intrigue, the excitement and the adrenaline rush," Jaz teased.

" 'A little pet project of mine.' 'Oh nothing much just breaking a few mages out of the Circle'," Alistair mocked. "Now I know you're crazy."

"Remember you're the one with a death wish. I just think we can do some good before you off yourself."

"And freeing mages is your idea of doing _good_?"

"It's better than…oh say, getting drunk, screwing every whore at the Blooming Rose and intentionally running head on into the pointy end of a sword," Jaz said dryly.

"Point taken. When do you want to start on this doomed mission?"

"Meet me tomorrow night at the docks," Jaz replied.

"Fine, see you then," he said warily.

"Alistair?"

He looked up at her. "Will you ever tell me what she did that has given you this death wish?"

"No, now get out," he growled.

_**xxXxx**_

Alistair held out his arms as Jaz lowered the young girl down to him. She could have been no more than six and she trembled with fear against his chest as her tiny arms clung to his neck.

"It's going to be okay," Alistair whispered in her ear as he stroked her hair.

"My brother…" she whimpered.

"Jaz, the mage that is with me, went to get him. We won't leave without him. What is your name?" Alistair said trying to comfort the terrified child.

"Lily…Lily Rose"

"Oh, that is such a pretty name for such a pretty little girl." The young girl smiled and relaxed in his arms.

"What is your brother's name?"

"Luke."

"Lily and Luke, I like it."

They young girl clung to a tattered teddy bear as if it were her only lifeline. Alistair tapped the head of the stuffed animal. "And what is this little fellow's name?"

The girl giggled. "It's a girl, silly."

Alistair smiled. "Oh my mistake, how did I miss that pink bow. So what is this young lady's name?"

"Daisy…Daisy Blu."

"Daisy Blu, I like that."

"Blu is short for Bluebell. See Daisy is named after two flowers just like me."

"Did you come up that name all on your own?"

"Yes."

"You're a very clever little girl."

The girl giggled again.

When Jaz had told him that the children that they were breaking out were siblings, twins, who had been ripped away from their family the previous year, he had been outraged by the injustice of the act. However, when she had told him that only the boy had shown signs of magic, but that the Templars had taken both children as a precaution, Alistair had been livid. It was bad enough that the Chantry ripped families apart because a child was a mage, but to take a child that didn't show any signs was appalling.

The sound of thunderous footsteps pulled Alistair out of his thoughts. He quickly maneuvered Lily into a dark corner. "Stay here," he warned before he stepped back into the path, pulling off his shield and unsheathing his sword.

Three Templars came barreling into the open recess of the tunnel. Without even waiting to see if he was a mage, they tried to smite him.

"Sorry boys, that doesn't work on me, so we're going to have to do this the old fashion way," Alistair laughed as he advanced toward the knights.

The closest Templar to him stepped forward and lunged forward in an attempt to drive his sword into Alistair's midsection. Alistair pivoted to his left, coming alongside the knight and bash him with three rapid hits from his shield. The Templar stumbled back and Alistair thrust his sword in the man's chest. As the warrior went down, Alistair turned to face the other two knights. Both of them moved closer together, forming strong barrier between the two, making it difficult to go on the offensive in this enclosed tunnel.

Alistair took a few steps back, drawing them into the more open space of the alcove. The knight on the left plunged his sword forward, Alistair easily sidestepped, but the second Templar reacted and swung his shield at him, connecting with the sword arm. Alistair held onto his blade despite the pain that was shooting up his limb. The first knight lunged forward again with his sword, Alistair stepped to the side, dropped his shield and grabbed the wrist of the warrior, pulling him forward. As the knight was propelled past Alistair, his back became flat as a board, Alistair rolled over the Templar's shoulder landing behind him. Alistair spun, lifted his leg drew his foot back and kicked the warrior in the arse.

As the knight stumbled forward he could almost hear Josie's witty remark and he couldn't help but smile. "_Now that's what I call a kick in the ass."_

As Alistair brought his foot down he thrust his blade into the back of the second knight then he rolled forward, grabbing his shield as he came up in front of the first Templar just as the man had recovered from the strike.

"Where did a warrior learn to move like that?" The Templar asked completely stunned.

"You would be surprised what little tricks you can pick when you spend a year traveling with three rogues," Alistair said as he advanced on the knight. Alistair swung his sword, but the man blocked it with his shield. Alistair advanced again. The knight blocked the attack, but was now retreating backwards. Swing, block, parry, attack, the fight continued on as Alistair maneuvered the Templar towards the wall, giving the warrior only three options. The first two choices were to become trapped against the stone and either surrender or die; the third alternative, which this coward took, was to run.

Alistair took in a deep breath as he surveyed the tunnel. His blood was humming with excitement; he hadn't felt this alive, this useful in months. He had saved this little girl. Jaz would help her and her brother find a better life. This was something he could feel proud of, something that made him feel good about himself once again.

"Ser Knight, is it safe to come out now," Lily asked from her hiding spot.

Alistair trotted over to her and scooped her up into his arms. "Yes, it's safe."

"You were so strong and brave. I hope to marry a knight just like you one day."

Alistair smiled as he kissed the top of her forehead, fighting back the tears that were stinging his eyes. Her words were simple, but they had touched him in the most profound way.

He felt a warm hand come to rest on his shoulder, he glanced over and saw Jaz standing with a little boy in her arms. She rubbed the little girls back. "Trust me baby girl, every young lassie dreams of marrying a strong, brave knight like Alistair."

He smiled at her as he held onto the precious child in his arms. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's get the hell out of here before we have more Templars breathing down our necks."

Over the next six months Alistair had worked tirelessly with Jaz and the mage underground to free mages from the tower. He had thought that the Ferelden tower had been strict and at times harsh, but that place was a walk in the park compared to the Kirkwall Circle. This place was downright menacing and for the most part the Templars he had meet viewed mages more as caged animals than actual human beings.

Jaz had been right, finding a new purpose for his life had helped him to heal. Oh Josie was still with him every day. He still saw her everywhere, in all the sights and sounds of Kirkwall, but now he didn't try to drown the memory in a keg of ale…well, he didn't try to drown out the memory as often in a keg of ale. There were days that the loss would become too much, the ache that he still had in his chest for her would overwhelm him and he would find himself face down in a pitcher. But those days grew further and further apart as he carved out this new life he had with Jaz.

Jaz…the thought of her brought a smile to his lips. Having her in his life had been the true healing potion that he had needed. She had been his friend when he didn't think there was a soul left in all of Thedas that cared whether he lived or died. She had helped him find his way again.

With a renewed commitment to life he started to take care of himself a little better…much to Jaz's relief. He was now clean shaven, he bathed on a regular basis and she had helped him pick out armor that fit him properly. She had asked if he was going to cut his hair, but he just shook his head. He liked it longer. It gave him that rebel without a cause look. She just said he looked like a long haired leaping gnome. Alistair had just laughed because he knew that she secretly liked it. He also knew that Jaz wanted to take their relationship beyond friendship and he just didn't think he was ready for that.

It wasn't that he didn't find Jaz attractive…she was beautiful with that mane of mahagonny red hair that she always wore down, flying wildly around her face; those remarkable grayish green eyes that danced mischievously, to her incredible body that was tall and lean. Alistair had fantasized about how perfectly she would fit against him. Unlike Josie who had been petite and who he had to always lift to meet him.

Yes, he had thought and fantasized a lot about Jaz, but he still loved Josie…he would always love Josie and he didn't think it was fair to Jaz to become involved with her when his heart would forever belong to someone else.

One night over a pitcher of ale at the Hanged Man when she was trying her damnedest to seduce him, he told why he was hesitant to take their relationship to the next level. She slid out of her chair and into his lap. Her arms slipped around his neck as her lips kissed a path up his neck to his ear. Not since Josie, had a woman touched him that he actually cared about and his body immediately reacted to her tender caresses.

"Alistair, I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. I'm only asking you to make love to me," she whispered as her hand slid down his chest, in between his thighs, grasped his hard length and began to stroke him through his jerkin. He bit down on his lip as a groan tore from his throat.

"And from the way you feel, I would say you want the same thing." She whispered as her lips covered his earlobe and sucked, sending a tremor of desire coursing through him.

"Make love to me, Alistair," she purred just before her mouth claimed his. The way his name fell so tenderly from her lips, all of his resolve evaporated. He scooped her into his arms and as he carried her to his room, his lips meeting her with an urgent, hungry kiss. He laid her on the bed, never breaking contact with her mouth. His hands trembled slightly as they slid up her side to her breasts. Jaz was only the second woman that he had ever been with that he actually had feelings for and the thought made him both nervous and feel guilty at the same time.

He had viewed the girls at the Rose as means to an end, as a way of purging his mind of Josie's memory. There were no emotions involved, it was just sex, but the woman now in his arms he cared about, he admired and respected her. He wanted to please her, he wanted to make her cum and at the same time he felt he was betraying his memories of Josie by actually having feelings for Jaz.

As if sensing his unease, Jaz cupped his face in her hands, "Alistair, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to find peace. Let me help you find those things."

Alistair nodded as he leaned down and claimed her mouth once again. Then he proceeded to take his time as explored the rest of her body. As he suspected, Jaz was different in many ways from Josie. She was tall and lean and when she laid on top of him, she fit up against him perfectly. She was as generous a lover as Josie, but whereas Josie was enthusiastic and adventurous, Jaz was tender and sensuous and the way that she used magic in the bedroom was downright erotic.

Alistair spent the night licking, sucking and kissing her in all the right places and her body responded as she came on his fingers, on his mouth and around his swollen member. It had been a fantastic night of passion, a night of giving and receiving pleasure and as the sun started to peek through his window, he fell asleep in her arms content for the first him since the Landsmeet.

Over the next three years when he wasn't working on the docks, he was helping Jaz with the mages underground and when he wasn't doing those first two things he was busy losing himself and drowning out his memories in the arms of the mage that he had grown to care deeply about. Over the years they had shared everything and they had grown extremely close. Even though she had never uttered the words, he knew by Jaz's actions and her treatment of him that she was in love with him and he truly wished that he could return her feelings, but as much as he wanted to love her, his heart wouldn't cooperate. It belonged to another and he feared that it would remain like that until he breathed his last breath. Alistair valued her, respected her and cherished her and Jaz willingly accepted what he was able to give.

This evening he had arrived home early from the docks at the little house that they shared together in Lowtown. He had been surprised not to find her already there, but he knew she was making several housecalls to heal those too ill to make their way to her. That had to be the reason for her delay. He took the leftover stew from last night, poured it into a pot and set it on the coals to heat up. He set the table and placed the flowers that he had picked for her in vase on the table along with an open bottle of wine that he had purchased at the market. She would be surprised at the impromptu show of affection and he loved the way her eyes danced with mirth when he surprised her.

He had just poured himself a glass of wine when the door burst open and a young mage from the underground rushed in.

"A-alistair..." Matt stuttered as he tried to catch his breath. "They have her."

Panic raced through his heart as his words sank in. He knew who _**they **_were before he even asked the question. "Who has her?"

"The Templars, they captured her at the home of a noble she was healing. They dragged her off to the Circle saying what a coup for them to finally arrest the leader of the mage underground and what delight they were going to take in making her a shining example of what happens to mages who resist the Chantry."

His panic turned to sheer horror as he thought about all of the ways they could use her make an example of. He cleared his mind of those possibilities so that he could formulate a plan. He paced around the room as he worked through his strategy.

He turned to face the young mage. "Send a message to Lynwe and Finrod Taralom. Let them know what has happened and ask them to meet me near the tunnel in Darktown. We need to get her out tonight."

The boy nodded as he rushed out the door. Lynwe and Finrod were a elevan couple that had worked tirelessly at Jaz's side to help the mages. Lyn was a fantastic healer and Fin was an excellent battlemage. Alistair had a feeling that he was going to need them both in order to get Jaz out alive.

Late that night he met the couple in Darktown. They both hugged him and told him not to fear, that together they would save Jazmine. Alistair nodded and prayed that they weren't too late, they would get to her before any real damage could be done.

They swiftly, but quietly made their way through the dark, narrow passageways that led to a secret passage in the Circle. Together he and Jaz had smuggled out dozens of mages from the Circle through this doorway. The entrance was charmed by an invisibility spell that the Templars could sense, but never find. For that reason alone this area was always heavily guarded.

When Fin had removed the charm, the three of them had been prepared for a fight as they emerged into the damp dungeon corridor. They had been shocked to only find three Templars in the area which they quickly disposed of. An uneasy feeling settled over Alistair. He glanced back at his companions and he could see the anxiety on their faces too.

Their unease turned to true fear as they made their way down the aisle of the dungeon and everyone of the prison doors were swung open and the cells were completely empty. This was unheard of, even in the best of times these cells always held at least two or three mages.

The pounding of marching footsteps pulled him out of his thoughts. The three of them quickly moved to the of the passageway and slid into a darkened alcove against the wall just as four Templars appeared at the end of the hallway, surrounding a mage that was in the center of them. The mage was tall and lean and the way the torch light reflected off of her mahogany red hair he knew it was Jaz. Her head was hanging down and she shuffled slowly from the shackles that were on her ankles. The Templars were all smiling and laughing as they led her to the cell closest to them.

"Did you see that one mage faint when Meredith pulled the branding iron out of the flames?" The short Templar laughed.

"Oh I swear, I think I saw one of them wet themselves," another chuckled.

"Well, this will give them second thoughts about running away from the Circle," the one that was obvious the leader said.

They led Jaz past them into the cell opposite of them, they escorted her inside and then slammed the cell door closed. Without hesitation, Alistair and the mages attacked. These four were more formidable than the ones that they had encountered earlier. Lyn and Fin had managed to take down two of them before they were smited. Alistair struggled with the other two because of his mounting fear for Jaz. During the entire fight she had remained silently sitting in her cell, not uttering one word which was completely unlike her. When he had finally dispatched of the two, he searched the leader for the key. He raced for the door, quickly unlocked it and rushed into the cell.

He knelt down in front of her and tenderly called her name. At the sound of his voice she raised her head and Alistair fell back in stunned horror as he stared at the sunburst bran on her forehead. Tears stung his eyes as he looked into the now vacant gaze of his precious mage.

"Alistair, I knew you would come," Jazmine said in a slow monotone voice.

Alistair pulled her into his arms and wept. Her arms hung limply at her side, never even acknowledging that she was in the tight embrace of the man that she had lived with and loved for the past three years.

"Alistair," Fin whispered from behind him. "We need to get her out of here now. Before the Templars start to bring the rest of the prisoners back down."

Alistair nodded as he helped Jazmine to her feet and escorted her down the long passageway. They made it out of the dungeon undetected. Once in the elves home in Darktown, Lyn and Fin, made a bed for Jaz on a cot in the corner near the fireplace. Then they turned to face him.

Lyn tenderly touched his arm, bringing his attention to her. "Alistair, we need to get her out of Kirkwall immediately. The Chantry will be disappointed when they discover that they have lost their shining example of what a rebellious mage can expect and they will turn the city upside down looking for her, starting with her known associates. She needs to be on the first ship leaving on the high tide in the morning."

"Where will you send her?" Alistair asked.

"There is a safe house along the coast of Antiva that will take her in and take care of her. There is a dwarf by the name of Varric that has helped us get mages out of Kirkwall safely in the past. I will contact him immediately. His resources are excellent, but they aren't cheap," Fin explained.

"I have a few sovereign saved up and this should buy her safe and comfortable passage," Alistair said as he unsheathed Duncan's dagger and placed it on the table.

Fin's eyes narrowed on the blade and the he gazed back at Alistair. "I know that dagger means a great deal to you. Are you sure you wish to part with it?"

"Her safety means more to me. If selling this will ensure that Jaz and her escort make it Antiva safely then I am more than willing to part with it," Alistair replied.

Fin nodded as he rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I will make sure personally that she arrives there unharmed..." the elf paused as he collected his thoughts before continuing. "Alistair, she loved you deeply and these past three years with you is the happiest that I've ever seen her. I know this isn't easy, but take comfort in the fact that you brought joy, love and happiness to her life and for a mage that is more than most of us will even allow ourselves to dream of."

Alistair nodded then thanked the couple before he headed back to his home in Lowtown. When he walked in he stared at the flowers that he had so meticulously picked for her and the open bottle of wine that he had hoped to share with her and he couldn't believe that once again in the blink of an eye his world had once again been thrown into complete chaos.

He fell into his bed that now seemed so cold and empty without her. He pulled her pillow to his side and curled around it. He wished he could cry, could mourn over this loss, but he was numb, emotionally dead. He thought about his life and how twice now for very brief periods he had once had a wonderful life.

* * *

**A/N - Thank you so much for following Josie and Alistair's story. If this is the first story that you have read of Josie's, her story continues in The Beautiful Ones Book II and Set Fire to the Rain Book III. I hope you continue following her journey.**

***I wanted to thank all of the faithful readers to this story. It had a big following and I appreciate your support.**

***Hugs and kisses to everyone that took the time to share their thoughts with me. Your comments and reviews meant the world to me. They always brought a smile to my face and made my day.**

* **A big shout out and huge thank my Beta Goddesses, Jinxy and The Lilacgirl, for working their magic on this chapter and on all of the chapters for this story. Thank you Ladies for sticking with me. I know that beta-ing two chapters a week can be a lot, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with me and standing by me. Both of you are an awesome betas and more importantly you're amazing friends. Thank you!**


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